Welcome back! I’m fired up – ready to get going on my 2021 goal, build some things, grow and expand and change my life! How about you? You know, this is the time of year when we revel in the newness of the year, we’ve made plans and we’re looking forward to achievement, and possibility seems around every corner.

But over the next few months, that new car smell will fade. The excitement wanes. The default patterns of our life creep in and we go back to our normal routines. The plans and dreams for the year fade into the background and our efforts become a little more half-hearted.

This year was a little different. We started with hope and excitement and then when the Capitol building was invaded many of us had an abrupt stop. We’d hoped this year was going to be uphill from 2020, but doubt crept in with the ugliness we witnessed in DC. With all that we’ve seen and continue to see unfold, it’s easy to skip straight into the March doldrums in January. Why even try when things are the way they are?

 

Because you are here for a reason, that’s why! Your plans and goal and dreams are important, and you are going to have this life one time, so it’s time to use it! Let’s start again with the energy of the new year, only this time let’s make sure we’re wise to how we defeat our own progress. Today I want to shine some light on three common ways we block our own progress and stop before we achieve our goals. Let’s get started!

 

 

The first trap is perfectionism, and it’s a sneaky one because it can seem like a good idea. We learn in school to strive for A level work and anything less isn’t our best. So when we want to write or create a business or raise our children or help others in any way, we think it has to be perfect or our efforts are unworthy. We might as well not do it if it isn’t going to be excellent, right? Wrong! Here’s why: When we have an all-or-nothing mentality, we only create when we have our idea or product or plan in a perfect state. That means that more often than not, we won’t produce anything. Perfectionism causes you to freeze, and you don’t take any action at all.

You’re much more likely to move forward if you drop the perfectionist mentality. If you can adopt a learner’s mindset, especially if you’re doing something new, you’re much more likely to keep going. Imagine a new toddler who falls down one time when trying to learn to walk and decides, “Nope, that wasn’t great, so never mind. I just won’t learn how to walk. Better stick with what I know.” That’s crazy, and no baby does that. But as we get older, we stop being willing to try new things and possibly look less than perfect. That thinking is stifling, and it kills growth.  It’s more helpful for action to think in terms of B minus work – make it good enough, get it done, and get it out there. You’re trying to find the perfect extracurricular program for your kids? Doesn’t exist. Talk to your kid or observe them, choose something, and see how it goes. Want to write a book? Not gonna happen if you wait for inspiration to strike and hours to appear in your busy schedule. Better to write 5 minutes a day and get something on paper. You’ll get closer to the goal!

 

 

The second major way we stop ourselves is with the way we talk to ourselves inside our own heads. Take a moment and think about it – how do you talk to yourself when you mess up? Are you gentle and kind with yourself or do you slap yourself around? I’d bet it’s the latter. We think that being patient with ourselves is giving us a pass, and if we get a pass we won’t change. But go back in your mind to your childhood. When you got a lecture or fussed at, were you motivated to change, or did you rebel? If you had a fantastic coach or teacher who motivated you to do more than you thought you could, did they do it by making you feel like trash or by encouraging and inspiring you? Right.  Even if they were tough, they believed in you and encouraged you. So why do we think that we can berate ourselves into change? It might get you to change temporarily, but in the long term, you’ll rebel against yourself. You will get sick of the you who’s beating you down. If you really want to make progress, you’ll have to love and encourage yourself, talking to yourself with kindness, patience, and understanding. You’ll enjoy the process of change because you’ll like being with yourself more (like you loved being with your coach!), and you’ll keep trying to do better even if you have a misstep.

 

And that brings us to the last reason why we fail in the pursuit of our dreams: We quit. When we give up on a goal, it’s usually because it wasn’t working out the way we envisioned it, so we think that it’s not going to work out. But “This isn’t working” is just a thought. It isn’t even true. It only becomes true when you believe it and stop trying. What’s your definition of failure? If you’ve made a plan and it isn’t happening the way you thought, is that failure? What if you decided that the way things were working out was just a twist, all part of a longer story? For me,  I’ve decided that my definition of failure is when I decide to quit. Anything before that, all the attempts, all the trials are just leading up to my eventual success. Things don’t always work out according to my timeline, but I’ve decided not to define that as failure. I understand that I don’t see the whole picture of my life in advance, so maybe this delay or change is exactly the way this should work out. And I keep going – either I win or I learn. Either way, I’m getting closer to where I want to be. And you are too!

 

 

I’m so glad you were here with me today. If you’re still reading, it’s because you are getting something from the coaching in this blog – I’m thrilled by that! But I also know that retraining your mind on your own is a big challenge, and you might want some expert help. I can help you! If you want to set up a free mini-session with me to get a jump-start on your weight loss goals, sorting out a challenging relationship, or any other nagging issue in your life, email me at drandreachristianparks@gmail.com and we’ll set up a time to get you started!

 

Here’s your video help for this week! Come see Weight Loss: What Emotions Serve You? Not all of the ones you’re choosing are helpful – let me show you which ones will move your weight loss in the right direction!