Targeting my trouble areas

Sounds like we’re talking about body sculpting or a new piece of body shape wear today. But I’m not going to talk about how to fit into a special dress, or a new weightlifting program. I don’t want to tell you how to make your thighs look thinner or make your hair more shiny. I like the idea of looking great in a dress or having rock star hair too! Actually, I want to talk about a different kind of trouble area. For me, the things that wear me out, suck away all my energy, and make me want to roll up in a ball under the covers aren’t usually my clothes or hair. Now I know – how we look can affect our mood. When I was heavier, it was a challenge to find clothes that I felt REALLY good in. So I’m not downplaying outward appearance. How we feel in our bodies absolutely affects our minds. But even more than that, I find that the pace of life, my responsibilities, and how I choose to manage them can either help me feel great, or feel wrung out, anxious and jittery.  So let’s talk about how to target THESE trouble areas in our lives…

 

 

One of the biggest trouble spots for me is busyness. I run my life with to-do lists that I continually update, rewrite, cross off and add to. It works well for me, because I get a lot done. Being a full-time physician, mommy to four young children, and a wife generates a long list! Here’s where the trouble comes in – I get hyper focused on the list. That leads to a performance mentality, where a good day means I got through the list and a bad day means I didn’t. Often, I feel overwhelmed by all the tasks I need to finish and just feel hopeless, like I can’t manage what I need to. Anyone with me?

 

 

Another trouble spot I get into is anxiety. I hate that word! It brings up feelings of weakness and vulnerability, which is scary to me. Nobody likes to think of themselves as weak and vulnerable (at least most of us. The most humble of us isn’t so afraid of vulnerability.) In general, I’m calm and focused, at least on the outside. Training over the years has taught me to get through feelings of stress with a plan – organize and execute. You know, don’t just sit there, do something! And often I do feel better when I’ve got my feet moving and things are in motion instead of hanging over my head like a guillotine. Yet, there are times when I wake up at 3 or 4 am and can’t go back to sleep because of all the thoughts swirling around in my brain. I feel this fatigue and dread hanging around like a heavy dark gray cloud, like something bad is going to happen, because I don’t have it together. I know I’m not alone in this – rates of anxiety and depression are unbelievably high in our society today. It’s funny though, we all manage to feel like we are the only one going through these feelings. We look at social media and think everyone else has it all together and yet our life is falling apart. You know what I mean?

 

 

(Disclaimer: I don’t downplay that there are some folks who have true diagnoses of depression and anxiety and need medication. But I suspect that the new normal that is at least low level anxiety for many of us isn’t something medicine is designed to fix. Medication can change brain chemistry for sure. And if that what’s best for you, do it. But I think there are some traps we fall into that we can get out of by doing differently, instead of medicating ourselves and staying in the mind traps that we haven’t unlearned.)

 

Another big trouble area is being forward focused. What? Is that even a thing? Sounds like it should be good, right? Goal oriented, ambitious, aspiring. This sounds positive, but here’s the trap: I can spend more time looking ahead than looking around me. It’s possible for me to look up and weeks, months, even years have flown by and I haven’t enjoyed my life! I’m so busy working toward a goal that I’m not living in the moment at all. Good example: sitting at dinner in a nice restaurant, thinking about all the things I need to do when I get home. Or busily reorganizing my list in my head while I’m trying to watch a occasional TV show. Working through “the list” while my kids are laughing and showing me a picture they’ve drawn. Before I know it, I’ve missed some truly beautiful moments in my life.

 

So what do we do? Personally, I don’t want to look up in my later years and realize that I’ve missed a lot of the time I had here. I used to think it was about doing meaningful things in my life, not frittering away my time on worthless activities. It is possible though to do many good and worthwhile things, and not really be part of or enjoy any of them. They just fall off the to-do list and you’re on to the next thing. There is hope though! I’ve found a few things that help me enjoy this life I have, so keep reading…

 

Be still.

 

Really, when’s the last time you sat down and weren’t looking at your screen, reading something, opening the mail, or talking on the phone? Just sat, for a few minutes, and took a few breaths. Thought about how you’re feeling? It’s tough! I know I always have more to do and I’m tempted to keep my feet moving, but sitting for a few minutes helps me step off the hamster wheel and look around. What’s really important right now? How am I feeling? Do I need something?

 

Get outside.

 

When was the last time you went out to breathe the fresh air, look at the clouds, walk in the grass with bare feet? I love the feeling of the warm sun and breeze on my face. There’s something about being outside that lets me feel free. Try it – get out there and take a short walk down to the corner, or stand in your back yard. Or if you live in the city, sit on a park bench for lunch. You’ll get a little vitamin D from the sun and you’ll feel better, I promise!

 

Phone a friend.

 

It’s always good to have someone to talk to. I’m not talking about a griping session where you have a group complaint sharing time. Actually, that sometimes backfires and makes you feel stuck or worse. I’m talking about a time where you talk about what you hope for your life, share dreams you have, and even get into the fears that hold you back. I know, that’s got to be a special friend to do all THAT with. And maybe we don’t always have that kind of friend. Here’s what you can do though: BE that kind of friend. Pick a few people you want to be good friends with and listen to them. Be supportive. That time you put in will come back to you and you will grow friendships that nourish you too!  Now, if you have that kind of friend, MAKE THE TIME to get together. We let our busy lives keep us from spending time caring for some of our important relationships. Then we wonder why we feel dried up and worn out. We need care too!

 

Pray.

 

One of the hardest things to manage is when I feel like I have to have it all under control. I can work hard, organize, plan and do everything I know how to do, but I can’t tell the future. I don’t know how all the pieces are going to come together. But because I believe in God, I know that He DOES know how it all works out. If you don’t believe in God, then that makes this harder. I find peace in knowing that He is there, loving and listening to me, helping me along the way, even when things don’t work out the way I want them to. MY kids don’t always get things the way they want, and when it’s hard, painful, or sometimes just plain awful, I’m there to love them through. Even though I don’t always change it for them, I’m with them. I’m in the same place, talking to my God and knowing that in the end, it will be ok.

 

Here’s an insight I’ve gained in the past few years. Women are so programmed to take care of everyone and everything, that we don’t take good care of ourselves. It’s just not a priority. And we justify this by rationalizing that our kids, husbands, jobs, and responsibilities are more needy than we are. We’re strong – we can handle it! So we run ourselves ragged, don’t sleep enough, don’t exercise, don’t BREATHE, and wonder why our life isn’t attractive and enjoyable. Here’s the thing though – if you ask me if I want my daughters to look at me and imitate that kind of example, the answer is no. I want them to live full lives, yes, but I want them to enjoy those lives, not race through them to the bitter end. My girls will follow my example, even if the example I set isn’t a good one.  So I’m working on me. I’m learning to take some time to enjoy the moments of my days. I’m learning not to fill every moment with work and tasks. I get a pedicure sometimes, take a mini spa day, go to a book store and read – alone. I’m learning, little by little, to approach my time here as the gift it is and revel in the goodness in it!

 

What do you do to slow down?

How do you make sure to enjoy your life?