I was sitting here, staring at the computer screen and wondering if I had anything to write about this week. I’ve been up between 430 and 5 every day, driving in horrendous traffic for meetings and hospital work. I got some criticism at work this week which was unpleasant, not to mention anxiety provoking. My kids have been waking up in the mornings without me, and I’ve had to say, “Goodnight, I love you. See you tomorrow night” when I put them to bed. So while I sat here trying to decide if I should post or prop myself in front of some stand-up comedy on Netflix, I realized my babies were sitting in the next room reading quietly.

 

I got up.

 

 

Two were sprawled around the room, each one deep into their latest library book. I rolled up on the nearest one and climbed into the chair with her. She giggled and curled around me – they always want a mommy snuggle! I sat with her for a few and then repeated the snuggle on the other one.

The other two were upstairs playing quietly with each other. So I called them all down for potato chips.

 

Yep, organic potato chips…

 

See, they’d asked earlier for potato chips for a snack. This prompted a discussion on whether organic potato chips are actually healthy or cleaner play food. They all agreed that they were play food and left them in the pantry.

I say no a lot.

Sometimes that’s out of necessity. Teaching and training kids to become responsible adults requires quite a bit of “no”. Becoming a productive human who thinks of others requires learning to say no to oneself. To get through med school, residency, fifteen years of marriage and 4 kids has required me to say no to myself. A whole lot.

 

But tonight, I wanted to practice saying yes. Giving the snuggles the kids wanted was a yes. A few potato chips for snack was saying yes. Reading The Trumpet Of The Swan as requested at bedtime – a big yes!

 

Remember this one?

 

My biggest yes is coming up next week. A few months ago, I planned to take a few days from work to have a solo retreat. I’ve never done that before. I thought about trying to plan a girl’s trip, or doing a short getaway with my honey, but I realized that what I really needed was some space. An opportunity to be still. Time to be silent.

I told one of my partners at work about my retreat and he told me I’d be bored after one day. I might! But I’m going, and I’m going to spend as much time as I can meditating, resting, and listening to God. I’m taking my yoga mat and a journal or two. I’m tempted to plan to catch up on the things that have been on hold because of work or family or life, but I’m fighting it. I’m also conflicted about taking my work phone along. I know I should leave it, but what if someone needs me?

 

The work phone. Take it or leave it?

 

Saying yes can be hard. Sounds strange, right? Isn’t it easy to say yes to what you want? It’s not when your default is no. As a mommy, we can feel very selfish about saying yes to things we want and need. Other people’s needs seem to be more important. There’s a lot written in recent years about learning to say no, setting boundaries and honoring your priorities. And it’s true that saying no to one thing is a yes to something else. For me, I want to intentional about what I say yes to, instead of reflexively saying no. Yes to what’s really important, like snuggling the kids. Yes to eating foods that fuel your body. Yes to sleep because you need it. Yes to time alone to rest, retreat, and recharge.

 

My newest yoga mat

 

Yes comes from a position of acceptance, of invitation. It requires an openness, a willingness to receive. My criticism at work this week was hard to hear, but I’m saying yes to it because I can see how it can help me grow. I might get a little less done by reading to the kids at bedtime, but we’ve gained a sweet memory. Going away next week may mean I’ll have to hustle at work when I get back, but I will be better everywhere I am when I return.

So I’m going. Maybe I’ll be bored and miss the busyness at home. It might be hard to spend so much time away. But I think it’s going to be a special time. As much as I love my life, this retreat is time I need to expand and grow, to be the best mom, wife, doctor, healer, and lover of God that I can be. I’m going to make the most of it!

 

Is it harder for you to say yes or to say no?  When’s the last time you said yes to you?  Please share in the comments below!