I think I’m finally getting it.

 

Here we are a few days before Mother’s Day, and I’ve been reflecting on what Mother’s Day is really about. I mean, for me, Mother’s Day isn’t about sleeping in (ha!), breakfast in bed, peace and quiet and someone else taking over my mommy duties. Until my kids are older, that’s just not what Mother’s Day looks like. It’s highly unlikely that unless I spend the day away from my house that this Sunday will look much different from most Sundays. We’ll get up, go to church, come home and prepare lunches, hang around for a few hours and then get cleaned up and have dinner. There will be cards and gifts exchanged to the moms and aunties and phone calls to those far away. But I’m starting to see that Mother’s Day is about something other than being appreciated and getting a day off.

 

 

I’m one of the fortunate women who still have my mother around to be able learn from even though she lives far away. I also have one grandmother, a godmother, and two mother-in-laws. Our aunt lives with us and my children have a godmother a few states away. So I have a wonderful group of women to appreciate, especially at this time of year.

Now, you know I’m a planner, right? I started thinking and shopping for Mother’s Day a few weeks ago. Many of the cards and gifts had to be mailed AND it’s Mother’s Day, so I have to come with my A game. No late deliveries for this holiday! At this point, everything has been mailed and has or will arrive before Sunday. So I’ve had some time to reflect on these women.

 

 

It’s interesting to look at the lives of the women who’ve cared for me, especially as I’m currently in the trenches of raising my own babies. I find myself wondering all the time, “How did she do that?” and trying to find ways to live up to the standard of motherhood that I’ve seen in my life. My own mother stayed home with my brother and me for a few years, went back to work part time so we could have tennis, piano, violin, ballet, football and other extracurricular activities. She drove us everywhere, kept up with everything, and always had food and kept the house clean and organized. No, everything wasn’t perfect, but who has a perfect home? My mom was a phenomenon (and still is!). My mothers-in-law are a constant source of encouragement and love. My godmother lived in the next building when I was growing up and was always around for advice, excursions, and a place to get away when I needed it. She’s recently been texting me pictures of drawings and art projects I made for her when I was small, and it’s been bittersweet to remember our relationship (because she also lives far away now). My grandmother was a tiny, 4 foot 11 inch powerhouse of a woman and I remember her feeding us at her house and visiting her at the beach on Martha’s Vineyard. My kids’ godmother is my best friend. Her love, support, and wisdom guide me and reassure me when I’m positive that I’m ruining my children, or can’t figure out what to do.

 

 

As a physician for women, one thing that I’ve seen over and over again is insecurity and fear. We all wonder if we’re doing “it” right, if we are smart and beautiful, if we are enough. When you’re a mother, that sense of not measuring up is amplified by the fear of failing our children. No one has a formula or cookbook for raising kids, and no one child is just like another, so most mothering is done on the fly, with instinct and hopefully, some loving advice and empathy. I don’t know what my mothering experience will produce in my children, so I have no perfect pearls of wisdom to share. But I do have encouragement! One of my favorite poems of all time is by Marianne Williamson, and this one is framed and hung in three different places in my house. It gives me courage and daring, two things mothers need in raising children. So in honor of Mother’s Day, here it is!

 

 

I don’t know everything you face in mothering. No one sees all the wins and messes you go through in your time with your children. But I know this: You are here and were made for them. The spirit in you is powerful beyond measure and you can shine in the same way you want for them. So be brilliant, talented, fabulous, and let your light shine! It is part of your legacy as a mother. And thank you for being the mother that you are, with all the love and care and energy you share with your children and with the world. Happy Mother’s Day!