Christmas has come and gone again! Now onto birthday season…
The first of the kids’ birthday is Sunday, and the next three follow in January. I’m done shopping for birthday gifts, the party planning for the twin’s 10th birthday is underway, and everyone is enjoying their Christmas gifts. It was a good Christmas at the Parks home. But that doesn’t mean everything was picture perfect. Let me share it with you…
Remember when I said last week that I was going to watch a Christmas movie on Christmas Eve instead of staying up late wrapping presents? Well, that didn’t happen. I did get all the presents wrapped early and the movie plan was still on, but then we decided to go out to dinner on Christmas Eve. We waited more than an hour for a table and the food took an hour to come, so by the time we got home it was a mad dash to put out the cookies for Santa and shuffle the kids to bed. They were instructed to stay in their rooms until 8 am or later with the stockings they knew were coming from Santa. I went to the basement to do one last thing, and watched a few minutes of stand up comedy. Not quite what I had in mind…
Before dawn on Christmas morning I woke up, still sleepy. I was tempted to turn over and go back to sleep, but I heard that small voice. Didn’t I ask for some quiet time before the busy morning started? So, I crept downstairs to the sunroom and sat in the corner chair with the space heater pointed at my feet. I sat quietly, listening to God and thinking about the gift of Jesus. I waited until the sun rose enough so I could see the words on the pages of my book and read until the kids came down. I put the Christmas breakfast casserole in the oven and we made some coffee for the grownups. The Christmas cookie stars we had left over from Santa were sugar free and low carb, so I let them eat the cookies with their breakfast (they thought they were getting away with a special treat!). We played Christmas music and opened presents. It was a mostly happy morning, with excitement over the gifts and only a little confusion and chaos.
In the sunroom at sunrise…
After the gift opening was done, the kids wandered around playing with their toys and I laced up my sneakers. It was a beautiful sunny day, and I wanted to get some air. As I was getting ready to go, an argument broke out and the little one started crying. She couldn’t do whatever it was that the big kids were doing and she was frustrated. So I gathered her in my arms and whispered that if she didn’t tell the big kids (they’d be sad they couldn’t go), then she could walk with me. She brightened up and ran off for her sneakers.
I didn’t think she would be able to keep up with me (I walk fast!). But I think she could have gotten to the end of the neighborhood and back before me if I’d let her go as fast as she wanted. She mostly ran the whole way and kept circling back to me. We saw our neighbors pushing strollers and walking dogs and greeted each with a smile and “Merry Christmas!”. I love spending that one-on-one time with the kids. It’s one of the few times I get to hear what they think individually. And the little one never stops talking! It was a peaceful walk.
Now, I did what I said I would and ordered most of our dinner from Whole Foods. I made my own gluten free mac and cheese, cornbread stuffing, gravy and cranberry sauce, but I’d done that all in advance, so I didn’t have any real cooking to do. I was skeptical about the prepared meal from the store, but I was shocked at how good it was! Not like the Whole Foods buffet at all. And instead of being in the kitchen all afternoon, I spent about an hour warming and putting out the food. Even though everyone enjoyed the food and it was tons easier, my oldest quietly came to me later and said she really liked my cooking best. So I’ll still probably cook most things for our holiday and Sunday dinners, but it’s nice to know that I have options if I need to work a holiday or just don’t want to cook it all. Time to eat!
Then we hit a snag. The kids started fighting about who was first to serve their plate, one got an attitude after being corrected, and Daddy went off to do some more in depth counseling with the frustrated child. I was helping get everyone settled when I realized that they hadn’t come back to the kitchen to eat. Now, I was getting frustrated! Maybe I didn’t cook everything, but I did make sure it was all hot at the same time and now the food was getting cold. If they didn’t get downstairs soon, Christmas dinner would be ruined.
So I walked upstairs to see if I could help with the resolution and save Christmas dinner. I opened the bedroom door and walked into a standoff. And that’s when I made a crucial mistake: I tried to soften the situation and speed up the resolution. Needless to say, my husband did not need my help and was offended that I tried to intervene. With some quick backpedalling and apologies, I left them to find their resolution. With that, I made my plate and went to the table to find the oldest two girls finished and away from the table, one with a stomachache from eating too fast. I gave up on having dinner all together on Christmas.
Every moment isn’t fun and exciting and joyful. Some of the moments are disappointing and hard. I find myself trying to get away from the discomfort of the difficult moments by looking for a solution or a fix. It was interesting to watch the kids during this week with them – they’re doing the same thing. They are looking for one good moment to follow the next, and they have very little tolerance for boredom or frustration. I took away a toy from one of them who wouldn’t help when asked, because the toy was more interesting than helping out. When I asked that irritated little person what they thought they should do, the answer I got was “Go read.” Which is a loved activity in this house. I thought it was very telling that instead of understanding that an apology was next, the thought was to substitute another activity for the one that had just been taken away. We do it too – watch TV, movies, videos, read books, do something distracting instead of figuring out how to live in the discomfort of the hard moment. When I offended my husband, I wanted to figure out how to smooth it over as fast as possible. But instead I went, made my apology, acknowledged my mistake, and stepped back and waited. I had to take a few deep breaths – this was not going the way I wanted it! I needed to wait and meditate through it. Sometimes, that’s what we need, even more than for the discomfort to go away. We need to sit and be uncomfortable for a minute, breathe, and know it will pass. And it will, even without distractions, alcohol, or other escapes.
In the end, it all worked out. Daddy and the errant child worked everything out, and then came to me and we all hugged. Daddy called the big girls back to the table and everyone sat down to Christmas dinner together. We enjoyed my mom’s homemade lemon meringue pie and watched the rest of White Christmas together before bed. Daddy did the dishes (yay!), and there were plenty of leftovers for another day. It was actually a wonderful day!
What do you do when you have difficult moments? Do you self medicate with distractions? Please share in the comments below!
Comments4
Oh my goodness! I thought I was the only one that had a weird Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Actually, it started Christmas Eve. We always go to Detroit for the holiday. Being around my husband’s family (10 siblings plus their families) means feeling displaced/misplaced even. They pull him into his chronological birth order and the mayhem ensues from there. His name changes from what I call him from day to day to what they’ve called him all their lives. He stops being my husband and becomes a little boy right before my eyes. The pinching, poking, teasing, and tattling, is like watching middle-schoolers. I suppose I should use to this behavior after twenty-two years of marriage, but I keep telling myself it’s going to change each year. Growing up for me it was just my brother and me. We do cut up, but it’s very low key. When we got married, my spouse warned me about his family, however, there is no level of preparation for this.
Christmas morning, 22 degrees outside, 7 am, and we are on our way over to my niece’s house for breakfast and opening of gifts. The only problem, I’m without my better half. He spent the night with our son Christmas Eve and decided to stay for Christmas Day. I already feel alone, because I miss my family, and I only see these people once a year, I’m trying to put my game face on, however, my heart is far from it. I miss my honey. I knew our son needed him, I’m not that selfish, but if we had talked about it first I would have felt less incomplete. We have never been away from each other on Christmas morning. I put on my serving hat, I cooked for everyone, that is twelve people. That is how God gets me through rough moments. Serve others! By the time we opened gifts, I had settled in and felt great. Not even focused on my situation, instead, I was enjoying watching the chaos of the itty bitty kids opening their gifts, and the oohs and awws. God had blessed the day.
In fact, he had blessed the trip. He made take me out of myself, and realize its more than me. It’s bigger than me. To see the million little puzzle pieces He has laid out before me, and carefully see how each piece goes together, and how I help to construct that puzzle.
EGO= Edging God Out. It’s not about my ego at all, it’s all about pleasing God and learning to have a Wonderful Life, in midst of it all.
Wow! Thanks for sharing your stories sisters. Andrea I am happy you guys finally got to that movie together and Cathy thanks for the new realization to NOT edge God out. My Christmas was spent in Mississippi. It was a very non traditional christmas for us. It’s the first christmas we did not share gifts. Everyone in our family is going through a different life transition so we decided to spend time together and chill. This included cooking a LOT of food which is my moms favorite tradition. At the end of the cooking we had 4 pies, 3 cakes, a deep fried turkey, ham, greens, dressing, and butter pie. I still may be missing something – ha ha. You would be proud of me. I did not indulge in gluttony. The holiday ended a meals shared with neighbors, classmates and ex’s stopping by to visit. I got to see how God is moving my family in many ways (maturity, financially, emotionally). Unfortunately, I left with a bad bronchial infection and on my way to the doctors once I hit Georgia. Needless to say, It was one of the calmest and coziest and debt free christmas holidays we have had in a long time. I left thanking God for the togetherness, peace and servitude we shared.
Thank you Dre for Christmas realism!!! I now have a damaged ceiling from my boys putting together a Hot Wheels car wash. The car wash unfortunately leaked through our ceiling and will now have to get re-painted and hopefully will not have mold damage. Just glad I am not alone in the drama! Love you.
Shana #26.
Girl. You are not alone. I keep reminding myself that when the day comes that I can keep my house neat, clean and beautiful, my kids will be gone and I will miss their mess (even though it’s hard to imagine that day right now!).
Merry Christmas!