Welcome – glad you’re here! The last couple of weeks have been light posts with some of my easy go-to recipes, and it’s been fun to share those with you. But at the same time, I’ve been reading and learning and feeling a lot. Doing all that reading, all that thinking, well, it can be a little much sometimes. All that processing, formulating, and working things out is exhausting!  And even though I’m tired, I’m learning some wonderful (and tough) things.

 

When I was a child, I spent a lot of time “in my head”. You know what I mean? I was a reader and was always thinking about something. But as you get older, you get told to “get out of your head”, be social, engage with the world. Usually on its terms. And we develop the habits of moving on autopilot, running at top speed all the time, and rarely taking the time to just think. Sometimes I feel as though taking time to let my heart and mind work through things is a luxury, something I can’t afford. I just plan and execute. Over and over.

 

Running my world on sticky notes…

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love my lists! And, I like being efficient and getting things done. It gives me great satisfaction to check things off the list. The other thing is, there really is a lot to do! It’s not as if I can get off the merry-go-round of work and family and responsibilities to go off on a monk-like retreat (though that sounds kinda good right now). So I just keep adding and subtracting things to and from the list. I’m a good little do-bee, getting it all done. But I’m getting lost in the doing, because I’m not really being.

 

What does that mean? Here’s what I’m talking about. I’ve spent years, decades at this point, doing lots of things in the name of advancement. Putting in the work to learn my craft, to take care of others, to build my life and career. And I’ve spent a lot of time asking, “What do the kids need? What does the family need? What is needed at work?” But what about me?  Who is me, anyway? When’s the last time you asked yourself what you like? What’s the small voice inside saying it needs? Who is that little being inside you who was there from your earliest memories? Do you even know?

 

Yep, it’s me!

 

So I started listening. And thinking. I’ve been trying hard to remember who I was, long ago. Who was I before I got the message to tone it down, that all of what I was wasn’t acceptable, wasn’t wanted? You remember the messages that said you were too much, too loud, too busy, not enough like everyone else. We all heard them. They were the ones that told us that we weren’t as pretty as the other girls, or not as smart or thin, or interesting, or worth listening to, or _____. You fill it in.

So what did I do? I did what most of us do: I built a wall around the me that I thought no one wanted to see. A more bland, beige, acceptable-for-public-consumption wall. And the me deep inside stayed behind the wall, thinking that the world didn’t really want to see her.

 

When I started listening and paying attention, the most wonderful thing started to happen: I could hear me again! And I liked her! See, I wasn’t sure if I would. Somewhere deep down, I thought that if she needed to be kept behind a wall, maybe I wouldn’t like her either. But I did. She isn’t as serious as the grown up me – she wants to have more fun! She also is very clear about what she needs. Sometimes it’s alone time. Sometimes it’s going out and being around people. But mostly, she wants to be heard and loved. And I’m doing both.

 

One of the things I asked myself about in the past few months was what I wanted to do for fun. And it was a tough questions to answer, because I didn’t know what I thought was fun. But one of the things I decided on was that I wanted to do a trampoline trapeze at the mall. You know, the thing where they strap you into a harness with bungee cords and you jump super high on a trampoline and do flips? Well, that’s what she wanted to do, so that’s what I did. And it was a lot of fun, and she was very pleased. And yes, I actually did some back flips!

 

Can you see my baby on the trapeze behind me?

 

That trapeze is just part of the beginning of letting me be who I am.  As I listen and remember who I am, what I bring to this world, I get to live the life I came here to live. The light in me that God put there before I was born wasn’t put there to be hidden behind a wall. Shining my light is what I’m here to do. There are meaningful, beautiful, purposeful things that I am here to do and share. They won’t be the same as the things that bring fire to your soul, because we each have our own.  Can you imagine what it would be like if each of us lived from a place of truth and passion and shared that light? That light would shine in our world and beyond!

 

So what about you? What’s your passion? Are you living this life the way you are meant to live it? Please share in the comments below!