Actually, I have never learned to juggle. At least not in the fun way with balls, pins, or torches on fire. Nope, never practiced that one. Life can feel like one big juggling act sometimes though, right? It seems like we manage multiple things at work, home, and family as a routine and the small and great unexpected things on top. I often get asked, “How do you do it all?!” Usually, I’m a little stumped by the question and say something like, “I don’t know – I just run around in circles all day!” But that’s not actually true, so I’ve been giving it some more thought. This post is going to be about what I’ve come up with as an answer to the question of how I do it all…
So first, what do I do? I’m married and I have four children from ages 3 to 9 and we homeschool. I work as an obstetrician/gynecologist, take call, do surgery, and manage our group practice. Currently, I do school online with the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and read 48 scholarly articles a year for my continuing medical education. I cook because we don’t eat out a lot. My kiddos do ballet and tae kwan do. Of course, I’m writing this blog each week and I’ve started playing my violin at church when asked. My husband and I help with other families at church. I read my bible daily, pray, meditate and do some kind of exercise. There’s probably something I’m forgetting too. When is all this supposed to get done? I’m tired just writing this…
Let me make a disclaimer: I do not think I’m doing something exceptional. Everyone is busy, not just me. But there are so many times that I hear women talk about how tired they are, how depleted and run down, stressed, anxious and depressed. And for sure, it’s tempting to feel all of this myself. But maybe it doesn’t have to be this way…
How can we do all the things we need to do and not lose our minds doing them? There are a few things I’ve found to work for me. Hang in there if you’ve heard some of these before…
Stop Moving
Everyday, there’s so much to do that it can seem like if we stop moving, something isn’t going to get done. So I will go from one thing to another in rapid sequence, all day long, and then feel like a wrung out rag at the end of the day. I came home the other day, running upstairs to take a shower before dinner, and just laid down in the floor of the closet to stop for a moment. I just stared at the ceiling and took a few breaths. It felt wrong, like I was goofing off in some way. But it felt good, like things slowed down for a minute. Laying there for two minutes, max (before someone came looking for me!) was helpful. It didn’t derail my schedule – actually, it helped me to figure out my next steps and get centered before jumping in with the kids. Ever feel like snapping at anyone who approaches, because it feels like they just want a piece of you and you don’t want them to take it? I hate it when I do that, especially when it’s one (or all of) my kids. Stopping for a minute helps me slow down enough NOT to do that.
Breathe
I know I’ve said it before, but I have to remind myself, so I’m reminding you. We just do not take deep breaths very often. Most of the time, we are busy, stressed and breathing very shallow, just at the top of our lungs. Stop for a moment, wherever you are and breathe in for three, pause for three, and exhale for five. Do this three times. Clear out that stale air and energy and get a quick reset for your brain. It helps!
Make a list
I don’t know about you, but the more I have to do, the more can get forgotten. I keep a list going ALL THE TIME. Trusting my brain to remember what needs to be done is absolutely a recipe for disaster. One thing that often happens if I don’t write things down, is I wake up in a panic at 4 am either thinking about what I missed, or obsessing over what I still have to do. But I can’t go back to sleep, because I might forget by the time I wake up! Maybe it’s just me…
In any case, I write a list and cross things off and rewrite the list, and on and on. I also have sticky notes everywhere. I put a sticky on my phone, on my dashboard, on my book. I kid that I could run the world if given enough sticky notes! Really though, I operate on an out-of-sight, out-of-mind principle: If it’s not in my face, I will probably forget to do it. But if I can’t miss it, I’ll take care of it.
Prioritize
Let’s face it – we just have too much to do! Maybe it’s because we over-commit, maybe because we have multiple kids and multiple activities, maybe we have a extremely demanding job, and maybe we don’t have much help. There’s only one thing to do: look at all the things you have to manage and find something that can go. What if even though you want your kids to play tennis and soccer and basketball, the schedule of games and practices are killing your family life and leaving you drained? You might consider limiting your kids to one activity per semester and take the summers off. What if you didn’t check work email after you left the office? What if you said no to being on multiple committees at work, church, or your kids’ school? What if you let someone else help you instead of turning down their help? The alternative is you being overextended, frustrated, and exhausted. What good is that for you or anyone who depends on you?
Accept help
I need to dispel a myth: Superwoman is not real – she is a comic book character. We walk around thinking that we have to take care of everything ourselves without help. If we have help, we are somehow weak, undisciplined, lacking character. That’s garbage! As our communities spread out and our lives are more insulated from each other, we have less support than ever. We don’t have family nearby, we don’t have relationships with our neighbors, and our friends are spread out everywhere. In the past, our lives used to be very integrated, so we could get help from our mom who lived with us or nearby, or our neighbor would watch the kids while we ran out to the store for a moment. That’s less true these days. Our families live in Boston, Los Angeles, and St Petersburg, FL, so it’s hard for them to help except when they are visiting. Personally, I find it hard to ask someone to do something for me, especially if I could make it happen. But making myself a pretzel because of my pride just hurts me! So we hire help for some things, like house cleaning and childcare. My friends offer to help when I’m vulnerable enough to share what I need. I strongly recommend that you try this, because people who love you want to help! When someone offers to help, try this: say YES. They feel good that they helped you, and you feel good because you got help and know you are loved.
Get a good hug
This one is easy! If you want to get a good hug, you give one. We often give these quick little hugs and keep it moving, but when’s the last time you held someone you loved for more than a second? As a society we are touch starved. We can go a long time without really touching or being touched in a loving way. This isn’t about sex – this isn’t about that at all. That’s a different need to meet. This is about getting filled up in your soul by holding someone you care about and being held back. Try it – wrap your arms around someone you love, squeeze and hold for three breaths. You’ll find that they may be a little surprised and try to pull away right away like normal. When you don’t let go, they lean in and hold you back. There, now don’t you feel better?
Sleep
Well, this is one of the harder ones to practice well. Most of us stay up later than we should and get up early to get our day started. Here’s the problem; not getting enough sleep is linked to excess weight, increased stress and early death. Sleep needs to be a priority! Sleep is restorative – our brains and bodies are repaired and refurbished while we are asleep. Sleep washes the waste products out of your brain: if you don’t get enough, you wake up with brain fog. It’s kind of like taking your car to a carwash – you can choose a quick drive-though version, or get a deluxe wash with hand drying and a wax. It takes a little longer, but your car is in much better shape with the better wash. Most adults need at least 7 hours of sleep a night. How’re you doing with this?
Sometimes our nighttime activities sabotage our sleep too. Watching TV late at night is not only a massive time sink, but the blue light waves from TV, smart phones and computer screens impair melatonin release from your pineal gland, a brain hormone that helps you go to sleep. To keep your melatonin release normal, you should stop using screens at least 2 hours prior to bedtime, and at least get a blue light filter or blocker for the device.
Do something for you
Yes, I’m serious. I can hear you laughing at me now: “With all I have to do and all I’m trying to figure out how to get done, she thinks I have the time to do one more thing for me? Yeah, right!” Ok, but hear me out. We each give out of what we have to give. Think of yourself as your pantry. If you feed your family and friends out of your pantry, but don’t refill it, eventually you will run out of food, right? If someone comes over and all you have in the pantry are some stale crackers, you can give that, but you can set out a spread from a full pantry. We are the same. You can give while you’re running on fumes, but if you give yourself some love and TLC, you will have more and better to give to those who need you. Here’s the key: you matter too. You are worth love and care too. Whatever you do, it doesn’t have to be huge, but it should happen regularly. So take fifteen minutes and read a book. Take a hot bath instead of a shower. Sit in front of the fire or on the deck and space out for ten minutes. Get a pedicure or a massage. Go on that girl’s weekend you’ve been talking about for years! But even more than the big things that take time out of your schedule, make sure you carve out small, regular blocks of time that are about you. You need it!
Don’t waste time – unless it’s on purpose
We have jam-packed days and it can seem like we are always doing something productive. But in truth, we can steal time away from ourselves doing activities that take us away from what’s really important. Case in point: How often have you sat down to watch an episode of your favorite show and gotten up after a mini marathon, realizing that you just lost two hours and it’s past your bedtime? What about looking up a quick notification on Facebook and you get caught up in your feed for 30 minutes? It’s fine to veg out and watch TV, do social media, or surf the web for fun, but it’s best if we plan for our recreation instead of letting these things distract us from our intentions. Our time is a commodity, just like our money. Twenty-four hours is what we get to spend each day, not more, so budgeting time is critical. We are the only ones who suffer when we waste our time. So do the fun things you want to do, but plan for them. Don’t let them hijack your schedule!
How do you juggle all the things in your life? Share your tips for managing your time in the comments section below!