Have you ever spent a day in silence?

 

My designs in the sand

 

Last week I went away for four and a half days. Alone. Let me tell you how this came about…

I’ve been wanting to go on a girl’s trip for years. My friends and I have been talking about it forever, and I figured that at some point, the kids would be old enough for me to go away a few days and leave them home with daddy. But life happens and we haven’t gotten a trip coordinated. Then in April, my husband let me know that he and his friends from freshman year in college were going away to Arizona for 5 days. And I took note: That’s how it’s done. Quit waiting around for the time to be right and get something scheduled!

 

My view in the botanical garden

 

But I knew there was no way that with the work and family lives of me and my friends, it wasn’t likely that we could plan a trip by the end of the year. And I had two vacation days that I had to use before the start of 2019, so I decided I’d better use them. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that what I really needed wasn’t recreation and girl time (although that would be wonderful!), but rest and quiet. Four kids and utter chaos at work this year has made for a very noisy life, so the antidote was some alone time. I looked at the calendar, chose the time I could get, and with Perry’s help found a flight and lodging.

 

Last Tuesday night the family drove me down to the airport. I checked my bag, got through security and got on the plane. When I told one of my partners from work about my trip, he predicted I would be bored after one day. I laughed and assured him I’d be fine, but I started having second thoughts. What if I wanted to go out to eat? I’d be sitting alone. Maybe I’d get tired of having no one to talk to. What if I ran out of things to do or really did get bored?

I shouldn’t have worried.

South Carolina was cool and sunny most of my days there. I’d packed my yoga mat, a travel chair, two journals, and a coloring book. After stocking up with some soups and prepared foods from the grocery store in the morning, I headed out to the beach. And I sat there, watching the surf. Quietly. And it was wonderful. I had no schedule, no plan, nothing to get back to do.

 

 

My second day there I designated as the day of silence. I’d never spent a whole day not speaking before, so I wasn’t sure how it would go, but I was looking forward to spending the time listening to God and quieting my own voice. The first thing I figured out was that I talk to myself a lot. Out loud. Apparently, I keep a running commentary on the things going on around me and give myself little pep talks throughout the day (“It’s ok, you got it. Come on, let’s go!”). Letting that go was the first step. The second hurdle was the challenge of other people. I’m in the South – it’s rude not to speak to people. Perry suggested I write a note to show people explaining I was being silent so they weren’t offended when I didn’t chat with them. But when I got on the shuttle to ride to the beach, the driver thought I was showing his a pass to get on and waved it away. So he didn’t know why I wasn’t talking to him, and I didn’t know what to do. Should I pretend I lost my voice? Is that dishonest or preserving his feelings? That was some extra mental chatter.

 

The next key to the day was to unplug. If I was going to be silent, then in that spirit I would have no conversations by text, email or otherwise. I put on the do not disturb function on the phone and decided not to engage with the device unless I got an emergency call from home. I sat on the beach and journaled and colored. And then I just sat and watched the waves and the clouds. When I got tired, I went back to the room to rest.

 

 

It was an interesting experience, mostly because of what I learning about myself. I had expectations of the day that I didn’t even realize I had until I felt disappointed as the day went on and no lightning-bolt revelation hit me. The speed of the day also was a surprise. By 3 pm, I was shocked to find that the day still had hours of daylight left and I didn’t have anything to do. I’d done all the things I wanted; yoga, meditation, journaling, praying, and I hadn’t rushed through any of them, but there was still time left! At home, it seems like I never get through everything I plan in one day. Before this day of silence, I would have said that I’m not very distractable and that I don’t have much need for TV or social media. At home, I rarely watch TV and I’m not big on checking in on Instagram or Facebook unless it’s for this blog. But the temptation to fill the space with watching TV or getting on social media was strong. It was almost as though my mind wanted something else to entertain it. The TV in the room sat there, ready to be turned on and fill up the quiet.

I took my journal and coloring book out to a picnic table and stayed there until dusk.

 

 

Was the day of silence a good thing? I’d say it was a very good thing. Even though I didn’t feel like any radical change happened during the time I was there, when I got home I noticed the effect of the time away. It was easier to be patient and present with the kids. The normal busyness and pace of life seemed to be outside of me instead of inside like it usually does. When I got back to work and the massive hospital transition started the next day (along with all the expected and unexpected associated chaos), I was able to laugh. While my partners were getting heartburn and sleepless nights, I was at peace, even though I was working the hospital overnight the day after the transition. As a type A, perfectionist, driven doctor mommy, I struggle with finding peace and calm in my life, no matter how much I know I need it. This time away, this silence – it brought me a sense of calm I haven’t felt in a long time. So: I plan to make these mini-retreats a regular thing. I may not be able to get away as long, but even if I can block out a day or even a few hours to be still I’m going to do it. The effect is real!

 

Have you ever spent purposeful time in silence? When is the last time you unplugged? How did you feel? Please share in the comments below!