Feeling overwhelmed? Walking a tightrope? Treading on eggshells? Waiting for the other shoe to drop? Juggling too many balls in the air or spinning plates? It seems like this is the normal state of being for so many of us these days. We live such full lives – working, raising and educating kids, keeping the home running, feeding everyone, going to events and parties and meetings, and always, ALWAYS, being connected to anyone who needs us by phone, text or email. Sometimes, it feels like a web that wraps around tighter and tighter, like a fly caught by a spider.
You know what we do next? We get out our knife and cut our way out – we go on vacation for a week or so! Then we return and feel uncertain why we feel the web tightening again. The get-away option is there if we have the time off and the money to get away, but what if you don’t? Then other release methods come into play – yelling, short tempered, feeling resentful, living with chronic fatigue. Maybe you don’t get this way, maybe you can’t relate.
Here’s my problem: even when I have the time and money to get away, I still have the daily feeding and care of the kids if they go along. And for the rare occasion when we can leave them behind, there’s still the coordinating of childcare, packing everyone up or stocking the house for them while we’re away, do I clean before or after we go, and what about the mountains of laundry when we return? Then there’s the hustle of catching flights or the dreariness of waiting at airports, coordinating ground transportation, or just driving (and entertaining kids) for long car rides (this is NOT a problem if we are driving sans kids!). Â I’m often more tired when we get back than when I left, and I have to go to work again! What’s the solution? Stop taking vacations? Stay-cation? Run away and live on credit until the credit card company cancels our account? No, I actually haven’t thought of that before now…
The reality is, we have to live our lives. We work because we need to, otherwise we’d do it for free! And whether you work outside the home or exclusively inside the home, you work! We want to buy food, insurance, clothes, and have somewhere to live. We also want our kids to have good educations and be exposed to activities and have friends. We want our marriages, friendships and relationships to thrive under our attention. So we run from thing to thing, crazy busy, tired and worn out. I haven’t found an EASY button yet! So what do we do? Accept it and live lives of quiet desperation?
Well, if you think I have the answer coming up, you’ll be disappointed. But, I have found some things that are helping me A LOT. I used to be so angry and frustrated with that trapped-on-the-hamster-wheel feeling. But today I found myself driving home from the hospital on a Sunday morning in the midst of a 48 hour shift on call, feeling happy. Peaceful. Grateful. I noticed the rays of sun shining and was even glad to breathe the muggy morning air. That’s not my natural state of being. I grew up being a glass-half-empty kind of girl. But I’m changing, and I know what’s doing it. You may not find everything I say helpful, so take what resonates to incorporate into your practice of living.
1. Prayer
I can read and study for long periods of time, probably because of all the years of school. But when it comes to talking to God, that’s been more of a challenge. A few years back, I felt like I was being called to change and seek more of a relationship instead of an academic study of God. So I decided to change things up. Instead of praying in my closet or guest room, I started going on prayer walks. Early. Sometimes still in the dark, and even when it was 20 degrees out in the winter. Being in the fresh air, sometimes talking to Him, sometimes listening has allowed me to feel Him near to me. I still pray in the closet, and I’m praying more moment to moment throughout the day, but the dedicated time communing with Him has shaken up the routine in my relationship with God.
2. Grateful List
Around the same time as I started the prayer walks, I read a book called 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp (it was a riveting book!). She talks about a joy dare that she was challenged to undertake and how the practice of writing down three things daily that she was grateful for transformed her life (three things a day x 365 days in a year = approx 1000, get it?). Â I started the practice and it has changed that glass-half-empty outlook to a view of life with more hope, trust, and faith, even when things look dark. If you look at the bottom of the background of this site, you can read some of the things I wrote on my first grateful list of 1000 – small things count!
3. Breathing
On my traveler’s notebook that I carry everywhere with me, I have a decorative charm that says, “Just breathe”. Â I know, we have to breathe to live and we keep breathing whether we think about it or not. But how often do we consciously stop and breathe? I can get so twisted up in juggling everything and quickly I’m frustrated, overwhelmed, and SO anxious. Then starts the negative self talk: Nothing’s working! How’s this going to work out? I don’t know how I can get this together! If I pay attention in that moment, I realize that my breathing is shallow and high up in my chest. But if I can stop for a minute and breathe, slowly and deeply, I can help myself get calm and centered. Â The self talk changes: It’s going to be ok. I don’t have to figure it all out right this second. It’s not that bad. Even if I don’t know how to work this out, God knows exactly how untangle this mess!
So I close my eyes and breathe, in for a count of four and out for a count of six, holding for three between the inhale and exhale. Try it – do four breath cycles. Some people will feel a little lightheaded the first time, so try it sitting down, but see how it slows things down for you. I find that doing this helps me to slow down enough to notice what IS going well. If you like how you feel, try to incorporate it into the rhythm of your day. Use it when you feel a little crazy. You may want to look into a book on breathing techniques or mindfulness. Most of us really do not breathe consciously, ever.
4. Mindfulness
We also are running so fast from thing to thing that we rarely live in the moment. How many times have I worried and rushed myself through an event to realize that really, I missed the whole thing! I’m a boots-on-the-ground, get it done, details matter kinda girl. This means I can easily get lost in the weeds. Have you ever had an experience like this? You plan a great vacation with your husband or girlfriends, set up childcare for the kids, get all your ducks in a row, and then spend half of the time (or more!) worrying about the kids? Or maybe you can’t stop checking your work emails while you’re away. What about sitting on a beautiful beach with the sand and seashells, sounds of the surf in the background while you watch other people’s lives on your smartphone? Are you really even on vacation?
The problem is the speed at which we live. We have this mentality that unless we are “productive” that what we are doing is unworthy. Unworthy of what, I’m not sure. But here’s what I’ve decided. I’m only going to go through this life once, so I’m going to try to be here for it. I have to slow down enough to do it! If you’re interested in this, try a book on mindfulness. There are lots of exercises out there that are designed to help you slow down. Look up the raisin mindfulness exercise…
5. Meditation
My meditation practice is exactly that – a practice. It’s a work in progress, which is good, because with meditation, you never really arrive. You just keep practicing. Â I try to take time, usually early in the mornings, to sit in a quiet place and breathe. I listen for God’s voice, for an answer to a need or question. Generally, I’m making the effort to allow my thoughts to clear out so I can hear the more important ones from God. No, meditation is not necessarily about communing with God, and certainly traditional Eastern meditation practices are more Buddhist in nature. But that’s what it is for me. It helps me to feel centered, calm, and ready to rely on the power greater than mine, which makes me feel much better about life. You can make meditation work for you however you choose.
6. Yoga
There are so many great things about yoga and so many different ways to do it! I can’t discuss all of them here, and I’m not a yoga expert anyway. I started yoga from a DVD series my friend Lisa Washington (setthetablewithlove.com) recommended to me. Full disclosure: I’m a former dancer and was a performer and choreographer for years, so learning yoga poses wasn’t completely starting from scratch. For those coming to yoga completely fresh, it’s probably best to start in a live class when the instructor can help you achieve the correct alignment in the postures.
It’s been hard with four kids to get out to a gym or any regular exercise class. I started with the DVDs and was fortunate enough to find a coupon for an online yoga website (I use yogadownload.com, but there are others). I love that I can practice at home, any time that works for me, in any style and length of class I have a need for. Â If I need to focus on neck and shoulder tightness, or if I want a power yoga class, I just sort for the kind of class I need. Â I’m hoping to maintain my flexibility into my elder years, and this is how I think I’m going to do it.
This is what I’m doing these days. I haven’t always practiced these things, but have incorporated them one by one into my life. And I’m always looking for better ways to practice living well, so it’s a work in progress. What about you? What do you need to find balance? What are you doing to feel light and love in your life?
