For those of you who don’t struggle with perfectionism, this post may not speak to you. For me, I tend toward wanting to do everything, take advantage of every opportunity, get everything right, not miss out on anything.I’ve seen this abbreviated as FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). It can drive us to lead very driven, busy “productive” and exhausted lives. My husband says I always have a project! And usually, this works for me – I am happiest when I’m up to something. Sometimes though, driving hard can work against us as we strive for balanced lives. Let me tell you what I’m getting at…
Last week I was on call at the hospital, sitting around at the nurses station, when one of the nurses approached me. She joked that my blog made her feel like an underachiever, with all the different things I do in my home. I was a little surprised: the purpose of this blog is inspiration! If you see something here that works for you, take it – I want people to use what I may have figured out for myself if it can help them instead of starting everything from scratch. Anyway, I understood what she was saying. If you don’t garden, cook, exercise, meditate, live green, buy organic and these ways of living are new to you, this blog can be overwhelming. But I was surprised because THIS nurse is an amazing professional, has lost a lot of weight AND kept it off, and is personally inspiring to me. So I figured if her impression of this blog was discouraging, then she’s not the only person who has felt this way reading these posts…
So let me manage some expectations. I do not plan to inspire the world to live as I do. Not everyone wants to! But the blog is called A journey to wholeness – just one version, just mine. I’m hoping for those who read it to find something, anything that helps them along in their own journey toward their own best self. I think our tendency toward perfection can get in the way though.
One of my favorite sayings is, “Don’t let perfection be the enemy of good*.” I get caught in that trap often. My father used to tell me, “If you’re not going to do it right, then don’t do it at all.” Good advice – it inspires me to give my best. But sometimes, if a perfect outcome is the only acceptable outcome, then fear of failure steps in and prevents change. Good, needed change. We don’t do the good we could do, because maybe we can’t give it all our energy and time. Perfection as the goal leads to stagnation, because we can’t always do things perfectly, especially when we want to do something new.
One of the blueberry bushes I planted a few years ago
My garden is a prime example. I read a book by Barbara Kingsolver called Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. What an amazing book! I wanted to plow up my whole backyard and plant rows of potatoes. I was so inspired that year I actually did a garden in a raised bed in my backyard. You know what my garden looks like this year? Earth Boxes on my deck – one of tomatoes, one of peppers, one of herbs. That’s what I could manage this year. The raised bed is a disaster (I shake my head when I look at it. I try not to look at it.) But I got some nice peppers and tomatoes and I have fresh herbs to use. And the rest of my produce comes from the store, just like everyone else. Maybe I’ll get back in the raised bed next year. And maybe I won’t. We’ll see what is most pressing when spring planting comes around…
My overgrown raised bed
Here’s what I’m trying to say. We’re all on our life journey, and we are growing in different areas at different times and in different ways. Don’t let your desire for perfection be the enemy of your good. Don’t let it keep you from seeing your growth, or celebrating someone else’s success. Be gentle and patient with yourself as you grow. When we nurture a plant or a child or a relationship, yelling at it and being critical of the growth it HAS done isn’t helpful, right? We need to be loved and nurtured too, especially in our own minds and hearts. Loving yourself can be some of the biggest heart work you ever do…
I can see the skeptical looks on some faces… What’s this hippy-dippy, new age, positive mental attitude, rah-rah cheerleader pep talk about? I get that feeling, because I still have it sometimes. I grew up in Boston, with a Northeastern, take-no-crap, get-em-before-they-get-you, tough attitude. My mom told me when I was young that I was a pessimist, and I believe that I was. But here’s the deal – I don’t like who I am when I think that way. I prefer myself with a kinder, gentler, positive and trusting outlook. It’s not that LIFE isn’t happening to me just like everyone else. But I can choose how I think. My friend Lisa told me, “You are the mother of your mind.” The bible says it too in 2 Corinthians 5b: “…and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” That’s right, I get to select which thoughts I believe and which I reject as untrue. But I have to be paying attention and actively choosing to train my mind. I’m in charge of my thoughts and beliefs, not my mind! I can be trusting or suspicious. Have you noticed that what you anticipate is often confirmed? Neurologically and psychologically speaking, whatever patterns we allow our minds to follow are laid down in pathways in the brain. I’d rather lay down the most positive and beneficial ones. I can choose to believe this is a hard and painful life, or I can choose to believe that this is a good and abundant world, and that everything I need comes when I need it. I’m happier this way!
My herb box
Life is messy. Let go forward with our projects and plans and self improvements! But let us each remember to be patient with our messy lives and homes, imperfect children, chaotic work-life balance, and overgrown gardens. Most of all, let’s always remember to keep some kindness and patience for ourselves, because we need it too!
One of my sweet pepper plants
*This quote is a paraphrase of an Italian proverb by Orlando Pescetti that was popularized by Voltaire.