I was due for an on-call night spanking. I got one.
For the last few overnight shifts I’d done at the hospital I’d been surprised by how decent the nights had been. Even when I had a large patient census or lots happening on labor and delivery, I still got a run of hours at night where I could sleep (even if I tossed and turned throughout). So I knew that it was about time for a tough night to come, not because the labor gods were angry at me (like my midwife said was happening for her!), but because at some point, I’m going to have a night where a lot is happening and I’m the one who’s there to take care of it.
Monday at 3 pm I walked into our team sign out to a large patient census and already four more incoming patients to admit to the hospital and a surgery that needed to be done urgently. By the time everyone came in, got settled, the surgery was done and I laid down, it was midnight. Fifteen minutes later, I got an emergent call to assist with a patient hemorrhaging. I ran down and took her to the operating room and took care of her. Around 2 am, I laid down again. After a few more calls and another emergent call to attend a mom whose baby was having a hard time in labor, I finished signing out to the morning team around 8 am and headed home. I probably got 2 hours of sleep for the night.
After decontaminating myself when I got home, taking an hour-long nap, and running a couple of errands, I was running on fumes. I still had things to do and hadn’t gotten the few things I had planned on my calendar done. But I was toast. I needed to sleep. So I laid down for another hour and slept, but when the alarm went off, my head was foggy, I was irritable, and I was pissed that I hadn’t gotten the things done that I needed to do. That meant I needed to move them to another time and the rest of the week was already scheduled pretty tightly. I needed to get my behind in gear and salvage the rest of the day.
I sat down with my laptop and my to-dos and tried to get started. By this time it was close to 5 pm and the kids were milling around, trying to get dinner ready (with supervision) and every little noise was on my nerves. I was tired, aggravated, and very easily bothered by everything. I needed more sleep, but I’d gotten as much as I could and the next opportunity was going to be bedtime. I was trying to work but I was spinning my wheels. Was I going to throw my hands up and quit until the next day after I got some sleep? Or would I snap at the kids and be resentful while I tried to work?
Fortunately, I’m a life coach and I know that the way I felt (physical fatigue notwithstanding) was entirely within my control. I felt irritated, frustrated, and aggravated because of the thoughts I was thinking. I didn’t know what they were, but they were jacking up my night, so I stopped what I was doing and grabbed my notebook to do a little self-coaching. What was I thinking?
The first thought that came to mind was “I wasted this day sleeping.” Now, whether or not this is true is a wholly different conversation. I know I needed sleep, and maybe I should have canceled the errands and slept more! But this was the thought that I was unconsciously choosing. The problem was that this thought was causing my feeling of frustration. When I’m frustrated, I act irritable, snap at the kids, try to get things done but spend more time in my feeling of frustration than in doing the things that need doing, so in the end, I don’t get the things done that I need to do. This confirms my original thought that I wasted the day sleeping because look at all the things I didn’t get done! Never mind that I have time right now and I can get some stuff done now – I’m just wasting time feeling frustrated about how I spent the hours earlier in the day.
Now, here’s the turnaround: Is this a thought that is supporting me and I want to continue to think? Absolutely not. I do not like feeling frustrated, I’m not getting done what I need to, and being annoyed and snappy with my family is not how I want to show up. So, I decided that the thought “I wasted this day sleeping” was not helpful and I needed to choose a new thought. The thought I came up with (that I believe – has to be a thought that is believable or my brain will reject it) was “It was a rough night but I can still get a few things done.” When I practiced that thought in my brain for a few moments, I started to feel resolved instead of frustrated. Resolved helped much more than frustrated! When my kids or the teacher interrupted me to ask a question, I answered it and got back to work. When the dog started barking, I corrected her and got back to work. When something was happening that didn’t really need my attention, I ignored it and kept working. At the end of the hour I’d set aside, I’d done my coaching homework, scheduled a drop-off of groceries to be delivered to me at the hospital Thursday, refined the grocery list, reworked the calendar, and prepped the dinner I’d picked up earlier. Actually, I’d gotten quite a bit done!
The thoughts we think matter. There are different ways to manage thinking, but they all start with capturing the thought. Once I realized the thought was damaging and I wanted to think differently, I could have started with simply asking myself, “Is it true?” Actually, I hadn’t wasted the day at all – I’d talked to my father, picked up dinner, bought some tanks tops I needed at a deep discount, and gotten some sleep. Realizing all I had accomplished might have taken the sting out of feeling tired and behind at the end of the day (“Look at what I did accomplish!”). I took a different tactic because I didn’t really need to feel better about how the day had been spent. I needed an empowering thought to use to propel me forward. So I chose a thought that made me feel resolved, so I could take the actions of getting some things done. Choosing thoughts intentionally can make all the difference in the results you get. Unintentional thoughts can lead you to a result that you don’t want. But choosing thoughts on purpose can get you to the exact place you want to go! I salvaged my night from a downward spiral of my own negativity and created a more peaceful and productive evening. Yay me!
And that, my friends, is the work of coaching. I was able to coach myself through this situation because of the coaching practice I’ve learned. If you find this work compelling and are interested in working with me to learn how to work through some of your own thinking, I have space for just a few more clients in my last free slots. Let me know if you want in!
How do you turn your thoughts around when you’re spiraling downward? What are your tips and tricks for changing negative thinking? Please share in the comments below!
And here’s the next Going Deeper class on Weight Loss – come through!