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Fear Of Fasting

You know, there’s talk about fasting everywhere. The new diet craze is intermittent fasting or IF. People are generally using IF to lose weight, but there are other reasons to fast. Some fast to clear their minds, some do it for spiritual focus and prayer, some do it to decrease inflammation and allow the body to rest. All are good reasons, and the benefits of fasting are legion. But…

Every time I think about fasting I don’t want to do it. Fasting is one of those things that brings up immediate resistance for me, almost every single time. Even when I’m the one who makes the plan and has all the good reasons for planning a fast, I still dread doing it. And it’s not like I’m a novice at fasting. I have spent many days doing IF and I’ve fasted for times of prayer both in and outside of the church. They’ve been beneficial each time. So what’s the problem?

It’s my brain. The thoughts I have about fasting tend to center around deprivation and fear of discomfort. I decided a long time ago that I don’t like the feeling of hunger. Even though I know now that I should welcome hunger, that hunger is needed for weight loss and maintenance, and that clear stomach hunger is a good sign that my body is working well and that eating is a healthy thing to do if I have time, I still don’t want to feel it. Years of avoiding hunger has trained me to think of it as the enemy, as something to keep away at all costs. That’s how I stayed overweight for all those years! So when a day of fasting at church was announced, I was dismayed to find out that it was scheduled for my day off, a day when I wouldn’t be distracted by seeing patients or doing surgery, a day that was less likely to fly by with busyness.

Fasting also makes me feel like I’m going without something I should have. My mind says that if I’m hungry, I ought to be able to eat. Other people get to eat, so why do I have to miss out? Besides, I like having my cashews or coffee or soup or whatever I’ve planned, so why can’t I have them? Here’s the thing: I can. I don’t have to fast. But if I choose to fast, then these thoughts are designed to produce feelings of deprivation, resentment, resistance, and fear that make the fasting experience SO unnecessarily unpleasant. Physical hunger alone is not the only thing that makes fasting a challenge. It doesn’t have to be as difficult an experience as my mind wants to make it.

Let’s break one of these thoughts down. As an example we’ll take the first one, the “I don’t like the feeling of hunger” thought. The fact is that I am observing a day of fasting. The thought I have is that I don’t like the feeling of hunger. The feeling that thought produces is dread. When I feel dread, I think a lot more thoughts about how much I don’t want to fast, how I really wish we could do this on a day when I’m busier, how many different foods I’d like to eat that day, and I argue back and forth with myself about whether I want to participate in the fast anyway. I also might eat extra snacks or food the day before because I feel like I should fill up before the fast. (That doesn’t work. I’m not hibernating for the winter. I’m going to get hungry the next day regardless.) So in the end, I spend a lot of time in a mental tailspin, I overeat the day before the fast, and I reinforce the belief I have that I don’t like the feeling of hunger. So the next time I’m considering a fast, the thought that’s easy for my brain to offer up is this same one.

This thought isn’t working for me. Actually, it’s working against me and sabotaging not only my weight goals, but it’s making my spiritual day of fasting unpleasant in a way that isn’t useful. So what can I do? The good news is that I am the mother of my mind, and I can train it to think differently. It takes some effort and practice, but it’s doable. How do I find a more useful thought? There are different ways to come at this, but I want to feel something other than dread when I think about fasting and hunger. Actually, I’d like to welcome hunger. So, if I want the feeling I have about hunger to be “welcoming”, then what thought would help me feel welcoming about hunger? The thought I choose is: “Hunger is a useful feeling”. When I think this thought, I can come up with lots of reasons why it’s true – feeling hunger helps me know I’m eating when I should, food tastes better when I’m hungry, I know I’m eating for my body instead of emotional reasons, and when I eat only for hunger my body finds its correct weight. Now, in order to feel welcoming, I am going to have to practice thinking that hunger is a useful tool. It’s not going to be automatic like the “I don’t like the feeling of hunger”, because I haven’t practiced it as long. But if I remind my brain that the first thought is not helpful and practice the new thought, I will retrain my brain and the suffering that comes from the first thought is removed from my practice of fasting. When I plan a fast and welcome hunger from the thought that “Hunger is a useful tool”, I will look forward to the fast and the benefits that come from experiencing hunger. I won’t overeat to prepare for the fast, I won’t torture myself with the resistance, and I’ll expect and welcome the hunger when it comes. I’ll see the hunger as helpful instead of to be avoided. My entire experience of the fast becomes more calm and peaceful instead of a painful slog to the end.

I hope this helps you to work on your thoughts, whether they’re about fasting or something else that causes lots of mental chatter and bother. Coaching yourself through your thoughts is incredibly powerful! But if you feel like you’re not able to make as much change on your own as you’d like, that’s what a coach is for! If you’d like to do a mini-session to try out coaching for yourself, especially in the area of weight loss, then I’d be happy to set up a time with you. The mini-session is free of charge and you get to try out coaching and see if it’s for you. Let me know in the comments below!

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Help Getting It Done, Top 15 Weight Loss Posts

Healing The Underneath

I’ve been so tired this week.

Even as I write that, my mind wants to argue with me (You’re not really tired. Maybe you could get a little more sleep, but you haven’t been up all night at work, the schedule was lighter this week, you got to do telemedicine two days. It’s not like you’re going anywhere other than work and the grocery store, so you shouldn’t be tired.) But I am tired, and I know why. It’s not hormones and it’s not stress, and it’s not because too much is going on.

It’s my brain’s fault.

There has been a lot happening this week. And when there’s a lot to do, my tendency is to buckle down and take care of the work as quickly and efficiently as possible. Sounds appropriate, right? This week was when we emergently started our new homeschool teacher, my twins were on the last leg of preparing for their end-of-year exam, and we just about ran out of toilet paper. Yes, the struggle is real. Bringing a new employee into our home to orient to our homeschool program and our kids and our home at the end of the year has been a little rocky. The surge in COVID-19 cases is anticipated over the next two weeks by the expert estimates, and the changes in the medical office and hospital seem to come hour by hour (though the updates do come at least multiple times a day). So I’m still working to balance my responsibility to be informed and educated and to stay calm not engage in the what-if disaster mindset. I’m also trying to keep up with my coaching program and I almost missed an assignment this week during the churn of adjusting to all these changes.

None of this is the problem.

I know the answer!

The problem is how I’m thinking about it. Rather, it’s that I’m thinking in a negative way about it, and I’m fighting hard not to think that way. You know how I’ve said that you are the mother of your mind, and that you get to choose the thoughts you want to think? Well, that’s true. I can choose to remember that everything is going well and that nothing is wrong. I can count my blessings and use my gratitude journal to see all the good things that I have right now. Those are good things to do. It’s the fighting that is making me tired.

When I’ve taught about managing the mind, there’s a part that I’ve given less attention, both in teaching and in practice. I’ve taught to capture the thoughts, and choose intentionally what thoughts you want to think. Remember, the mind is wired to look for threat, and it’s very good at its job. So in the background, the mind is always scanning, trying to find what could be a problem. When it finds possible threats, it offers them up as thoughts. When I have a lot of things happening, there are a lot of thoughts coming up as those possible threats. And that feeling of threat or danger does not feel good. But what do you do with the unintentional thoughts, the scary ones? I’ve gotten pretty quick at countering the thoughts with “better” thinking, with looking for what is good, with arguing with my mind. What I’m not doing is listening, because I don’t want to feel uncomfortable and scared and threatened and worried. So I’m trying to skip to the “good” thoughts.

That doesn’t work. Here’s why: When the mind is offering thoughts, especially those that are meant to warn of danger, it means to be heard. When I try to push those warnings away because I know that I’m not really in immediate danger, my mind knows I’m not acknowledging the message. So the warnings get louder, and I work harder on my gratitude list, or focus on all that’s going well right now. My pushing and fighting is the part that is making me tired.

It’s not that I’m suggesting that you allow all the worries of your mind to overtake you. But ignoring them and pushing them away doesn’t work. If it did, I’d be all for it! I’m offering that you allow some airtime for your mind to be heard, to acknowledge the warnings and pay attention to those thoughts. Let them be there. Just sit and listen to your mind worry, maybe write down the thoughts so you can see them clearly, and before you do anything else, just breathe. Listen to the worry and fear. Breathe some more. Don’t try to change the thoughts or argue against them. You will not want to do this, because you will feel as thought the fear and worry will overwhelm you. It won’t. Actually, if you allow it, listen to it, let it have some space and acknowledge it, it will begin to fade. The fears may still be there, but they won’t be as loud. And when they return, you can listen and acknowledge, and they will fade again.

Let me help you see this in my example from the beginning of the post. Remember the words I used to describe my week? Struggle, churn, pushing, fighting, trying, buckle down, rocky. Aren’t you tired just reading them? Those are words I chose in my mind to describe my situation. Now, I can just try to put a positive spin on it, but my mind wants to think these thoughts. I need to listen and acknowledge it. Once I’ve done that, if I see that my way of thinking is producing a result I don’t want, then I can decide to choose a different way of thinking intentionally. But skipping over the warning thoughts isn’t intentional – it’s avoiding. And avoiding doesn’t work with the mind, because it’s very smart and persistent, and it’ll keep trying until it accomplishes its goal. The mind is amazing! So I’m listening and acknowledging. It’s uncomfortable, but it actually is less uncomfortable than resisting the thoughts, because they fade away when I listen instead of fight. And now I can choose the new way I want to think!

Choosing intentionally…

Have you tried to cover up uncomfortable thoughts with “better” ones? Have you tried to sit with the uncomfortable thoughts and acknowledge them? Please share your experiences in the comments below!

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Inspirations, Mind Management, Top 15 Weight Loss Posts

How Practice Cures Frustration

Girl. I almost pulled all my hair out this morning dealing with my son. He should have been the one who almost ended up bald. Let me tell you the story…

It all started a couple of years ago when we bought Chrome books for the three oldest kids to do their schoolwork. They had just started a grammar/writing course in their homeschool program, and our one desktop wasn’t going to be enough to allow them all to get the work done at the same time. Of course, I was concerned about what kind of parental controls would be on the machines to protect them from unsavory content on the internet, but my husband made sure that the limits that could be set were in place before we set them up on their individual laptops.

It has been a struggle ever since. Even though we designated the computers for school work, we’ve found kids sitting in an out-of-the-way place in the house on their laptop, they’ve figured out how to instant message their friends (no kid in our house has a phone), and they take any opportunity to play on a website or fool around finding funny memes. It’s not as though they’re spending lots of time on sites that are unsanctioned; but they want to spend every free moment on a screen. We haven’t caught anyone looking at explicit content (yet), but because they do tend to be sneaky and try to hide their screen or close pages when an adult is around, I’m concerned that they’re going to stumble into something on the web that’s too mature or even outright dangerous. We even took away their password login so that only we or their teacher could log them on to the computer. It’s been a lot.

Today when our teacher came in, she mentioned that she was having the kids write out the drafts of their writing assignments because she was concerned about their lack of transparency with the laptop use. My son immediately developed an attitude. When I asked him what was happening, he clammed up and wouldn’t talk, but it was clear that he was frustrated with the whole thing. Of course, I couldn’t just let that ride. We sat down where I expressed to him in no uncertain terms that we would work this out until we came to a resolution: He is worth it to me, even if it wrecks our morning. We spent the next hour and a half talking about his concerns, pride, sin, honesty, safety on the internet, freedom and responsibility, and wisdom. In the end, his concern about the lack of efficiency of hand writing papers was addressed, my stance on internet safety was clear, and the connection between trust and transparency was reviewed. We prayed and he got back to his schoolwork with a lighter heart and happier disposition.

Back to work…

One of the best parts of the conversation was the part about his fear of being inefficient in his work. Even at age 11, he’s concerned about protecting his free time. Now, this boy has a strong work ethic and generally is good about getting his assignments done. I’m very clear on my standard; Work first, play after. And he generally follows that guideline. The thought of having to hand write drafts of his papers for school instead of being able to revise a typed copy threatened his belief that he could get the work done before the weekend and have his weekend time for more fun things. In his mind, he was going to be typing papers every weekend of the semester instead of having free time to read, play video games with his dad, go bike riding or roller skating, and his life was spiraling out of control into drudgery. Yes, this is a very dramatic scenario to dream up.

But we do the same thing as adults. How many times have you looked at your schedule and decided that the whole day was shot because the tasks ahead were too much for the hours you had to work. Or looked at your bank account and thought you might never be able to afford a vacation again, at least not a good one? Or stepped on the scale and just knew that you were always going to be losing the weight loss battle so you might as well quit trying? My point is this: Just like my son, all those observations are not fact – they are thoughts . Even if they feel true to us (and my son was convinced his thoughts were true), they are just sentences in our minds. And we can change them.

When we worked through the understanding that his thoughts were not circumstances, I asked him whether he liked how he felt when he felt those thoughts. And when he admitted that he did not, I reminded him that he was the only one in control of his thoughts. While his brain is efficient and would likely continue to try to think these thoughts again, he could choose new thoughts to think. I asked him if he thought the new thoughts would be easier to think than the old ones – he said no. When I asked him how we think new thoughts, he gave the answer we all need: Practice!

It’s so funny that this was the conversation today. One of my partners at work wanted us to do some activities for physician wellness next week. So I’ve been thinking about what things most contribute to physician burnout, and what things have helped me the most in feeling balanced and happy at work. And while the list of things that contribute to physician burnout and the mass exodus of practicing physicians in certain fields, what has helped me has been more individual than institutional. I can’t change the institutions I work in, at least not quickly. But I can breathe, I can stretch and connect to my body throughout the day, and I can manage my mind and how I think about the work I have in front of me. Those things help me, so I thought my contribution to physician wellness week would be reminders to do those things throughout the day.

Little reminders…

The thing that consistently makes us miserable is the way we choose to think. It may be that circumstances can change, but if the thoughts we have are unconscious and in control of us, then we live in a constant state of misery of our own making. If we can learn to think thoughts that are helpful and constructive (this takes practice!), then we can create the environment in which we live. I can look at a slam-packed, double booked schedule and decide my whole day is going to be hell on wheels, or I can choose to think that I will help a lot of people that day. I can believe the thought that I have no control over my schedule , or I can believe that I have some control over my schedule and how my day goes. The first thought leaves me feeling hopeless and unmotivated, the second allows my brain to look for creative solutions to help my day flow as I’d like. It’s all in what I choose to think. My thoughts will determine how I feel and motivate me to take (or NOT take) action. No, I don’t control the circumstances, but they’re not what make me miserable. My thinking does that.

And I don’t mean to suggest that you can go from thinking, “My day is going to hell in a hand basket”, to “My day is sunshine and rainbows!”. But you can choose a thought that you believe. Maybe your next thought is, “I am trained to handle this work.” Or it could be, “Whatever happens today, I will go home and enjoy my fuzzy socks and a mug of hot tea in front of the fire at the end of it.” How about this one – “I enjoy talking to/working with/accomplishing the tasks I have to do.” I don’t know what thoughts you can choose to believe. But you do! And when you move away from the thoughts that make you miserable, you can continue to choose more thoughts that make you feel supported, motivated, and cared for.

You can do this at home too. You could be thinking that no one ever helps you around the house. Or, you could choose to think that you are loved and your kids are getting better at emptying the dishwasher without you reminding them (even if the laundry is overflowing the baskets!). You can choose to think that your house is a wreck and you hate coming home to a mess everyday. Or you could choose to believe that you are training your kids to keep a common environment that supports everyone, even if it’s not all the way there yet. You might even choose to believe what older moms tell you, that you’ll miss the mess when they’re gone (I’m still not sure about this one, but I’m trying to believe it!).

You are not your mind – you are the master of your mind. You can choose to think the way that supports you. You might need to write those new thoughts down again and again. Or make sticky notes to put up on your mirror or near your bed to remind you. The more you see the new thought, the more you will find the new way of thinking to becoming more natural. Just know that it takes practice and persistence to teach your brain new way of thinking. You can do it!

Have you ever realized that your thoughts are producing your feelings? How do you feel when you realize you can control the experience of your life by managing your thoughts? Please share in the comments below!

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Are You Kind To You?

Happy New Year!

Here we are in 2020 and it’s back to the hustle. I’ve gotten two birthdays down, two to go (the oldest just turned thirteen and the youngest seven. The twins will be eleven at the end of the month!). I’ve been on call overnight at the hospital, the shopping and cooking and cleaning has to be done, and our new homeschool teacher has started. It’s been busy – and good.

I’ve certainly had lots of opportunities to work on managing my mind. This time of year, between holiday preparations and birthdays, I’m running at top speed. And I get tired of the pace, right around now. I’ve been busy with all this since Halloween, so I tend to start to feel like a break is needed, even though I know that I’ve got a little more to do before I get back to my normal frenetic pace. We’ve also had a lot of changes at work recently, so if you add all the busyness at home to the growing pains of change at work, my brain and body are both getting a workout!

Around 6:30 am a couple of mornings ago, I packed up my bags and was taking them to the car after working in the hospital overnight. On my way into work the day before, I had stopped by Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods to get the gluten free cupcake I needed for the baby’s birthday, so I picked up other groceries I needed for the house while I was there. Those two stores aren’t close to my house, so when I go into the city, I try to swing by and get what we need. I had stored the perishables in a refrigerator in the doctor’s lounge overnight and was carrying that bag, my purse, my computer bag, and a bundle of a dozen white roses I’d bought. As I entered the elevator, a woman saw the roses and commented that someone must like me!

That was a nice thought, right? Someone must appreciate me enough to have bought me roses. I didn’t know her, so I almost just agreed and let that comment pass. But I told her the truth. I replied, “Yeah, I like me – I bought these roses!” We both chuckled and I went down to the car and packed up.

My little red chariot...

I’ve been thinking about this little interaction ever since. Why did I tell her that I bought the roses? Why do people assume that someone else bought the flowers? Is it strange that I buy flowers for myself? Why am I spending my brain space on this? Actually, I know why the thought is hanging around: It’s because of my history around flowers. When I was dating and engaged and after I got married more than 16 years ago, a vase of fresh flowers in my house generally meant that I’d been given those flowers by my husband, and generally for special occasions like an anniversary or birthday. Of course, those events only happen twice a year, so fresh flowers were a rare occurrence. But I like flowers, and I said so to him, many times. And at one point he worked near a florist and brought me flowers for no reason at all, but it wasn’t as often as I would have liked. And I asked and lamented and pouted and nagged, but that didn’t bring more flowers to me. Mind you, my husband does a ton of other very generous and lovely things for me – but the flowers were a no-go. Who knows why?

So I was in a grocery store one day a few years ago and noticed that the flowers looked fresh and the prices were good. As I walked past the display, a little voice in my head said, “Buy some.” I argued with myself about it for a moment, but then decided that yes, I would get them. And after I got them home and cut the stems and put them in my hand-painted ceramic vase, I put them on my bedside table. Every time I looked at them or smelled the delicate scent, I felt a little pop of joy. So I decided that buying myself flowers was a good and inexpensive way to take care of my own happiness. It was an act of kindness to me. So I’ve continued to do it.

So why mention it to the woman on the elevator? Because I wanted her to know that someone else didn’t have to buy me flowers, that buying them for myself was a way to appreciate me. And hopefully, she might do the same or something similar for herself. As a mom and wife and friend and sister and daughter and (for me) a doctor, life is often consumed with taking care of others. And so many of us think that our needs come last, and that other people should do nice things for us. I’m learning to disagree with both thoughts. First, even though those who are dependent on me might need their needs to come before mine sometimes, it’s actually not ALL of the time. Sometimes, especially as they get older, they can wait. I can take a hot bath, I can eat my dinner before helping with a project (instead of eating a handful of nuts and drinking a glass of wine to hold off my hunger until they go to bed). I can buy myself flowers and make time for a mani/pedi, and I can take a few minutes to do the yoga that makes me feel so much better in my mind and my body.

Second, no one has to do nice things for me. Who said they should? If someone chooses to do something for you, we often think that it’s because we’ve done something worth noticing or that we are loved by them because of how we’ve treated them. But here’s the thing: When someone does something for you, it’s about them. They do something for you because of how they think about you, because they’re feeling generous, because they like something you did. How many times have you done the same for someone else? That was about you and how you were thinking of the person you were loving. We’ve all done many things, many acts of care and kindness that have gone unnoticed. Does that mean anything? It just means that you did something lovely and another didn’t outwardly acknowledge it. It doesn’t change your love or care, even if no one saw it.

I’ve come to the conclusion that if I want to be appreciated for the hard work I’m doing, then I’m just as good a person to do the appreciation as someone else. I can do something nice for me, I can thank myself for a job well done, and I can be in charge of how I feel about the service and care I give. If no one notices, I do. And that way, I do what I do because I want to give, and not because I feel compelled (God loves a cheerful giver – 2 Cor 9:7). If someone else does something nice for me, it’s extra. But they don’t have to – I can love on me. Besides, who knows better what encouraging words I want to hear than I do? Who knows I want flowers today better than me? No, I don’t get this right all the time. I fall back into my old way of thinking regularly and have to remind myself that I have a new way of thinking. It takes practice. But those white roses on my bedside table are a nice reminder!

How about you? How are you kind to yourself? What’s the most recent beautiful thing you did for yourself? Please share in the comments below!

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The Misery We Make

I passed the Lifestyle Medicine board exam!

Whew! I wasn’t sure it was going to work out that way. When I walked out of that room, I felt less confident with every step. You know, I’ve taken lots of exams over the course of my career. Between the 22 years of school, MCAT and GRE, four years of residency, five medical board exams for my medical license and specialty, I know how to take some exams! So you’d think that after I spent the better part of 2019 preparing for this exam, I’d have felt pretty clear about whether or not I was going to pass. Well, I thought I did…

There was more to it though. Actually, I did a lot of studying. For those of you who follow me on Facebook, you saw the photo of my flashcards. I mean, I made flashcards! Lord knows I haven’t done that in forever. After the plant based conference, the many modules on nutrition and exercise and smoking cessation and stress management and more, all the evidence based studies, and a board review course, I figured I was ready.

The exam wasn’t really what I expected. I’d heard that lots of the medical studies were on the exam, so I knew those cold. I’d reviewed every test question online and on paper that I had and had consistently been scoring high. But the actual exam was different. You know that cold sweat that pops up when you start an exam and don’t know the answer to the first question? Yep, I had that. And even though I kept moving and got through all the questions in plenty of time, I still felt uncertain after question #150. But after reviewing the first 60 questions for the second time, I heard the lead proctor’s instructions in my head again, telling us to trust our first answers and not go back and change them. So I submitted the exam and packed up my computer. I figured I’d done my best, so that was it. That’s when the spiral began.

When I left the exam, I sat down to wait for my pediatrician colleague to finish the exam and drop me off at the airport. She came out ten minutes later and seemed to feel pretty confident. Of course, then I decided it must have been even worse than I thought. While I waited in the airport, I kept mulling over the questions that I hadn’t been sure of and wondering if I should have stayed longer and reviewed more of my answers. Then I decided that the exam review wasn’t very good if the questions on the exam were so different. I blamed the course for not preparing me well, and decided that if I failed (which by now I had decided was quite possible), then it was because of that course. Then I remembered that the last board exam I took was really hard and I had to retake it because I hadn’t prepared well enough was when I had little babies and was pregnant and sick for most of my study time. I now was working, have four kids, and am homeschooling them with a teacher to manage – what made me think I could devote the necessary time to studying for a medical board? If I failed, then what could I possibly have done differently? I can’t get rid of the kids and I’d already spent as much of my time and resources and I could to get ready this time. Was I going to try again in 2020 if I didn’t pass this time? What could I do differently anyway? And what about all that money I’d already spent? The more I thought about it, the worse I felt, and the more sure I was that I hadn’t passed. By the time I got home, all I wanted to do was lay on the couch and sulk.

Here’s the problem: I was preparing for the worst before it happened. Isn’t that normal? It’s a common tactic we use to steel ourselves for the pain we anticipate. I’ve been doing it for years. It seems like a good way to protect myself from the pain that I’ll feel when the hard thing happens. See if you recognize this logic: If I feel the pain of disappointment/sadness/fear now, then when it happens it won’t hurt as much. That makes sense, right? But here’s the problem: What if the hard thing doesn’t happen?

When we prepare for the worst, we’re living in one possible future. There are a few problems with that. One, that future may not happen. We actually don’t know. But while we prepare our minds for that future as if it’s real, we are actually living the pain of that future without even being there. Two, we’re not experiencing now if we’re focused on the hard thing that may be coming in the future. Yes, the hard thing might happen, but it’s not here now and we’ve lost the good time that we’re in currently if we are focused on the hard thing that might happen. I could have chosen to feel accomplished in completing the exam, in the year of work I’d done, in the space that I now had to do other things I’d been putting off. All those options were available to me, but I chose to fall into the well-worn pattern of worrying about the outcome of the exam and what I’d do if it was poor long before I knew what the result actually was. Three, if the future I’ve prepared for doesn’t happen, then I tortured myself with fear and anxiety for no reason. I lost the current moment that actually could have been good to keep myself sad so that the disappointment wouldn’t feel as heavy when it came. But it didn’t come.

The worst thing about this is that when we do this, we don’t experience the fullness of our emotions, the breadth of our human experience. That means that because we practice blunting our response to hard times so we save ourselves from some pain, we also don’t feel the fullness of the joy and beauty and excitement in our lives. When we practice the worst cast scenario in our minds over and over, then when a good thing is coming, we also prepare for the worst possible outcome for the good time. And the joy is also dampened. So we stay in a very narrow range of emotion to protect ourselves from the lows, but then we miss out on the highs.

The funny thing was that this was the first time I’ve done this to myself where I could see what I was doing. I’ve been practicing managing my thoughts enough that when I started down the spiral I could hear the little voice inside saying, “But you might pass! Even if you don’t, you can be happy now. You can decide what to do when you know. You don’t have to think this way.” I fought it. I didn’t really want to be miserable, but I was so averse to the pain of failure that I kept going in the thinking that was normal to me. I decided to be prepared for the worst, to steel myself against the pain.

But awareness is a practice. Even in the midst of my funk and darkness, I could see a little light. I knew there was a different way to think about this. I also know there will be more opportunities to practice – times when I’m afraid, when I may fail, when challenges arise. And next time, I want to revel in the now and live my life fully without blunting my emotions, even if some of them are painful. So, I keep practicing and managing my mind. Who knows who and what I’ll become as I grow and learn new ways to think?

Have you ever found yourself preparing for the worst and it didn’t happen? How do you keep yourself from spiraling into misery? Please share in the comments below!

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Mind Management, Top 15 Weight Loss Posts

When Things Suck

Well, it’s finished..

I took the exam yesterday morning. It was tough, and I’m not sure I passed. Which is really irritating because I spent eight months, four flights, countless hours of studying and thousands of dollars to pass this exam. Actually, irritating isn’t the right word. I’m not sure what is. But I know I didn’t walk out of that test feeling the way I expected I would, and the rest of the day went downhill from there.

When I left the exam, I went straight to the airport, hoping to get on an earlier flight so I could get home for Halloween preparations. If I landed by 3 pm, I’d probably get ahead of most of the horrific Atlanta traffic. But when I went up to the counter, the agent looked at my boarding pass with a sneer and said I had a restricted (read: cheap) ticket, and it couldn’t be changed. So I wandered away to wait for my flight. Still ok, because if my flight left on time I’d land just before 3 pm.

I hadn’t eaten breakfast because we sat for the exam at 730 am, so I figured I’d find something to take on the plane for lunch. After evaluating all the available options, all I found was a cup of strawberries at a coffee shop. I wasn’t shocked, but just a little disappointed that there were no meatless options to eat anywhere. I mean, I could have ordered a salad minus the meat, but I didn’t feel like paying that kind of money for a salad at the airport. Oh well, I figured I’d just wait until I got home for dinner.

Finally, we boarded my flight and I settled in for the quick trip. As soon as everyone was seated, we were notified that the flight would be delayed due to thunderstorms in Atlanta. We waited at the gate for more than an hour past our original departure time, so we landed in just enough time for me to join the worst of the Friday traffic.

No problem, because the app said I’d get home by six, so I’d miss the Halloween preparations but not the neighborhood party and trick or treating. I inched through traffic and called home on the way to find out the kids would be at the neighborhood clubhouse party when I got there. I pulled up, jumped out, and went looking for my munchkins. The clubhouse was melee with all the neighborhood families and I couldn’t find them anywhere. After fighting through the crowd of costumed children, I gave up and went back to the house.

That was the straw that broke me. After all those months of preparation and studying and sacrifice and money, to think I might have failed the exam and then miss Halloween despite doing everything I could to get back in time, I just gave up. Right then. I decided to forget dinner, skip Halloween, and lay on the couch and watch TV. I unpacked, took a shower, and laid on the couch until the kids came home. I didn’t give out candy, I didn’t put on my costume, I just sat and watched TV. At 930, I ate a couple of bites of cold leftover veggie burger from the frig and went to bed.

Now I know that was the wrong attitude. And I also know that I had the choice to manage my mind better and change how I was feeling about the whole situation. Some of the things that happened were just circumstances: The weather was what it was and the exam was scheduled the day it was scheduled. But most of what went wrong in the day was in my mind. When I left the exam, I didn’t know how it went. At that point, I could have chosen to remember that I do well on most multiple choice test, that I’ve never failed a written board exam, that I felt good about many of my answers, and until I was notified of the results there was no point in worrying. Or I could do what I did, which was focus on the feelings of uncertainty and fear and allow them to rule me. I focused on the possibility that I’d get the letter that I dread, the “We regret to inform you…” letter, and sink deep into the darkness that the feeling of dread inspired in me. I let my mind spiral out of control, and the familiar way of negativity and fear won out.

So what’s different today? I still don’t have any test results, but even if I had results in my hand that said I failed, what then? The same problem exists: What will I do with how I think about this? Will I let a failure take me out? Will I stop trying and let a test result be proof that I’m a failure? Or will I make a decision to move ahead because there are years of my work, evidence of my abilities, and plenty that I know deep inside that I have to offer? So I’m dumping my thoughts and feelings out so I can work on them to make them work for me, instead of against me. Letting them fester inside results in one of two outcomes: One, I feel worse inside until I’m convinced that I’m the most worthless person I know, and two, I take out my shame on someone nearby. So I get the thoughts out.

What does that look like? It looks like journaling. I also remind myself to take deep breaths, because I always feel better when I breathe. Yoga helps to keep my head and body connected instead of letting my mind run off. And I’ll remind myself of Hosea 12:6, “But you must return to your God; maintain love and justice, and wait for your God always”. And so I will wait.

How do you cope when things don’t work out? What tools do you use to reel your mind back in when it’s run away from you? Please share in the comments below!

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Help Getting It Done, Mind Management, Top 15 Weight Loss Posts

Trusting Your Mind

I’m 2 1/2 weeks away from my board exam in Orlando. Y’all, I got out the index cards last night to make some flash cards – I’m in full study mode now!

It’s so different going through exam prep with a job and family than it was when I was single. Part of the reason why I did my graduate degrees together was because I doubted that I’d ever go back to school. I still don’t think I’d do it full time – but even so, in the past few years I finished my holistic nutrition program certification, now I’m getting a second medical board certification, and I’m planning for another big educational move in 2020. Education never stops!

This brings me to what I want to talk about this week: Trusting Your Mind. I’ve been feeling pressed and busy, trying to get the normal life things done (shopping, cooking, picking up and laundry), while at the same time trying to study, get the kids ready for Halloween and make my plans for 2020. It’s keeping my mind in overdrive! That’s not really a great space to be in, at least not for me. When I’m juggling a lot, I can feel productive because I’m checking off a bunch of tasks, but my brain is racing around coming up with more to dos. The problem comes when I want to slow down and my mind won’t cooperate. I lay down to sleep, and my brain starts running through my to-do list. I get up to meditate and it’s hard to be still. I thought that maybe this was a good sign that I’m ramping up to meet the tasks ahead. It’s actually not. Let me tell you why.

When I get into hyper mode, trying to get a bunch of things done, what I feel is anxious. I worry that I’m going to miss something important or make a mistake that I can’t recover from. So I push harder, move faster, fill up the hours of the day tighter so that nothing bad will happen. The regular things I do to make space in my brain, like keeping a list of things to do or journaling all my thoughts are good things and are helpful in slowing the worry. But there’s another tool I’ve found that solves problems and makes space.

Give your mind work to do.

What? Wait – didn’t I just say that my mind is too busy and full and I need more space? Yes I did. Let me explain. Much of the time, the mind is constantly scanning for the errors and threats so that you find them and address them before they become a problem. When the mind finds these threats, it offers them up to you as thoughts you need to deal with. Most of the time, we accept these thoughts as fact, usually because we’ve thought them before and believe they’re true. For example, when you have an invitation to a potluck, your thought might be, “Great. Now I have to go shopping again and cook something and I already didn’t have time to do dinner for the rest of the week.” (I usually have this reaction to potlucks. I recognize this is a little negative.) And we accept that as fact – we didn’t have a plan for dinner this week and this is another thing to do, so that must mean this is a problem. But you don’t have to accept every thought your mind offers you. You could choose to think that you enjoy potlucks and that’s one dinner you don’t have to do all the cooking and clean up.

And there’s another option.

You can put your mind to work. Instead of letting your brain race around like an unsupervised two year old, you can give it tasks to accomplish. What if instead of accepting the thought that the potluck is another to-do that you don’t have time for, you asked your brain a question. How can I get this potluck dish done with what I have at home? How can I make an easy contribution to the potluck? You give your brain an assignment. You don’t start with the answer, because if you did, your brain has nothing to do. Your mind will offer up thoughts – that’s what it does. But you can help it be constructive by giving it things to work on. You will be amazed at how often it will find a solution that you like!

I’ve been practicing this recently. It can be a little tricky, because my tendency is to want the answer immediately. So if I don’t have an instant solution to a problem, I’m tempted to worry until I do. And my mind just races in circles reminding me that I have a problem, that I don’t have a solution, and terrible things are going to happen if I don’t fix it! But when I ask my mind to work on the problem by asking it to be constructive (usually a How question), it comes up with a solution, usually faster than I thought it would. Last night, my husband was talking about taking our youngest to the eye doctor for her appointment. When he mentioned that this was the longer appointment with the dilating eye drops and waiting for hours, I mentioned that she’d probably need a snack and an activity to be packed up (which I knew was something I’d need to do in the morning before she left). My brain immediately went, “What are you gonna pack? You were going to catch up on sleep from being on call, and now you have to get up early to pack her bag? Why does this always happen last minute?” I watched my brain start to spin out on me, and then I stepped in. Calmly, I asked my brain to think up a good snack idea for her, keeping in mind her allergies, and what we have in the house. I wrote it down and closed my eyes, figuring that by morning by brain would have a plan. In the next instant, my brain said, “There are some gluten and nut-free snacks you put in the bowl in the bottom of the pantry for these last-minute situations.” Oh yeah, I forgot about those. Thanks, brain – good job. Problem solved!

Your mind wants to be useful. It will offer up thoughts and ideas that are your most commonly practiced thoughts because that’s most efficient and easy. But you don’t have to accept them. You also can practice new ways to use your mind that are productive and keep it busy working instead of offering you worrying thoughts. The first step is to be aware of the thoughts you’re having and ask if they are helpful. If not, you might want to practice thinking in ways that do serve you. We’ll have to go into that in another post! The second step is to give your mind assignments instead of letting it worry. Write your lists, journal your worries, pray more than anything. But don’t let your mind race around unsupervised – put it to work! It’ll come through for you!

Do you find yourself overwhelmed by your anxious thoughts? Try giving your mind problems to solve and share what you experience in the comments below!

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Inspirations, Mind Management, Top 15 Weight Loss Posts

What Are You Thinking?

Today, I just needed a nap.

It’s been a whirlwind week. I went to Asheville with my daughter to a church women’s retreat. It was her first retreat and we enjoyed the mountains, catching up with old friends and meeting new ones, and just spending time together. It was such a good experience with my big girl, I came back and called my own mom.

But when you travel all weekend and hit the ground running at work first thing Monday morning, it can feel like you never stopped moving! And that’s how the week has been – nonstop, busy, lots of activity, and very little down time. So when I planned my day off, a nap was definitely on the list!

The funny thing is that I’m not so sure that all the busyness is really the source of my fatigue. Even though I’ve been running, I’ve been sleeping well, getting some yoga in most days, and I’ve been loving all the patients I’ve seen in the office. It’s been a good week. More than the activity, my brain is tired. Why? Let me catch you up…

Lately I’ve been following a couple of coaching podcasts, studying and learning from a couple of master coaches who teach a lot about mind management. Ideally, when you listen to a podcast on a coaching topic, you spend some time practicing the concepts before moving on to the next one. But since I was excited about the concepts and was in the car for about 7 hours altogether, I sort of binge listened. The only thing that saved my brain from complete meltdown was that many of the concepts aren’t new to me and I was already practicing some of them. Still, it was a lot.

There was one concept that I learned that changed the tone of my week. I’ve had heavy and busy weeks just like this in the past and just barely dragged myself through to the end. This concept made all the difference, and while it builds on other concepts, I’m going to share the idea with you so that you can try it out for yourself.

Here’s the basic framework from Brooke Castillo at the Life Coach School: All the results in your life start far earlier than when you do the thing that gets the results. Actually, everything that happens in your life stems from the thoughts you have about the circumstances you face. Circumstances are the neutral facts in your life – they are not going to change depending on who is looking at them. Circumstances are not, “My husband is so thoughtless because he didn’t make his side of the bed this morning.” The circumstances are that he didn’t make his side of the bed this morning. Your thought about it is that he’s thoughtless. The next part of the thought model is the feelings that come from the thought you had. How does the thought that your husband is thoughtless make you feel? Then based on that feeling, you will take some sort of action – complaining, yelling, criticizing, sulking, ignoring, being resentful, or whatever you choose. The result you get will come from the action you take. But really, the result you get originated from the thought you had about your circumstance.

Here comes the concept that helped me. When I was listening to Brooke run though one of the thought model examples on the podcast, she asked one simple question: How do you want to feel? That one question stopped me in my tracks. So often, I’m hurt or angry or disappointed or aggravated or frustrated and I think that it’s because of what’s happening – the circumstances. So I feel what I do because of what’s happening to me, which I have no control over. Then I feel powerless and subject to the situation. The truth is that I feel what I do because of how I think about the circumstances. Now, I can hear you arguing with that idea, “No, sometimes he does stuff that really is inconsiderate or thoughtless. That’s just fact!” But is it? If any other person on the planet wouldn’t think that way, it’s not fact. What if you were the kind of wife who didn’t care if the bed was made up in the morning? It’s all how you think about it.

Nah, I don’t like it...

That’s really good news, because now you are in control of how you feel about your circumstances. Now don’t get me wrong, you may not like the circumstances. You can always express what you think and make requests of anyone. What they do about it isn’t for you to control. Where you do have control is over what thoughts you choose to entertain. That’s where the power lies. When I realized that if I didn’t like feeling angry and irritated, and that I could go back to how I was thinking about them and change my thoughts, that was the magic. I didn’t have to be annoyed by the errors in my schedule at work. I didn’t have to be irritated that the dishes were left in the sink again. If I wanted to feel peaceful, I could choose to think that my day was going to go smoothly, that I enjoy my patients and my nurses, that I have a good job and I’m honored that people choose to come see me year after year. I can choose to believe that the dishes are in the sink because I’m not the only one who’s busy, and I rather not get upset and make it a big deal because I feel better when I don’t.

What am I making this mean?

Now don’t get me wrong: This isn’t a matter of thinking yourself into sunshine and rainbows. I’m not asking you to manufacture thoughts you don’t really believe, because that’s not going to work. Your brain will make sure you don’t hold on to those thoughts. But if you feel a way that you’d rather not, you can ask yourself how you’d like to feel and see if you can capture the thought that led you to the feeling you’re having. Then ask yourself if there’s a different but believable way you could think about the circumstances. You’ll be surprised at how you can change how you’re feeling even when the only thing that you change is your thinking. It sure did change my week!

Did you know that your feelings come from your thoughts? Try asking yourself how you want to feel when you meet circumstances in your week and see what happens. Tell me about what you learn in the comments below!

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Inspirations, Top 15 Weight Loss Posts

Self Care

Welcome back! I’m glad to be here, sharing with you. It’s been a busy two weeks! Last week we took our four kids to Disney World for the first time and it was great. It was all the things people say it is – exhausting, expensive, fun, exciting, and lots of walking. But now we’re back to the real world and it’s been a very crazy work week on top of the exhaustion. So, I think it’s a perfect time to talk about self care.

Self care isn’t something many of us prioritize. It seems more important to take care of the spouse and kids and parents and friends and work emergencies and cooking and cleaning and organizing and pay bills and plan ahead and – need I go on? There’s always something screaming for attention, but taking care of ourselves often takes a back seat. The voice inside us that tells us we need some TLC is quiet. That is, until you ignore it long enough and illness or injury occur. Then you are forced to slow down and take care. I don’t like using self care for emergencies only, because to me that seems like treating illness with a medicine instead of preventative care. All drivers know that if you don’t maintain your car, it will eventually break down and cost more to repair than if you had gotten the oil changed on schedule. We need maintenance too!

When we were in Orlando, we went to the parks for a few days and had a couple of days where we “relaxed” by going to the movies and lunch and made dinners and played at the pool. We had some family who drive to Orlando to visit with us and the kids and some friends from out of town came by. It was nonstop! So the last day I went out to get a mani-pedi while everyone else watched a movie. The nail spa was new and clean and quiet. It was in a new development and they had only one other customer. So I sat in the massage chair and had my hands and feet pampered for an hour. When they finished, I smelled sweet from the lotion and relaxed from the massage and attention. It was bliss!

My manicure

You know what? That’s what I needed. It wasn’t a long time in the week long schedule and I spent most of the week taking care of the kids. But that little break was so good for me. Here’s what I’m finding out; the more busy and stressful things are, the more I need to get in a mini break somewhere. It keeps me from breaking down too often!

I know, I know. Who has time for that? Well, let me share some of the ways I get in my little breaks, even if I can’t take a big chunk of time for pampering. Before I share that list though, take a moment to make your own list of what makes you feel cared for. Is it time alone to read? Spa days? Pedicures? Jogging in the park? Restoration is different depending on the individual, so knowing what fills you up is important before you choose how to spend the little time you have on an activity that you might not find helpful. So here’s my short list:

Bubble bath – you gotta get clean, right? And sometimes you can lock the door and keep the kids out!
Massage – short foot rubs from my husband, long ones at the spa, hand massage at the nail shop – whatever!
Deep breathing. I feel better if I sit with my eyes closed and breathe slow and deep, even for two minutes.
Reading a book, just for fun. I love snuggling in a blanket and escaping into a story.
Restorative yoga. No sweating or tough poses, just slow and resting postures.

Just hanging out…

Whatever you choose to do, make sure you do it. Your list may be totally different from mine, but it’s important to choose something for yourself. Many of us have bought into the lie that everyone else’s needs come first. And when you have things that are urgently calling you, it can be hard not to feel selfish if you do something for yourself. But here’s something I had to start asking myself: If my daughters are looking at my life, would they want to live their life the way I’m living mine? Even better, would I want them to be living like me and putting themselves last, as if they don’t matter? Of course not! So, why do I do that to myself? We all have to come to the realization that we matter too. Then we care for ourselves with everyone else! Phillipians 2:5 says it best: “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others”. So yes, take care of those in your life, but care for you too!

My mini retreat spot

How do you practice your self care? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!

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Help Getting It Done, Mind Management, Top 15 Weight Loss Posts

Learning to Juggle

Actually, I have never learned to juggle. At least not in the fun way with balls, pins, or torches on fire. Nope, never practiced that one. Life can feel like one big juggling act sometimes though, right? It seems like we manage multiple things at work, home, and family as a routine and the small and great unexpected things on top. I often get asked, “How do you do it all?!” Usually, I’m a little stumped by the question and say something like, “I don’t know – I just run around in circles all day!” But that’s not actually true, so I’ve been giving it some more thought. This post is going to be about what I’ve come up with as an answer to the question of how I do it all…

So first, what do I do? I’m married and I have four children from ages 3 to 9 and we homeschool. I work as an obstetrician/gynecologist, take call, do surgery, and manage our group practice. Currently, I do school online with the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and read 48 scholarly articles a year for my continuing medical education. I cook because we don’t eat out a lot. My kiddos do ballet and tae kwan do. Of course, I’m writing this blog each week and I’ve started playing my violin at church when asked. My husband and I help with other families at church. I read my bible daily, pray, meditate and do some kind of exercise. There’s probably something I’m forgetting too. When is all this supposed to get done? I’m tired just writing this…

Let me make a disclaimer: I do not think I’m doing something exceptional. Everyone is busy, not just me. But there are so many times that I hear women talk about how tired they are, how depleted and run down, stressed, anxious and depressed. And for sure, it’s tempting to feel all of this myself. But maybe it doesn’t have to be this way…

How can we do all the things we need to do and not lose our minds doing them? There are a few things I’ve found to work for me. Hang in there if you’ve heard some of these before…

Stop Moving

Everyday, there’s so much to do that it can seem like if we stop moving, something isn’t going to get done. So I will go from one thing to another in rapid sequence, all day long, and then feel like a wrung out rag at the end of the day. I came home the other day, running upstairs to take a shower before dinner, and just laid down in the floor of the closet to stop for a moment. I just stared at the ceiling and took a few breaths. It felt wrong, like I was goofing off in some way. But it felt good, like things slowed down for a minute. Laying there for two minutes, max (before someone came looking for me!) was helpful. It didn’t derail my schedule – actually, it helped me to figure out my next steps and get centered before jumping in with the kids. Ever feel like snapping at anyone who approaches, because it feels like they just want a piece of you and you don’t want them to take it? I hate it when I do that, especially when it’s one (or all of) my kids. Stopping for a minute helps me slow down enough NOT to do that.

Breathe

I know I’ve said it before, but I have to remind myself, so I’m reminding you. We just do not take deep breaths very often. Most of the time, we are busy, stressed and breathing very shallow, just at the top of our lungs. Stop for a moment, wherever you are and breathe in for three, pause for three, and exhale for five. Do this three times. Clear out that stale air and energy and get a quick reset for your brain. It helps!

Make a list

I don’t know about you, but the more I have to do, the more can get forgotten. I keep a list going ALL THE TIME. Trusting my brain to remember what needs to be done is absolutely a recipe for disaster. One thing that often happens if I don’t write things down, is I wake up in a panic at 4 am either thinking about what I missed, or obsessing over what I still have to do. But I can’t go back to sleep, because I might forget by the time I wake up! Maybe it’s just me…

In any case, I write a list and cross things off and rewrite the list, and on and on. I also have sticky notes everywhere. I put a sticky on my phone, on my dashboard, on my book. I kid that I could run the world if given enough sticky notes! Really though, I operate on an out-of-sight, out-of-mind principle: If it’s not in my face, I will probably forget to do it. But if I can’t miss it, I’ll take care of it.

Prioritize

Let’s face it – we just have too much to do! Maybe it’s because we over-commit, maybe because we have multiple kids and multiple activities, maybe we have a extremely demanding job, and maybe we don’t have much help. There’s only one thing to do: look at all the things you have to manage and find something that can go. What if even though you want your kids to play tennis and soccer and basketball, the schedule of games and practices are killing your family life and leaving you drained? You might consider limiting your kids to one activity per semester and take the summers off. What if you didn’t check work email after you left the office? What if you said no to being on multiple committees at work, church, or your kids’ school? What if you let someone else help you instead of turning down their help? The alternative is you being overextended, frustrated, and exhausted. What good is that for you or anyone who depends on you?

Accept help

I need to dispel a myth: Superwoman is not real – she is a comic book character. We walk around thinking that we have to take care of everything ourselves without help. If we have help, we are somehow weak, undisciplined, lacking character. That’s garbage! As our communities spread out and our lives are more insulated from each other, we have less support than ever. We don’t have family nearby, we don’t have relationships with our neighbors, and our friends are spread out everywhere. In the past, our lives used to be very integrated, so we could get help from our mom who lived with us or nearby, or our neighbor would watch the kids while we ran out to the store for a moment. That’s less true these days. Our families live in Boston, Los Angeles, and St Petersburg, FL, so it’s hard for them to help except when they are visiting. Personally, I find it hard to ask someone to do something for me, especially if I could make it happen. But making myself a pretzel because of my pride just hurts me! So we hire help for some things, like house cleaning and childcare. My friends offer to help when I’m vulnerable enough to share what I need. I strongly recommend that you try this, because people who love you want to help! When someone offers to help, try this: say YES. They feel good that they helped you, and you feel good because you got help and know you are loved.

Get a good hug

This one is easy! If you want to get a good hug, you give one. We often give these quick little hugs and keep it moving, but when’s the last time you held someone you loved for more than a second? As a society we are touch starved. We can go a long time without really touching or being touched in a loving way. This isn’t about sex – this isn’t about that at all. That’s a different need to meet. This is about getting filled up in your soul by holding someone you care about and being held back. Try it – wrap your arms around someone you love, squeeze and hold for three breaths. You’ll find that they may be a little surprised and try to pull away right away like normal. When you don’t let go, they lean in and hold you back. There, now don’t you feel better?

Sleep

Well, this is one of the harder ones to practice well. Most of us stay up later than we should and get up early to get our day started. Here’s the problem; not getting enough sleep is linked to excess weight, increased stress and early death. Sleep needs to be a priority! Sleep is restorative – our brains and bodies are repaired and refurbished while we are asleep. Sleep washes the waste products out of your brain: if you don’t get enough, you wake up with brain fog. It’s kind of like taking your car to a carwash – you can choose a quick drive-though version, or get a deluxe wash with hand drying and a wax. It takes a little longer, but your car is in much better shape with the better wash. Most adults need at least 7 hours of sleep a night. How’re you doing with this?

Sometimes our nighttime activities sabotage our sleep too. Watching TV late at night is not only a massive time sink, but the blue light waves from TV, smart phones and computer screens impair melatonin release from your pineal gland, a brain hormone that helps you go to sleep. To keep your melatonin release normal, you should stop using screens at least 2 hours prior to bedtime, and at least get a blue light filter or blocker for the device.

Do something for you

Yes, I’m serious. I can hear you laughing at me now: “With all I have to do and all I’m trying to figure out how to get done, she thinks I have the time to do one more thing for me? Yeah, right!” Ok, but hear me out. We each give out of what we have to give. Think of yourself as your pantry. If you feed your family and friends out of your pantry, but don’t refill it, eventually you will run out of food, right? If someone comes over and all you have in the pantry are some stale crackers, you can give that, but you can set out a spread from a full pantry. We are the same. You can give while you’re running on fumes, but if you give yourself some love and TLC, you will have more and better to give to those who need you. Here’s the key: you matter too. You are worth love and care too. Whatever you do, it doesn’t have to be huge, but it should happen regularly. So take fifteen minutes and read a book. Take a hot bath instead of a shower. Sit in front of the fire or on the deck and space out for ten minutes. Get a pedicure or a massage. Go on that girl’s weekend you’ve been talking about for years! But even more than the big things that take time out of your schedule, make sure you carve out small, regular blocks of time that are about you. You need it!

Don’t waste time – unless it’s on purpose

We have jam-packed days and it can seem like we are always doing something productive. But in truth, we can steal time away from ourselves doing activities that take us away from what’s really important. Case in point: How often have you sat down to watch an episode of your favorite show and gotten up after a mini marathon, realizing that you just lost two hours and it’s past your bedtime? What about looking up a quick notification on Facebook and you get caught up in your feed for 30 minutes? It’s fine to veg out and watch TV, do social media, or surf the web for fun, but it’s best if we plan for our recreation instead of letting these things distract us from our intentions. Our time is a commodity, just like our money. Twenty-four hours is what we get to spend each day, not more, so budgeting time is critical. We are the only ones who suffer when we waste our time. So do the fun things you want to do, but plan for them. Don’t let them hijack your schedule!

How do you juggle all the things in your life? Share your tips for managing your time in the comments section below!

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