Category Archives: Mind Management

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions.

I can’t remember a time when I have. And every year I feel vaguely guilty, like it’s something I should do. Then I don’t do it. The argument goes something like this:

“What’s the point of a New Year’s resolution anyway? People make them all the time and break them before the end of January. Besides, I am working on so many things right now that it isn’t likely I’m going to make some huge change just because it’s the first of the year. What difference does a calendar date make? If I want to change something, I’m going to do it, and it doesn’t matter that it’s the middle of the year when I know I need to make the change. January 1 is just an arbitrary place to decide to make some big ol’ change anyway. So there!” (Tongue out).

(Yes, I told her to make this face…)

Ok, so maybe that was too much. You’d think I didn’t care about the coming of the new year. But actually, I do! I love the fresh hope of a new year, the anticipation of what could happen, the nostalgia of looking back and taking a moment to appreciate the growth and accomplishment of the previous twelve months. Sometimes, it feels good to let a challenging year go and move on to a new one!  And to be fair, my argument (with myself) is an accurate one. I don’t wait until a Monday or the end of the holidays to start a new eating plan (remember my post on quitting sugar?). If I need to make a change, once I get it set in my head, it is going to happen. Whenever. But that fresh, new year? It is exciting and invigorating and new (hence the name).  It deserves recognition, acknowledgement, commemoration!

But not a resolution, not for me. What is a resolution? Resolution is defined as “a firm decision to do (or not to do) something”. It’s great if you want to make resolutions (I’m not against them), but I make firm decisions all the time (drives my husband crazy, since my firm decision may not actually be the right one for everyone, even if it might be for me. Then I have to change it.) So January 1 makes no difference in my “firm decision” making practice. But I also want to move into the fresh newness of the year with power and intention. So I do something a little different for the New Year. I set a theme for the year, a guiding light to follow throughout the upcoming year. “The Year Of ___” or something like that. Want me to explain a little more? Ok, this is what I do:

Meditate

I sit and wait. And wait. God always shows up. When I do this, I find out what my next move is. And I don’t want to be making moves unless they are the ones He wants. When I make the moves on my own (which unfortunately, I’m naturally quick to do), things don’t go as well. This year, what God wants me to do is very clear. This is the year to Listen. That word came up over and over in my meditation. I have to slow down, even as things move faster and listen. Whatever is coming this year, I will need most of all to listen for the guidance I need to know how to do what I’m asked to do. Something I am to do is coming this year, and I have to listen to be ready for it. So I will Listen.

Choose a Theme Scripture

Now this one, I haven’t done yet. No biggie, because I don’t actually choose the scripture. He gives it to me. Last year, it was Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” That was a mind altering one! It turned out to be an expansive year and I learned a lot about how I think, and how and what needed to change about my thinking. My 2018 scripture is coming…

That’s it! Sounds easy, right? No, it’s not, but that’s ok. My father used to tell me that anything worth having is worth working for. So even though sitting and meditating and finding a theme scripture might seem quick and straightforward, it actually requires some effort. Letting God lead you to find out your theme for the year requires you to empty yourself and your plans and be open to his. That’s why “Listen” is a challenge for me. Listen for what, when, how? And do what? I have to wait, which is hard for me. That’s pretty much how I know it’s not my idea, because I’d never choose this one for myself! Maybe for my kids… And the scripture? Well, anyone can choose a scripture for themselves. You can word search an electronic bible or pick an old favorite. But letting yourself be open to instructions in the scripture that will direct you in the way you should go, even if you wouldn’t choose it? Much harder. But definitely worth it!

Here’s to a powerful and intentional New Year! I pray that each of us finds the path that God has intended for us to find this year and in the years to come!

How do you start out your New Year? What traditions or rituals did you observe to bring in 2018? Please share in the comments below!

Welcome back! Last week, I was writing about all the chaos that happened in the past week (car breaking down, last minute child care shuffle and more. If you want to read that post you can find it here. Anyway, now that we’re gearing up for Christmas, I thought that maybe we’d start that slow slide into the holiday and family time. Maybe not less busy than juggling work and home, but different. And there’d be (maybe) a little more sleep!

Not happening. Now, my phone is dying. Not quite dead yet, but it’s in its final hours. I keep getting a flashing screen and then a white screen, and even though I can see that the apps are behind it, I can’t get to them. So, no phone, no texts, no email, no online shopping (which is how I save myself unnecessary trips to the store). It’s funny, how quickly a device that used to be a novelty and a convenience has now become an essential. It’s like losing your credit card or wallet! It’s all good though, my new phone should arrive in less than six hours…

The white screen of death…

In addition to the phone, Auntie A (my kids’ homeschool teacher) got stuck out of town when Hartsfield-Jackson airport shut down from a major power outage. So I had a panic moment, thinking we’d have no child care or school on Monday morning.  But she flew into a different airport and drove the rest of the way home (poor thing!). She’s a keeper! Then her phone died and she had to spend about four days getting it replaced. Then the packages started arriving this week. Box after box of gifts – some things I ordered, some I didn’t. At first it was kind of exciting. Look at all these potential presents for Christmas! Then I realized that I’d probably be wrapping all of these presents for somebody. That wasn’t as much fun of an idea. And yesterday, my parents arrived. Now, that’s a very good thing! But with all the shuffle I hadn’t gotten any meal planning done for all of us, so I was scrambling a little trying to get dinner together.  Of course, I also hadn’t gotten to the guest room yet, so I was running around to Walmart at the last minute to exchange the mattress pad for the right size and make the bed up so my folks could rest after traveling all day. And to finish the day, we hosted our small group from church for a short lesson and time together. It was fun, but I had to rush to bed so I could get up the next morning at 5 am for work.

A few of the packages to unwrap and rewrap…

That’s not what I was planning to write about this week though. I want to talk about finding peace in this holiday time. It seems like even though this is supposed to be such a joyful and celebratory time of year, all the running and shopping and wrapping and cooking and hosting and planning leads me toward feeling overwhelmed and too busy to enjoy it. I know not everyone is like this. I admire people who have fun while running from party to party and activity to activity. I’d really just like to snuggle up in my pajamas and sit in front of the fire! It’s not a good feeling to head back to work after a break, feeling like there’s been no break. But even if I make things as simple as I possibly can, there’s still lots to do and people to care for. So, what do I do?

I’m taking a different approach this year. It’s subtle, but it’s helping me make a shift in my thinking. My tendency is to think, “Oh wow. Look at all these packages to wrap! I’m going to be up half the night wrapping all this stuff!” Or, I can choose to think how wonderful it is that there are so many people who love and remember my kids at this time of year. I also get a little flustered with all the commotion of the kids and grandparents and music and noise and TVs and complete lack of organization and schedule.  But, I choose to remember the days when I begged God for these babies. I also remind myself that these days when I have both my parents and my kids at this phase of life are limited, and I’m grateful to be living them now. How am I making this mental adjustment? What’s helping? Here’s what I’m doing…

The Grateful List

Yes, I’m back to writing the grateful list again. It seems like it should be enough to just pay attention or “count your blessings”, but the act of writing down several things a day helps nail down those good and beautiful things that I need to notice. I’m carrying my notebook around and taking a few minutes to write a few things down.

Daily Meditation

It’s funny. Whenever I mention to someone that they should think about starting a meditation or mindfulness practice, they get the same look on their face. It’s like I just asked them to consider climbing Mount Everest! I think after I say “meditation”, they miss the word “practice”. It’s the most important part though. Meditation helps me to slow down, find a direction, and hear what God is asking me to do. But checking in once a week or every few days doesn’t give you the chance to develop your “meditation” muscles! Actually, taking 5 minutes every day is better than 40 minutes twice a week. Practicing every day helps you grow stronger every time you do it. So, even though I’d like to plan to sleep in this week, I’m getting up early to meditate.

Wearing A Tattoo

I can see your eyes getting big now! (Does she really think I’m going to go get a tattoo to help with holiday stress?) Nope. Here’s the story. A few months ago, I was searching for some temporary tattoos because the kids wanted some (butterflies or cupcakes or something) and I couldn’t  find any at the dollar store. I found this site called Conscious Ink that makes high quality temporary intention tattoos and I was hooked. There’s no way I would do a permanent tattoo, because I’d change my mind and want something different later. But these intention tattoos are wonderful, because depending on what I need to focus my mind on, I can change it. The one I’ve been wearing the most recently is “Remember Who You Really Are”. It’s really helped me to focus on living as my best and highest self. The one I’ve chosen for this week is “Be Here Now”. That one helps me slow down and experience the moment as it happens (kind of like the grateful list!). Now, you don’t need a temporary tattoo as a reminder to live an intention! I’m a word girl, so I like the words on my skin as my reminder. But you could wear a color that calms you, or a special piece of jewelry that reminds you to be grateful, or tie a string bracelet on your wrist that will remind you of your intention when you see it. Whatever works!

These few things are simple (because who has time for complicated right now?). But they are helping make a little more space in my mind and heart, which is giving me peace this season. That space, that peace, is so that I can remember what this holiday is all about.  What about you? How do you make space for the peace you need this season? Please share in the comments below!

Hello. My name is Andrea and I’m a perfectionist. (Group says, “Hi Andrea!”)

Yep, it’s something bordering on a disease. Actually, it’s a form of self flagellation, of self torture. I’m not proud of it. The best image I have of perfectionism is a weed. If you don’t get it early, and get it by the root, there’s going to be a lot of work involved to get it out. Unfortunately, it’s taken me a long time to become aware of my perfectionist tendency. So digging it out has been back breaking, painstaking work. It’s everywhere – in my home, at work, in my kids, in my marriage. And I’m nowhere near done digging it out!

My weeding tools…

Let me give you a few examples of the perfectionist voice in my head. I can be flying through my day, knocking out task after task, taking care of business. I’m running as hard as I can, and I’m generally doing a pretty good job at what I’m working on. And then I’ll hear that little voice that says, “You haven’t gotten hardly anything done on that list of yours. If you’d exercise a little more self discipline and focus, you could actually get done with something.” Fail #1.

Here’s another. It’s after dinner and everyone is fed, the kids and their dad are sitting around the fire reading a book and I keep popping out of my seat to put away something, or I’m cleaning up the kitchen because it certainly can’t wait until later, or I’m “multitasking” (terrible word – there’s really no such thing!) by doing some computer work so I can be “productive” while we’re entertaining the kids. That little voice says, “You don’t have time for a break. You have no business sitting around on your lazy butt reading stories. When else are you going to do what needs to be done?”. Fail #2.

Last one (I could keep going, but I don’t want to demoralize anyone). I’m sitting in the new sunroom with the windows open on a beautiful sunny day. I’m supposed to be meditating and connecting with God, but instead I’m seeing the junky mess the kids made in the backyard and hearing that voice again. “Your neighbors must be so annoyed living next to you. Your yard looks like a dump! If you were training your children better, your home and yard wouldn’t be such a wreck. You really are a failure as a mom and a wife. You can’t even keep this place in order.” Fail #3.

What brought all this up? I had a moment earlier this week with a friend at our homeschool community that stuck with me. She is the biggest hearted, most fun, vulnerable and wonderful mom, and she’s been a huge reason why I haven’t chucked this whole homeschool plan out the window. She’s one of those people who make you believe you can do something, you know? And she’s honest about the things she’s working on and needs help with too. So, it’s lunch time and her husband brought lunch for them and the kids from a fast food place. We’re chatting when he hands her the french fries, so I asked for a few. After I took them, I said something about how I hadn’t had those specific kind of fries in forever, and she said, “I know. And I think I love you even more now for eating them!”

Her comment kind of rocked me back for a minute. But I got it. Something about me and the way I present myself to the world makes me seem bulletproof, like I don’t struggle or fall short. The way I look on the outside, the way I’m perceived is so different from what’s on the inside. It must be like looking at someone’s life on social media – always smiling, only the good stuff please. It’s just not real. And I’ve never wanted to be fake. I doubt that any of us do. But we learn to smile and put on a good face, say we’re fine when we’re not, and act like we’ve got our life juggling act down, even when we’re crumbling inside. I’m not saying we should walk around in the dumps and complain. But we can share what’s hard and what we need to to grow in our lives. We can become vulnerable with each other. We could grow together, form our tribe, support each other, hold each other up and remind each other what good we see in the other.

At first I started writing this post so that I could share about this hateful problem of perfectionism. But I think most of us know that the goal of perfection is impossible. But now I realize that the purpose of writing today is to remind me (and you), that we all are growing toward our better selves, from wherever we are. There are some things that I do well, and I want to help other women do those things well without having to start from the very beginning. Helping women find their way to their best self gives me purpose and joy, so I’m going to keep doing it. But at the same time, I have to keep growing and becoming my best possible self in the process, knowing that I am not becoming perfect. And perfect is NOT the goal! I’ve started reminding my kids when I correct them that I’m looking for them to practice, not to be perfect. If they are make a mistake and do something wrong, then it’s an opportunity for them to practice doing it well. It’s something I’m learning too. We all can use less criticism and more grace, because we are going to be called to practice again and again.  I am my hardest critic – so I’m practicing into being gracious with me.  I hope you’ll practice being gentle and gracious with yourself too!

Are you a perfectionist? How do you practice grace with yourself? What keeps you from being vulnerable with others? Please share in the comments below!

Welcome! It’s good to have you here. It’s such a busy season, moving into the holidays. It’s such a hectic time with all the planning and shopping and Christmas pictures. Personally, I like a nice gift as much as anyone, but honestly, I just don’t really need anything. The rampant commercialism irritates me too. My kids asked me today about Black Friday, so I spent some time explaining what being “in the black” means. I also went on a mini-rant about materialism and talked with them about why I generally avoid the stores on Black Friday. I just can’t fight crowds to buy things! And Black Friday sales get earlier every year. I mean, really, are the margins in the stores truly so razor thin that they must be open on Thanksgiving? What about their employees and their holiday? We can’t have one day a year to reflect and be thankful before we storm the stores for more stuff? Ok, I’m getting down off my soapbox now…

This is the thing – Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  I love the family and tradition, the food and hanging out with people. Most of my life, Thanksgiving meant going to my grandmother’s house and meeting up with my family. We ate and watched football and didn’t do much of anything, but it was always a great time. Since that era of Thanksgiving at Grandma’s has ended, we’ve been trying to establish our own family Thanksgiving tradition. It’s been tough to do, with me working on a lot of Thanksgivings over the past decade. Still, I’m sentimental about this holiday. It bothers me every year that the Christmas decorations go out around Halloween, like Thanksgiving doesn’t matter. I know, it’s not a money maker (except for the turkey farmers), but I like my holidays one at a time, thank you. I want to get through one before I have to start working at another! This year I’m off for Thanksgiving (yay!) and I’m cooking for our family. I ordered a heritage turkey (an endangered breed – not one you can buy in a store) and I can’t wait to see how it comes out. I roast my turkey the way Alton Brown on Food Network recommends (but I make a compound butter with fresh sage and rosemary to rub all over the bird and under the skin) and it is delicious!

The past few weeks have been a challenge for me, planning holiday meals, birthdays, Christmas gifts and of course, working. It’s also review season at work, so I’m giving reviews to the members of my team. I feel like I’ve been running at top speed and have gotten out of balance. When I feel like that, it’s a signal that I need to get back to basics.

So I went back to doing my grateful list daily. This week, I want to share the things I’ve been thankful for. It’s a reminder to me of all the good in my life, even when things seem off or hard. I hope it will also inspire you today while we enjoy this day of thanks! Here goes…

1. Qi gong exercises in the sunroom with Perry

2. Heat blistered asian string beans

3. Frying sage in butter

Smells heavenly!

4. Being in my quiet house, alone and peaceful

5. Glowing pink salt lamps

6. Yoga in front of the warm fire

7. Steaming rug of rooibos tea

8. The scent of freshly baked dinner rolls for Thanksgiving

9. Bright green soft ripe avocado

10. My children growing friendships

11. My huge cooking bowl

12. The sound of little one giggling as I help her knead the bread dough

13. A bright sunshiny day for my Thanksgiving morning walk

14. Steel cut oats percolating in my pressure cooker before we wake up

It really is a beautiful life. As I take some time to remember all the good in my life, I hope you have a chance to give thanks too, for the good things that you get to experience, no matter what challenges and hardships come our way. There is always, always something to be thankful for, if we will just find it.  Happy Thanksgiving!

How are you celebrating on this day of thanks? What are you grateful for? Please share in the comments below!

I had a fight with my husband this week.

Big deal, right? Everyone has arguments with their spouse from time to time, right? Well, yes. Anytime you put two very different people together, have them live in the same house, pool their resources, and take on huge joint projects together, like say, raising children, naturally there are going to be some conflicts. But this one happened on the heels of our 14th anniversary. But even that wasn’t all that remarkable. After knowing each other for more than 20 years, we are both aware of the pattern of conflict and friction coming around almost every major (or minor!) event. Seems like something conspires to ruin what should be a happy time. Ever have that happen in your relationships?

Let me tell you about it. There was a father-son retreat at the camp this past weekend and he and my son were going, leaving me at home with the three girls. In a last minute turn of events, his father flew in from LA to go with them to the retreat. My big girl had a middle school get together on Saturday morning before her ballet class, and my middle girl got a stomach bug and was throwing up on Thursday. I decided against going to an in town medical conference to stay home with the girls. I hoped we’d have a nice relaxing girls weekend after we finished the hustle of Saturday morning, complete with lounging in pajamas, baking, nail painting and henna designs. I had Friday off, so there was plenty of time to rest, right?

Friday morning came and the guys weren’t finished packing. The original plan was for the guys to leave before dinner to get to camp, so I hadn’t made dinner plans. Then I realized I had no groceries or plans for dinner on Sunday night, which I mentioned to my husband and father-in law. I baked the muffins for the middle school breakfast and then set off with my husband to find sheets and blankets for the guys to take to the camp. Because it was my day off, I’d scheduled a pottery class and paid a deposit, so I didn’t want to miss it, so my husband and I hustled through helping get things packed and I went off to the class. Once I got back, I helped with the last minute shuffle and got them out the door.

I spent the weekend nursing the middle girl back to health, running late while getting the oldest to her event and ballet, feeding everyone and trying to keep the junk and chaos in the house to a minimum. In a moment, it was Sunday afternoon and the guys were on their way back. I needed to go back to the pottery studio to finish up some touches on my creation and the baby was asleep, so I asked when they’d be back so I could go. He was happy to be coming home and was fine with me heading out, but when I mentioned that I had no dinner plan and wouldn’t be back in time to cook, the question came: What are we going to do for dinner?

So here’s where the conflict came. And let me start by saying that I DID NOT handle this well. I was tired, fed up with being the only one responsible for feeding everyone, and I felt like I had asked for help with the Sunday dinner plan on Friday. Besides, the guys have been out retreating and having fun all weekend, so I decided I was justified when I told him that they’d have to Figure. It. Out. I was spectacularly unhelpful. And yes, that was wrong.

Here’s the thing. The longer I’m married and the older I get, I’m noticing that often there are patterns and recurrent arguments that happen. And as time goes by, I’m getting less tolerant of it, especially my parts. It’s not because I don’t want to put in the effort to make things better and undo dysfunctional patterns – I do!  But I have come to a place where I realize that I don’t have unlimited time to waste on being upset about misunderstandings and differences in perspective. And that was what this was. But the problem is this – I am in this place, seeing things from where I am. And he is in his own place, with his own point of view. It’s not going to be the same as mine. Being able to step out of my own view, to see something from another’s perspective, that’s what grows empathy and compassion. And it’s hard sometimes! But I’m trying. Here’s the run down:

My view: I’ve been holding down the fort all weekend alone, with a sick child to boot. I didn’t get the rest and relaxation I was looking forward to, and I asked for help with this dinner plan on Friday. So it’s not fair to dump it back on me Sunday night, because now I have something else I’ve planned to do. Feel free to suggest going out for dinner or picking something up, but please don’t ask me to cancel my last free moment of the weekend to cook for 7 people.

His view: I’ve been out in the cold all weekend building memories for my father and my son. I am tired and cold and all I want is to come home and get warm and sleep. I don’t remember anything that may have been said about Sunday dinner before now. Why would you expect me to come home after a weekend away and be responsible for feeding 7 people? And why are you being so unhelpful? You’re not going to help at all?

So, we talked about it. We tried to understand each other, and we did, somewhat. Honestly, after 14 years of being ultimately responsible for any food that comes in the house and the meal preparation and planning, it’s not very realistic to think that that will change before next Sunday’s dinner. And in the past, I would have been so frustrated that I would have withdrawn for a couple of days with my hurt feelings. But you know what, life’s too short to waste like that. I can’t afford to spend time in conflict and stuck in my attitude. So I apologize, reconcile and keep loving. In the end, that’s what will matter. And along the way, we each keep trying to see each other’s perspective and work together to keep each other feeling loved.

How do you move through conflict with the ones you love? What do you do to gain perspective? Please share in the comments section below!

I didn’t think I’d post this week. I mean, here I am at a conference for Integrative Women’s Healthcare at a beautiful resort, learning a ton of great information and enjoying beautiful weather, so who has time to post on a blog? It’s basically vacation time, right? I’m not at work, the kids are at home, and the honey and I are thoroughly enjoying ourselves. It’s been a great getaway and I’ve felt nurtured and insulated and I feel rested. I’ve gotten to sleep! I just heard about Hurricane Irma secondhand, because I haven’t turned on a TV or looked a news website this whole week. So far, so good, right? I’ve been actually using my rest time to rest, which is important for the balance I’m always looking for and teaching others to seek. So why am I writing?

Resting…

Here’s what happened. I was sitting at the pool yesterday, finishing my second (!) novel, enjoying the late afternoon sunshine and thinking about where we might go for a nice dinner. But I felt this sense of unrest, of anxiety. Why? There was nothing to be anxious about. First I felt like I was missing a deadline because I usually post on Fridays and I hadn’t written anything yet. Then I kept thinking about all the preparations that need to happen over the next two weeks for the Tea Talk.  My Martha mind was busy reminding me of all the things that I was going to have to do when I got home. I felt antsy, like I couldn’t lounge at the pool and enjoy the relaxation. So I did what I usually do – I got up. I started doing things. I packed up my things over the objections of my husband, walked over to the resort restaurants, and started planning for dinner. I came back and told him what I found out, and then headed back to our room to get ready.  I ran my bath, planned my outfit, and checked my calendar. I got busy!

Calendars out!

But in the background, a very quiet voice was speaking. It was talking to me, reminding me of some very simple things.  I was wondering to myself if this conference was even a good idea, or maybe I should have waited until spring to do the Tea Talk. I mean, why did I schedule myself this way? Why did I think I could go away for a week and then come back to a major event two weeks later? Why didn’t I prepare more before I left?! I was going into a downward mental spiral. But the voice kept talking. What I was reminded of was this: I am supposed to be at this conference. I am scheduled to do the Tea Talk at exactly the right time. I have enough time to do all the preparations I have to do. Everything is happening as it should…

No matter where you are, vacation or regular crazy life, God is moving you forward. I believe that God is the one doing the moving, but you may call it universal energy or a higher power or something else. In any case, if we are living, we are moving. Everything that happens is an opportunity to make choices, to expand and grow. Our brains are designed to constantly look for threats and danger. We are always on the lookout for what’s wrong, threatening, or out of place. It’s second nature to think this way. But…

What if I am exactly where I need to be right now? What if everything is exactly as it should be? If I thought this way, how would it change how I live in the world? How about you?

Yesterday I had a chance to choose: to enjoy the moments of rest I was given, or hustle ahead into the next week before it was even here. The good news is that I’m learning. I wrote this post because I wanted to  and because I had something to share. The rest – it’ll be there when I get home.

If you believed everything was as it should be, how would that change how you live your life? Would it change things for you? Please share in the comments below!

The Tea Talk is two weeks away! If you want to join me, please go to the Event Brite and get your spot reserved – space is limited!

It all started with the eclipse…

So, a few weeks ago we started talking about seeing the eclipse. We knew we lived close to the zone of the total eclipse, and we thought it might be a fun experience. Then Perry watched a TED talk that convinced him (and then me) that it was a no-to-be-missed event. I had the day off anyway and he was able to adjust his work schedule, so it seemed like God wanted us to take the kids to see this glorious event as a family. We thought we’d drive up the night before and stay somewhere, watch the eclipse, and drive home after.  As soon as we started looking for places to stay, we realized what a big deal this really was. There was nothing available – not a hotel room, campsite, or room for rent anywhere in a reasonable driving distance. Apparently, people planned years in advance to be at this thing. Who knew? We made some calls and the day before we needed to go, a family at our church in Columbia SC offered to host us overnight. We packed up the stuff and the kids and hit the road.

We spent the night in South Carolina and had a fun time getting to know this remarkably hospitable, loving, and interesting family. They prepared dinner for us, cleared their living room for the seven of us to have a place to sleep, and spent the evening sharing their home. Dad was a gentle giant who welcomed us in and made smoked pork for our dinner together.  Mom was a gardener, old fashioned scratch cook and homemade bread and soap maker. Their son was an accountant and writer with an amazing character voice, and their daughter was a fun college student who shared her bearded dragon with the kids. We got up the next morning, had breakfast and headed out to find our spot.

We ended up at a park near the highway, thinking we’d need to hit the road as soon as the eclipse was over. We ate lunch and laid around watching the progress of the moon across the sun with our eclipse glasses. About an hour before the total eclipse, the clouds moved in. Right over the sun. And they didn’t move.

We thought about leaving and driving further down the road away from the clouds, but we didn’t. I’m not sure why, other than we didn’t know where we’d go. I kept thinking that God could move the clouds, and surely he would, because he wanted us to see this, right? But that’s not how it happened. Perry and I were incredibly frustrated. The kids cried. It was not what we had hoped for, not by a long shot. So, we packed up and drove home. Our two hour drive home became a grueling five hour ordeal because of the traffic. We stopped at a Starbucks to get Perry a little caffeine to help on the drive, and as I waited at one of the tables, kids surrounding me, I teared up and started to cry. Why did we go through all this and still not see the eclipse?

In the midst of the planning for the trip to SC, I was working on multiple projects on my computer: schedules for work, email catchup, blog stuff. The computer started running slow and nothing I did would get it going again. So I did a hard restart. And the computer wouldn’t. It tried, but it just kept cutting off before it booted up completely. Now, this is a nine year old laptop, so of course something could go wrong at any moment. So you’d think I’d have backed up everything on a drive somewhere, right? Nope. I might be good at some things, but technology, not so much. So yeah, that was stupid, but I hadn’t backed up the computer, probably ever. So I broke out in a sweat, realizing I just lost 9 years of data in one moment. We immediately jumped into recovery mode and Perry stayed up late trying to get help from websites and whatnot, with no success. No appointments were available at the Apple store for days. We planned to take it in to a new shop near the house when we returned from Columbia. Remember the five hour drive? We didn’t make it.

So the next day after surgery I went directly to the computer repair store and left the computer for diagnostics. The verdict: the hard drive was corrupted and my data was unrecoverable. They could replace the drive, but my Tea Talks, my nutrition course data, my administrative forms for work – gone. Why? I know I should have backed it up, but God could have worked this out for me, right? Why was he saying no?

What my computer probably looks like right now…

Then Auntie A suggested a computer place that had fixed my mother-in-law’s computer with a similar problem as mine. Perry and I rushed to the shop, picked up the dead computer, and drove to the other computer store just before they closed. They seemed more positive and said they’d let me know in a day or two. At this point, neither of us had eaten and Whole Foods was nearby, so we went there to pick up dinner. When we put the food in the car I reached around the seat and ripped a hole in my favorite sweater. At this point, I was ready to lock myself in a rubber room before anything else happened. Yes, I’m being dramatic and yes, I understand that things could be much, much worse. But I was pretty over it anyway.

WHAT in the WORLD was going on? Is this a test? Is God trying to see if I’m really committed to him or if I’ll go back to relying on myself? (Yes, I actually read Job the day after the eclipse. I felt a little silly, but I needed to remember who was the human and who was God.) Did I do something wrong and am being punished?

It’s all about how I handle “no”. When I tell my children “no”, there are multiple reactions that I can and do get – having an attitude, crying, sulking, a fit. There’s really only one I’m looking for – trust. Know that I’m making a decision for your good, and follow my lead. I’m the mommy and I actually know what’s best here, ok? So why is it so hard for me to accept no when I hear it? Because that means something is not going the way I think it should. And I think I know the best way.

So here’s what I came to. Does God really know the best way or not? I think he does. Perry decided that if he had made a decision and we left the park, we would have seen the eclipse and he wished he had done that. What if God was helping Perry to see a way he supposed to change? While we were watching the clouds, I said something about leaving before the eclipse, but didn’t insist. And after, I absolutely was not going to say anything about it. That would have been like throwing gasoline on a fire. What if God was helping me to be more interested in loving Perry and the kids instead of being “right” about moving for the eclipse? What if the kids watching me cry helped them to be more honest with their emotions? What if they learn to deal with disappointment with us through this? Maybe I gained more than I lost this week…

Well, how’d it turn out? I sewed up the hole in my sweater, and while it’s not as good as it was, the repair is on the back of an arm, so you can’t see it much and I can still wear it. We’re looking forward to the next North American eclipse (2024) and are playing with the idea of traveling to an earlier one. Hey, gotta try for the kiddos, right? (Wink!) And the computer? They tell me they may have been able to recover my data and install a new hard drive. I’ll pick it up tomorrow and check it out. So all’s well? Yes and no. I’m still disappointed I didn’t see the eclipse, but I’m not bitter. And I’ve learned a lot about computers this week (and the importance of backing them up!). And I’ve grown in trusting God in these small things, even when the answer is no.

What about you? How do you handle no? Please share in the comments below!

(For those of you who want to know if we saw anything at the eclipse, the photo at the very top of the post is us at the eclipse at 2:37 pm. Looks like sunset, doesn’t it?)