Category Archives: Mind Management

NOCOMMENTS

Help Getting It Done, Mind Management, Top 15 Weight Loss Posts

Trusting Your Mind

I’m 2 1/2 weeks away from my board exam in Orlando. Y’all, I got out the index cards last night to make some flash cards – I’m in full study mode now!

It’s so different going through exam prep with a job and family than it was when I was single. Part of the reason why I did my graduate degrees together was because I doubted that I’d ever go back to school. I still don’t think I’d do it full time – but even so, in the past few years I finished my holistic nutrition program certification, now I’m getting a second medical board certification, and I’m planning for another big educational move in 2020. Education never stops!

This brings me to what I want to talk about this week: Trusting Your Mind. I’ve been feeling pressed and busy, trying to get the normal life things done (shopping, cooking, picking up and laundry), while at the same time trying to study, get the kids ready for Halloween and make my plans for 2020. It’s keeping my mind in overdrive! That’s not really a great space to be in, at least not for me. When I’m juggling a lot, I can feel productive because I’m checking off a bunch of tasks, but my brain is racing around coming up with more to dos. The problem comes when I want to slow down and my mind won’t cooperate. I lay down to sleep, and my brain starts running through my to-do list. I get up to meditate and it’s hard to be still. I thought that maybe this was a good sign that I’m ramping up to meet the tasks ahead. It’s actually not. Let me tell you why.

When I get into hyper mode, trying to get a bunch of things done, what I feel is anxious. I worry that I’m going to miss something important or make a mistake that I can’t recover from. So I push harder, move faster, fill up the hours of the day tighter so that nothing bad will happen. The regular things I do to make space in my brain, like keeping a list of things to do or journaling all my thoughts are good things and are helpful in slowing the worry. But there’s another tool I’ve found that solves problems and makes space.

Give your mind work to do.

What? Wait – didn’t I just say that my mind is too busy and full and I need more space? Yes I did. Let me explain. Much of the time, the mind is constantly scanning for the errors and threats so that you find them and address them before they become a problem. When the mind finds these threats, it offers them up to you as thoughts you need to deal with. Most of the time, we accept these thoughts as fact, usually because we’ve thought them before and believe they’re true. For example, when you have an invitation to a potluck, your thought might be, “Great. Now I have to go shopping again and cook something and I already didn’t have time to do dinner for the rest of the week.” (I usually have this reaction to potlucks. I recognize this is a little negative.) And we accept that as fact – we didn’t have a plan for dinner this week and this is another thing to do, so that must mean this is a problem. But you don’t have to accept every thought your mind offers you. You could choose to think that you enjoy potlucks and that’s one dinner you don’t have to do all the cooking and clean up.

And there’s another option.

You can put your mind to work. Instead of letting your brain race around like an unsupervised two year old, you can give it tasks to accomplish. What if instead of accepting the thought that the potluck is another to-do that you don’t have time for, you asked your brain a question. How can I get this potluck dish done with what I have at home? How can I make an easy contribution to the potluck? You give your brain an assignment. You don’t start with the answer, because if you did, your brain has nothing to do. Your mind will offer up thoughts – that’s what it does. But you can help it be constructive by giving it things to work on. You will be amazed at how often it will find a solution that you like!

I’ve been practicing this recently. It can be a little tricky, because my tendency is to want the answer immediately. So if I don’t have an instant solution to a problem, I’m tempted to worry until I do. And my mind just races in circles reminding me that I have a problem, that I don’t have a solution, and terrible things are going to happen if I don’t fix it! But when I ask my mind to work on the problem by asking it to be constructive (usually a How question), it comes up with a solution, usually faster than I thought it would. Last night, my husband was talking about taking our youngest to the eye doctor for her appointment. When he mentioned that this was the longer appointment with the dilating eye drops and waiting for hours, I mentioned that she’d probably need a snack and an activity to be packed up (which I knew was something I’d need to do in the morning before she left). My brain immediately went, “What are you gonna pack? You were going to catch up on sleep from being on call, and now you have to get up early to pack her bag? Why does this always happen last minute?” I watched my brain start to spin out on me, and then I stepped in. Calmly, I asked my brain to think up a good snack idea for her, keeping in mind her allergies, and what we have in the house. I wrote it down and closed my eyes, figuring that by morning by brain would have a plan. In the next instant, my brain said, “There are some gluten and nut-free snacks you put in the bowl in the bottom of the pantry for these last-minute situations.” Oh yeah, I forgot about those. Thanks, brain – good job. Problem solved!

Your mind wants to be useful. It will offer up thoughts and ideas that are your most commonly practiced thoughts because that’s most efficient and easy. But you don’t have to accept them. You also can practice new ways to use your mind that are productive and keep it busy working instead of offering you worrying thoughts. The first step is to be aware of the thoughts you’re having and ask if they are helpful. If not, you might want to practice thinking in ways that do serve you. We’ll have to go into that in another post! The second step is to give your mind assignments instead of letting it worry. Write your lists, journal your worries, pray more than anything. But don’t let your mind race around unsupervised – put it to work! It’ll come through for you!

Do you find yourself overwhelmed by your anxious thoughts? Try giving your mind problems to solve and share what you experience in the comments below!

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Inspirations, Mind Management, Top 15 Weight Loss Posts

What Are You Thinking?

Today, I just needed a nap.

It’s been a whirlwind week. I went to Asheville with my daughter to a church women’s retreat. It was her first retreat and we enjoyed the mountains, catching up with old friends and meeting new ones, and just spending time together. It was such a good experience with my big girl, I came back and called my own mom.

But when you travel all weekend and hit the ground running at work first thing Monday morning, it can feel like you never stopped moving! And that’s how the week has been – nonstop, busy, lots of activity, and very little down time. So when I planned my day off, a nap was definitely on the list!

The funny thing is that I’m not so sure that all the busyness is really the source of my fatigue. Even though I’ve been running, I’ve been sleeping well, getting some yoga in most days, and I’ve been loving all the patients I’ve seen in the office. It’s been a good week. More than the activity, my brain is tired. Why? Let me catch you up…

Lately I’ve been following a couple of coaching podcasts, studying and learning from a couple of master coaches who teach a lot about mind management. Ideally, when you listen to a podcast on a coaching topic, you spend some time practicing the concepts before moving on to the next one. But since I was excited about the concepts and was in the car for about 7 hours altogether, I sort of binge listened. The only thing that saved my brain from complete meltdown was that many of the concepts aren’t new to me and I was already practicing some of them. Still, it was a lot.

There was one concept that I learned that changed the tone of my week. I’ve had heavy and busy weeks just like this in the past and just barely dragged myself through to the end. This concept made all the difference, and while it builds on other concepts, I’m going to share the idea with you so that you can try it out for yourself.

Here’s the basic framework from Brooke Castillo at the Life Coach School: All the results in your life start far earlier than when you do the thing that gets the results. Actually, everything that happens in your life stems from the thoughts you have about the circumstances you face. Circumstances are the neutral facts in your life – they are not going to change depending on who is looking at them. Circumstances are not, “My husband is so thoughtless because he didn’t make his side of the bed this morning.” The circumstances are that he didn’t make his side of the bed this morning. Your thought about it is that he’s thoughtless. The next part of the thought model is the feelings that come from the thought you had. How does the thought that your husband is thoughtless make you feel? Then based on that feeling, you will take some sort of action – complaining, yelling, criticizing, sulking, ignoring, being resentful, or whatever you choose. The result you get will come from the action you take. But really, the result you get originated from the thought you had about your circumstance.

Here comes the concept that helped me. When I was listening to Brooke run though one of the thought model examples on the podcast, she asked one simple question: How do you want to feel? That one question stopped me in my tracks. So often, I’m hurt or angry or disappointed or aggravated or frustrated and I think that it’s because of what’s happening – the circumstances. So I feel what I do because of what’s happening to me, which I have no control over. Then I feel powerless and subject to the situation. The truth is that I feel what I do because of how I think about the circumstances. Now, I can hear you arguing with that idea, “No, sometimes he does stuff that really is inconsiderate or thoughtless. That’s just fact!” But is it? If any other person on the planet wouldn’t think that way, it’s not fact. What if you were the kind of wife who didn’t care if the bed was made up in the morning? It’s all how you think about it.

Nah, I don’t like it...

That’s really good news, because now you are in control of how you feel about your circumstances. Now don’t get me wrong, you may not like the circumstances. You can always express what you think and make requests of anyone. What they do about it isn’t for you to control. Where you do have control is over what thoughts you choose to entertain. That’s where the power lies. When I realized that if I didn’t like feeling angry and irritated, and that I could go back to how I was thinking about them and change my thoughts, that was the magic. I didn’t have to be annoyed by the errors in my schedule at work. I didn’t have to be irritated that the dishes were left in the sink again. If I wanted to feel peaceful, I could choose to think that my day was going to go smoothly, that I enjoy my patients and my nurses, that I have a good job and I’m honored that people choose to come see me year after year. I can choose to believe that the dishes are in the sink because I’m not the only one who’s busy, and I rather not get upset and make it a big deal because I feel better when I don’t.

What am I making this mean?

Now don’t get me wrong: This isn’t a matter of thinking yourself into sunshine and rainbows. I’m not asking you to manufacture thoughts you don’t really believe, because that’s not going to work. Your brain will make sure you don’t hold on to those thoughts. But if you feel a way that you’d rather not, you can ask yourself how you’d like to feel and see if you can capture the thought that led you to the feeling you’re having. Then ask yourself if there’s a different but believable way you could think about the circumstances. You’ll be surprised at how you can change how you’re feeling even when the only thing that you change is your thinking. It sure did change my week!

Did you know that your feelings come from your thoughts? Try asking yourself how you want to feel when you meet circumstances in your week and see what happens. Tell me about what you learn in the comments below!

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Mind Management

Mind Games

This week, I want to tell you a story.

First, let me catch you up. In last week’s post, I told you about my upcoming medical board exam and how all my requirements were due. I scraped together every available minute and all my requirements were uploaded to the program the day before they were due – thank God! Thank you all for praying and being with me as I worked on this goal!

On to the story… Monday started off with a bang. My kids meet in their homeschool group on Mondays. so I got up early to make sure they were all ready to head out with their bags packed, lunches ready, and presentations prepared. Of course, they hadn’t done all the things they were supposed to do, so a fair amount of fussing happened as I directed them to get the trash cans on the street, pack up, stop preparing last minute presentations, and for goodness sake, sit down and eat your oatmeal! We went over to the church where the school group meets and I spoke to each of their directors, checking in and getting updates. Then I left them there with their teacher and hustled to my best friend’s yoga class. I could have left this out, but I had been so busy with the kids that I missed my morning yoga practice, and I figured it was a good way to get my mind right before I went to work all night. Little did I know what was coming and how true that would be…

Since I was working overnight, I had ignored my work phone all day. So when I got in the car to head to the hospital, I saw I had missed a phone call from one of the administrators in our department. Now, this is where things started to go sideways. My first thought was, “Oh crap. What now?” There’s been so much drama and gamesmanship at work in the last few years (at least!). My brain instantly started trying to figure out what possible mess I was being called about. You see, I’d rather stay out of the line of fire. As I imagined all the worst case scenarios I could, I drove into the city and ran a couple of errands, all the time avoiding making that return phone call. When I was about 15 minutes from the hospital, I made the call. And we played phone tag back and forth for a couple of hours but didn’t connect.

Hours later, I was still thinking about why I’d gotten that call. By now, I’d had plenty of time to imagine several possible disasters, so I was looking at everything with a frustrated and critical eye. Labor and delivery was busy, so now I assumed the night was going to go badly too. I had a great midwife on with me that night, but I figured she’d likely be calling me to do a cesarean on someone in the middle of the night. And since the night was going to be bad, that meant the next day would also be awful. I started to question why I even do this job – why can’t I figure out a way to do something else with my life? My thoughts were spiraling down, further and further. I was in a funk.

Stupid work phone…

Fortunately, this is where my mind work stepped in. For awhile I’ve been working on my thinking and evaluating the thoughts that my mind offers up to me as truth. The first time a quieter part of my brain offered up the thought that I didn’t have to worry about whatever the call was about I wasn’t sure I agreed. But my training kicked in and I got still – even as I sat there in the middle of a busy labor deck. Then more alternative thoughts started popping in. Whatever it was, it would wait until another day. I could deal with it then. There wasn’t any point in worrying myself sick now – that was simply an exercise in torture that I didn’t need to participate in. Besides, if it was critical that I deal with it now, then I’d have gotten a return phone call after business hours, especially since I was already working. Then I started to see the good moments happening – the successful twin delivery we did, the fresh salad I’d packed up for dinner, the moment I had to clear out some outstanding work on the computer. Things weren’t so dire as my mind wanted to make them.

Capturing my thoughts isn’t easy. But the practice in doing it has a purpose. Many mornings I get up to meditate and watch my mind crash around looking for something else to do. And I don’t always feel like practicing my breathing is doing as much as I think it should. And writing down my thoughts so I can evaluate them for truth often feels like one more thing to do. But when things got tough, my brain started to show off its growth. And when the phone rang at 1 am to go rescue a bleeding patient, I didn’t worry very much about how tired I’d be the next day. When a complicated surgical emergency showed up around 4 am, I didn’t fret over how I was going to get it done and when I’d get home to sleep. My mind had switched the track it was playing to remind me that things would work out: I’d get it done, I’d get the sleep I needed, and I’d walk out of the hospital into the sunlight at some point. Sure enough, God sent one of the good surgical assistants to help with the emergency surgery, things went well, I finished up and went home and hugged each of my babies tight.

Today is what I think it is. Living in 2 Corinthians 10:5 is a discipline and a challenge, but making my mind obedient has its rewards. It’s how I manage to keep myself from spiraling into anxiety. It’s how I gain trust and practice my faith in God. When I allow my mind to rush into the future, not only do I fret over what might happen (even though it hasn’t yet), but I miss the goodness of now. And even when now is hard, it passes. As I rode the elevator out of the hospital that morning, a patient and orderly were on the elevator with me. As I chatted with the two of them, I mentioned that it had been a long night, but I was going home. And from her wheelchair, the patient agreed that it had indeed been a long night. In that moment, I knew that no matter how tough my hours in the hospital had been, I wasn’t sitting in a wheelchair on oxygen, dealing with whatever had brought her there. So I wished her a speedy recovery, thanked God for his providence to me, and drove myself home. I was able to see the gifts I have, and my mind is learning to see them everywhere!

How are you doing with managing your mind? What training do you use to keep your mind from running away from you? Please share in the comments below!

NOCOMMENTS

Inspirations, Mind Management

Comfort and Control

Well, I did it.

Remember last week when I talked about worrying myself sick (actually catching a cold or something because of stress)? Despite my best efforts at managing my mind, being consistent in prayer and meditation, and keeping an upbeat attitude, the stress manifested in my body anyway. And I feel like a fraud. In addition to dealing with the upheaval in my job, his job, our homeschool, and preparing for the Lifestyle Medicine board exam in October, my body is breaking down too? Really, how am I supposed to be a holistic physician who helps people find wellness if I can’t do it for myself?

Yeah, I’m just beating myself up. But the good part of it all is that I’ve been thinking a lot about what I need to do to get balanced. A lot of what I do to stay balanced is good – the meditation and prayer, yoga, walking, thought management and journaling. But one thing I’ve started seeing is that one of my core beliefs is out of whack. I mean, completely out of touch with reality. Want to know what it is?

I believe that what I do controls what happens in my life.

Now, I do believe in cause and effect. If I don’t wash my clothes, I won’t have anything to wear, and that’s completely on me. But somewhere in my brain I hold this thought that if I try as hard as I can, and do all the right things, that everything should work out as I planned. If I do all the holistic wellness practices faithfully, I won’t get sick. If I plan well enough, everything with our homeschool will go smoothly. If I focus hard enough, I will get everything done on my to-do list. If I do everything right, nothing bad or hard will ever happen to me.

Seems a little crazy when its written down, doesn’t it? But that’s how I’ve been thinking. And I know lots of people think this way too – I’m sure of it. How do I know? Because when unpleasant, difficult, or tragic things happen, then response is almost universal: Why is this happening to me? It doesn’t matter if you’re frustrated because your work day ran late, or if traffic is insane and you spend an hour plus on the road trying to get home, or if you got a scary diagnosis at your doctor’s appointment. You want to know why it’s happening to you and what you did to deserve it. As if you could have avoided it if you’d done something, anything better/differently/right.

Here’s the problem with that line of thinking: It assumes that you are in control. You are the “master of your fate, the captain of your soul”. Inspiring thought, but not true. We’d like to believe that cause and effect rules most of our lives, at least the good parts. Good things happen to us because we work hard and we deserve it. Don’t we tell our kids that if they put in the work, they earn the rewards that come from that effort? On the other hand, we don’t really want to believe we earned the consequences of inaction or laziness or disorganization. We want to catch a break, or believe those are just plain old bad luck.

The truth is more complex and nuanced than pure cause and effect. It may be that your hard work earned the promotion, and that your lack of planning made you miss the meeting you needed to attend at your son’s school. And you can and should put forth your best effort in the ways you have influence. The problem comes in with the worry that circles constantly, the nagging sense that if you don’t get is all done or do it all right, everything is coming crashing down on your head. And when things fall apart or look grim, you think it’s because of something you did or didn’t do. But lots of things happen for reasons we don’t see until after they’ve moved on. Sometimes there are lessons to learn that have nothing to do with how hard we’re trying. If everything is linked to your effort, there’s no room for God to move things around to show you new ways to grow.

That’s one thing I’m learning now. Some of the things that are happening in my life I just don’t understand. They don’t have to do with what I did or didn’t do, but they are affecting me. They’re hard, I don’t like them, and I want them to get fixed, now. And no matter how many times I remind myself that worse things could be happening (positive psychology), I’m fine right now (mindfulness), it’ll all be for the best (positive mental attitude), it’s really more than that. I am not in control. I’m human, I’m doing my best, and this place is not heaven. God can see the whole picture, but I can’t, and I’m really not supposed to. I’m learning to trust, to grow in my faith, and to find peace in the discomfort. Things will go off of my plan, I will get sick, but I will heal and God is working things out the way they are supposed to be worked out. When I worry, I actually am in the opposite place from trust. My mind is not here in this present moment when I worry, because it’s either in the past or in the future. I remember reading once that worrying was like sitting in a rocking chair – you’re moving, but you’re not going anywhere. Here’s another thought:

“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” – Luke 12:25

What exactly is worrying accomplishing for me, other than practicing a pattern of thinking that doesn’t serve me, pulling me away from trust in God’s plan, and producing insomnia and illness? Nothing. I’m not saying that it’s easy not to worry. Actually, by this point in my life, I’ve gotten very good at it! And while learning other ways to manage my thoughts is a lot of hard work, it’s much more calming and productive. I’m not rocking away to nowhere! Surrendering control isn’t so much giving up something as it is an acknowledgement of fact. It’s a more sane approach to addressing reality. I can’t control my own heartbeat or breathing, even if I can influence them. Life is the same way. So I will keep managing my thoughts, praying, meditating, and breathing. And I surrender the future to the one who can see it as it will be.

How do you manage your worrying? Please share in the comments below!

You know, my husband wanted me to write a post on how I helped our family go plant based. We’ve all been animal food free for the past four months, and everyone is happy with it and feeling well. Would that be something you’d like to know more about? Let me know in the comments section!

NOCOMMENTS

Inspirations, Mind Management

Lessons From The Labyrinth

Early last Saturday morning I took my oldest daughter with me to walk a labyrinth. I had been trying to find time to spend with each child separately, so they’d have time with mommy without competition from their siblings. It hadn’t been something I’d been very successful at accomplishing without a plan, so I decided on a weekly schedule to rotate among each of them, and this outing was the first.

Walking a labyrinth is something I’ve done before. I found to be a profound spiritual practice, but I hadn’t done it in awhile, probably because the only one I knew about is about an hour away from where I live. So when I learned about a website for finding labyrinths, I knew I had to see if there were any nearer to me.

Turns out, there are quite a few! I searched through the list and realized that there was one in our little downtown green space near city hall. When I offered the idea to my big girl, she immediately agreed and we made plans find the labyrinth on Saturday morning.

Labyrinths can be made of different materials, like gravel, grass, bricks or stone. They can be small or large, single or double. The one I walked before was a dramatic double stone labyrinth in the middle of a clearing in the forest. So when we found this labyrinth, I’ll admit that I was a little disappointed. It was a 30 foot pavement space with a blue spray painted labyrinth pattern on top of the concrete, with quite a bit of engine noise from the nearby highway. Not so peaceful, I thought. But since the point of the labyrinth is to walk it, I figured that maybe I’d still find some value in the activity. Besides, I was really there to spend time with my daughter, so even if it wasn’t great, we’d have that time together, so it would be good anyway.

In the end, the experience was still a good one. Even with the traffic and noise, even without the majesty of the trees and stone patterns, I was reminded of why walking a labyrinth is a spiritual practice. I’ll share some of my lessons below, but first, let me explain how a labyrinth is generally used. First, walking a labyrinth is a kind of walking meditation. When you enter the labyrinth, your walk is to stay on the path as it leads you around, back and forth until you reach the center. Then you follow the path back out to the entrance. A single labyrinth will have one way in to the center and one way out. Something about walking the path is very calming and centering.

There are also different ways to use your mind during the walk. Walking a labyrinth is not specific to any religion, or religion at all. I use the walk to get closer to God, but however you want to practice is up to you. One practice I’ve used is to ask a question you would like clarity on before you enter the labyrinth. Then you walk the labyrinth, listening quietly for the answer. Often, the walking will bring the whispered answer to you. Then you sit in the center of the labyrinth, holding the answer in your heart (I usually pray here). Then you walk in the truth of the answer as you follow the path back out of the labyrinth. I like this practice, but there are other ways to enjoy a labyrinth. This was the description outside of the labyrinth we walked on Saturday.

No matter how you choose to use a labyrinth, I found some profound truths about the walk within them that were also true about life. Here’s what I found…

You can’t always see the way to where you want to go.

When you walk a labyrinth, it’s not a straight line to the center. You go back and forth, and sometimes the path takes you further away from the center before you actually get there. Sometimes, especially if you’re feeling impatient, you wonder if you’re ever going to make it or if you’ll just wander around this patterned walkway for the rest of your days in an endless loop. But you always get there. The path actually does lead to a destination.

There are moments of clarity.

While you’re meandering through the path, you can’t see far enough ahead to know how you’ll get to the center. If you try to look that far ahead, you will wander off the path, so you can only look a few steps ahead at a time. But, there comes a moment when you round a corner and all of a sudden you can see the way into the center. It feels like a breakthrough, almost an accomplishment! It’s just like in life – so often we feel like we’re wandering around making no progress at all, when all of a sudden an opportunity or accomplishment is realized and you find out that you’ve been moving toward it all along.

Stay on the path.

The best time to walk a labyrinth is when you haven’t set a time limit on your walk. When I’ve tried to squeeze in a walk, my brain wants to hurry me along through the path and leads me into feeling impatient and rushed to find the center. I’m so busy looking for the way to the goal, I’m not enjoying the walk! But if I’ll focus on the walk, enjoy the path and the steps I’m taking, I will be peaceful in the path while I’m moving toward the center. I’ll get there at some point, but I get to enjoy the path and the goal.

If you’ve never walked a labyrinth, I encourage you to try it! You can find the ones nearest to you by searching for Worldwide Labyrinth Locator and filling in your location. Keep your search broad – you’ll find more choices. And enjoy the walk!

Have you ever walked a labyrinth? What kind of practice do you use to keep you centered in your spirit? Please share in the comments below!

2COMMENTS

Inspirations, Mind Management

When The World is On Your Shoulders

Since starting this blog three years ago, each week I’ve known what to write, even if it wasn’t until the last day. This is the first week I’ve felt like maybe I have nothing to say.

These last few weeks have been challenging, to say the least. What they have not been is catastrophic, and I don’t feel so down that I can’t function. I’ve certainly felt off balance, worried, tired, and overwhelmed. I told a friend of mine that as I navigate these recent challenges, I feel alternatively just fine and completely terrified. I can be ok in one minute and then terrified the next. Sounds like mood swings – how can I go between fine and afraid so quickly? It all matters where I allow my mind to go. If I stay in this present moment now, remembering that in this moment everything is fine, I am breathing, the family is healthy, we are fed and sheltered, then I am ok. When I allow my mind to wander to all the possible ways the recent craziness can escalate, how our life and home could be falling apart if things don’t work out, and how much I don’t want that to happen, I can feel the tightness in my neck and shoulders grow with my fear. It’s the difference between letting my mind wander into the possible future and staying in the actual present. But good grief! The energy I’ve had to use to try to stay in the moment has been massive. It’s exhausting!

So this morning I woke up trying to decide what on the list needed to fall off. Was there anything I thought was important that really could just wait? This blog post was one of the optional items. But since I made a commitment to write a post a week, it’s hard for me not to do it. And, writing down some of my thoughts is therapeutic, so that’s helpful. I decided that at least I’d write down the things I’ve been doing to keep myself from losing my mind as I wait to see what God is doing with our lives. Maybe what I’m doing will help someone else find some peace in the midst of their challenge.

Look up.

When I feel discouraged, I tend to feel the weight of the trouble on my shoulders. My gaze is down, and I feel heavy in my heart and soul. Even when I meditate, I find that my internal eye is looking down and I have to keep drawing up my focus. It’s as if I’m protecting myself by curling inward. Looking up helps! When the last time you spent time looking up at the sky, even for a few moments? We spend most of our time looking down at keyboards, phones, books, and papers, so we rarely look up. Try taking a few moments to look up at the sky. Watch the clouds move, or see a bird fly overhead. It helps me remember I’m not in charge and I don’t have to be.

Stay grateful.

I’ve written more in my grateful list recently. I’d fallen off, not because it wasn’t useful, but because I convinced myself that the practice had trained me to be able to keep track of my gratitude in my head. That was a mistake. Taking a couple of minutes to write down the good always reminds me that I have more than I even notice. This week, I was grateful for my new seven dollar linen pants, holding my 10 year old close, my six year old asking if she can get me anything, my cuddly warm long purple sweater, and a yummy purple potato chipotle hash, among other things. In the midst of the hard moments, writing down the good helped me to see it. I like re-reading the list – it helps me remember all the beauty!

Talk to other people.

When I’m under stress, it can be easy to feel isolated, as if no one else can understand what I’m going through. It’s scary to share though, because it leaves me vulnerable and afraid because even well-meaning friends can respond in ways that don’t feel very supportive. But I find that when I talk about what I’m dealing with, love and support come back. And when I’m vulnerable, other people feel able to share their own struggles. Often, what others are facing is far worse than what I’m dealing with. Sharing isn’t supposed to be a pity party, or let’s-see-who-has-it-worse. But I find that when I see the troubles others face in their lives, I can pray for them and keep my difficulties in perspective. I haven’t shared the details of our recent struggles on this blog because my kids read it sometimes. But I’m reaching out to people one by one, and because of it I’ve been loved a lot recently. And it helps.

Memorize something.

When I’m tempted to go into a tailspin, sometimes the thing that can bring me out is repeating the truth to myself. A wonderful nurse I used to work with shared a quote she uses when she’s going through tough times, and I thought it was wonderful. She shared this quote by Victor Hugo: “Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.” Thank goodness for the reminder that he is, because I’ll worry myself into tossing and turning when I really should know that he’s got it while I get the rest I so badly need.

I’ve been repeating Hebrews 12:2 over and over: “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” It helps me to keep looking up!

Do you have ways to get steady in a time of upheaval? Please share in the comments below!

NOCOMMENTS

Help Getting It Done, Mind Management

Taking A Break

It’s a holiday weekend, y’all!

Every time I have a holiday weekend, I get so excited, because I look at the three days and think: Look at all this time I have to spend however I want! Almost every time at the end of the weekend, I’m still tired, all the tasks I planned to accomplish aren’t done, and I don’t know why. I’m a very good time keeper, so I can account for where the time went, but somehow the weekend just didn’t measure up to my expectations.

It’s disappointing, right? I almost feel like I’ve wasted the three day weekend in some way – like I wasn’t a very good steward of my time. So I chastise myself for missing this opportunity to catch up and promise myself that next time I’ll be more organized and use the time more carefully.

Not this time.

If you’ve been reading the past couple of posts, you know that the Parks family has been experiencing some turbulence. To be more accurate, Perry and I have been juggling more chaos than normal. And when I was running so hard at the hospital the other night that I’d logged 20 phone calls in the first hour and a half of my night and realized I was starving at 11 pm because I’d missed dinner, I knew I’d better take a break or I’d start to break down myself (catch a cold, have a bad headache, toss and turn at night because I’m worried about everything that has to be done). So when I saw that this weekend was a long one, I started right down that same thought pattern that I’d calm the chaos and catch up. That always sounds good in my head! But I’m learning, and when my brain reminded me of how that’s turned out in the past I decided that I was going to do this weekend differently.

The first I decided was to have no agenda. After I finish the to-dos that I’ve committed to (writing this post, grocery shopping for the third time this week, finishing a learning module for my exam in October, wash the sheets), I’m done. No laundry, no medical charting, no big activities (Perry is trying to plan a marathon lunch/skate/pizza day on Sunday, but I think he needs a break as much as I do, so we’ll see). My to-do list for the weekend looks more like a wish list of relaxing activities: Sit by the lake, read my library books, maybe get in a last swim before they close the pool.

Does that sound impossible? There’s so much to do, it feels like I ought to take the opportunity to get something done! Clean something, write something, organize something. But I’m not going to do it. Here’s how I’m going to resist the temptation and actually take a break. I also struggle with the idea that rest = lazy. If I’m resting, then I’m not working as hard as I can and should, and someone else will suffer because I was resting when I should have been working. That’s nonsense, of course. No human is designed to work constantly without a break. Even our bodies are created with the need for sleep, not to mention the space and clarity that rest gives our minds. But old patterns of thinking die hard – but it’s my goal this weekend to chip away at that mentality!

My chair set up by the little lake in our neighborhood – it’s a mini getaway!

I started with talking to the kids. They are one excuse I can use to miss my break. I can use their messiness and need to eat as a reason to spend my whole time at home trying to pick up and keep after them to keep the house manageable. I can spend each day working from meal to meal, trying to create different foods and cleaning up in between and the whole day all of a sudden is gone. So I talked to them and let them know that they have some responsibility on how the weekend goes. I’m going to have things here in the house to have “fun” meals, but they will be part of making those happen. Otherwise, it’ll be almond butter and jelly and whatever they can scrounge up for dinner. If they want me to help them do something a little fun and different, they’ll keep their stuff under control. The difference this time is, if they don’t, then I won’t do the extra stuff.

Then, I spent this week catching up at work and at home. I did extra laundry, caught up on work email (as much as that’s possible), and cleaned up as much of my patient results as was possible. But the most important decision was to leave room to rest. If I plan the whole weekend out, in the end I’ll just run from thing to thing and feel exhausted, raggedy and frustrated at the end of the weekend when I have to go back to work. I also am not going to leave the time completely free, because lack of any planning leads to disorder. Something will suck up the rest time if I have no plan for it. So there will be time to sleep, time to read, time to sit at the lake.

Some of my literary selections…

You may be reading this and thinking that it’s all very well for me to take a break, but you just can’t do it. And maybe you can’t take the whole weekend off. But can you set aside a morning or even a few hours to do something that helps you feel rested? Only you know the answer. Here’s what I know: There is always something that needs to be done, and I often assign urgency to those things that isn’t necessary. Do I have to do everything that needs doing right now? Nope – I just think I do. So I can think differently and act differently. I’ve heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result. So here’s to less insanity and more rest this weekend. Happy Labor Day weekend!

Do you have a hard time taking a break for rest? How are you going to spend your holiday weekend? Please share in the comments below!

2COMMENTS

Inspirations, Mind Management

Out of Control

Ever feel like if one more thing happens, everything will come crashing down around you? As if your life is a delicate house of cards and a light breeze will knock the whole thing over? Sometimes I think I might have everything running along like they should, and then it’s as if everything stops working well at the same time. Why is that? Couldn’t crises happen one at a time?

Guess not. When we came back from our vacation, things seemed to be pretty good. The kids were doing well, the puppy was having fewer accidents in the house, I didn’t gain weight on the trip, and everyone was rested and happy. But no sooner had I gotten back into the swing of things at work, Perry had a blow up at his job, I started hearing my own work-related drama, two of the kids had fevers, and our homeschool got rocky again. One of those things would have been enough, but all at the same time? All of a sudden, it feels like everything is out of control.

The hardest problem in the midst of a maelstrom like this is that everyone is on emergency mode. While Perry is dealing with his work issues, he needs my support and doesn’t have as much himself to give. Then if the kids are sick, he’s not there, I’m checking temperatures and treating stuffy noses by myself. When I’m staying late at work to cross every T and dot every i, he’s trying to juggle the kids and pick up the groceries I don’t have time to pick up. While each of us is managing our own crazy and putting out the daily fires that appear, there’s very little time and space left over to do anything else.

All that leads to me feeling strung out and off balance. I woke up multiple times through the night, worrying about how to fix this problem or that. Getting up after a fragmented night of sleep doesn’t feel so good either. The anxiety and worry actually doesn’t serve, but when I’m overwhelmed and running as hard as I can, I forget to do the things I need to do to keep my spirit centered. It’s hard. I’m tempted to panic, and that makes me want to jump in and fix things, take control of everything to make it work right again.

Here’s the problem with that: Even though I want to be in control and think everything will be better if I get a grip on each situation, the truth is that I’m not in control. Every situation that has more than one person involved is complex enough that I can’t just snap my fingers and fix it. When you add multiple complex issues happening at the same time, things quickly start to get out of hand. But there’s another problem….

Control is an illusion.

It’s a hard thing to learn is that I am not in control. The absolute hardest is to recognize that I’m not supposed to be. There comes a point when you realize that life is complex and big and just plain complicated. All the factors that go into the situations and events that occur are beyond explanation. All the details that factors into the emotions and decisions of one person are vast, never mind when you combine people and situations together – it’s orders of magnitude more complex! And if I can barely keep a grip on my own mind and heart, what makes me think I can control the people and situations around me? It’s not possible. And to be honest, when I really get down to it, I don’t want to be. It’s too great a task, too daunting a responsibility. And really, it’s not for me to be in control of everything and everyone.

My son is a type A, take charge kind of guy (kinda like his momma). He likes to “help” his sisters out, especially when he sees that they’re not quite following the rules as he understands them. So he and I regularly talk about self control. Self control is the holy grail, the goal that is far harder to achieve than trying to control other people. Self control is the only thing you can actually accomplish, and it’s hard enough. So just as I keep pointing him toward controlling himself instead of his sisters, I remind myself to focus on the control I have over my thoughts, my emotions, and my actions. I can pray for other people, but I can’t control them. And the events and situations in life that arise help me to grow in my self control, because I don’t control those either. It feels frustrating, scary, even threatening to be out of control. But trusting that someone has the wheel helps. I know God has all of this in hand, and even though I’d like an explanation about how this is all going to work out, I know it will work out. Jeremiah 29:11 says ,”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 1 Peter 4:12 says “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.” Isaiah 54:10 says “Though the mountains be shaken, and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

Challenges and storms come. Life feels unmanageable and out of control, but I take comfort in knowing that when I feel out of control then I’m probably in the right place. Taking the lessons and gifts that come and using them to grow is what I can do. And in the end, it will work out for the best, even if it’s hard in the moment. So I keep breathing, noticing the good, writing down my gifts on my grateful list, and praying. When I do, I know that this moment is good. And so is this one. If I keep my mind experiencing the good that’s happening now, I don’t let it run off in fear over what might happen in the future. The future isn’t here yet, just this present moment. So rather than torture myself over what could or might happen, I am practicing enjoying the one moment I have, which is this one right now. I’m not saying it’s easy to do, like I’m just sitting here in my chair having a kumbaya moment! But the more I keep bringing myself back, the more time I spend feeling good in this moment now, and not worrying myself into the past or the future. That is peace – and isn’t that what we’re looking for?

How about you? How do you manage when you fell out of control? What works to help you find peace? Please share in the comments below!

6COMMENTS

Inspirations, Mind Management

When You’re the Target

This one is for me.

But as I write this, I can think of many other people I know who’ve undergone some form of persecution or challenge. Someone has been laid off, you have an unfair boss, there’s a rumor going around. You can think of more examples like these. It just so happens right now that I’m dealing with my own challenge. Navigating the politics of relationships can be a minefield. My viewpoint is that the dysfunction in an organization that creates that environment, and the time people spend trying to avoid stepping on a mine is waste of time and productivity. But if you’re in a minefield, you’ve got to figure out how to survive the surroundings. My instinct is to pull the ripcord – get out of there! But that’s not the best decision, just an emotional response. If you’re dealing with anything like this you know what I mean. If someone hurts you, be it a friend or an acquaintance, or a boss, you want to put as much distance as possible between you and the source of the pain.

Sometimes, that’s just not possible. So what I’m writing now are the thoughts and scriptures I’m using to remind me of who and what I am, so that I can stand in the place God has put me right now without fear. It’s not easy, and I don’t pretend to be really good at this. But I am better than I used to be, and the power that I draw from these reminders is invaluable. See if any of this helps you!

Deuteronomy 31:8

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

It’s easy for me to feel alone, afraid and discouraged in a situation like this. Moses shared this promise of God with Joshua and the people of Israel as he sent them into the promised land, though they weren’t there yet. This one promise covers all my fears in one reassurance and reminds me that the power I have is the power of God, which is vastly more than any I have on my own.

Psalm 37:1-4

“Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon whither; like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

This is another one that helps me refocus. I get so dragged down by the scheming of others that my thinking becomes anxious and dark. I can imagine every possible negative outcome and then try to figure out how to manage each, before any of them have happened. This advice reminds me to lift my eyes, focus on God, and let the evil and wrongdoing take care of itself. What goes around comes around, karma comes through in the end, and God will take care of me when I keep my delight in him, not a job or my security or my plans.

Psalm 56:3-4

“When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?”

God has it. I will praise, be it in my prayers, meditations, or my grateful list. Man can’t do anything to me that God can’t prevent, and if he doesn’t, it’ll be for the best.

2 Chronicles 20:15b

“This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but the Lord’s.'”

Sometimes, things just look bad. King Jehosephat and the nation of Israel were facing what looked like certain annihilation by the army that was descending upon them. Read the whole chapter because it’s encouraging, but the summary is that God sets the ambushes that defeat the enemy army and fights the battle as he promises. Yes, I have to stand, but the fighting will be won because he is with me (see Deut 31 again).

My husband told our son a story this week that helped me make sense of the hard things we face. Sometimes it seems that our sufferings are meaningless. But what if they’re not?

There once was a man who was walking blindfolded but had never stumbled. One day while he was walking he tripped and fell. He took off his blindfold to see what tripped him and saw a pothole in the street. Before he had a chance to complain, he looked ahead and saw a huge chasm fifty feet ahead on his path. The fall into the chasm would have killed him. He fell on his knees and praised God for the pothole.

It may be that the potholes we face, the target on our back, the gossip or criticism we endure is to open our eyes to real danger or threat ahead. They may be the thing that saves us from a worse fate ahead. In any case, I choose to believe that these hardships and challenges are purposeful in my life. Like it says in 2 Corinthians 4:17, “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”

Do you have favorite scriptures, sayings, or quotes that lift your spirit when you face hard times? Please share in the comments below, and stay encouraged! Please share this post with anyone who needs a boost…

10COMMENTS

Help Getting It Done, Mind Management

Feeling Overwhelmed

It just doesn’t make sense. It’s been a good week both with the kids and their homeschool and at work. Even the hospital was extra reasonable! I’m going on a tropical vacation for a few days, the back to school shopping is done (for now), and there are lots of groceries in the house. So why am I feeling so crazy?

Sometimes I feel like I just run from one urgent situation to another, and whatever screams the loudest gets my attention. Squeaky wheel and all that, I guess. But the problem is that in the background, the quiet things are slowly building up until they become the next fire to put out. Good example: Even though I got the groceries, the school supplies (and ordered what I couldn’t find in the store), had the workbooks spiral bound and covered at Kinko’s, and got the car washed, I also know that my son has no long pants other than his sweats that fit. In the back of my mind, I’m quite sure that even though I haven’t taken inventory (because I know what I’ll find out), the other kids are going to need school clothes and shoes. And even though I bought two bunches of bananas two days ago, there’s only one left. I’m teaching on meditation tonight at church (shouldn’t I be peaceful first?) and my lesson needs to be written down. The storage closet in the basement is trashed, and who’s gonna have to get that reorganized? There’s more, but really, I’m getting anxious just writing this.

Who’s gonna clean that up? Oh, right…

And then last night, my husband said something that just set me off. He went to Costco (for which I’m very grateful!) and came home with all the stuff on the list. I was braiding my oldest’s hair when he got back, so the other kids helped put away the supplies. When I saw him later, he was aggravated about a part of the backyard fence that fell down (again!), and he mentioned that the freezers were too full to put the food he bought in easily and it was irritating to him. You know what that meant to me? That meant I needed to clean out the freezers. Why? Because I manage the procurement and storage of food. Not that he can’t – it’s just my job. And since we went plant based and no one is particularly interested in the meats anymore, my freezers are too full of food that no one is eating. And here’s the thing: I knew it was a problem. But I hadn’t gotten around to it because of all the other more urgent issues. I probably should have just taken note of the situation and put “clean the freezers out” on a list somewhere, but I got mad. I felt criticized and overwhelmed, and my go-to emotion that is most familiar and comfortable is self-righteous anger. Now, I didn’t fly off the handle (this time), but I left the room and went to my closet alone to pack without saying anything. At the moment, that was the best thing (so I didn’t say something ugly), but in the end I spent the evening by myself packing when I’d rather have enjoyed the first night of my time away from work hanging out with him.

Ready to go in the suitcase…

So what do you do when you feel crazy and overwhelmed? It’s tough, and there are many ways to cope. Some people drink, some watch TV or escape into sleep, some run as hard as they can until the list is done, even if that means less sleep that they need and sacrificing any fun and relaxation (guilty!). But here’s what we forget: We get done what we need to, not because we are so organized or amazing, but because we are provided for. I got the shopping done because God gave me the means (time and money) to get when was needed. The instructions I needed for school preparation came at the right time, and I was able to get copies of the maps and the workbooks spiral bound because I knew where I could get it done fast and had the time to go. There are weeks that there wouldn’t have been an opportunity, or I’d have been running out when the kids went to bed. But I didn’t because God moved things into the place they needed to be. So even if I hadn’t anticipated having to address this set of situations this week, He knew I would need to, and he made it all come together.

So instead of staying overwhelmed and frustrated, I went back to what works every time – getting connected and grateful. Meditation was first – listening for God’s voice was what I really needed to move through the day. Sometimes my idea of what has to happen today isn’t really what needs to happen. Sometimes I make myself crazy with my own assignments, when God doesn’t expect me to do everything I think is important. Then I wrote a bunch of things I thought of to be thankful for in my gratitude journal. I also sat down and got some work done, and I’ll add the less urgent to-dos to a list. But I will continue to remember that I’m in the right moment right now for what needs to be done, to talk to the people I’m near, to be in the place I find myself right now. Because this is where and when God has me, it’s not a mistake. God sends the resources and the time windows to get it all done. My only real task is to accept the assignments as they come, and pray to see what I’m sent as the gifts that they are meant to be.

Gratitude is the antidote to overwhelm. When I feel overloaded, counting my blessings is what helps me to see all the good and gifts in my life. So I’ll keep practicing!

What about you? How do you deal with feeling overwhelmed? Please share in the comments below!

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