Category Archives: Mind Management

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Inspirations, Mind Management, Top 15 Weight Loss Posts

How Practice Cures Frustration

Girl. I almost pulled all my hair out this morning dealing with my son. He should have been the one who almost ended up bald. Let me tell you the story…

It all started a couple of years ago when we bought Chrome books for the three oldest kids to do their schoolwork. They had just started a grammar/writing course in their homeschool program, and our one desktop wasn’t going to be enough to allow them all to get the work done at the same time. Of course, I was concerned about what kind of parental controls would be on the machines to protect them from unsavory content on the internet, but my husband made sure that the limits that could be set were in place before we set them up on their individual laptops.

It has been a struggle ever since. Even though we designated the computers for school work, we’ve found kids sitting in an out-of-the-way place in the house on their laptop, they’ve figured out how to instant message their friends (no kid in our house has a phone), and they take any opportunity to play on a website or fool around finding funny memes. It’s not as though they’re spending lots of time on sites that are unsanctioned; but they want to spend every free moment on a screen. We haven’t caught anyone looking at explicit content (yet), but because they do tend to be sneaky and try to hide their screen or close pages when an adult is around, I’m concerned that they’re going to stumble into something on the web that’s too mature or even outright dangerous. We even took away their password login so that only we or their teacher could log them on to the computer. It’s been a lot.

Today when our teacher came in, she mentioned that she was having the kids write out the drafts of their writing assignments because she was concerned about their lack of transparency with the laptop use. My son immediately developed an attitude. When I asked him what was happening, he clammed up and wouldn’t talk, but it was clear that he was frustrated with the whole thing. Of course, I couldn’t just let that ride. We sat down where I expressed to him in no uncertain terms that we would work this out until we came to a resolution: He is worth it to me, even if it wrecks our morning. We spent the next hour and a half talking about his concerns, pride, sin, honesty, safety on the internet, freedom and responsibility, and wisdom. In the end, his concern about the lack of efficiency of hand writing papers was addressed, my stance on internet safety was clear, and the connection between trust and transparency was reviewed. We prayed and he got back to his schoolwork with a lighter heart and happier disposition.

Back to work…

One of the best parts of the conversation was the part about his fear of being inefficient in his work. Even at age 11, he’s concerned about protecting his free time. Now, this boy has a strong work ethic and generally is good about getting his assignments done. I’m very clear on my standard; Work first, play after. And he generally follows that guideline. The thought of having to hand write drafts of his papers for school instead of being able to revise a typed copy threatened his belief that he could get the work done before the weekend and have his weekend time for more fun things. In his mind, he was going to be typing papers every weekend of the semester instead of having free time to read, play video games with his dad, go bike riding or roller skating, and his life was spiraling out of control into drudgery. Yes, this is a very dramatic scenario to dream up.

But we do the same thing as adults. How many times have you looked at your schedule and decided that the whole day was shot because the tasks ahead were too much for the hours you had to work. Or looked at your bank account and thought you might never be able to afford a vacation again, at least not a good one? Or stepped on the scale and just knew that you were always going to be losing the weight loss battle so you might as well quit trying? My point is this: Just like my son, all those observations are not fact – they are thoughts . Even if they feel true to us (and my son was convinced his thoughts were true), they are just sentences in our minds. And we can change them.

When we worked through the understanding that his thoughts were not circumstances, I asked him whether he liked how he felt when he felt those thoughts. And when he admitted that he did not, I reminded him that he was the only one in control of his thoughts. While his brain is efficient and would likely continue to try to think these thoughts again, he could choose new thoughts to think. I asked him if he thought the new thoughts would be easier to think than the old ones – he said no. When I asked him how we think new thoughts, he gave the answer we all need: Practice!

It’s so funny that this was the conversation today. One of my partners at work wanted us to do some activities for physician wellness next week. So I’ve been thinking about what things most contribute to physician burnout, and what things have helped me the most in feeling balanced and happy at work. And while the list of things that contribute to physician burnout and the mass exodus of practicing physicians in certain fields, what has helped me has been more individual than institutional. I can’t change the institutions I work in, at least not quickly. But I can breathe, I can stretch and connect to my body throughout the day, and I can manage my mind and how I think about the work I have in front of me. Those things help me, so I thought my contribution to physician wellness week would be reminders to do those things throughout the day.

Little reminders…

The thing that consistently makes us miserable is the way we choose to think. It may be that circumstances can change, but if the thoughts we have are unconscious and in control of us, then we live in a constant state of misery of our own making. If we can learn to think thoughts that are helpful and constructive (this takes practice!), then we can create the environment in which we live. I can look at a slam-packed, double booked schedule and decide my whole day is going to be hell on wheels, or I can choose to think that I will help a lot of people that day. I can believe the thought that I have no control over my schedule , or I can believe that I have some control over my schedule and how my day goes. The first thought leaves me feeling hopeless and unmotivated, the second allows my brain to look for creative solutions to help my day flow as I’d like. It’s all in what I choose to think. My thoughts will determine how I feel and motivate me to take (or NOT take) action. No, I don’t control the circumstances, but they’re not what make me miserable. My thinking does that.

And I don’t mean to suggest that you can go from thinking, “My day is going to hell in a hand basket”, to “My day is sunshine and rainbows!”. But you can choose a thought that you believe. Maybe your next thought is, “I am trained to handle this work.” Or it could be, “Whatever happens today, I will go home and enjoy my fuzzy socks and a mug of hot tea in front of the fire at the end of it.” How about this one – “I enjoy talking to/working with/accomplishing the tasks I have to do.” I don’t know what thoughts you can choose to believe. But you do! And when you move away from the thoughts that make you miserable, you can continue to choose more thoughts that make you feel supported, motivated, and cared for.

You can do this at home too. You could be thinking that no one ever helps you around the house. Or, you could choose to think that you are loved and your kids are getting better at emptying the dishwasher without you reminding them (even if the laundry is overflowing the baskets!). You can choose to think that your house is a wreck and you hate coming home to a mess everyday. Or you could choose to believe that you are training your kids to keep a common environment that supports everyone, even if it’s not all the way there yet. You might even choose to believe what older moms tell you, that you’ll miss the mess when they’re gone (I’m still not sure about this one, but I’m trying to believe it!).

You are not your mind – you are the master of your mind. You can choose to think the way that supports you. You might need to write those new thoughts down again and again. Or make sticky notes to put up on your mirror or near your bed to remind you. The more you see the new thought, the more you will find the new way of thinking to becoming more natural. Just know that it takes practice and persistence to teach your brain new way of thinking. You can do it!

Have you ever realized that your thoughts are producing your feelings? How do you feel when you realize you can control the experience of your life by managing your thoughts? Please share in the comments below!

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Blog, Mind Management

When The Bad Things Happen

I almost lost my mind in the supermarket this week. I’ll explain…

For those of you who’ve been following, we’ve had a lot of churn in our homeschool teacher situation. Suffice it to say, for the past year I’ve been interviewing teachers and have had to deal with some turnover. It hasn’t been easy. Our teacher is both our kid’s education and our childcare, so that person is incredibly important in how our lives are managed. In the past year and a half, we’ve had three different teachers, after having had our last nanny-teacher for 8 years. Between reviewing resumes, interviews, background checks and signing contracts, the process of finding a person to do this work with us is taxing, to say the least.

Last week was busy but good. Perry and I had a church leadership seminar that started Friday night and went through Saturday. I had been looking forward to it because it gave us one night away from home together, kind of a mini retreat! We came home, hosted a sleepover for one of the kids, and got everyone to church on Sunday morning.

At 1150 am, a text from our teacher came through to both me and my husband. I didn’t see it, but he did when he checked his phone at the end of service. He took my hand, said we had an emergency, handed off the kids to someone at church, and took me into an empty room. The text said that our new teacher (who had been working for us for ONE WEEK), was unable to continue working because of an situation she was in. I was floored. We prayed together for our teacher and for help to get through the new upset in our life. We decided to go out into the congregation, ask for prayers from whomever we talked to, and talk to the kids about it when we got home.

As far as I was concerned, this was a disaster. Putting aside whatever awful thing our teacher was dealing with (which must have been horrible), what were we going to do for school? My eldest daughter was supposed to start her second semester of her program the next day. Both of us were working and we suddenly had no childcare for the foreseeabIe future. I felt like the ground just shifted under me.

We had to get a few things at the store to make dinner, so I ran into the Kroger on the way home. As I raced through the bakery section to get to the produce, I had the strangest experience. As I walked past the croissants and doughnuts and cookies, I envisioned myself ripping open all the packages and shoving doughnut after doughnut into my mouth. Y’all. I don’t even like store doughnuts – they taste like chemicals to me. I knew even as these crazy thoughts flew through my mind what was happening: I wanted to buffer.

What’s buffering?

Buffering is when you try to make a cushion between you and an uncomfortable thought. It’s a distraction, something that gets you away from focusing on the thing that is bothering you. It’s the reason people overeat, drown themselves in social media, drink too much, use drugs, binge watch TV or shop for things they don’t need. Buffering is an incredibly common coping mechanism for dealing with the hard things in our lives. So when I was in the middle of a sea of highly processed simple carbs, my mind decided that eating all of it was an excellent way to get away from the overwhelming feeling of fear I was feeling about our homeschool situation blowing up. The bad news? Buffering doesn’t work, at least not in the long run. The bad feeling still has to be dealt with, or it’s coming back, plus you have gained weight or have a hangover or you have debt you don’t want. The good news – I didn’t crack up in the store.

Good job, Mom!

We got through the day and got a (really wonderful!) temporary solution in place. A friend from church who was a school teacher offered to step in for the semester to help us out. God to the rescue! About 8 hours after the crisis began, we had a way to keep homeschooling, at least for the semester. But, even with that miraculous resolution, I woke up a couple of days later with terrible anxiety. I felt so much fear about the tenuous position we’re in depending on someone else to help us school our kids. Questions were flying around my mind and I just wanted to bury myself under the covers and not get up. I prayed, I tried to meditate, but I wasn’t feeling a lot better. You see, I’ve spent many years thinking very negatively. It’s only been in the past few years that I’ve been actively learning to manage my thoughts. For the most part, it’s been very helpful, learning to recognize the thoughts and turn them into thoughts that are more helpful and constructive. But after listening to coaching podcasts, I knew there was more work to be done. While I’m much quicker at working on changing the thoughts that cause me to feel badly, what I haven’t done is learn to sit with painful emotions. Why bother if I can change my thoughts? Because sometimes, it’s not that simple. Learning to feel the emotion and allow it to be present is what needs to come before trying to change the thoughts that bring the hard feelings. Running from the emotion and being afraid to feel it, rushing to change it before allowing it to be almost guarantees that it will come back.

I’d been resisting taking the time to feel difficult emotions and discomfort for a few weeks since I learned that I needed to do it. Taking time to sit with discomfort – it was on my list, but it seemed to keep falling off. I kept telling myself that I didn’t have time for all that, it would take too long, I needed to just get over it and keep it moving. Sound familiar?

Hmmm….

Fortunately, I had a coaching session at 7 am, so I had to get up. When I got on the call, I asked the coach to help me with feeling the fear. She walked me through identifying the sensation in my body as I thought the fearful thoughts. She had me put descriptive words to the feeling in my body, and then I sat there for a few moments feeling what the fear felt like. After about one minute, she asked me to decide if I felt the same, worse or better. And even in that little bit of time, I felt better. Not done completely, but better. It was as if the resistance I had to feeling the painful feeling just made it more frightening and bigger than it was. Did I really need to get over it and move on? Was it true that I didn’t have time to feel my feelings? Apparently not.

Life brings challenges. There are lots of things that we face that are hard, and we aren’t going to feel good all the time, even when we manage our minds well. Buffering doesn’t work and running from our feeling also doesn’t work. The way forward is through – through the emotions, through the thoughts, through the discomfort. It’s a practice, but even one good experience with it lets me know that I can do it again. And maybe I won’t want to binge eat doughnuts next time something hard happens!

Do you have a way that you buffer? What keeps you from feeling the uncomfortable feelings? Please share in the comments below!

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Are You Kind To You?

Happy New Year!

Here we are in 2020 and it’s back to the hustle. I’ve gotten two birthdays down, two to go (the oldest just turned thirteen and the youngest seven. The twins will be eleven at the end of the month!). I’ve been on call overnight at the hospital, the shopping and cooking and cleaning has to be done, and our new homeschool teacher has started. It’s been busy – and good.

I’ve certainly had lots of opportunities to work on managing my mind. This time of year, between holiday preparations and birthdays, I’m running at top speed. And I get tired of the pace, right around now. I’ve been busy with all this since Halloween, so I tend to start to feel like a break is needed, even though I know that I’ve got a little more to do before I get back to my normal frenetic pace. We’ve also had a lot of changes at work recently, so if you add all the busyness at home to the growing pains of change at work, my brain and body are both getting a workout!

Around 6:30 am a couple of mornings ago, I packed up my bags and was taking them to the car after working in the hospital overnight. On my way into work the day before, I had stopped by Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods to get the gluten free cupcake I needed for the baby’s birthday, so I picked up other groceries I needed for the house while I was there. Those two stores aren’t close to my house, so when I go into the city, I try to swing by and get what we need. I had stored the perishables in a refrigerator in the doctor’s lounge overnight and was carrying that bag, my purse, my computer bag, and a bundle of a dozen white roses I’d bought. As I entered the elevator, a woman saw the roses and commented that someone must like me!

That was a nice thought, right? Someone must appreciate me enough to have bought me roses. I didn’t know her, so I almost just agreed and let that comment pass. But I told her the truth. I replied, “Yeah, I like me – I bought these roses!” We both chuckled and I went down to the car and packed up.

My little red chariot...

I’ve been thinking about this little interaction ever since. Why did I tell her that I bought the roses? Why do people assume that someone else bought the flowers? Is it strange that I buy flowers for myself? Why am I spending my brain space on this? Actually, I know why the thought is hanging around: It’s because of my history around flowers. When I was dating and engaged and after I got married more than 16 years ago, a vase of fresh flowers in my house generally meant that I’d been given those flowers by my husband, and generally for special occasions like an anniversary or birthday. Of course, those events only happen twice a year, so fresh flowers were a rare occurrence. But I like flowers, and I said so to him, many times. And at one point he worked near a florist and brought me flowers for no reason at all, but it wasn’t as often as I would have liked. And I asked and lamented and pouted and nagged, but that didn’t bring more flowers to me. Mind you, my husband does a ton of other very generous and lovely things for me – but the flowers were a no-go. Who knows why?

So I was in a grocery store one day a few years ago and noticed that the flowers looked fresh and the prices were good. As I walked past the display, a little voice in my head said, “Buy some.” I argued with myself about it for a moment, but then decided that yes, I would get them. And after I got them home and cut the stems and put them in my hand-painted ceramic vase, I put them on my bedside table. Every time I looked at them or smelled the delicate scent, I felt a little pop of joy. So I decided that buying myself flowers was a good and inexpensive way to take care of my own happiness. It was an act of kindness to me. So I’ve continued to do it.

So why mention it to the woman on the elevator? Because I wanted her to know that someone else didn’t have to buy me flowers, that buying them for myself was a way to appreciate me. And hopefully, she might do the same or something similar for herself. As a mom and wife and friend and sister and daughter and (for me) a doctor, life is often consumed with taking care of others. And so many of us think that our needs come last, and that other people should do nice things for us. I’m learning to disagree with both thoughts. First, even though those who are dependent on me might need their needs to come before mine sometimes, it’s actually not ALL of the time. Sometimes, especially as they get older, they can wait. I can take a hot bath, I can eat my dinner before helping with a project (instead of eating a handful of nuts and drinking a glass of wine to hold off my hunger until they go to bed). I can buy myself flowers and make time for a mani/pedi, and I can take a few minutes to do the yoga that makes me feel so much better in my mind and my body.

Second, no one has to do nice things for me. Who said they should? If someone chooses to do something for you, we often think that it’s because we’ve done something worth noticing or that we are loved by them because of how we’ve treated them. But here’s the thing: When someone does something for you, it’s about them. They do something for you because of how they think about you, because they’re feeling generous, because they like something you did. How many times have you done the same for someone else? That was about you and how you were thinking of the person you were loving. We’ve all done many things, many acts of care and kindness that have gone unnoticed. Does that mean anything? It just means that you did something lovely and another didn’t outwardly acknowledge it. It doesn’t change your love or care, even if no one saw it.

I’ve come to the conclusion that if I want to be appreciated for the hard work I’m doing, then I’m just as good a person to do the appreciation as someone else. I can do something nice for me, I can thank myself for a job well done, and I can be in charge of how I feel about the service and care I give. If no one notices, I do. And that way, I do what I do because I want to give, and not because I feel compelled (God loves a cheerful giver – 2 Cor 9:7). If someone else does something nice for me, it’s extra. But they don’t have to – I can love on me. Besides, who knows better what encouraging words I want to hear than I do? Who knows I want flowers today better than me? No, I don’t get this right all the time. I fall back into my old way of thinking regularly and have to remind myself that I have a new way of thinking. It takes practice. But those white roses on my bedside table are a nice reminder!

How about you? How are you kind to yourself? What’s the most recent beautiful thing you did for yourself? Please share in the comments below!

Blog, Inspirations, Mind Management

A New Take on The New Year

Does anyone else feel anxious about starting the New Year “right”?

I love the New Year – all the hope of a new start, a fresh beginning, leaving behind the struggles and disappointments of a tough year. It’s kind of the same feeling I get when I wake up in the morning. A fresh day brings the hope of all I might do and experience that day (even if I’m a little over ambitious sometimes!). A New Year is the same, but on steroids. There’s so much possibility! What could happen, what might I do?

One thing I like to do at the close of the year is to watch or read the year-in-review blogs and videos. The encapsulated view of the past year is inspiring, and often a little sad. The review of the year in politics usually makes me feel glad to be leaving the year behind! There’s often also a tribute to those who passed on that year and the young celebrities lost are always mentioned on the list. It’s tragic to know that such young lives are lost forever. And then I remember that I’m still here and even if I’ve lost someone, there’s still more life to live, even if it’s just today. And that feels hopeful too.

It bloomed New Year’s Day!

Even as I say my goodbyes to the past year and look forward to the year ahead, I always feel this nagging sense of urgency, as if I should do something to be ready for the New Year. Many are making their resolutions and I’ve said before that I don’t do that. Resolutions are meant to be broken (and usually are!). But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to start the year well. I want an intention, a direction, a plan to fulfill. In past years, I’ve prayed and meditated and listened for God’s direction and scriptures to keep close in the New Year. I’ll be doing that again.

But it doesn’t seem like enough, does it? Maybe it is and I’m getting myself worked up for nothing. But it’s going to be 2020! It could be I just like the symmetry of the number, or maybe the ending of the decade feels significant for some reason. I definitely feel like I ought to be making a big plan to start on January 1! I even bought a new planner, which I didn’t really need. I had a calendar already and I’ve been using my Google calendar more this year in efforts to stay synced up with my husband’s schedule. I even figured out how to sync my work calendar to my private calendar – no small feat for my tech-challenged self! So when I saw the intention calendar I didn’t really know if I needed it, but I felt like it was significant for me to have to make big moves in 2020. I know I made all that up in my head. I’ve bought these kind of planners before and they are so much work that the sheer intimidation of all those questions and blank pages usually means I don’t even start them, much less finish them. And I haven’t started this one either, and now I feel like I’m already behind, even though I bought the one without pre-printed dates!

All this comes from a self-created sense that I’m the designer of my upcoming year. Now I know that’s false. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, or even if tomorrow is coming! All I have is today. Since I didn’t have to go to work today and I could do whatever I wanted with the day, I could have sat down with the calendar and worked away at creating my intentions for 2020. Let me tell you what I did instead…

Meditated

Put away all Christmas decor and swept the house clean

Sent the kids with their daddy to lunch and a movie

Looked through the 2020 intention planner and put it down

Read an old Oprah magazine

Watched a couple of year-in-review videos

Napped on the couch

Ate curry soup

Did some writing

Took the puppy to the dog park

That’s it. At some point I have to make dinner and that’ll be the end of the productive part of the day for me. The 2020 plan has already been written for me, and I actually know some of it. I’m starting some intensive training in March and building a business toward the end of the year, God willing. Here’s what I’ve come to terms with: The plan is not mine. I’m very excited about what I’m working toward, and I feel very much like 2020 is going to be a pivotal and challenging year, full of growth, change, discomfort and wonder. But I’m also very clear that I didn’t design the plan. I didn’t design 2019. I went back through my posts this year and did my own year-in-review. This is some of what I did this year:

I didn’t plan for all of that! As I looked back, I realized that it’s not my place to be the designer of my time: It’s my role to follow the path created for me. How? Through prayer and meditation, listening and following. So whether I fill out the intention calendar, write a bunch of affirmations, journal like crazy, or design a month-by-month plan for the new year, that’s not what determines the success of the year. What will determine how the year goes is how I show up in it, for the tasks set before me, for my family, for my friends, and for those who need what I have to give. That won’t be accomplished by a plan I design for the year. I’ll build that day by day as I stay connected to the God of my life. When I look back next year, I’ll see all that He built through me in 2020. And what a gift that will be!

How are you thinking about 2020? What are you doing to prepare for what’s coming for you? Please share in the comments below!

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Blog, Inspirations, Mind Management

Race To The Finish

Christmas is five days away.

How do you feel when you read that? I’ve been asking my patients about their plans for Christmas and it’s really interesting the different responses I’ve gotten. Some women are crazy busy with cooking and shopping, and some are just over it. One woman told me that because they did a big Thanksgiving at her house this year and her kids are older, they were just relaxing together and taking things light. I loved that answer!

But what does that mean?

I didn’t really have time to ask her for details and take care of her visit concerns, but I wondered. In my little world, I can’t quite imagine what taking it light looks like for Christmas. Maybe I’m not applying my considerable imagination here, but even if I wasn’t working overnight for Christmas this year, I still don’t know what that would mean here. My room is full of boxes of presents to wrap, I have food to cook, and the house needs some serious picking up. I’m also still working, and now I have a cold. The cold is the sign that I’ve been staying up too late and my immunity is down from lack of sleep. But look at this pile!

Who’s gonna wrap all this?

Now let me make two disclaimers: One, I know holidays with younger kids is different than with grown folk, and I’ll miss it when they’re older. And two, I have learned to take some shortcuts to make the actual holiday easier. For example, I ordered a lot of the Christmas dinner from the grocery this year because I knew I wouldn’t be here for the meal. But, my baby girl has allergies and even with the options at Whole Foods, I couldn’t order the whole thing and get her fed. So I’m going to make a cornbread stuffing for her (which everyone loves, so I’m making a big one).

So, it is what it is. Fortunately, all the gifts are here. The stocking stuffers are in a shopping bag. The food is scheduled for pick up, and since I couldn’t get my surgical cases on at the hospital because it’s so busy, I’m laying here fighting this cold. My problem is that I still don’t feel like I can rest – everything isn’t done!

I still need to cut this into cubes and dry it out for the stuffing… My daughter made it for me though!

This discomfort, this unease with resting is very familiar to me. I heard the best description of it this week, so let me share with you. You know how you can have an air conditioner or heater in the background and you don’t really notice it until it clicks off? That’s how this feeling of unease is – kind of like white noise, or an operating system just running all the time. When I meditate or get still in the moment, that’s when it clicks off. You know what I’ve figure out?

I don’t like white noise.

When my kids were small, we had a white noise machine for their room to help block out the other sounds in the house. They seemed to find it soothing. But I did not – it was irritating to me. I like quiet and dark when I sleep, so that stupid machine was never something I’d want in my room. I know lots of people find background noise very comforting, and I have no argument with that. Do what works for you! But as I’ve learned more about myself, I’ve figured out that my normal sensitivity to most things are high – light, noise, smells. And it’s a good thing, because I can pick up on signals that I might miss if I were less sensitive. But it’s a challenge because to much sensory input is exhausting for me. So when the washing machine is running and the kids are bickering and the music is on and a kid goes to bang on the piano, I feel like I want to jump out of my skin!

It’s the same with my mind.

Over the years, I’ve trained my mind to be vigilant, not to miss things and pay attention to details. This skill serves at work and often at home, particularly if a kid is trying to get away with something. But as a practice, as a way of being, it does not serve me. It promotes anxiety and restlessness, and it doesn’t feel good. If it had a purpose, if maybe I got more done because if it, then it might be work it. And sometimes I amaze myself at how much I get done! But at what cost?

Real deal…

This week, one of my best friends got bad news about her health. Now when a doctor says “bad”, that’s not normal “bad”, that’s a whole ‘nother level. We are trained to find the worst possible outcomes and try to avoid them. For a doctor, “bad” is when it looks like there might not be a way to fix it. My brain went haywire thinking of all the terrible things that might happen in the coming months. It felt like a plane spiraling down out of the sky. And then my conscious self said, “Stop that.”. It reminded me that today, right now is all we have. Whatever is coming in the future isn’t to be lived now. Living hard things in the future is a recipe for misery, because we are experiencing the hard thing that might happen, and then if they do happen we have to experience them twice. What good is that?

What may happen in the future can stay there, because we miss the moment now when we live in the future. When we miss the moment now, we miss the sweetness, the joy, the laughter, the peace that we can have right now. After I heard the news from my friend, I showed up at her door the morning of my next day off. She told me she was leaving for an appointment and I wasn’t planning to stay. She even told me not to come, probably because she thought it would be a waste of time since she was headed out. When I showed up, she scolded me first, and then cried because I told her I just was there to make sure she knew I love her, and that I’m here. I was only there for 15 minutes, but it was a moment that we will both remember. That’s what it’s about – experiencing the moments we’re given as the gift they are. Because whenever the end of this life comes, we will have lived it. So as I go into the last few days before Christmas, I am turning off the white noise and taking the moments I have with the kids, my parents, my wonderful husband and my patients as the gifts they are.

Merry Christmas!

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Blog, Mind Management

It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way (But what if it is?)

You would not believe the day I had yesterday…

It’s been a long haul recently. As a practicing OBGYN, every week’s schedule is different – some days I’m in the office, some I’m doing surgery, and some I’m in the hospital managing laboring patients and seeing patients being admitted and those in the ER. Since the hospital I’m at now is far from my house, when I go on call or do surgery, my days are really long because of the commute. It’s not fun, but it’s not usually every day. Last week, I drove into the city to the hospital or to a meeting six days in a row. That was followed by two more days in the office, so a grand total of eight days of work in a row. Now, I know there are many people who work many more days at a stretch than that, and I’m not complaining – the work has been fine. But I didn’t do right over the Thanksgiving week, and I was going to bed around midnight every night. So when I started back to work getting up at 5 am, I was whipped. It’s kind of felt like being jet lagged for the past week and a half. Plus, I’ve been hustling to get the house decorated and the Christmas shopping done, because Christmas is less than two weeks away!

So when I went to the office yesterday, I thought that I’d run through the day and squeeze in a few extra tasks, like work on a patient list I needed to update and call a few extra patients I needed to talk to. As I walked in the door, I heard my charge nurse say, “Hey, Dr Parks is here!” and I knew it wasn’t because they were so happy to see me. That meant I was assigned “Doc-Of-The-Day” and they already needed me to address some situation. The day had barely begun and we were already running. And so it went. Every time I looked up, another patient had been added to my schedule, or someone needed my help with one of their patients, or a nurse needed me to sign an order or answer a call or a question. This all in addition to a few pretty challenging patients on my schedule who I also needed to see and take care of. I finished the morning patients two-thirds through the lunch break, spoke to my supervisor until six minutes into the afternoon session. I grabbed my lunch salad out of the frig at 3 pm.

It tasted better than it looks…

It was the kind of day that makes most physicians want to pull all their hair out. Or at least start a part time schedule or do more administrative work. Too many days of that pace back to back are enough to frustrate a saint. I already went down to 80% in my schedule after eleven years at this speed because I needed a little room to manage the kids and the homeschool better. And in the not so distant past, I’d be ready to snap on the next person who wanted something. But yesterday, I didn’t. I joked and laughed with the staff, I kidded around with the midwives when they needed something, I did extra when asked and I wasn’t angry/resentful/frustrated when I had to work through lunch. What was different?

I was different.

The circumstances hadn’t changed at all. If anything, my schedule and the complexity of my patients and the coordination of care has gotten more challenging over the years. But the way I’m thinking about it has changed. Instead of being annoyed that I’m needed by a midwife or nurse practitioner, I kept thinking about how much I like working with the people I work with. When the nurses came to ask questions, I remembered how hard it must be for them to keep having to search us out, knowing that some doctors would give them a hard time for interrupting their schedule. Also, I really like our nurses, and I remembered that too. Even when I was in the room with an upset or challenging patient, I knew that I could manage whatever was wrong. I can be kind and patient, even when I know there are two phone calls and three patients waiting for me. Even at the end of the day, I still was feeling good and looking forward to going home, even though I had another daughter’s hair to do that night.

Sounds like someone slipped something into my coffee, right? I know. And given that this is not at all my formerly normal way of being, I have to acknowledge the mid work I’ve been doing is having an effect. In last week’s post I showed a picture of the book I’ve been reading by Eckhard Tolle, and the part I read yesterday just changed the color of the whole day. I even read it to my older kids. My son asked me again about it this morning. Let me share it with you…

When I read that, I sat for a full minute trying to figure out what problem I had at that moment. My brain couldn’t come up with anything. And because I’ve been working that gratitude list, my mind started offering me all these lovely things that were good right at that moment, like the warmth of the space heater, the snuggly collar of my robe, the pink of the sunrise between the houses, and the sound of my healthy kids making themselves some breakfast in the background. It was true – my problems are made in my mind and exist wither in the past or in the future. They have whatever meaning I assign to them. And even then, they’re only a problem if I made them one, because otherwise they are a situation I may or may not be able to address right this minute.

Here’s the thing: I really don’t like how angry and frustrated feels in my body. And I feel angry a lot, because I’ve practiced it for a long time! Even knowing that most of my anger comes from fear doesn’t make it go away. But knowing that how i think about everything is my choice helps a ton. If I want to feeling differently, I get to choose the thoughts that I have that produce the feelings I want to have. I can choose to complain and rail against what is and how it might affect something that might happen later and I will be angry and frustrated. Or, I can choose to believe that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now. I can choose to think that whatever I’m dealing with is growing me into the next best version of myself, and growth is often uncomfortable. I can choose to know that right now in this present moment, everything is well and I have many things that are good. When I choose those thoughts, I feel peaceful and I can smile. Do I do it well all the time? Nope. Is it always easy to think this way? Not at all. But it’s a practice, and to me it’s worth the effort. The days will be what they are, but I get to decide how I will live in them. And that thinking, my friends, is a gift we give can give to ourselves.

How do you think about the challenges you face? Have you ever asked yourself the question, “How do you want to feel?” Please share in the comments below!

NOCOMMENTS

Blog, Mind Management

Why Can’t I Sit Down?

It’s here…

This is the time of the year when everything seems to be happening all at once. From October to February, we have Halloween, our anniversary, his birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and all four kid’s birthdays in the 30 days after Christmas. I call this our high season. This year feels even more wild than usual because Thanksgiving was so late into November that Christmas is to follow only a mere 26 days later – that’s a week less than in 2018. Now, I’m generally pretty organized, but somehow this loss of a week has thrown me off and I feel like I’m on a race to the finish. In addition to the normal Christmas shopping, family picture taking, decorating and planning, I’m working on call for Christmas this year and now the plans are even more crucial because I won’t be here to carry them out – they’ve got to be done and ready to work without me. So it’s felt like a little bit of a hustle!

Still, I had a few days off at Thanksgiving and because we made it a joint effort, there was actually some time that I didn’t have as much to do. A mom in our homeschool group posted about a drawing for kids video series on YouTube that kept the girls busy (yay!) and my son was happy to play video games with his dad. There were these small chunks of time that I could have sat down and read a book, or taken a bath, or done some coloring. I even gathered books and had them piled next to the couch. But every time I got ready to sit down, something would come up. A child wanted a snack. The kitchen wasn’t cleaned up. There were socks and sweaters strewn about and I needed to summon the kids back to clean them up. Dinner prep had to be done. A sale on something we needed was happening online and I had to get my order in. The days were so busy that it felt like before I knew it, the end of the day had come, the kids were in bed, and I hadn’t sat down all day.

My lonely coloring book…

I’m tempted to blame this on the phase of life that I’m in right now. I have children who need supervision, a household to run, my paid job to do. But that’s not really the problem. Of course I’m busy – aren’t we all? We all have lots to do in these full lives that we live. Yet, I’m starting to understand that the word “busy” in my mind needs to be a warning sign to me that something is off. Let me explain…

Even with all the to-dos and life to live, there’s always the opportunity to get a moment of space. The reason why we don’t get it is because of how we think. My default mode is to keep moving, always have something to do, to keep a running list of tasks that need finishing so I don’t miss anything. That’s fear thinking right there. It’s real though – things can get missed. Even with all the things I got done this week, I missed one important one. The night before taking Christmas pictures, my youngest came to me 20 minutes before Perry and I were scheduled to meet with our new homeschool teacher and reminded me that her hair wasn’t done. There was no time left to wash, detangle, restyle, have the meeting, and still get her to bed at a reasonable time. Everyone else had their hair done for the pictures except the little one who was waiting on me. Even the guys had gotten haircuts. In that moment, I wanted to spiral down into feeling like a mom failure. I looked down at her sweet little face and gently took off her sleep scarf. A decision had to be made: Was I going to decide that this was a disaster or that the situation could be salvaged?

I decided that I could put a little gel on her edges and we’d be fine. And it was. The feeling I had in the moment I realized I missed doing what I was supposed to do was exactly the feeling I try so hard to avoid. Sometimes, it’s that guilty, bad-mom, shameful, failure feeling is what keeps my feet moving when I’d rather just read a book. Not the best of motivation even if it is effective. Shame as a motivator breeds anxiety, fatigue, and fear.

My problem isn’t the massive amount of stuff to do or the amount of time in the day – it’s the way I think about it and my resistance to feeling the shame and failure feelings. When I’m giving 100% and I’m doing as much as I can, not putting any rest time in my schedule is a mistake. Running myself ragged taking care of everyone else while they enjoy their break from school just leaves me resentful, because deep down I know it doesn’t have to be that way. Who said mom shouldn’t be able to rest and enjoy life too?

When I decide that I don’t ever want to feel shame as a mom, when I am unwilling to make a mistake and feel that emotion of failure, I decide that I have to keep going, not rest, work harder than everyone else so that the hard feelings don’t happen. So my default thinking is that I can’t rest – I don’t have the time. That if I rest, something will go wrong and get missed and it will be my fault. The truth is that usually things work out, even if I do take a break, and even if I run as hard as I can, sometimes something will still get missed. The fear of failing is a terrible motivator, even if it gets a lot done. The feelings of shame and failure are uncomfortable, but they won’t destroy me. I can feel them, acknowledge them, and they go away. The work that is needed to try to avoid them (which isn’t 100% possible) isn’t worth it. Big important things need that kind of vigilance and effort. In this situation, it wasn’t even a big deal. The problem is that our brains get used to this type of thinking, and they make everything a big deal. ]That pattern of thinking isn’t serving anyone. I’m all strung out with worry, my kids don’t get me to be fully with them even though I’m around, and I’m so busy that I miss the moments that are flying by.

I’m reading a book right now called the Power of Now by Eckhard Tolle. He talks constantly about getting your mind out of the past or the future and being fully in the present moment. He says that you can’t be miserable in the Now. I can’t say that I’ve experienced every possible situation that could be painful, but I do know that for me, most of my misery comes from what I think will come in the future, not what is actually happening right this moment. What I make this moment mean in my mind is what makes me worried and unhappy. Try this: When you’re tempted to get all amped up about something that needs to happen, take a deep breath or two and fully exhale. Then notice the feeling of your clothes on your body, the temperature of the air on your skin, the rising and falling of your chest as the air enters and leaves. In this moment, you are well. When I’m unbraiding hair, I can feel the softness of my daughter’s hair in my hands. When I sit in my chair, I can feel the softness of the cushions around me. In this moment, I am well. When I learned that most of the worry and unhappiness in my life was because of how I have taught myself to think, it changed everything. And while I easily fall back into my most practiced though patterns, I now understand that they are optional. I can change my thinking. It takes practice, and every feeling I have isn’t comfortable. But if I am willing to feel uncomfortable feelings and work on my thinking, I can experience and enjoy so much more of my life. For that, the work and discomfort is worth it. And I get to sit down sometimes!

What about you? Do you find yourself racing around in worry? Have you ever felt like you’re at the mercy of your mind? Please share in the comments below!

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Blog, Mind Management, Top 15 Weight Loss Posts

The Misery We Make

I passed the Lifestyle Medicine board exam!

Whew! I wasn’t sure it was going to work out that way. When I walked out of that room, I felt less confident with every step. You know, I’ve taken lots of exams over the course of my career. Between the 22 years of school, MCAT and GRE, four years of residency, five medical board exams for my medical license and specialty, I know how to take some exams! So you’d think that after I spent the better part of 2019 preparing for this exam, I’d have felt pretty clear about whether or not I was going to pass. Well, I thought I did…

There was more to it though. Actually, I did a lot of studying. For those of you who follow me on Facebook, you saw the photo of my flashcards. I mean, I made flashcards! Lord knows I haven’t done that in forever. After the plant based conference, the many modules on nutrition and exercise and smoking cessation and stress management and more, all the evidence based studies, and a board review course, I figured I was ready.

The exam wasn’t really what I expected. I’d heard that lots of the medical studies were on the exam, so I knew those cold. I’d reviewed every test question online and on paper that I had and had consistently been scoring high. But the actual exam was different. You know that cold sweat that pops up when you start an exam and don’t know the answer to the first question? Yep, I had that. And even though I kept moving and got through all the questions in plenty of time, I still felt uncertain after question #150. But after reviewing the first 60 questions for the second time, I heard the lead proctor’s instructions in my head again, telling us to trust our first answers and not go back and change them. So I submitted the exam and packed up my computer. I figured I’d done my best, so that was it. That’s when the spiral began.

When I left the exam, I sat down to wait for my pediatrician colleague to finish the exam and drop me off at the airport. She came out ten minutes later and seemed to feel pretty confident. Of course, then I decided it must have been even worse than I thought. While I waited in the airport, I kept mulling over the questions that I hadn’t been sure of and wondering if I should have stayed longer and reviewed more of my answers. Then I decided that the exam review wasn’t very good if the questions on the exam were so different. I blamed the course for not preparing me well, and decided that if I failed (which by now I had decided was quite possible), then it was because of that course. Then I remembered that the last board exam I took was really hard and I had to retake it because I hadn’t prepared well enough was when I had little babies and was pregnant and sick for most of my study time. I now was working, have four kids, and am homeschooling them with a teacher to manage – what made me think I could devote the necessary time to studying for a medical board? If I failed, then what could I possibly have done differently? I can’t get rid of the kids and I’d already spent as much of my time and resources and I could to get ready this time. Was I going to try again in 2020 if I didn’t pass this time? What could I do differently anyway? And what about all that money I’d already spent? The more I thought about it, the worse I felt, and the more sure I was that I hadn’t passed. By the time I got home, all I wanted to do was lay on the couch and sulk.

Here’s the problem: I was preparing for the worst before it happened. Isn’t that normal? It’s a common tactic we use to steel ourselves for the pain we anticipate. I’ve been doing it for years. It seems like a good way to protect myself from the pain that I’ll feel when the hard thing happens. See if you recognize this logic: If I feel the pain of disappointment/sadness/fear now, then when it happens it won’t hurt as much. That makes sense, right? But here’s the problem: What if the hard thing doesn’t happen?

When we prepare for the worst, we’re living in one possible future. There are a few problems with that. One, that future may not happen. We actually don’t know. But while we prepare our minds for that future as if it’s real, we are actually living the pain of that future without even being there. Two, we’re not experiencing now if we’re focused on the hard thing that may be coming in the future. Yes, the hard thing might happen, but it’s not here now and we’ve lost the good time that we’re in currently if we are focused on the hard thing that might happen. I could have chosen to feel accomplished in completing the exam, in the year of work I’d done, in the space that I now had to do other things I’d been putting off. All those options were available to me, but I chose to fall into the well-worn pattern of worrying about the outcome of the exam and what I’d do if it was poor long before I knew what the result actually was. Three, if the future I’ve prepared for doesn’t happen, then I tortured myself with fear and anxiety for no reason. I lost the current moment that actually could have been good to keep myself sad so that the disappointment wouldn’t feel as heavy when it came. But it didn’t come.

The worst thing about this is that when we do this, we don’t experience the fullness of our emotions, the breadth of our human experience. That means that because we practice blunting our response to hard times so we save ourselves from some pain, we also don’t feel the fullness of the joy and beauty and excitement in our lives. When we practice the worst cast scenario in our minds over and over, then when a good thing is coming, we also prepare for the worst possible outcome for the good time. And the joy is also dampened. So we stay in a very narrow range of emotion to protect ourselves from the lows, but then we miss out on the highs.

The funny thing was that this was the first time I’ve done this to myself where I could see what I was doing. I’ve been practicing managing my thoughts enough that when I started down the spiral I could hear the little voice inside saying, “But you might pass! Even if you don’t, you can be happy now. You can decide what to do when you know. You don’t have to think this way.” I fought it. I didn’t really want to be miserable, but I was so averse to the pain of failure that I kept going in the thinking that was normal to me. I decided to be prepared for the worst, to steel myself against the pain.

But awareness is a practice. Even in the midst of my funk and darkness, I could see a little light. I knew there was a different way to think about this. I also know there will be more opportunities to practice – times when I’m afraid, when I may fail, when challenges arise. And next time, I want to revel in the now and live my life fully without blunting my emotions, even if some of them are painful. So, I keep practicing and managing my mind. Who knows who and what I’ll become as I grow and learn new ways to think?

Have you ever found yourself preparing for the worst and it didn’t happen? How do you keep yourself from spiraling into misery? Please share in the comments below!

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Mind Management, Top 15 Weight Loss Posts

When Things Suck

Well, it’s finished..

I took the exam yesterday morning. It was tough, and I’m not sure I passed. Which is really irritating because I spent eight months, four flights, countless hours of studying and thousands of dollars to pass this exam. Actually, irritating isn’t the right word. I’m not sure what is. But I know I didn’t walk out of that test feeling the way I expected I would, and the rest of the day went downhill from there.

When I left the exam, I went straight to the airport, hoping to get on an earlier flight so I could get home for Halloween preparations. If I landed by 3 pm, I’d probably get ahead of most of the horrific Atlanta traffic. But when I went up to the counter, the agent looked at my boarding pass with a sneer and said I had a restricted (read: cheap) ticket, and it couldn’t be changed. So I wandered away to wait for my flight. Still ok, because if my flight left on time I’d land just before 3 pm.

I hadn’t eaten breakfast because we sat for the exam at 730 am, so I figured I’d find something to take on the plane for lunch. After evaluating all the available options, all I found was a cup of strawberries at a coffee shop. I wasn’t shocked, but just a little disappointed that there were no meatless options to eat anywhere. I mean, I could have ordered a salad minus the meat, but I didn’t feel like paying that kind of money for a salad at the airport. Oh well, I figured I’d just wait until I got home for dinner.

Finally, we boarded my flight and I settled in for the quick trip. As soon as everyone was seated, we were notified that the flight would be delayed due to thunderstorms in Atlanta. We waited at the gate for more than an hour past our original departure time, so we landed in just enough time for me to join the worst of the Friday traffic.

No problem, because the app said I’d get home by six, so I’d miss the Halloween preparations but not the neighborhood party and trick or treating. I inched through traffic and called home on the way to find out the kids would be at the neighborhood clubhouse party when I got there. I pulled up, jumped out, and went looking for my munchkins. The clubhouse was melee with all the neighborhood families and I couldn’t find them anywhere. After fighting through the crowd of costumed children, I gave up and went back to the house.

That was the straw that broke me. After all those months of preparation and studying and sacrifice and money, to think I might have failed the exam and then miss Halloween despite doing everything I could to get back in time, I just gave up. Right then. I decided to forget dinner, skip Halloween, and lay on the couch and watch TV. I unpacked, took a shower, and laid on the couch until the kids came home. I didn’t give out candy, I didn’t put on my costume, I just sat and watched TV. At 930, I ate a couple of bites of cold leftover veggie burger from the frig and went to bed.

Now I know that was the wrong attitude. And I also know that I had the choice to manage my mind better and change how I was feeling about the whole situation. Some of the things that happened were just circumstances: The weather was what it was and the exam was scheduled the day it was scheduled. But most of what went wrong in the day was in my mind. When I left the exam, I didn’t know how it went. At that point, I could have chosen to remember that I do well on most multiple choice test, that I’ve never failed a written board exam, that I felt good about many of my answers, and until I was notified of the results there was no point in worrying. Or I could do what I did, which was focus on the feelings of uncertainty and fear and allow them to rule me. I focused on the possibility that I’d get the letter that I dread, the “We regret to inform you…” letter, and sink deep into the darkness that the feeling of dread inspired in me. I let my mind spiral out of control, and the familiar way of negativity and fear won out.

So what’s different today? I still don’t have any test results, but even if I had results in my hand that said I failed, what then? The same problem exists: What will I do with how I think about this? Will I let a failure take me out? Will I stop trying and let a test result be proof that I’m a failure? Or will I make a decision to move ahead because there are years of my work, evidence of my abilities, and plenty that I know deep inside that I have to offer? So I’m dumping my thoughts and feelings out so I can work on them to make them work for me, instead of against me. Letting them fester inside results in one of two outcomes: One, I feel worse inside until I’m convinced that I’m the most worthless person I know, and two, I take out my shame on someone nearby. So I get the thoughts out.

What does that look like? It looks like journaling. I also remind myself to take deep breaths, because I always feel better when I breathe. Yoga helps to keep my head and body connected instead of letting my mind run off. And I’ll remind myself of Hosea 12:6, “But you must return to your God; maintain love and justice, and wait for your God always”. And so I will wait.

How do you cope when things don’t work out? What tools do you use to reel your mind back in when it’s run away from you? Please share in the comments below!

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Help Getting It Done, Mind Management

Tossing The To-Do List

Who me? Y’all know I love making some to-do lists!

Well, I don’t really love the lists. It’s more of a love-hate relationship: I love not having the things I need to do rattle around in my brain and making me worry that I’ll miss something important, but I hate having this intimidating long list of things to do right in front of me on paper. That’s why I usually just keep a list of what I think I have to do today with me, and I mostly use my calendar for appointments and my work schedule. So what I did this week was very strange and a little intimidating and a very big experiment. Keep reading…

I like to think of myself as very efficient because I do a lot. I always have a running list of things to get done and I tend to fit them in where I can (before a hospital shift, during lunch time, early in the morning before the kids get up). Isn’t that how busy people get stuff done? So when i listened to a new coaching podcast by Brooke Castillo this week on getting rid of the to-do list, I was intrigued. Now, I had no intention of doing whatever she suggested. My to-do list keeps my life running. If I dumped it I’d miss a bunch of stuff, or my mind would spin out into incessant reminding me of what I need to get done at 3 am and I’d never sleep again! And since I like sleep and it’s easier for me to be nice when I’m rested, I’d rather not listen to my brain worry about what stuff I have to do if I could just write it all down and get some sleep. But, Brooke has been pretty insightful in other areas, so I decided I’d give this podcast a listen.

Interestingly, she starts by having you begin your week by writing a to-do list. But not the way I do it – by writing everything you can think of needing to do down, preferably on paper. If you are thinking about adding to your Christmas decorations and wanted to pull out the old ones to check on what you already have before you go shopping (even though it’s October and we haven’t even had Halloween yet!), that goes on the list. Write everything down, and when you think you’re done, ask your brain, “What else?” Do that until you can’t think of another thing.

It just kept growing and growing…

Then eliminate everything you don’t want to do.

Yeah, that seems hard. But if you’re going to do all these things, you’d better do them because you want to. Remember – you don’t have to do anything. You don’t even have to pay your taxes. You could have a lien put on your house or go to jail instead. Now, you can say, “Well, that means I have to pay my taxes or I’ll go to jail!” You could also choose to think, “I want to pay my taxes because I prefer to stay out of jail.” Subtle, but different. Which thought makes you feel more in control and peaceful? You get to choose the thought that serves you.

So go through the list and eliminate what you don’t want to be there. Think about what you really want and keep those things. Then here comes the hard part (What, the last part wasn’t hard enough?!). Put everything on your calendar. It doesn’t matter if you want to use a paper or electronic calendar, just fit it all in there. Assign the time you think it will take and then commit to when you’ll do it on calendar.

I can hear you now – what if I don’t know how long it will take? Pick the amount of time you think it will take to do the task and write it down. Here’s the challenge: Get it done in the time you set aside. You may want to get a task done absolutely perfectly and up to your highest standard. Resist the tendency toward perfectionism. B- work that gets done is better than A+ work that doesn’t. I know, you’re an A student. But is that getting the work done? Wouldn’t you like to have the clothes put away instead of waiting until you can completely reorganize the closet?

Here’s the final (and hardest step). Leave the list you made on paper and work from your calendar. Brooke says to throw away the list, but since this was my first week and I wrote it in a notebook I’ve been wanting to use, I didn’t trash my list (but I have been working only from my calendar). This is the key: Do what you scheduled when you scheduled it and use the time you allotted. Now, you are going to be tempted to want to do other things in the time you’ve scheduled to do the task. Facebook will be very attractive, you will get a phone call/text/email notification, you’ll remember you need to soak the beans for dinner right this minute. Do not allow distractions. Respect the time you planned with your rational brain and don’t let your primitive brain hijack the plan! That part of your brain will not want to stick with the plan and will try to get you to do something that seems better in the moment.

That’s what happened to me when I was scheduled to write this post. I didn’t want at all to get up early and write. It was dark, cold, and I was sleepy. All my brain kept telling me was that I had a whole day off and I surely could sleep a little longer and still get everything else done! Fortunately, my rational mind told me that I knew my brain would resist when I had to do something hard, and for some reason I scheduled myself this way. I had to trust that I did this to myself for a good reason. And now that I’ve gotten up and done the task, I feel accomplished and I remembered the reasons why I set the schedule this way. My sleepy brain was not to be trusted!

Remember, even if other things seem more interesting and urgent, your plan was for getting done what was important and mattered most to you. Keep your commitment to you. When you do that, you grow in your relationship with you and learn to trust and rely on yourself. That more than anything else, is worth the practice. When you know you can trust you to come through on your promises and your commitment to you is solid, you don’t worry that you’ll let yourself down or give up on you. That gives you a peace and confidence that you just don’t have when you aren’t sure that you’ll do what you say you will.

I have big plans for 2020. The reason why I tried this calendar work is because while I know that I’m efficient now, I will need to level up to get done what I’m planning. And I also get distracted by Etsy and Amazon and Facebook and email and all kinds of things I’d rather be playing with than getting my work done. I’m really good at justifying my Amazon shopping when I should be doing work because I’m saving myself a trip to the store, right? But when I see the time on the calendar that I’ve set aside for a task ticking away because I’m fooling around, that just doesn’t sit well with me. Time is like money – I have an amount to spend and it’s a resource. I think it’s more important than money, because I can’t make more time. So I value my time and want to spend it wisely. Getting the week planned out took a chunk of time, but especially as I finish my exam prep and get ready to travel to sit for the exam, the extra efficiency this week has already been helpful. So I’m going to keep it going!

Do you have a way to manage that keeps you on task? How do you manage your mind when it wants to take you off the plan? How are you with keeping commitments to yourself? Please share in the comments below!

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