Category Archives: Inspirations

2COMMENTS

Out of Control

Ever feel like if one more thing happens, everything will come crashing down around you? As if your life is a delicate house of cards and a light breeze will knock the whole thing over? Sometimes I think I might have everything running along like they should, and then it’s as if everything stops working well at the same time. Why is that? Couldn’t crises happen one at a time?

Guess not. When we came back from our vacation, things seemed to be pretty good. The kids were doing well, the puppy was having fewer accidents in the house, I didn’t gain weight on the trip, and everyone was rested and happy. But no sooner had I gotten back into the swing of things at work, Perry had a blow up at his job, I started hearing my own work-related drama, two of the kids had fevers, and our homeschool got rocky again. One of those things would have been enough, but all at the same time? All of a sudden, it feels like everything is out of control.

The hardest problem in the midst of a maelstrom like this is that everyone is on emergency mode. While Perry is dealing with his work issues, he needs my support and doesn’t have as much himself to give. Then if the kids are sick, he’s not there, I’m checking temperatures and treating stuffy noses by myself. When I’m staying late at work to cross every T and dot every i, he’s trying to juggle the kids and pick up the groceries I don’t have time to pick up. While each of us is managing our own crazy and putting out the daily fires that appear, there’s very little time and space left over to do anything else.

All that leads to me feeling strung out and off balance. I woke up multiple times through the night, worrying about how to fix this problem or that. Getting up after a fragmented night of sleep doesn’t feel so good either. The anxiety and worry actually doesn’t serve, but when I’m overwhelmed and running as hard as I can, I forget to do the things I need to do to keep my spirit centered. It’s hard. I’m tempted to panic, and that makes me want to jump in and fix things, take control of everything to make it work right again.

Here’s the problem with that: Even though I want to be in control and think everything will be better if I get a grip on each situation, the truth is that I’m not in control. Every situation that has more than one person involved is complex enough that I can’t just snap my fingers and fix it. When you add multiple complex issues happening at the same time, things quickly start to get out of hand. But there’s another problem….

Control is an illusion.

It’s a hard thing to learn is that I am not in control. The absolute hardest is to recognize that I’m not supposed to be. There comes a point when you realize that life is complex and big and just plain complicated. All the factors that go into the situations and events that occur are beyond explanation. All the details that factors into the emotions and decisions of one person are vast, never mind when you combine people and situations together – it’s orders of magnitude more complex! And if I can barely keep a grip on my own mind and heart, what makes me think I can control the people and situations around me? It’s not possible. And to be honest, when I really get down to it, I don’t want to be. It’s too great a task, too daunting a responsibility. And really, it’s not for me to be in control of everything and everyone.

My son is a type A, take charge kind of guy (kinda like his momma). He likes to “help” his sisters out, especially when he sees that they’re not quite following the rules as he understands them. So he and I regularly talk about self control. Self control is the holy grail, the goal that is far harder to achieve than trying to control other people. Self control is the only thing you can actually accomplish, and it’s hard enough. So just as I keep pointing him toward controlling himself instead of his sisters, I remind myself to focus on the control I have over my thoughts, my emotions, and my actions. I can pray for other people, but I can’t control them. And the events and situations in life that arise help me to grow in my self control, because I don’t control those either. It feels frustrating, scary, even threatening to be out of control. But trusting that someone has the wheel helps. I know God has all of this in hand, and even though I’d like an explanation about how this is all going to work out, I know it will work out. Jeremiah 29:11 says ,”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 1 Peter 4:12 says “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.” Isaiah 54:10 says “Though the mountains be shaken, and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

Challenges and storms come. Life feels unmanageable and out of control, but I take comfort in knowing that when I feel out of control then I’m probably in the right place. Taking the lessons and gifts that come and using them to grow is what I can do. And in the end, it will work out for the best, even if it’s hard in the moment. So I keep breathing, noticing the good, writing down my gifts on my grateful list, and praying. When I do, I know that this moment is good. And so is this one. If I keep my mind experiencing the good that’s happening now, I don’t let it run off in fear over what might happen in the future. The future isn’t here yet, just this present moment. So rather than torture myself over what could or might happen, I am practicing enjoying the one moment I have, which is this one right now. I’m not saying it’s easy to do, like I’m just sitting here in my chair having a kumbaya moment! But the more I keep bringing myself back, the more time I spend feeling good in this moment now, and not worrying myself into the past or the future. That is peace – and isn’t that what we’re looking for?

How about you? How do you manage when you fell out of control? What works to help you find peace? Please share in the comments below!

6COMMENTS

Inspirations, Mind Management

When You’re the Target

This one is for me.

But as I write this, I can think of many other people I know who’ve undergone some form of persecution or challenge. Someone has been laid off, you have an unfair boss, there’s a rumor going around. You can think of more examples like these. It just so happens right now that I’m dealing with my own challenge. Navigating the politics of relationships can be a minefield. My viewpoint is that the dysfunction in an organization that creates that environment, and the time people spend trying to avoid stepping on a mine is waste of time and productivity. But if you’re in a minefield, you’ve got to figure out how to survive the surroundings. My instinct is to pull the ripcord – get out of there! But that’s not the best decision, just an emotional response. If you’re dealing with anything like this you know what I mean. If someone hurts you, be it a friend or an acquaintance, or a boss, you want to put as much distance as possible between you and the source of the pain.

Sometimes, that’s just not possible. So what I’m writing now are the thoughts and scriptures I’m using to remind me of who and what I am, so that I can stand in the place God has put me right now without fear. It’s not easy, and I don’t pretend to be really good at this. But I am better than I used to be, and the power that I draw from these reminders is invaluable. See if any of this helps you!

Deuteronomy 31:8

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

It’s easy for me to feel alone, afraid and discouraged in a situation like this. Moses shared this promise of God with Joshua and the people of Israel as he sent them into the promised land, though they weren’t there yet. This one promise covers all my fears in one reassurance and reminds me that the power I have is the power of God, which is vastly more than any I have on my own.

Psalm 37:1-4

“Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon whither; like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

This is another one that helps me refocus. I get so dragged down by the scheming of others that my thinking becomes anxious and dark. I can imagine every possible negative outcome and then try to figure out how to manage each, before any of them have happened. This advice reminds me to lift my eyes, focus on God, and let the evil and wrongdoing take care of itself. What goes around comes around, karma comes through in the end, and God will take care of me when I keep my delight in him, not a job or my security or my plans.

Psalm 56:3-4

“When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?”

God has it. I will praise, be it in my prayers, meditations, or my grateful list. Man can’t do anything to me that God can’t prevent, and if he doesn’t, it’ll be for the best.

2 Chronicles 20:15b

“This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but the Lord’s.'”

Sometimes, things just look bad. King Jehosephat and the nation of Israel were facing what looked like certain annihilation by the army that was descending upon them. Read the whole chapter because it’s encouraging, but the summary is that God sets the ambushes that defeat the enemy army and fights the battle as he promises. Yes, I have to stand, but the fighting will be won because he is with me (see Deut 31 again).

My husband told our son a story this week that helped me make sense of the hard things we face. Sometimes it seems that our sufferings are meaningless. But what if they’re not?

There once was a man who was walking blindfolded but had never stumbled. One day while he was walking he tripped and fell. He took off his blindfold to see what tripped him and saw a pothole in the street. Before he had a chance to complain, he looked ahead and saw a huge chasm fifty feet ahead on his path. The fall into the chasm would have killed him. He fell on his knees and praised God for the pothole.

It may be that the potholes we face, the target on our back, the gossip or criticism we endure is to open our eyes to real danger or threat ahead. They may be the thing that saves us from a worse fate ahead. In any case, I choose to believe that these hardships and challenges are purposeful in my life. Like it says in 2 Corinthians 4:17, “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”

Do you have favorite scriptures, sayings, or quotes that lift your spirit when you face hard times? Please share in the comments below, and stay encouraged! Please share this post with anyone who needs a boost…

NOCOMMENTS

Blog, Help Getting It Done, Inspirations

How To Take a Solo Retreat

The concept of a solo retreat seems a little strange to many people I talk to. The strong introvert and overwhelmed mom are quick to embrace the idea, but others look at me with a question in their eyes. Why would you go away alone? What do you do? The next question that comes most often is how: How do you manage to leave everything and be by yourself for days? (This one usually comes from the moms). So I thought I’d explain how and why I do these retreats, so that you might be able to find the space and time for the benefits of a solo retreat for yourself.

Over the past few years, I’ve been learning more about rest and energy. Since my tendency and training is to run at top speed until I fall asleep at night, I’ve been trying to figure out what rest is for me. The first clue came in a book I read called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain. She talks about (among other things), the need introverts have for silence and time alone to recharge their energy. Now, I love talking and singing and people and doing, and I am not a shy introvert, but I definitely lose energy when I spend lots of time with people. I need time alone to bring my energy (and attitude!) back up. That book really helped me understand my need for solitude and to feel good about carving out time for quiet. Then a good friend of mine published a book about spiritual lessons she’s learned over the years during her meditations in silence. When her son was in school, she set aside time for meditation and silence so she could better connect with God and hear his direction. This sounded like a great idea to me, but between work and the fact that my kids are schooled at home, there weren’t any days where I could have silence and be in my house. The third thing that happened was my husband scheduled a boys trip. He just decided with his friends, put it on the calendar, and let me know the plan. Now, I’d been waiting for years to schedule a girls trip, and had been putting it off “until the kids were old enough”. Apparently, the kids were old enough. So I decided that I’d need to set aside time if I was going to take it. It wasn’t just going to appear, like a gift. Scheduling a girl’s trip takes a lot of coordination. But a solo retreat? It takes some planning, but not as much.

First step: Get it on the calendar. Schedule vacation days, make it a long weekend, whatever. I don’t recommend using a holiday weekend (everyone else is doing that), so you’ll have fewer options for where to stay, and prices will be higher. This isn’t a mini-vacation, it’s a retreat, so schedule it at a time that doesn’t fit in anyone else’s calendar. You must get the dates first – the rest of your plan becomes real when there are dates on it.

Next, get your support lined up. Can your husband cover your days away? Do you need a babysitter for some of the time? Rides around activities or church? Gather your replacements and get them committed. You will have an easier time on this if you plan in advance. I plan my retreats about three months ahead of time.

Now it gets fun. Start looking for a place to stay. AirBnB makes this easy. I’ve driven to Asheville (3 hour drive for me), and I’ve done a stay 25 minutes from my house at a little lake community. Decide what you want: Do you like driving and are you willing to spend half of your first and last retreat days driving? Is it important to you to be in a particular location, like the beach or the mountains? How much money do you have to spend? If you have to fly and pay for lodging in an expensive place, that increases your costs considerably. What kind of environment do you want when you’re there? I wanted to be outside but I’m a mosquito magnet, so I wanted a screened-in porch where I could write and read. I also wanted to be near water, so I picked a spot with a small lake within walking distance. Spend a little time creating a vision of what you’ll want to feel while you’re away – you don’t want to be stuck alone in a house or room that isn’t nourishing to you. You’ll notice everything without kids and life to distract you, so craft this part of the plan carefully. You probably won’t be running around going on activities (you can, but it’s more restful to have as little as possible on your schedule – don’t trade your everyday crazy schedule for an away solo schedule!). So where you stay matters – choose carefully.

The screened-in porch and my peaceful place…

Now the best part: What do you want to do while you’re there? Sleep? Read? Meditate and pray? You don’t have to plan all the details, but knowing what you want to get out of your time away will help you pack. My most recent retreat was supposed to be a girl’s weekend, but when it fell through, I decided to make it a solo retreat. So this time, I didn’t do exactly what I’m encouraging you to do! But, I wasn’t going far, I was driving and could pack up my car with whatever I wanted, and I was open to what God had planned for the time, so I didn’t have any expectations, other than to sleep until I felt like getting up, and to go out in my car as few times as possible (I planned to walk the neighborhood and maybe swim or sit by the lake, but no errands).

Staying parked right here

Then, you pack. I packed food (a bagged salad, a kale salad, a vegan noodle meal, a container of lentil soup, some cherries and tortillas for salad wraps). If you don’t take food, you’ll need to pick up groceries at the beginning of the retreat on your way into your destination, or you’re going to spend time running around trying to feed yourself. If you want to order in, that’s fine, but I find it most restful to have food sitting in the frig that I can eat with very little fuss when I get hungry. I don’t have to think about it much, and since I’m not feeding anyone else, I’m on no one else’s hunger schedule. The first full day of my retreat, other than a cup of coffee and a few cashews around 1030 am, I didn’t think about food until after 2 pm. It’s funny how the cues to eat are triggered by situations (lunch break at work) or other people (the kids!). Maybe it’s a new diet…

The rest of the packing is light. Take clothes you’ll want to hang around in all day, really comfy stuff. If you think you’ll go out, pack a nicer outfit and your makeup, but mostly lounge clothes, pjs, a warm sweater (I love to snuggle on the couch and I don’t like being cold), and something to pin up your hair. Then I packed a big bag of books (some for fun and some for spiritual growth), my journals, my bible, and my laptop for writing my post. I also packed my yoga mat and meditation stool, my bluetooth speaker, my swimsuit, and my face pillow and earplugs.

My face pillow, cozy sweater, blanket, and essential oils…

Then comes the hardest part: Go. Kiss the kids and your honey and leave. You’ll be tempted to check in, accomplish some to-dos on your phone apps, and your mind will come up with tons of stuff to do. Fight it. Turn off the ringer and the notifications on your phone. You’ll also be tempted to fill up the quiet with the TV and/or books, and if that’s what you planned, fine. Otherwise, make an intentional effort to sit in the quiet and experience the space. That’s why you’re there! If you keep at it, your mind will downshift and you will slow down. You need it. Your kids need you to rest and come back better than you were when you left. If you use the time you’ve set aside, you’ll come back with a rested body, a peaceful mind, and a grateful spirit for the time you had off and the life you’re returning to. Now go plan your retreat!

Have you ever taken or wanted to take a solo retreat? If you did, what did it do for you? What would you like a retreat to do for you? Please share in the comments below!

1COMMENTS

Blog, Inspirations, Mind Management

Gift of Thanks

I usually write early in the mornings. It seems that if I want to get things done, it’s best to start early, before everyone else is up and the day snowballs out of control. So I get up, pray and meditate, read my bible and write. Some weeks, that’s the only way this blog gets written.

But today was different. It’s supposed to be my day off, which really means I don’t go out to work, I just work at home on my kids and grocery shop and whatever else has to be done. I wanted to go to a yoga class this morning and swim a few laps at our neighborhood pool. But I knew I had to get some groceries (even though I just went two days ago), stop at the library and pick up the books on hold, get some writing done and prepare for moving the kid’s rooms around this weekend. I also still have tons of coursework to get through for my board exam in October, the dog food needed to be ordered, and I needed to make a plan for meals for the weekend. But what I really wanted to do was sit down, read a magazine, be still and think. That just didn’t seem very likely…

Recently it’s just been too much. Life has been too much. We started with a new homeschool teacher a few weeks ago and my kids haven’t been adjusting as well as I’d hope. Planned, really. So I’ve been spending every morning and evening working with them and their attitudes and behavior, making sure I’m supporting the teacher every chance I get, and updating my husband and adjusting our parenting accordingly. Not to mention praying constantly for them to get it together and for our little homeschool to get back on track. As an aside, have you ever noticed that when one thing is off kilter in your life (especially when it was running well before), it seems like your whole life is upended? Well, it’s been feeling that way for me.

Anyway, in addition to managing our homeschool transition, we’ve been asked to help facilitate a group series at church, I’m supposed to be starting a sex ed curriculum for the kids at church this fall (which is right around the corner!), the kids need extra-curricular activities set up for the fall, semi-annual reviews for my practice are due (and I have to give them), and I’m training my colleague to take over my position as the lead MD in our group. I’m tired. All I’ve wanted to think about is my solo retreat at the end of next week.

But I have to come back, so getting away isn’t really the answer. We love to live for vacations and recreation time, don’t we? But in the end, real life awaits. Don’t get me wrong, I’m just as guilty of looking forward to the next break as anyone and missing the good moments right in front of me. But two things happened that reminded me how to find joy and peace right now, instead of the worry and overwhelm I’ve been living.

First, we had an outdoor midweek church service at a park this week. People brought dinner and birthday cakes for people who had recent birthdays, and we sang and prayed for an hour. Being together outside helped, but as different men and women prayed and shared their needs, I could see how much good there is in my life. I might be busy and tired sometimes, but the things that are happening are gifts. They’re gifts that are growing me in some way, or they’re gifts that nurture me in another way.

Second, I picked up my grateful list again. We’ve been working with the kids on their thoughts, attitudes, choices, and character, and we’re finding more and more that the way to address the heart of it all comes from gratitude. “Gratitude is one of the keys to life!”, my husband keeps telling them over and over. Having trouble being respectful to your teacher? Write down all the things about her you’re grateful for. Woke up tired and short tempered? Write down a few things you see around you to be thankful for. Feeling good and happy about it being the weekend? Write down all the good things that are happening for you right now. Gratitude changes us! It’s so easy for me to slip back into a complaining, negative mindset – it’s my default position. Besides, I can’t very well teach them to do something that I won’t practice. So I’m working on myself through my grateful list again…

Life can be a challenge. Sometimes the pace is brutal and it seems like the work will never end. Yet there are rays of sunshine that peek through, even when it’s dark out. Practicing gratitude helps me remember that God has my work, plans, and rest all in mind. He shows me all the time in the little gifts – I just have to notice!

Do you have a gratitude practice? How do you practice gratitude and how does it help you? Please share in the comments below!

NOCOMMENTS

Inspirations, Mind Management

Rest and Listen

I’m back in that place again.

Last night, I stayed up later with the puppy, hoping she’d sleep a few minutes later this morning. When I woke early to the sound of puppy whining, I realized that tactic was unsuccessful. Add not enough sleep to the past week and a half with multiple shifts in the hospital overnight and I’m dragging. Sometimes it feels like I’ll never get caught up and feel rested…

This is the guilty look after she chewed up the insole to my shoe…

So I’ve been reading (actually, I’m always reading multiple books at once). It seems like I get on a theme and the books I stack up at the side of my bed are about the same topics. A few months ago, I was reading about emotional eating. That was a tough one! This past month’s reading was about environmental stewardship, and this month I’ve been reading about the sabbath and rest.

Doesn’t seem related, does it? Here’s what’s odd: While I was reading my book on Christian environmental stewardship, I switched over to the book on sabbath rest and both books were talking about the same thing. Both books were making the point that humans and land need care, and part of that care is rest. Just as the land needs rest for regeneration to continue to yield the crops, so do people.

Now, this isn’t exactly a foreign concept to me. I regularly note that rest (primarily sleep) is an absolute requirement to function well. My kids behave better when they get enough sleep, and I certainly can get through the day better when I’ve slept well. The issue of rest is somehow different to me though. I don’t know why, but my normal way of being is to run as hard as a can all day long, from waking to bedtime. Even if I take a nap, I rarely block an afternoon or an evening to rest. What is rest anyway? I wrote about rest vs recreation before, but I can tell you for sure I still don’t have it right. When I take an evening away from my normal to-do lists, I still fill up the time with a TV show, or a stack of books I want to read, or try out a new recipe. I can’t remember a time I sat down to just think and reflect. I’m not even sure I know how to do it.

My stack of books doesn’t even fit in the basket anymore…

So what does rest really look like anyway? I think most of us make the mistake of thinking that if an activity is fun that it qualifies as rest. Reading books and watching TV certainly is fun to me. I enjoy accomplishing goals I’ve set, so I actually like making to-do lists and crossing things off. Going out to dinner and hanging out at an outdoor concert is recreation, but I’m not sure it qualifies as rest. The best I can figure is that rest needs to result in restored well-being. The dictionary definition is “to cease work or movement in order to refresh oneself or to recover strength”. I think restored well=being is pretty close to that! That’s where I run into trouble: So much of what I do doesn’t qualify as rest according to my own definition. And no matter how much I want it and how much I believe that rest is critical to my well-being, I keep filling my time with things that seem more important.

Let’s call that what it is – a lack of faith. Seems extreme? It’s not, and here’s why. Why do I prioritize doing things over rest? It’s because primarily I’m afraid that I won’t get things done if I rest. Here’s why I know it’s a lie: I still watch TV and read books. When I’m recreating, I don’t think as hard about the fact that I’m not getting things done, mostly because I’m too distracted to notice. If I rest, the worry that I’m not getting things done gets louder. The worry comes from my lack of trust that what needs to be done to move my life ahead is dependent on me and my efforts. It comes from the thought that the direction of my life depends on me and not on God. I know better, but I don’t act like it. Romans 9:16 says, “It does not. therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy”, and Matt 6:25-34 tells us not to worry, as if doing so could add even on hour to our lives. And even though I know this, living it still challenges me. But isn’t that life; just one faith journey after another? Learning to trust the plan that we don’t completely see, in the details we think we do see, and knowing that God knows them all.

The good news is that I’m taking a solo retreat weekend away again soon. The temptation for me is to plan to fill up the time away with things to do and catch up on. I’m fighting it though! I wonder what it would be like to just rest into the time and allow it to pass, to listen to God in the peace, and to practice the rest and listening so I can keep it with me, moment to moment. That’s what I’m going to practice, and I’m sure God will bring from it what he has in mind.

How about you? Do you make time to rest, or do you run from work to recreation and back again? How do you make room for rest in your life? Please share in the comments below!

NOCOMMENTS

Help Getting It Done, Inspirations

Getting Out of The Trap

I get it now. I fell into the vegan junk food trap too…

When I came back from the plant based disease conference, I’d been eating raw and vegan for a week. I had already dropped 3-4 pounds and felt pretty good about that! But what was really exciting was that at the conference I’d been eating rice and beans and quinoa and even some grain-free bread and not gained weight. It had been a while since I ate very many carbs. I’d been eating more low carb, thinking that it would help me stop that slow upward creep of weight that so often happens to women in their 40’s. It wasn’t really working.

So when I started eating rice and bread again, I was thrilled. I love rice! When I was young, my mom used to say I should have been born into an Asian family because of how much rice I ate. And really, who doesn’t love bread? When I started feeling justified in eating more carbs because that meant I wasn’t eating animal foods that damage the environment, that’s when things started to go downhill. My kids are young and need more carbs to grow, so there were lots of opportunities to “taste” their meals now that I wasn’t avoiding bread and rice and potatoes. Everyone in the family was supportive of eating plant based, so I started cooking more meals centered around beans or rice or potatoes to make sure they got full. When we started trying vegan restaurants around the Atlanta area and I started eating soy buffalo wings and vegan potstickers, things really started going off the rails.

Now, I don’t mean I gained a bunch of weight or ate a loaf of bread in one sitting. But things weren’t right. I started saying yes to all the foods I’d normally limit, like cookies and chocolates. My weight started fluctuating and my rings were tight. I’d decided to ignore the fact that just because something was vegan, it wasn’t automatically good for me.

Now, of course I already knew this. I’ve said to patients before that eating vegan doesn’t make you healthy – you can eat candy bars, potato chips, gummy bears and soda and officially be eating vegan. The key is to eat a whole foods, plant based diet, and while that’s a lot more words than the label “vegan”, it’s a much better description of how to eat well. Let’s break it down…

Not whole foods…

First, whole foods are minimally processed, which means while you may cut it up, season it and cook it, the food you’re eating started as one ingredient (broccoli, potato, carrot, spinach). And while chicken, eggs, pork chops and steak are single ingredient foods, they don’t meet the criteria of plant based, so they’re out (or at least very limited). This is where I went awry – the more processed plant foods had crept into my eating and I got sucked in. It’s easy to do – processed foods have more sugar, salt, and fat, which seduces your taste buds into wanting more. Then when you have the choice between a baked potato and a salad vs soy buffalo wings, the wings win. Your mouth doesn’t want the salad and it’s hard to make yourself eat it. The other problem is convenience. Processed foods (vegan or not) are often easier to prepare quickly, so when you’re hungry and can rip open a box of frozen burritos, you do that instead of baking and chopping and mixing. Cooking takes time, and it’s not something everyone loves to do. These days it’s more common to watch people cook on TV or at an open kitchen at a nice restaurant than to cook for yourself at home.

But to me, cooking is an act of love. When we take the time to prepare a meal from whole foods, we are choosing to invest our time and energy in caring for ourselves and anyone we feed. It’s not that if we feed the kids some nuggets and tater tots for dinner that we don’t love them, but we could choose to cut up veggies and make oven fries and give them food that has the love of our hands in it. When I prepare my food from whole ingredients, I’m putting my energy and love into my food, and telling myself that my body and my health are worth the effort – that I’m worth the effort. It makes a difference.

The whole foods I’m making today…

So, I need a reset. The good news is I know what to do: The bad news is I want to eat more bread and potstickers. But I have a plan! Conveniently I’m going to be working at the hospital this weekend, and there aren’t a lot of healthy and vegan options for meals (isn’t that sad – shouldn’t a hospital have the healthiest food?). So I’m going to have to travel with food, and that means I’m cooking. It’s actually not as hard as your brain is telling you it is. Here’s what I’m going to do:

Pray first. I can’t make everything I need to do work out the best way without God’s help. So I’m asking and listening for the best way to go.

Make a salad. This is an easy foundation for any meal. I cut up all the veggies (or buy them chopped), throw them on top of different greens (romaine, mixed baby greens, spinach), and store them undressed in a container or zip top bag in the frig. Then when it’s time to eat, you’ve got half your plate already made!

Best bagged salad ever!

Bake some sweet potatoes. That’s easy, and they’ll sit in the fridge ready to be heated and topped whenever you need a meal.

Grill a mix of veggies. I like to grill onions, peppers, zucchini and mushrooms. Drizzle them with a little balsamic and maybe a touch of olive oil and that goes with everything!

Have a plan. I also might want something hot with my salad, and if the potato or grilled veggies isn’t going to work for me, I have to have a backup plan. Besides, sometimes you want to change things up. So, some actual cooking may have to take place. This is where some time investment comes in, but if you cook when you have time, make extra, and freeze it, then you have more meals for when you need something fast. Right now, I’ve got a frozen bag of black lentil chili that’s coming out for the weekend! Sometimes, a quick stir fry with extra firm tofu is in order. If you give it some thought and write down your meal ideas, then when your tummy rumbles and your mind goes blank, you don’t have to rip open the bag of frozen wings – you’ve got options that honor your body, your spirit, and your commitment to yourself.

Defrosting some black lentil chili and chard quinoa I made last week…

Remember your why. I wrote about this in a different post, but you’ve got to have a reason why you’re eating differently that keeps you going when your will power or craving threaten to take you over. Whether it’s health, or weight, or the environment, or animal cruelty, or all of the above, you keep reminding yourself why you’re putting this time and energy in, and it makes it easier to stay on track and keep going!

I know that the struggle is real. No one just gets up one day and does everything perfectly – that’s called a fairy tale! But every day is a chance for a fresh start, and I’m grateful for that. Now, I’ve gotta go – I’ve got some grilling and baking to do!

What do you do to get yourself out of the trap of eating poorly? Do you have a way to get yourself reset when you get off track? Please share in the comments below!

NOCOMMENTS

Inspirations

A Different Kind of Birthday Magic

This was my birthday week!

Now, I know that my birthday isn’t actually the national holiday I’d like it to be, but I certainly take it seriously. It’s not the same kind of excitement I had as a kid, as if every year I was reaching some magical milestone, but it’s still my special day. My first year out of training I forgot to ask for my birthday off from work, and I promised I’d never do that again. Now that the kids can go away to camp, I’ve started taking the whole week off!

The vegan cake one of my besties made me for my birthday – it was incredible!

Since we have a trip coming up in August, we decided to staycation this week. I generally try to take some time off once a quarter, but there wasn’t anything available with the timeshare in September and we needed to use those points. So August it is. I figured we’d hang out at the neighborhood pool, go to the coffee shop, eat out for dinners and generally take it easy. We did need to be close to home for the puppy, but home is really restful with just the two of us. so no problem, right?

Not exactly. The first problem was when my husband found out he’d have to work all week. I was upset at first – I mean, why didn’t his office understand that it was my birthday? But then I figured I could just do whatever I wanted and it would be like a mini solo retreat. So, no problem! Then the weather report came out, forecasting rain most of the week. There went the plans for laying around the pool. And then I got sick and lost my voice.

What kind of birthday week was this? First of all, I rarely get sick and when I do, I’m over it in three days. And I’ve never lost my voice before. This was not what I had in mind for my week off – being alone, sick, and I couldn’t even speak! My first instinct was to get discouraged and sad. Then I thought about it and realized that God was doing something…

The week before I was scheduled to be off, this scripture came up multiple times. I’d been asking God to help me make a decision that I knew I needed to make, but I wasn’t sure which way to go. Since I believe one way God speaks to us is through scripture, I take it seriously when one comes to me repeatedly. Once I was clear on my direction, I knew it was time to move on from where I’ve been. What was coming next wasn’t clear to me, but I knew it was something.

Here’s where I messed up: I didn’t see the signals to be still. Looking back, I thought I’d just barrel along into my week off and fill it with celebratory activities. When I got slowed down by the cold and the rain and losing my voice, I just got irritated instead of being grateful for the quiet direction I was getting. I did what I could, I read and rested and meditated, but I really was just looking for the clouds to clear out and for my stuffiness and sore throat to get better!

I did read some fun books while I rested – just borrowed the kid’s library books!

The problem was that I had an agenda; I had a list. There were things I planned on doing, and I didn’t want a cold, weather, or anything else to get in the way of my vision. Anything that was going to stand in the way of what I thought was best was at best an irritation, and at worse a mood destroyer. When I realized that my cold wasn’t going to be gone for my birthday, the rain was coming anyway, and my husband actually was going to work all week, I had a choice to make. I could fight what was happening and be resentful, or I could let it unfold and enjoy the good that was there in the moments. What I didn’t believe was that despite all the signs to the contrary, the week could be all I had hoped and more.

(I actually got to do everything on this list this week…)

Here’s the up side: I learned something. When I get sick, it’s always a sign that I need to slow down. I only get sick when I’ve been pushing too hard, missing out on sleep, and not giving my body what it needs to run well. So it downshifts for me. This time, I really didn’t like the timing of my cold (not that another time would have been appreciated!), so I just tried to ignore the whole thing and keep going. What I learned was that there is no wrong timing. Everything is happening as it should, whether it is hard or not. I needed the quiet this week, and even though I resisted it and didn’t take what was given, I’ve picked up a lot of what I needed to because of the way God designed my week. I couldn’t help it! And even though I’m not crystal clear on what my next move is, I don’t have to be. When I need to know, I’ll find out. And if it takes stillness and rest to know, it’ll be provided. It always is. The trick is remembering that I’m cared for by God, and that everything works out as it should, whether it looks the way I think it should or not.

In the end, I feel better, it’s been a great week, and I feel peaceful about how the week has turned out. And that’s a good place to be!

Do you find yourself resisting the way your life is going? How do you find peace in it? Please share in the comments below!

4COMMENTS

Help Getting It Done, Inspirations

What Are We Going To Do?

I’m struggling over here…

I thought I could say that it all started with the plant based prevention of disease conference two weekends ago. But I don’t think that’s true. I signed up for the conference to get my required in-person continuing medical education credits I need to sit for the American Board of Lifestyle Medicine exam this fall. And I knew in advance it would be all about plant based living, but I started to get an inkling that there was more coming when I got an email requesting that I bring my own reusable cup, plate, and utensils in an effort to achieve zero waste during the conference meals. Now, I’ve been recycling and conserving water and trying to reduce my eco-footprint for years, so I got on board and packed a plate and flatware.

The beginning of the conference was a challenge. The first few lectures had the tone of a vegan infomercial. Honestly, one of the reasons I have never called myself a vegan (even when I was eating that way) is because of the way that some people who wear the title confer judgement on those who do not. Now, I’m not saying everyone who eats vegan is the same as an ethical vegan, nor is there anything wrong with being an ethical vegan. But in a room full of health professionals and experts, I was irritated that the conference started with a tone of superiority and “of course a vegan diet is the best for all humans”. Now, that concept is up for discussion, but learning more about Plant Based prevention of disease was the point of the conference. Having to wade through judgement just pissed me off. I think this may be why many people resist eating vegan. In order to get to the place where you are willing to evaluate what you’re doing and consider changing, you need to feel acceptance and consideration. Feeling judged (in anything) just makes people resistant – which means they don’t even consider changing, even if it really is a good idea.

As the conference progressed, there were some excellent lectures on the scientific evidence behind a whole foods, plant based diet, the ethical and racial implications of eating this way, and the environmental impact of eating animal foods. This is where things started to get sticky for me. I’ve been eating mostly plants for awhile, but since I’ve also been eating low carb, it’s been easier to get my protein from eggs or meat. I also haven’t tried to feed my family a plant based diet – I’d buy as much organic and local as possible and sometimes skip the meat myself. I knew about the industrial meat industry, the animal cruelty and unsanitary conditions that contribute to food contamination and recalls of both plant and animal foods. I stopped eating at chain restaurants that didn’t serve local farmed meat.

What I didn’t know was about the UN statement on climate change released last year that said that if we don’t do something to reverse the effects of climate change, then the process of climate change may be irreversible by 2030. I’ve noticed the milder winters in the south, the short spring seasons, the ridiculous amounts of pollen production that rise every year. We’ve all heard about the melting of the polar ice caps and rising sea levels, the wild fires out west and the severe blizzards in the north, the flooding from severe storms, and most recently, the tornados.

I also didn’t know that much of the devastation of the Amazon rain forest (arguably the lungs of our planet and the source of many unique plant compounds that have medicinal uses) is due to clear cutting the forest to plant crops for livestock feed. I didn’t know that because the demand for chicken is so high, the mega chicken corporations are buying up massive plots of land to build the chicken houses that hold tens of thousands of birds in one place. I didn’t know that those chicken silos are strategically located in poor, predominantly black and brown communities who don’t have the voice or the power to stop them from being built. I also didn’t know that the people who live nearby the chicken houses and the manure lagoons from the pig and cow waste production are suffering from respiratory illnesses, poor air quality (other stuff), not to mention loss of their land value. Because really, who wants to live around the constant stench of animal waste?

To add to my concerns about health risks of animal foods, the threats to poor communities, and the environmental destruction caused by production of animal food, I’ve been reading a book called For The Beauty of the Earth: A Christian Vision for Creation Care. This book is about what the bible says about our role in caring for the earth, and when I add this to the understanding that animal food production is destroying the creation, I can’t just do what I’ve been doing. Something is going to have to change.

I haven’t had any animal foods for about a month, and when I came back from the conference I started talking to my family about what I was learning. We’ve been watching some of the documentaries together and they wanted to try eating plant based. So we ate plant based throughout the Memorial Day weekend, and everyone enjoyed the food and is making suggestions for swapping out plants for their favorite animal foods.

One of our plant based meals!

By the end of the conference I was convinced that yes, the health effects of a whole foods, plant based diet are clear. We all need to eat more plants and A LOT less meat, if any at all. If you have heart disease of risk factors for it (that’s a whole lot of us), if you’re African American or Latino, a whole foods plant based diet may be the diet that is healthiest. It is the one that has the medical data to support reversal of cardiovascular disease. The whole foods plant based low fat diet is the one with long term health data. If you’d like the quick look at the data, watch Forks Over Knives – you’ll get some of the info I’m talking about. The best lecture of the conference was by Dr Kim Allan Williams, the past president of the American College of Cardiologists. He’s African American, a cardiologist, an expert in his field of heart disease, and is also a vegan.

Now before the keto or paleo people come after me, remember: I’m not telling anyone what to do or to eat. I am personally evaluating what I’m doing, both for my family’s health and for the good of our communities and for the planet. There isn’t good long term health data for meat based diets – we just don’t have it yet. There also isn’t good info on differences in food quality – what if you eat organic, or get backyard chicken eggs, or get your meat from a local farmer instead of the supermarket? What about people who essentially ate organic their whole lives before we had that label and lived until they were in their 90’s? It’s hard to sort out, and nutrition science is young. But there’s no doubt that the production of animal foods is the biggest contributor to environmental destruction. We are eating ourselves out of the health of the planet we live in. If the UN statement on climate change is correct, then my kids will just be in their 20’s when climate change can no longer be stopped. Then what will we do?

The whole thing is overwhelming. It’s enough to make me want to throw up my hands, stay on autopilot, and be in denial about the mess we’re in. But a quote from Margaret Mead keeps coming to my mind: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” And there is hope! People everywhere are recognizing that a plant based diet is beneficial and are eating less meat,eggs and dairy, and if more of us do this, change can happen! As a mom, a doctor, and a concerned citizen, I want to do the best I can for the health of my family and our communities. For me, that means recycling, trying to eliminate the use of plastics, and eating mostly plants. We’re transitioning – I’m not just dumping out my deep freezer. But if I had heart disease or diabetes, I probably would do exactly that.

And as a Christian, I’m convinced that I am responsible for caring for the earth, not just taking from it, and since I think the biggest thing our family can do now to change our impact on the earth is to change the way we eat, then as Joshua said in Josh 24:15 “As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” And since I buy and cook most of the food, I have a lot of sway, especially in my house. So, I’m voting with my food dollar, buying lots of veggies, and feeling good about the change. I’m still not calling myself vegan though. Plant based, yes. But I’m still listening to my body, and if it comes up that I need an egg or a piece of meat, then I’ll listen. But I suspect that it won’t be just a craving, it’ll be a true need, and likely rare. If people everywhere ate meat only occasionally or as a condiment, that would greatly reduce our impact on the earth. And we can all live with that!

Have you ever thought about your eating style and its effect on the earth? What do you want to do next? Please share in the comments below!

3COMMENTS

Blog, Inspirations

Puppy Love

This week has flown by! I’m exhausted and this post almost didn’t get written. But I have a really good reason, and you’ll meet her later on in the post. Keep reading…

I spent this past weekend in North Carolina for a Plant Based Prevention of Disease conference. I flew in Friday night and met up with one of my best friends from when I lived in Durham. We went out to dinner and spent the evening catching up. It was so good to have that friend time, and then to spend the weekend learning more about the science and benefits behind a whole foods, plant based diet. I met some great people and had some thought-provoking conversations.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt!

By the time I landed in Atlanta Sunday night, picked up my car, drove back home and got settled, it was after 11 pm. I did a full day in the office the next day, full of the usual Monday hustle and drama. But it all ended ok and I got home to spend a little time with the kids, watching Forks Over Knives on Netflix (excellent documentary on whole foods, plant based diet and the benefits on cardiovascular disease – we all enjoyed it!). But when bedtime came, we all moved quickly to bed, because Tuesday morning was the big day…

Bright and early Tuesday morning everyone was up and dressed. We ate, cleaned up and jumped in the car. After a short drive, we arrived at our destination, excited and ready. And there she was!

After months of discussion, planning, thinking, calculating and begging (from the kids), we were finally picking up our new puppy. We found a golden doodle (for Anora’s allergies) with a sweet and perky disposition. She had stayed with the breeder for 2 extra weeks for training and she was finally ready to come home! We spent the morning learning about her training and getting prepared to take her home. Finally, we got it all done and Riley was coming home with us!

Later that night I had to work a 16 hour overnight shift in the hospital. Sometimes I get to sleep. Not this time – I got a couple of hours here and there, but eventually the morning came. After a marathon shopping trip to Trader Joe’s, I drove my sleepy self with all the groceries home. And there was Riley!

I’d forgotten how much attention a puppy needs. It’s kind of like having a two year old – you better get your nap when she’s napping! Add to it that the kids had to be supervised and have to be trained to deal with Riley, and it all added up to very little sleep. When I woke up from my fog Thursday morning, I had to clean a poopy crate, make the vet and groomer appointments, get the kids off to swim practice on time, and feed and water everyone. I’ve given two puppy baths today for the crate accidents, and as I write she’s sleeping peacefully on a cushion.

It’s a lot. And I know you’re probably wondering what in the world would possess me to add a puppy to a house of four homeschooling children while I work full time and run my household. It does seem a little masochistic. Here’s what happened: After our elderly dog passed away at age 18 three years ago, it didn’t take long for the kids to start asking for another dog. At first, I thought it was just a passing request, like “can we have french fries for dinner?” I figured it wouldn’t last, but I was wrong. My kids know almost every dog in the neighborhood and their owners by name, and they know each of the cats that wander through our yard as well. When my youngest got itchy after being licked by a dog, I figured we wouldn’t be able to have a dog and I told the kids so. But she doesn’t wheeze or break out around dogs unless she is licked, so we could work around this mild an allergy. We took our time, visiting homes with dogs, reminding the kids to take responsibility for their things to prove they could handle a dog, and doing our research on the best dog for our family. When I saw how much my oldest was comforted in her preteen angst by animals, I decided that we’d better give this a try. But I wasn’t sure I’d really want to go through all the work of raising a dog. I’ve done it, and I remember how hard it was before, and I knew they had no idea! So we decided we’d talk to a breeder and visit some puppies.

I know, how could I think that after seeing the adorable puppies that I’d be able to walk away? But that wasn’t it. Yes, the puppies were super cute, but they still looked like work to me. What got me were the breeder’s own dogs. She brought them out to show the adult versions of her puppies and how they turn out with proper training, and all of a sudden I remembered how much I liked having a dog. When I told Perry that after the visit to the breeder, that was pretty much it. We were getting a puppy!

So here we are, now with a new fur baby and all the mess that she brings with her. But she’s smart and sweet and is learning fast! I’m looking forward to the days when the housebreaking is done and she can go on long walks with us around the neighborhood. For now, it’s shots and appointments and scheduled meals and cleaning up, along with training and treats and furry snuggles. Welcome to the Parks family, Riley!

1COMMENTS

Help Getting It Done, Inspirations

Raw Food, Energy, and Loving Mom

Strange title, right? But stay with me – it’ll come together…

It all started when Elena and I went over to our friend Lisa’s house to visit. We were talking and laughing and enjoying ourselves when Lisa pulled out a blender of raw cucumber soup to share. She blended it up and served it with a pretty little tomato-basil garnish. I was flipping through a raw recipe book on her counter when she told me how she uses a raw food diet especially when she’s sick for healing and energy. As we sat there eating, I remembered that I made this before and it was a wonderful summer soup, cool and delicious. I’d been feeling tired and run ragged with all the end of the year activities, so I started playing with the idea of doing a few days of raw food to boost my energy levels.

I immediately dismissed the idea.

Why? I’d done a raw food diet in the past for about a week, so it wasn’t as though I didn’t know how to get started. There began the internal argument. If I do raw for any length of time, I’m going to have to go to the store and buy a bunch of veggies. There’s all that prep work that goes into eating raw, and I would have more limited eating out option. And what about my wine? Well, that was a bogus excuse not to go raw. Actually, they all were just excuses. I started thinking about why I’d want to try raw food again. The last time I went raw, by the end of the week I had so much energy that I was only sleeping 5-6 hours a night. Now, I’m a 7 solid hour-a-night girl, so this was odd. Sleeping 5 hours and feeling alert and light was attractive. Also, I have all the kitchen equipment that makes a raw food diet easier. A raw veggie cleanse might get me out of this junk food loop I’d fallen into lately. I was going to be near a Whole Foods the next day when I went to do surgery, so I could get stocked up. No more excuses – I decided to go for it and see how I felt eating raw. Since I also have Amazon in my arsenal, I ordered the raw food recipe book and made my grocery list.

Sweet spicy Thai salad with zucchini noodles

I started with the cucumber soup. Easy, peasy. While I was enjoying my soup, the small people started coming around to taste and they liked it too. I knew I had a winner when my husband came upstairs from his office cave to taste and ended up licking the bowl!

Raw cucumber gazpacho

The first thing I noticed was that I had to think ahead. Everything to eat in my house isn’t raw, so I had to prepare each meal for myself with a little more forethought than, “Gee, I wonder what’s in this frig that could be dinner today”. I searched the internet for ideas and pulled out my food processor and Vitamix. Quite a few recipes needed some nuts or seeds soaked before the food could be prepared, so I had little bowls of ingredients lined up sitting in water on my counter. I figured this was going to turn out to be too much work with everything else I have to do, so I’d probably give up after a day or two.

But I didn’t. Partly because I’m hard headed, but also it was because I learned something else. When I put thought and energy into my food, I started to feel differently toward myself. By the middle of the week, I was feeling cared for and nourished, like I was important to consider amongst the other needs in the house. As a mom, I’m always looking to the needs of the family, so when there’s a time crunch, the first thing to get eliminated tends to be my needs. I’m absolutely positive that I’m not the only one doing that! Having fresh, delicious, colorful food to eat that I made for me said I was important too. The nice part is, I didn’t have to hope/ask/beg for someone to help me make it happen. i just needed to take a few extra minutes to put it together!

Raw vegan tacos (the filling was sunflower and pumpkin seeds with lots of spices)

The next thing I realized is that unless your family is joining you on the raw food journey, most of the recipes out there are too big for one. I had containers all over the refrigerator with leftovers that I needed to finish up. That presented a problem for several reasons: One, I don’t like to waste food, especially expensive Whole Foods prices food. Two, raw food doesn’t store for long before it spoils. Raw food is alive, with all the enzymes and beneficial bacteria that help you digest it, so it’s going to break down if you let it sit in the frig. The last problem surprised me: I thought I’d be hungry all the time eating this way, but I wasn’t. Maybe it was the nuts and seeds that filled me up, but probably not since I didn’t have those in all the meals. I think it was also that eating this clean took away my taste and cravings for junky food. I just didn’t want it.

Raw corn chowder with an avocado scramble topped with marinated mushrooms, spinach and tomato

It’s been a week, and I’m back to sleeping 5-6 hours a night. I felt light and loose on my walk yesterday morning, and I’m going to get my garden planted early this morning as soon as the sun comes up. When will I go back to cooked food? I don’t know – I may stay with this for awhile. I just bought some kelp noodles that look really good, and I want to try some recipes with those. The kids and I made some raw mexican hot chocolate dessert balls, so I have my chocolate fix. I’m not feeing rigid about this raw food plan. When my coworker offered me some of her fried mushrooms yesterday, I ate some (and they were delicious!). And sometimes I miss warm food, so we shall see. Right now, I feel good in my body and my spirit eating this way. That’s the best reason I can think of the keep going!

Ice cream made from frozen bananas and blue spirulina algae (ok, that’s a rare ingredient!)

Have you ever tried a raw foods diet? Would you like to see some recipes to try out at home? Please share in the comments below!

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