Category Archives: Inspirations

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Celebration In Quarantine

Happy Juneteenth, y’all!

It’s been a whole week of celebration for me. This week was my 45th birthday and Juneteeth, so there was a lot to celebrate. There have been lots of birthdays and special occasions since the pandemic hit, and lots of things have been canceled or changed. People have been finding creative ways to commemorate graduates and have birthday parties virtually and I found myself some ways to mark my special day. I thought I’d share so you can use any ideas you like!

Let me tell you, back in the beginning of Coronatine I prayed hard for this to all be over by my birthday. Not because I wanted a big party (I didn’t), but because I love my birthday and I always do something to celebrate. Also, I wanted to keep my plans in place. The kids were going to camp, I was gonna have a staycation, I was going to go to a day spa and get a massage, and I was most certainly going out to a special dinner. None of that happened.

But that doesn’t mean I didn’t celebrate! I did have to explain to my husband why 45 was a big deal to me. I’ve always treated each 5 and 10 year birthday with a little more excitement, but 45 seemed to have a little taste of the approach of menopause around it. It seemed important to me, even though when he asked me why I had some trouble putting words to my feelings about 45. Does anyone else feel like 45 is a big deal for women?

So after I had a little pity party for myself because my plans weren’t going to work out, I started thinking about what I could do to celebrate. Now, I know I could have scheduled a massage and that the spas and restaurants are now open, but we agreed: We’re not doing that yet. I needed to plan something where I could maintain appropriate physical distancing and do something special. Here’s what I came up with:

First, I kept my vacation time off. I’d taken the week off when the kids were supposed to go to camp, and even when the camp was canceled I decided that I’d still take the time. It had been 6 months without a vacation, so I needed the time to rest from work anyway.

Next, I planned a mini-retreat in one of my favorite places. I wanted to go with my husband, but I didn’t feel right about asking another person to come into our home to keep the kids, so he agreed to keep them while I was gone. So I went away and did a few things alone. Now, this may not be the kind of thing you extroverts would like, but I loved it! Let me show you…

I went to the labyrinth and walked. What a powerful place!

I wandered the community for hours. I picked herbs and blueberries growing along the path and enjoyed all the wildflowers.

I read (fiction only), I slept, I ate veggies and soups. My phone ringer was off and I didn’t use an alarm to wake up in the morning. I never touched the TV – I just didn’t remember it was there!

On my birthday I woke up early and went downstairs to find a new yoga mat, flowers, and balloons from my husband waiting for me. So fun!

Then I went up to the pool for my reserved time and found that no one else had reserved time, so I enjoyed reading alongside the pool for a couple of hours. When I got home, I set my lounge chair under our oak tree outside and read more of my book and talked to a few friends. I enjoyed a nice bubble bath and got on to my coaching class at 5 pm, where my classmates wished me a happy birthday! My honey ordered in vegan Asian fusion food, and my kids brought out homemade cake and cupcakes.

One of my best friends dropped by with her husband and grandkids to drop off a cake, flowers and a gift. The best part was talking in the driveway and getting to catch up after being apart for so long!

Then we came inside and opened presents. My kids made a special trip to the dollar store to buy lots of things, because they said, “We wanted you to have lots of presents!”. I’d planned to watch a movie to finish the day, but by then I was so tired, I just headed up to sleep. It was a beautiful, restful, peaceful birthday, full of the people I love. It was a wonderful celebration!

What creative things are you doing to celebrate occasions while we’re in this pandemic? Please share your ideas below!

And if you’re following, my Weight Loss: Going Deeper series has started on YouTube. Here’s a link to the intro so you can get started – see you there!

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Inspirations, Mind Management

Rage And Change

I’ve gone from feeling sad to very, very angry…

The past few weeks have felt very heavy to me, bearing the weight of the pandemic and many deaths, all the stress and changes on the healthcare frontline, and carrying the frustration, fear, and disgust after this most recent series of racially motivated police killings. I’ve mourned losing our ability to live as we had with each other through family celebrations, funerals, church gatherings, coffee hangouts, and even our date nights. Trying to move through “normal” work and home schedules while also trying to make sure the kids have enough information about all that has happened, and finding ways to help them process their feelings and questions has left me wondering if I’m getting any of it done well. Some days I’ve felt like I was dragging myself through the mud. For me, sadness isn’t a familiar place to sit. But it was what I was feeling, and instead of trying to thought-switch myself to a different feeling, I decided to allow the feeling and stay there for a while.

But the sadness didn’t stay. The more I thought and talked and listened the more angry I became. Some of the conversations were bright spots, expressions of love and compassion, and offers to help and plans for action. I’ve been very proud of the way so many are choosing to stand up and speak against the systematized racism that we’ve allowed to remain in our society. But what has gotten my ire up has been the silence from many whom I’d hoped would not choose to be silent. It makes me furious that those choosing to peacefully protest have been painted with the same brush as instigators and others who’ve chosen to participate in destruction and looting. Personally, in the long run, I don’t think that the damage that results from looting helps to cause lasting change, even if it feels like some kind of twisted justice.

Anger is much more familiar to me than sadness. It’s my more socially acceptable emotion, the one that I’ve learned how to explain and justify, both to others and to myself. It’s a human emotion that is more palatable to others than watching someone grieve or cry. Anger can be seen as constructive because others can join in anger and build a group of like-minded people around a common cause that needs change. Yet, even as experience my rage against injustice, I recognize the weakness in it. I know the scriptures, “Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires” (Janes 1:20), and “In your anger do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26). So I already know that my anger is a very careful place to tread. God doesn’t say not to be angry – he gave us the emotion! But how we deal with anger is very important if the results of it will be beneficial.

The other weakness in my anger is that I react to it. It’s one thing to feel angry, to process the emotion, to allow it to be present. But my tendency is to let it grow without really listening to it and understanding it. And when I push it back so I can “move ahead”, so I can avoid the heated feeling of the anger, I’m much more likely to let it flash out at someone else when I face the next irritation. That’s destructive. It hurts others (which isn’t at all what I want), and it wastes time. The repair work for the damage my anger causes leaves me using more time on the clean up than if I’d have worked through my anger in the first place. And even after I apologize and make amends, sometimes the damage can be lasting and irreparable.

So, what am I doing with my anger? After many years of either reacting to or pushing my anger away, I’m learning to allow it. What does that look like? It means sitting with the anger and listening to why my mind is angry. It means breathing and not trying to push the anger away. It means letting it come and knowing that there’s a message and a reason why I feel it. It means acknowledging to myself that usually there’s pain underneath the anger that needs attention. It means that I don’t need to be in a rush to get rid of the anger because it might hurt me or someone else because I can choose to allow it to be present without that.

In the end, I want my anger to produce something worthwhile. Anger is exhausting – I need all my energy to be constructive. When I allow my anger instead of resist or react to it, when I seek to understand it and let it teach me what I need to learn, I can choose to develop conviction, resolve, and direction. I pray for all of us who are angry to be able to learn from it and to be able to move to create powerful change.

Love to you all.

How are you feeling? What do you do when you’re angry? Please share in the comments below!

And, for those of you who’ve been following my Weight Loss Basics class, next week we’re going to take a deeper dive into how to get success in the key thing that ensures permanent weight loss – join me! Here’s the link to the Basics class so you can catch up before next Tuesday…

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Blog, Inspirations, Mind Management

It’s Okay To Be Sad

I cried all the way through Sunday service last week.

It was graduation Sunday and the whole service was centered around honoring our graduates. There were songs and announcements and a sermon and all the normal parts of the service, but there was a segment set aside to recognize each graduate. The parents of each graduate had written them a letter with remembrances, advice for the future, and encouragement as they go forth into the next phase of their lives. We do this every year, but this was the first time we did it over a virtual meeting and not in person.

It’s always touching to watch the graduates stand up on stage, smiling with a mix of embarrassment and pride as they hear the letters their parents have written. But as the photos of the grads showed up on the screen, I started thinking about the proms missed, and the graduation ceremonies not held, about my cousin in Virginia who didn’t get to finish playing his spring season of baseball as a senior. I wondered what it must be like for them to be unsure of their fall plans because of the pandemic, instead of excitedly planning for their fall semester in college. I looked around at my babies and wondered, what will graduation be like when they finish high school? Will they get to celebrate with friends and finish their plans and goals? My sense of loss for these kids was profound and deep. It felt like the normal that so often is unappreciated was just not available now, and I mourned for each of them. The tears started coming, very quietly.

As the service continued, the sermon was given by a young man in our congregation. Honestly, I don’t remember everything he talked about. But he spent some of his time talking about his life before finding God, and how he was like the prodigal son living for pleasure. He shared how that life produced a deep anguish in him, to the point where he became suicidal. His story made me understand a little more how deeply our kids are affected by the world in which we live, even when they seem happy and well. I looked at my children’s faces and wondered, what hurts are happening in those hearts and minds that I don’t know about? I thought about the families who lost their loved ones to gun violence and police brutality lately, how they were without them this Sunday morning as I sat with my family. The tears came faster.

As we continued in the last song of the service, the beauty of the music and singing was overwhelming. Instead of singing as I usually do, I sat and listened, allowing the tears to fall. I let the feelings of sadness and overwhelm and mourning and hope in God wash over me. My family watched me with concern, and the kids came over one by one to pat my shoulder or rub my back. When service was over, my husband asked me if I wanted to share what I was feeling. So I did.

You know, I spend a lot of my energy trying to be happy. I work on the thoughts that I create that cause my discomfort and upset to be sure that I’m thinking deliberately. I believe there is incredible value in being the manager of my mind instead of allowing it to manage me. But a human life is not designed to be one of pure happiness. Trying to live a life where the goal is to be happy is destined to be a life full of disappointments and frustration. The full range of the human experience includes sadness, disappointment, grief, fear, and pain. There are so many emotions that we have available to us, and I want to be able to feel them. You might think that you’d rather have a life without sadness or pain or grief. But truly, if someone dies, do you want to be happy about it? I’m pretty sure you’d want to be able to mourn their passing, to celebrate their life. If they suffered, you may want to feel relief at the end of their pain. We have all the emotions available to us so that we can live the full range of human life. On that Sunday, I needed to be sad, to feel the loss, to allow the pain of the pandemic and its effects to pass through me. I needed to mourn the loss of the lives of Ahmaud Arbery and Brianna Taylor and George Floyd. I celebrate the graduates and their accomplishments! But I recognize some of the losses that we have experienced during this time and I grieve too.

So, if you aren’t feeling fully able to celebrate and enjoy life right now, that’s ok. Sometimes sadness is the emotion you choose. You don’t have to stay there, and you can choose thoughts that focus on all the blessings and love and joy and goodness in your wonderful, inspiring, joyful gift of life as a human being on this planet. But if you have other feelings, you can feel those too and know that all emotions are part of your human experience. I know my thoughts on that Sunday caused my feelings, and that I can choose other thoughts to produce different emotions. I don’t choose to produce unnecessary suffering in my life by continuing to choose thoughts that don’t serve me. But it’s ok to feel the feelings, to choose the thoughts, to live this life fully. It’s a piece of the wholeness we are searching for!

Have you been feeling sadness more than usual lately? How are you navigating the celebration and loss during this time? Please share in the comments below!

And, if you’re feeling more than sadness, if you need help, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or chat at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/

And, if you haven’t gotten over to see me on YouTube yet, come see my most recent series on Weight Loss Basics! I can help you lose instead of gain during all this time at home…

NOCOMMENTS

Blog, Inspirations

Finding Hope In Humanity

It was Saturday midday and I had just finished seeing patients and doing procedures. I’d gone back to my call room to have something to drink and sit down for a moment (it’s too hard to carry my water bottle and drink when I have to keep a mask on all the time). I was flipping through my coaching assignment for the week when my work phone rang. It was my partner who would be coming in later to do the night shift. She said she was on top of the parking deck across from Labor and Delivery, and that the Blue Angels were about to do a flyover in honor of health care workers, so I should come out to watch with her.

The view from the call room at the hospital – nice when I get to be there!

I didn’t have anything to do for the moment, and the hospital could call if they needed me, so I headed over to the parking deck. Now, I have to admit my ignorance: I really didn’t know who the Blue Angels were. But I figured they had to be some sort of military flying squadron if they were doing a flyover, but I googled them as I walked to be sure. Yep, I was right! The Blue Angels are an elite aerobatic flight demonstration squadron of the United States Navy. I’d never seen fighter jets up close, so I picked up my pace and found the elevator to the top of the parking deck.

There were lots of people gathering on the rooftops, mostly nurses or other healthcare workers, many who’d come in off shift to watch the demonstration. Everyone was good about staying in their family groups and social distancing, many were wearing masks, and even some of the nurses I work with had been able to come out on their break to watch. There were kids and older people, and even a group of bikers on Harley’s had come up to observe. People had pulled off of the highway and were parked on the off-ramps to see the show. I wandered for a moment, then I found my partner and waited by the railings to see what would happen.

There was a buzz of excitement in the air. Everyone was waiting with anticipation and watching the skies. Then I heard someone say, “Here they come!” and I looked up to see two squads of six fighter jets each in tight formation, seemingly only feet from each other. They came over the hospital as the crowd cheered. Then they circled back, maintaining their formation, and flew back over the hospitals. When they came back for the second time, they hit their afterburners and the skies filled with symmetric streams of smoke. Everyone clapped and cheered for the pilots and a group on one side started chanting, “U-S-A! U-S-A!”. Then people headed for the elevators and the party was over – back to work!

It was an inspiring sight! I didn’t grow up near any military installations and I don’t have any close family members in the military, so I don’t have much personal exposure to people in the military. But watching those pilots flyover in a tribute to us, the healthcare workers on the frontlines of this pandemic, truly humbled me. The people paying tribute to us are the people who sacrifice and serve on the front lines to help keep me safe, to keep us all safe. And they were thanking us. I had tears in my eyes when I told the kids about it later that night, remembering how those who are so worthy of our thanks were giving thanks to us.

When I walked back to the hospital, I went through the walkway from the staff parking into the main part of the Women’s Center. All along the windows of the bridge over the street were posters thanking the doctors and nurses and health care workers serving in the pandemic. They were obviously were the products of many someone’s hard work and time, so I stopped to take pictures. It reminded me how much I appreciate the techs and nurses and environmental services workers and the cafeteria staff – all those who make it possible to take care of patients and their families. We truly are a team!

Me and my amazing nurse!

The thought that made me weep in front of the kids as I showed them the video of the Blue Angels was this: All these people with all the racial/ethnic/religious/political differences we have – and we are all just people. We all have families that we love. We all want to be safe, and we want our kids to be safe and cared for and educated. We want our elderly parents to be well. We want to celebrate life and enjoy meaningful moments together. I knew very clearly when I stood out there among the appropriately distanced crowd, that many of us would not see eye to eye on political or racial issues, or maybe other issues too. But we had much more in common than we might think. I left that moment grateful – glad to be human, loved by God, and knowing that if we can see our commonalities, we actually might be able to come together to solve our problems. That’s what we do in the hospital. That’s what you do at work. That’s how we solve conflicts in our families. I know it’s complicated when we’re talking about whole populations coming together. But still, I’m hopeful. And that’s a start.

Have you ever witnessed something that inspired your hope in humanity? Please share in the comments below!

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Blog, Inspirations, Mind Management

The Practice Of Love

Oooh, chile! It’s been a tiring week on the emotional front!

It seems like a lot of things happened in the past 7 days that have challenged my attitude. First, the governor decided to open the state of Georgia for nonessential businesses. Let me tell you why that was hard for me. First, as a physician, I recognize that in this state we are in the midst of the COVID-19 case surge. It doesn’t make sense to me to encourage people to get out and mingle when we know that we haven’t yet passed the most crucial part of the pandemic, and that we risk provoking a second surge by encouraging people to go out to cosmetic appointments and entertainment activities like bowling and movie watching. I understand the economic pressures on the state, but I cringe at the thought of a second wave of COVID-19 and the deaths that will come if this happens.

Second, I spent Friday as the only doctor in the office and had several interactions with patients who demanded things that I either disagreed with or couldn’t do. As we start to bring people into the office who’ve been delayed because of the pandemic, more pressure is getting put onto the schedules. And while there have always been patients who’ve asked for things I don’t think they need, it was easier to spend time explaining and practice patience when the schedules were light. On Friday it felt like every patient I had was upset about something, and I needed to give extra TLC to help them feel taken care of as they went back home. Add to that that being the only doctor meant I was getting phone calls from advice nurses and was being asked to sign forms between patients by the nurses in the office, and by the end of the day I felt like I’d run in circles all day.

I was so grateful to be headed home! I was ready to take full advantage a weekend when I wasn’t working, so I came home ready to enjoy the family. I figured we’d eat dinner, have a fire in our fire pit out back, toast marshmallows and just be together. Unbeknownst to me, my husband also had a day full of challenges at work. When I walked in and saw his face, I knew something was off. After I completed my decontamination process, complete with wiping my steering wheel and anything I touched after I left the office, washing any clothing I wore to the office, and a shower and nasal cleaning, I came back down to start the weekend. But it was a no-go. He wasn’t up for the fire pit, my son was on restriction for an infraction earlier in the day, the girls were sad, and the night was a wash. I didn’t find out until after the kids were in bed all of what had gone down during the day for him, and by then I was disappointed and ready to hang it up anyway.

It took some time and talking, but we worked through the disconnect the next day. But you know when I really figured out what was happening? In the midst of our virtual worship service on Sunday.

It may sound strange, but the pandemic itself hasn’t changed a lot for us at home. We already homeschooled, he has worked from home a lot before, and I’m still working as much as before (with the exception of elective surgery – that’s still on hold). So while things outside the house are kinda crazy, home feels pretty normal. We’ve cut out the travel to church and activities, and the kids don’t get to meet with their homeschool group on Mondays, but they are doing that virtually and we have navigated around each other pretty well. He and I tend to have the same scuffles around home life as usual, but nothing more than that as we’ve been confined. And maybe the truth is that with us both working, we’re not really “stuck at home” together, so that’s why we aren’t in more conflict. So this disagreement gave me a little idea of what other people may be feeling during this quarantine. And that little understanding became much bigger on Sunday.

The theme of the sermon this week was Love, and using this time of social distancing to love people more, to grow in our capacity for love and compassion to others. I started thinking back over the week. While I’m concerned about a second COVID surge, what about those small business owners who have no income during the stay-at-home order? What about the family who runs our local coffee shop – how are they surviving? What about my hairdresser I see once a year for a trim – how is she making it with no customers, and how are her daughter and husband doing?

Together…

One of the women in our family group shared about how the son of one of the patients that they transport to dialysis wanted to show up to see his mom as she was transferred, because he couldn’t visit her in the facility where she lived because of COVID. And even though it caused a delay for them, the transporters allowed him to have a conversation (with a mask and social distancing) so he could spend a little time with his mom. The night before, another friend from church called me to ask for my advice on treatments recommended for his mom as she was being treated in a local ICU with COVID. And I could hear how hard it was for him to not be able to go visit her as we talked over the phone.

And then the comment that opened up my eyes to what was happening in all these challenges was a simple reminder from a friend. He shared how the message reminded him that love is an action word, not just a feeling, so he was encouraged to act and serve to show his love. That was the common thread. In every situation, whether the decisions the government makes or the interactions at work or home, each were an opportunity to practice my love. They were each a chance for me to act in a way that made my love bigger, stronger and more powerful. When I get yet another call from a nurse who is calling me because she can’t reach the doctor assigned to calls that day, I can choose to be patient and gracious and help as best I can. When a patient is irritable and mistrusting, I can take a moment to recognize that she may be afraid, and leaving her house in this pandemic may be very scary and stressful for her. I can take a few more moments to reassure and comfort, because that’s love.

When I question the decisions of our political leaders, I can remember that I don’t have the wisdom or perspective to know all the factors that go into those decisions. I can remember those who may benefit from the decision and have compassion on their situation. And while I might not go to those businesses right now, I can choose to support them anyway because I care about the people behind them.

When I bump heads with my husband, I can see this as the greatest opportunity of all to love. After all, aren’t the deepest hurts we feel with those we love? This is when I get to dig deep, reach for my compassion and understanding, and choose to be kind and gentle even if I’m feeling disappointed. Besides, the action that I feel hurt about is almost never intentional. When I stay in my own point of view, I miss the chance to grow and expand. When I reach, when I look for other ways to see the circumstances and see them from his perspective, I gain a bigger heart, more compassion, and I can love even more.

Many of us grew up watching romantic movies and reading stories and learned that love is a feeling that comes when all the stars align, or everything falls into place, or it’s just meant to be. But love is so much more than a feeling. It’s a practice! It takes energy, effort, awareness, and intention. The good news is that life gives us plenty of opportunity to grow in love. Thank God for the practice!

Have you found ways that life is challenging you to grow in love? How have you seen the call to love bigger in your life? Please share in the comments below!

NOCOMMENTS

Inspirations, Mind Management

Take A Moment

How are you feeling?

It’s been interesting to watch my mind run around in the midst of this pandemic. My thoughts seem to bounce around looking for trouble, even when everything is fine. Sometimes, I’m just appreciating the fact that my family and I are healthy, that I have a job and a home, that we have all the creature comforts of the world like running water and central air. And in the next moment, I can find myself feeling like I’m going to be taken over by a tidal wave, like things are all about to fall apart. And in those moments, it’s really hard to convince my brain that those fears aren’t the best place to focus. Now, don’t get me wrong – I believe in doing what you can to be prepared for whatever you can. But once that’s done, the endless worrying and second guessing isn’t constructive anymore. So I’ve figured out a way to break the fear-focus…

First, take a deep breath and really feel your lungs fill up with air. Feel your chest expand and hold the breath at the fullest point for a little longer than normal. Then let the air out, completely emptying the lungs, almost like wringing out a washcloth. Do this breathing for five breaths, in and out. Feel calmer? Good. Let’s keep going.

One thing I’ve found is that when I get outside and spend a few minutes in nature, I feel better. Walking in the early mornings was good for this. At one point recently, I realized that I hadn’t been walking in the mornings. At all. I had my reasons; it was too cold, it was raining, the pollen was so heavy that I didn’t want to being it in the house on my and aggravate the little one’s allergies. When I sat for a minute, I realized my mind was grumbling about the rainy weather and the annoying pollen and how if the weather would just cooperate it would be a whole lot easier to tolerate this pandemic confinement.

The weather wasn’t really the problem. When I really started thinking about it, I was reassured by the rainy spring weather and explosion of pollen. Even as the human world was turned topsy-turvy by the virus, the natural world was carrying on as usual. Spring was coming, whether I was out in it or not. I started to think about this a little more and I realized that the sun rises everyday, and night comes every night. The earth is continuing to turn and we are tilting as we should toward the sun to bring our change in season. We might be off balance, but the earth keeps going.

That helps me. Sometimes I feel like I have to take care of everything in order for things to work out well, and when I can’t control it all I worry that things will fall apart. Knowing that I don’t have to worry about the weather and the seasons reminded me that I really don’t have to worry about many of the things that I think I’m supposed to control. I do what I can, and then I can step back and rest in the moment. How? Let’s practice.

If the weather is agreeable to you, go outside for a moment. If not, get near a window and look outside. Look up at the sky and just watch for a few minutes. The clouds will float by, or swirl darkly if a storm is coming If the clouds are gone and it’s a sunny day, you can watch the tree leaves move in the breeze. If you get outside, crouch down and look at the grass. See how it roots down into the earth, even if it just a patch breaking through concrete? Isn’t it remarkable how resilient the plants are to keep growing no matter what’s going on? Even the pollen that coats everything is amazing. The power of nature to continue itself, to throw around its seed to reproduce is abundance might aggravate your allergies or irritate your eyes, but you have admire the will that brings forth the growing season. Look around for tiny flowers in the grass, or the blooms on trees just starting to bud. The streets are littered with flower petals, blowing in the wake of the cars that pass. The earth is full, creation is blooming, and life is continuing on. We are continuing on.

Even as we adjust to a constantly evolving situation in front of us, as we work from home or go into work as essential personnel, we continue to live. I am comforted by the thought that life is continuing on. We will get through this. And if we allow ourselves to find joy and beauty in what we have right now, we may even grow to be better through it all.

Do you have any thoughts or practices that are helping you feel strong and hopeful during this time? Please share in the comments below!

And, if you need some practice with thinking on purpose or want to try a breathing exercise, come watch my YouTube channel videos – just search for Dr Andrea Christian Parks. See you there!

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Blog, Inspirations, Mind Management

Am I Weird?

I was on the phone the other day with my husband, talking about some upcoming plans. As we compared our thoughts about the plans, we realized that we had very different perspectives on them. This is usually the case. As a rule, my husband and I see things from completely different points of view. I don’t know if it’s the male-female thing, or differences in upbringing. But I’ve come to expect it!

This time though, when I gave my take on the plan and acknowledged that I probably was a little different in my thinking, he said something that made me stop in my tracks. He called me “weird”. It wasn’t in a negative way, more an offhanded comment, noting that I often have a unique way of thinking and doing things, at least from his perspective. But it made me think:

Am I weird?

When I was a kid, being called weird was an insult. No one wanted to be the weird kid – being different and unique wasn’t a compliment! It’s funny though, after decades of being an adult and learning to be myself and embrace the exclusively individual parts of myself, being called weird still sounded a little negative. It’s strange, because when I go to cities like Austin, TX or Asheville, NC that take great pride in being weird, I love being there. It’s the different parts that make those places interesting and fun!

Being called weird made me start asking the question: If I’m weird, then what makes me that way? It didn’t take two seconds before my brain started offering me answers. I eat in a way that lots of people find strange, with no animal products and mostly whole and unprocessed foods. I like to cook, where many people do not. I wear my hair natural without chemicals. Even though I have plenty to do raising four kids, running a household, and working as a physician, I still write this blog every week and make videos for my YouTube channel (check me out at Dr Andrea Christian Parks). With the support of my husband and a teacher, I’ve been homeschooling my kids for eight years, even though sending them to public school would be easier and cheaper. I enjoy doing surgery – many people don’t want to see inside live people’s bodies. I am committed to growing my relationship with God on a personal and daily basis and have been for more than two decades. These things, among others, are things that certainly could be considered weird.

But so what? What if I am weird? Being weird now isn’t the insult that it was in fifth grade. One thing I started realizing during my coaching work this week is that the people that I learned the most from and admired in my formative years were “weird” people. They were unique and different and stayed that way even when they were criticized for it. I was attracted to the power and character in people who could be who they were even when others didn’t see their value. I wanted to be like them!

I had a friend named Thea from elementary through high school who was always very different. She wore homemade clothes when that was absolutely not cool. She had Doc Maarten boots before they were a thing. I’ll never forget the skirt she wore made of her dad’s old neckties. She liked the skirt and couldn’t care less if anyone else did. And that was the point: She liked herself and her style, so if others didn’t, then they were entitled to their opinions. It wasn’t important enough to change how she showed up. She was fun, interesting, loyal, smart and talented. I’m glad I had the opportunity to be her friend!

Different and cool…

When I look back over my life, people like Thea were the ones I wanted as friends, women who were clear about who they were, what they believed, and were comfortable in themselves. They were able to be good friends and accept other people because they had already figured out who they were. They didn’t need friends who were the same to confirm them, because they’d already done that work. They would be themselves and let you be you – they saw the value that you brought to the friendship. I’ve had so many friends like this over the years, and the best thing about having that kind of friend was this: I got to become me. I didn’t need to pretend to be other than me to please my friends, and that allowed me to figure out who I wanted to be. Now before I make this sound too idyllic, I certainly have things that I’m undoing in my self and my character. Plenty of things. But if at one time I thought being weird was a negative thing, I don’t know that I ever really believed it, because look at who I chose as friends! And if I love “weird” people and I’m weird, then maybe it’s not a bad thing at all. Maybe my being weird is the gift I get to give to the world.

I love gifts – never know what’s inside, but it’s fun to find out!

And you? Maybe you like to do things with your kids that seem a little strange to others. It might be that you have a love for knitting that no one knows about. You might be growing your own food and canning it at the end of the growing season (come teach me!). You may love cutting your own grass and planting flowers in your yard. Whatever it is that makes your heart sing, that thing that makes you different, that’s the thing that you have to give to the world. It’s the thing that other people get to admire about you, so don’t hide it. It may be “weird”, but it’s authentically you and worth celebrating. So be your unique, different, weird self – you’re what makes life wonderful. Go be a gift!

What is it about you that’s weird? I want to know you better, so please share in the comments below!

4COMMENTS

Blog, Help Getting It Done, Inspirations

How To Boost Your Immunity

We’re living in some strange times right now…

You know, I had a whole ‘nother post planned for this week. But in the midst of COVID-19 and all the changes that are happening, as a lifestyle medicine and holistic physician, I feel a duty to share something to help. With all the news attention and the noise on social media, it can be easy to get swept up in a whirlwind of information. Unfortunately, most of the information is not constructive. The advice to observe social distancing and stay home as much as possible is paramount to slowing this pandemic. Good handwashing is an excellent practice to observe. But there aren’t many recommendations on what to do to try and stay healthy. And when we get a lot of information and no constructive actions to take, we can feel lost and even more worried than we already are.

Being able to manage our thoughts is absolutely critical to how we will experience this pandemic. And I’ll write more about this in the coming weeks. If you missed last week’s post, How Not To Panic, feel free to go back and catch up! But this week, I’d like to share the things that I do for myself and my family to keep our immunity strong and ready to fight! If you’ve been following me for awhile, you may have seen me share some of this. But I’m adding some new recommendations, so read on. Also, the link to my first YouTube video on my channel is at the end of the post – keep going!

Things To DO

Manage your stress

Your immune system starts to lose its power under excessive amounts of stress. We all have stress of some sort in our lives, and a little of it isn’t harmful. But the constant churn of danger messages in the background is like revving your car at high RPMs while you leave it in park – you’re gonna burn out the engine! Your brain is wired to detect danger to keep you safe. But that detection mechanism is designed to get you to move, so if the danger isn’t imminent and you don’t have to move immediately, then you can let your brain know that you are safe right now and that the message is noted. Good ways to manage stress: deep breathing with a full exhale, sitting quietly and looking out the window at nature, prayer, exercise, aromatherapy, and journaling. I may do a Facebook live on conscious breathing – it helps!

Get enough sleep

Now that many people are working from home, the commute is gone and we can get a little more time in bed. You might still be getting up early to manage the kids and set them up for their home school or digital learning days, but at least you don’t have the get-out-of-the-door hustle! It can be tempting to do things other than sleep in bed, like watching TV or playing on your phone, reading or getting work done on your computer. But too much of that activity can train your brain to treat the bed as a sleep optional zone and interfere with sleep. If you’re having trouble sleeping once you get into bed, do a search on the internet for “sleep hygiene” and see if you can change any of your usual practices to help. If your mind is racing and worrying, keeping a journal or pad of paper by the bedside to scribble down your thoughts or to-dos can help unload the burden and allow you to sleep.

Eat whole foods

You knew I’d get to this one! Now that you’re home more, you can prepare more meals! Even if you don’t know how to cook many things from scratch, this is an excellent time to add a few recipes to your arsenal. Check out the section on recipes on this blog – most of my recipes are designed to be quick. And while you’re preparing meals, the more raw food you can eat, the better for your immunity. The fiber and enzymes in raw fruits and veggies help the immune system stay strong!

Put out a fruit bowl, keep a bag of prepared salad ready to go in the frig (just mix lettuces, chopped cucumber/carrot/pepper/celery or whatever you like and put it in a zip bag). Drop baby carrots on the side of the lunch plates. Make a lunch of hummus and fresh veggies. My kids ate hummus, bruschetta, eggplant dip, guacamole with crackers and veggies one day for their lunch this week. I made a massaged kale salad today that was incredible – took me ten minutes to prepare and was full of antioxidants, good fat, and thyroid gland supporting seasoning (I used a little seaweed sprinkle). So good!

Lunch!

Take a fiber supplement and a probiotic

I’m not usually big on recommending supplements. Not because I don’t believe in them, but because I don’t want to encourage the idea that supplements can fix a crappy diet and lifestyle. They can’t. But if you’re eating whole foods, mostly plants and want to go the extra mile, this is a good next step. I use an organic psyllium fiber supplement daily, a tablespoon in a big glass of water. I don’t have trouble with constipation, but this is an excellent practice if you do. The better you can eliminate the waste out of the colon, the less energy your body has to divert in clearing that out of you. Psyllium is a great broom for the colon – just sweeps the waste right out. You’ll find the “go” is much easier!

Gut health is your first line of defense against disease, along with your skin. The way bad things get in to your body is through your skin and mucus membranes (eyes, nose, mouth) and through your digestive system. If you are eating lots of processed and prepared food, your gut is not getting top of the line care. In addition to feeding yourself high quality foods, a probiotic can help put good bacteria that help you fight disease back into the place where it’s needed most – your intestines. When you shop for a supplement, look for the following things: a blend of different strains of bacteria including multiple types of lactobacilli and bifidobacteria, counts of at least 15 billion CFU (colony forming units) for adults, and GMP or NSF certification (these are companies that certify that what the bottle says is what’s inside. Supplements aren’t regulated, so you need independent certification.). I have a chewable probiotic for the kids too, because they don’t swallow pills yet. We also use elderberry syrup as an immune booster.

Support your liver

Your liver and kidneys do the incredibly hard work of detoxifying your body from all the exposures that come around you every day. So in addition to avoiding as many chemicals as you can and drinking lots of water, do what you can to support your liver. I love to make beet juice, so if you have a juicer you can juice 2 beets, 6 carrots, 2 apples and a small chunk of ginger, add the juice of one lemon and you have a great and delicious liver cleanser! Other foods to support the liver are grapefruit, berries, dark leafy and bitter greens, turmeric, and a cup of tea or coffee (please organic – don’t soak chemicals from conventional teas and coffee in hot water and drink them!).

My beet juice – yum!

Get outside

For now, social distancing can be done outside. I let my kids go on a walk in a park the other day. I didn’t let them play on the playground equipment since the virus can live on surfaces for a long time (and I wasn’t going to be able to disinfect the whole playground!). Playing in the backyard if you have one, walks in the neighborhood, waving at your neighbors from a distance all allow you to get out, clears the lungs out with fresh air, and get you a little exercise!

Stay connected

And not just on social media. We’ve been using virtual meeting platforms to do church with our family group, and my husband called his mom on one to see her and share my first YouTube video (The premiere is 8 pm, 3/20/2020 – Come see!) Social connection can be nourishing to our souls, and we need each other. Isolation can be damaging to our immunity and mental health. Even a non-shy introvert like myself needs people and connection. So call, video chat, email and reach out to your friends and family – we need each other more than ever right now!

Things NOT to do

There are things that cause the immune system to fray and unravel. The number one is unchecked stress, so if you are having trouble managing your anxiety alone, please get help. Many practitioners are doing virtual visits now, so you can explore this even as you stay at home. Staying up late binge watching shows limits your sleep, and excessive screen time exposes you to lots of blue light. Blue light impedes your natural melatonin release, which makes it harder for you to sleep. Don’t drink alcohol habitually – it also impairs the quality of your sleep later in the night, so even if you fall asleep, you wake up tired. Don’t eat much processed and fried foods (if at all) – you’ll own the weight gain when you get back out into the world, and your liver has to work overtime on processing that stuff.

Be careful…

I know things are challenging right now. But we can use this time as an opportunity to take even better care of ourselves and each other. Try these things above to keep yourselves healthy and let me know what you’re doing to boost your immunity and wellness in the comments below!

NOCOMMENTS

Help Getting It Done, Inspirations

Lessons From The Road (How I Survived a Car Trip With My Family)

When my grandma passed away a few weeks ago, the memorial service was set for a few weeks later. Many of our family members had to travel from far away to get there, but we had a choice to make; buy six plane tickets or commit to a 7 1/2 hour drive with the four kids. It was a tough choice. Six plane tickets is ridiculously expensive, especially for a weekend trip, but a road trip with kids means a bunch of stops, finding meals on the road, and making sure they have packed enough entertainment to keep them busy and not driving me nuts the whole ride. A road trip meant the 7 1/2 hours would be at least 9-10 hours of traveling.

We chose the road trip.

We’ve done road trips for vacations before, and they’ve generally gone well. My husband thinks it’s because the kids are just good travelers. They are, for the most part. But I also know that the preparation and work that I put in before we get in that car make a huge difference in how the trip goes. Still, I’m not a huge fan of road trips, at least with the kids. I’ve always said I want the Star Trek days to hurry up and come so I can “beam myself” to wherever I’m going. That’s probably a reflection of my destination oriented mindset and my lack of appreciation for the journey, but we all have flaws. I’m working on that one!

Even with all the preparations and plans, this trip taught me a few things that made it even better, so I’m going to share them here with you. Hopefully, your next road trip will be even better because of it!

Sometimes, you have to stop for squishies.

I was the driver for the first leg of the trip. We left at 6 am, thinking we’d get ahead of most of the Atlanta traffic. Now, I don’t like to drive, especially in the dark, but I volunteered to drive that morning. Actually, I insisted. My honey had stayed up very late the night before and I wanted him to sleep for a few more hours before he got behind the wheel. I felt that was best for everyone, so I was in the driver’s seat when he came outside. We got the kids in and took off. My husband grabbed one of the kid’s squishy stuffed animal pillows and conked out.

Two hours later, we got caught in construction traffic on the other side of the city, and as we neared the more rural part of the drive, I decided we’d better get gas and stop for a bathroom break before we had fewer options. I saw a Walmart supercenter with a gas station ahead and drove up to the pumps. When my husband woke up, he told the kids how much he liked the squishy pillow and asked where it had come from. When they said Walmart, he grabbed his electric one wheeled scooter and made to take off to buy one for himself.

He almost started a riot.

The kids who didn’t have a big squishy immediately clamored to get one too. Now, we were already behind schedule, most of the trip was ahead, and this was supposed to be a quick bathroom break. I was tempted to be annoyed. But then I decided, Hey – get me one too! That was it. He took off, I gassed up the car and drove around to park so everyone could go in to the potty. When we got inside, he was standing in the stuffed animal aisle with couple hundred choices around. The kids jumped in to “help”, everyone negotiated for which squishie they wanted, and as providence would have it, they had exactly six different varieties. Everyone got one!

Now, did it make us later than planned? Yep. We were planning to get to my mother-in-law’s house for lunch, and we had to switch up the plan so they could eat when they were actually hungry instead of late afternoon. But you know what? We still visited with the family, we got a good lunch on the road anyway, and every time we look at those squishies, each of us smile and remember how we got them. Now, those squishies are part of our family memories and the delay in our trip was definitely worth that!

Bring too much to do.

I’m pretty sure I’ve said this before, but I’m not a fan of screens. Especially kids and screens. So even though the van has a TV, I try hard not to use it except on the tail end of road trips when everyone is just about over it. So before any road trip, we go to the library and load up on books and maybe a couple of DVDs. This time, I neglected to communicate a limit on the number of books that the kids could check out to the friend who had them on the library trip day.

These jokers came home with TWO of these.

I’m pretty sure they checked out books to the limit of my library card. We usually take one bag of books, mostly because we need room for packing other things. But here’s the messed up part: They left the books in the van and I didn’t see them until the morning we left. Yeah, they knew exactly what they were doing. They were packed in the back like sardines and it was too late for me to sort out what could be left behind. So the back seats were a hot mess the whole trip, because they had no room to maneuver and pens and notebooks and gifts from Nana and stuffies and blankies and squishy pillows were everywhere. I couldn’t even look in the back seat, and it was my job to manage them while he was driving.

But they didn’t complain that they were bored. And that, my friends, is the lesson. Next time they might want a little more room and may limit themselves, but they knew what they needed to be entertained. I had my books and work and things to keep me busy up front, so we did just fine. Was it a hot mess when we got home? Yep. And I made them clean it all out. All good!

No yelling in a metal box.

This is their rule. And I so appreciate it, because just like every other hyperactive sense I have (lights are too bright, the TV is too loud, something stinks, don’t you smell that?), my hearing is also on overdrive. Kids hollering in the backseat is a no-go. And even though they seem not to notice how loud they can be in the house, they do seem to get it in the car. So they remind each other when their volumes gets above a certain threshold, and I am so thankful for their rule.

Remember why you’re together.

This one is the simplest, but it’s easy to miss. Going on a road trip can be tedious, exhausting and just plain boring. It can fray your every last nerve and if you don’t watch out, everyone is crabby and snapping at each other by the end and all you want to do is make sure that you never, EVER do this again. But when I get close to thinking that way, I remind myself what we’re doing. We were going to say goodbye to my grandmother, to celebrate her life, and to gather her family close. One day, we won’t all be together this way. This time, even a road trip, is our life together. I can choose to be irritated and short tempered, or I can choose to cherish this time that I have all six of us together. I choose to be grateful. It makes all the difference!

Do you road trip with your family? What’s the most memorable thing that happened to you on a road trip? Please share in the comments below!

4COMMENTS

Blog, Inspirations, Mind Management

Who Makes A Relationship?

This past weekend was my grandmother’s memorial service. She was almost 98 years old when she died a few weeks ago.

Grandma was a wonderful woman and we all were sad to see her go, but 98 years? That’s a long life. So when we gathered in Florida for the service and scattering of her ashes, it was a time of mourning, but was also a time to remember all the good times we had with her and together over the course of her life. Really, it was a family reunion.

Growing up, there were a period of years when my grandmother’s three daughters and all of us cousins lived in the same town in Massachusetts within a few blocks of each other. Each daughter had two of us, and there were also two step cousins who were around a lot, so we rolled deep! Grandma and Grandpa also moved to Brookline for a few years, so we all spent time at each other houses. The cousins went to school together, hung out watching movies or playing games together, and had all the big holiday meals together. We spent lots of time this weekend laughing over memories of the times we had together and how grandma was the center of so many of those times. It ended up being a great time reconnecting, talking and bonding!

Me and my cousins…

I wasn’t sure it was going to be that way though. We all went to college in different states, and the last 20 years or so we’ve all been busy getting jobs and traveling and building families, so we haven’t been as close. I also remember one cousin making a comment one time I’ll never forget. This cousin remarked that I was such an overachiever that I wasn’t like the rest of them. It was said in fun, but I took it to heart. I had enough examples of me as an exception that I took this comment to be further confirmation that I wasn’t as much a part of the crew as everyone else.

When you add years of medical school and residency with no breaks, years went by where I didn’t travel back home or see my cousins. In some ways, medical training is like being in the military: The time away and sacrifices that are made directly impact the relationships with your family. At the time I didn’t think about it – I just put my head down and tried to survive the overwhelming amount of work and sleep deprivation. But when I’d see that I’d missed another weekend on Martha’s Vineyard, or a cousin got married and I couldn’t go, I felt further and further away. So when I got the call to attend the memorial service, I wondered if it would be awkward to be there with everyone. Was I going to be the odd one out again?

It’s never a fun thing to gather when a loved one dies. Getting family together can also bring out lots of historical dysfunction, so I get it when people dread family reunions. Old triggers and rivalries and hard feelings mixed with emotion over the loss can be a minefield. Add a little (or a lot!) of alcohol, and things can get hectic quick. But here’s what I figured out before I went: I am in charge of how I think about these relationships. When a little squabble broke out about who was speaking at the service, I stepped back to see each point of view. When I got around the group of cousins sitting around, talking and laughing and there were no more seats, I had a choice to make. Was I going to feel excluded, or was I going to pull up another chair and sit down with the group? Was I going to decide that there was no room for me, and I had been away too long to be close, or would I decide that I was always part of this cousin group?

Here’s the thing: It only takes one person to create the relationship. Stay with me, because I know that sounds crazy. If I had decided that I wasn’t close to my cousins and that we didn’t have much of a relationship any longer, then I would have pulled back further and acted in a way that was distant, further confirming my lack of closeness with my cousins. And truth here, they wouldn’t have known what was in my head. They can’t feel my feelings. But I can choose to cultivate the love and closeness I want in my own heart by thinking of them in ways that keep me feeling close. The key is in the thoughts I choose to think, and I am in control of that process. I chose to think of each of them with love. Once I got out of my own head and insecurities, I realized how the spouses of the cousins might have felt less included as well – I mean, they didn’t have the childhood memories with us at all!

The most fun moment of the weekend was when we gathered the night of the memorial service for dinner and family time. The little cousins decided to put on a “Cousins Got Talent” show, complete with team of hosts, technical director, and producer (y’all, we’ve got a lot of kids!). The kids did a great job and we took pictures and videos and celebrated the kids. Then my Aunt Barbara stepped in and challenged the OG cousins (us!) to do a performance for the family the way we did when we were kids at the holiday gatherings. After some grumbling, we got together in a room to come up with a plan. I figured out my suspicions were right when we had to drag a couple of spouses into the plan! We all got out there and lip synced and rapped different parts to Poison by Bell, Biv, Devoe (remember that one?!). It was hysterical! We’re still laughing over the video of us dancing around like a bunch of grown fools for our kids and parents.

The best moment for me was when the cousins were gathered privately to receive a gift from our grandmother. After it was over, we were being summoned to watch the talent show when someone called out, “Cousin group hug!”. The feeling of closeness and connection in that circle of six is something I will remember. If I hadn’t already decided to be close, I probably would have been the first to wiggle away in discomfort. Instead, because I’d already decided to be close, I thanked them all for our closeness, even though I’d missed so many years with them. They looked at me a little strangely, like “Well, of course!”. It may be the years apart didn’t bother them and I created the distance in my mind. For sure, I was able to create the closeness I wanted in my mind. Whatever everyone else thought and felt isn’t for me to know. But I feel close to them!

Have you ever realized that you created a whole situation because of how you thought about it? Have you ever changed how you thought about something and changed how you experienced it? Please share in the comments below!

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