Category Archives: Inspirations

NOCOMMENTS

Being In Charge of Your Weight During The Holidays Part #4: How To Eat All The Holiday Foods and NOT Gain Weight

Here it is – it’s go time! This is the end of the line, the big mammajamma, the event that could knock you off the rails. Even if you were able to avoid all the little temptations, the Christmas candy dishes, and cookie swaps, the big holiday meal could be the thing that takes down your best-laid plans.

Except we’re not going to let it.

This week we’re going to put together the skills we’ve been practicing into a comprehensive approach to the holiday meal. You know how it usually goes – you start the morning with some kind of traditional sweet roll or fresh baked muffin with your coffee, then you nibble on snacks while you get the food together for the feast, then you taste all the food as you get them ready to be sure they taste delicious, then when dinner rolls around you really aren’t hungry but you load up your plate anyway because you’re not gonna miss out on this meal that you slaved over for everyone else. Besides, who wants to sit at the table and watch everyone else eat? The food is good, but you know it’d be better if you’d been hungry, and now you don’t know when you’re full because you weren’t really hungry anyway, so you end up feeling as stuffed as the turkey. Still, you have to have a slice of the pound cake because you only have it once a year, so you nibble on that thinking you’ll just taste it and when you look down you’re surprised that the plate is empty and you feel slightly nauseous because your belly is so full you couldn’t eat another bite.

How do I know?

Been there, done that, burned the t-shirt. If that description is “enjoying” the holiday meal (with or without extended family around), count me out. Not only is that the opposite of fun, but eating like that is the curse that keeps on giving – you get to experience the misery all over again for at least the next few days on the scale.

No thanks. Let’s pull it all together to get our approach ready!

First, remember why you need a plan. If you don’t plan, your primitive brain will take charge in the moment and you’ll make impulsive decisions. You’ll rationalize why you need to eat everything and a lot of it. So plan for yourself with love and do it in advance. Two, the beautiful memory you want to create is about the love and family and gathering, not the food – it’s just a meal to share with those you love, not the main event. And no matter what anyone else eats or brings, this can’t wreck your plan – only you can do that.

So what does this look like? What if you’re going to your mom’s house to eat and you don’t know what she’s making? What if you don’t want to skimp on your meal? What if you want a cocktail before dinner?

All good. Just sketch out your plan in advance. A word of warning – drinks before dinner can fill you up and make it harder for you to feel hungry for dinner (and the food won’t taste as good). Alcohol also may tempt you to chuck your plan, so go light.

Here’s how you do it. First, think about how long you need to stop eating before dinner time at plan either a light breakfast or an intermittent fast in the morning. You may not want to miss the Christmas muffins, but maybe you have a half of one with your coffee. Decide upfront and only eat that – remember you want to be hungry for dinner! Plan for how many drinks you’re going to have – one, two, or none (be realistic here). You might plan to have that drink with dinner when you’re actually hungry. Plan for hot tea or seltzer for when the first hunger pangs show up – it’s still not time for dinner and you’re not really that hungry, but the fluid in your stomach will calm that down and give you something to sip while you cook or wait.

Remember to enjoy the people around you. It might just be your kids and husband this year (it will be for me too). Look at their faces and see their smiles as they enjoy their new Christmas gifts. Take a deep breath and look past the mess of wrapping paper and the dishes you need to clean up before prepping the meal. You are making your holiday memory right now – what do you want it to be?

Back to the plan. When the food is laid out and you’re ready to fill your plate – don’t. Even if you made all the food yourself, survey the offerings. What looks best? What do you know you definitely want to eat and what could you pass up? If I made it (won’t do it this year), my mom couldn’t pass up creamed corn. I could, so I just decided it wouldn’t be on the menu since she’s going to be on the Zoom screen. Decide what is delicious enough to be on your plate and be choosy. Picky is good here. Don’t forget to include your dessert plan in your survey!

Once you’ve rated the food from most to least important, go through and put a small portion of what you’ve chosen on your plate. let there be space on the plate when you’re done. Don’t plan to come back for seconds – you can pack the food up and eat it tomorrow or next week if you freeze it. There no need to overeat – there’s always more.

When you sit down, look around. See your family enjoying themselves? You’re part of that! Since you waited and you’re hungry, your food is going to taste good. But the first bite will taste the best – as you fill up, the flavors will be less intense, so don’t waste those first few bites. Take a deep breath and slowly enjoy the food. Savor each bite. Talk to the kids or whoever is sitting next to you. Ask if anyone needs something from the kitchen if you want to take a break from your plate. You can do this to check in with your stomach to see if you’re full. If you are, dump your plate and breath – you did it! If you left a little space for dessert, be glad and enjoy a few small bites of the sweet stuff when you get it. Taste each bite carefully and don’t miss it. Enjoy the conversation and the music and being together – this is your holiday memory!

No matter how the actual holiday meal turns out, no matter whether you eat the way you plan or if you overdo it, you are worthy and wonderful. Thank you for being with me on this journey! Merry Christmas, Happy Kwaanza, Happy Hannukah, and a very Happy New Year to you!

If you’re finding this helpful, come back – I’ve got more for you in the new year! And if you’d like to get more personalized help to get you moving with power and intention on your weight loss journey, I can help! I have a few slots left for private coaching, but they are filling up. Send an email to drandreachristianparks@gmail.com and we’ll set up a coaching mini-session to help you see how coaching can help you reach your weight loss goal and beyond!

Here’s your video help for Holiday Weight Loss! Remember to subscribe and set your notifications so you don’t miss upcoming videos!

NOCOMMENTS

Inspirations, Mind Management

Gratitude in a Pandemic Thanksgiving

I love Thanksgiving. It’s been my favorite holiday for years. I used to say that it was the family gathering and the communal meal, all the traditions and leftovers and togetherness. It’s the one holiday with almost no commercial interest (unless you’re a turkey farmer). But I’m learning that that’s not at the root of my love for Thanksgiving, at least not anymore.

From when I was a kid until I finished medical school, Thanksgiving was always at Grandma’s house in Norfolk, VA. We squeezed into her little house and loaded the kitchen and dining room with turkey and ham, stewed tomatoes, cornbread dressing, gravy, green beans, and lots of desserts. We raided the candy drawer and played on the lawn (taking care to avoid the cactus!). The football game was always on and we slept in guest rooms, on couches, and on blowup mattresses. We had leftover turkey sandwiches and washed tons of dishes.

But in the years since I started working and my grandmother passed away, Thanksgiving has changed. The dinners have been at my house, which for many years felt very strange (I’m not the matriarch of this family yet!). Now that we live in GA, we don’t have much family nearby, so the family gathering became Christmas when my parents and brother come to visit. Some years we’ve combined our celebration with other families from church, and some we’ve done alone. Last year we did a huge vegan Thanksgiving feast with my aunt and cousins (and had a ball!) I’ve learned how to cook the big meal in phases around my work schedule and when we were eating meat, I made the most juicy roasted turkey with compound butter that you ever tasted!

Thanksgiving 2020. This is our first holiday season in a global pandemic. The CDC has recommended that as we weather another surge of COVID-19 cases far worse than the first that we stay home and limit or eliminate communal gatherings for fear that we will worsen the surge. On a personal level, my fear is that we will infect our more vulnerable relatives. There’s been a lot of talk about how this holiday season is lesser for the lack of family plans and how it won’t really seem like the holidays without them. I had a coaching client tell me that she was feeling down because they won’t be spending their holiday traveling to see family because of the virus.

I have a different perspective on the holidays this year.

While it’s true that holidays are often full of family and visiting and big meals and making memories together, that isn’t all there is to the time we have. Yes, it’s true that we may miss the time together, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling some loss over it. But I see this year as an opportunity. When my Thanksgiving changed and I couldn’t get the time off work to travel to my grandmother’s house, I learned to cook my own meals. We started our own traditions, like writing our blessings on the leaves of our grateful tree. This year we are cooking more of the meal together since the kids have learned a lot of cooking skills this year, and they’ve decided they want to make their own special contribution to the meal (as I write this, I don’t actually know what that is – it’s a secret). My daughters will make rolls (they like to play with the dough), and we will make sure to watch the Thanksgiving parade on TV Thursday morning as usual. We’ll all likely stay in pajamas until noon and since the forecast is for cold and rain, we will probably have a crackling fire and some hot tea or cocoa.

The true root of Thanksgiving for me is in the name of the holiday – we give thanks. My gratitude practice truly has changed my life, because writing my gifts has taught me to see the beauty right in front of me. I still miss my grandma and the Thanksgiving holidays with my aunt and cousins. But gratitude teaches me to keep my mind focused on the good, the lovely, the noble, the excellent, and praiseworthy right in front of me (cit). It’s a choice. As I taught my client, she could decide to have a lesser holiday because of the pandemic if she chooses to think that way. Or she can decide this is an opportunity for her and her husband to create their own new family traditions with the baby in this year when the extended family needs and opinions are removed from the celebration. My mom and dad have been doing dinner out for Thanksgiving in recent years, but this year my mom is planning to cook a traditional meal for the two of them to enjoy.

It’s like what we did in our family for Halloween this year. We decided that there would be no bringing candy in from Trick-or-Treating this year. The kids were bummed, but we were firm. So my husband and I decided that we’d create a treasure hunt for them to find the hidden candy we’d bought. They had clues and scrolls and needed to work together to decipher the map. They had a ball! I’m not suggesting that we would like to spend Halloween like this every year (it was a LOT of work, especially for my husband who created the clues!), but it was a Halloween they’ll remember for a very long time. One thing is for sure: We would not have created this memory without the pandemic to encourage our creativity!

I choose to be grateful for the two days I have off from work, for the slower pace to enjoy, for the traditions we observe, and for the chance to protect and care for my family by not having them visit. We’ll enjoy the cornbread stuffing and savory mushroom gravy, the cranberry sauce, and roasted brussels. I’m looking forward to the rolls the girls will make! We’ll see our family – it’ll just be through Zoom (I’m already sending the links!). For me, keeping track of all the goodness in front of me is what makes this holiday and each of the days worth celebrating.

Happy Thanksgiving!

And for those of you who are following along or just need a reset after the holiday meal, here’s the latest video in Weight Loss Mindset. It’s a good one – come through!

3COMMENTS

Blog, Inspirations, Mind Management

Why Anyone Does Anything (A Secret of The Mind)

I want to share a secret with you this week. It’s something that has completely changed how I understand not only my own motivations but also those of other people. It’s very interesting! But first, a story…

This week was one of those weeks where I started to question the validity of my own decisions. I mean, who in their right mind works the job I work, manages a homeschool for four kids, also works as a life coach part-time, and creates an online weight loss course? If I haven’t mentioned it before, I’m designing an online weight loss course to be released in 2021, so if you’re interested keep up with this blog – of course I’ll be announcing it here! In any case, between normal work and coaching calls and business building and coursework to learn the course creation and working through the weekend, I skated into Sunday on two wheels with my hair on fire. Seriously, I had an evening last week that started at 5 am heading to work at the hospital and ended with three Zoom calls that I didn’t finish until 9 pm. As much as I wanted to join the outdoor parking lot service planned for church this week, I didn’t go. You know, I still want to feel guilty about that. My mind tried hard to get me to go, to convince me that I should and that it was the right thing to do. Fortunately, I caught on to that mind-trap. I got still for just a moment and listened, and my spirit said to go to sleep. The vision of me sitting in the car, exhausted and cranky and snapping at everyone because I really wanted to be asleep bubbled up in my mind. Besides, if I woke up in time, I could always jump in my car and head over to service.

My trusty chariot…

I woke up at noon. And only because the dog was barking like a lunatic at a front-door delivery.

I never sleep like that! Usually, I rest for an hour or two and get up and then my bladder wakes me up. Or else I have things to do and I set an alarm so I don’t miss the whole day. This time I shut off the phones and slept until that silly dog woke me up. Truly, I was surprised at how tired I must have been. I don’t regret how I spent the week, but I am really glad that I took the time to sleep when I could. There’s almost never a time when the house is free of children and quiet enough for me to recover from working overnight, so this was a very good choice.

Isn’t it funny how even though I knew I needed sleep that I was willing to sacrifice it to go to church because it was “the right thing to do”? We moms do that a lot, don’t we? Someone else needs or wants and we decide to make it happen because we can or we “should”, but our needs go straight to the bottom of the list. I’m not saying you shouldn’t sacrifice for others or always put yourself first, but there’s a balance here. Grinding yourself down for the sake of everyone else isn’t healthy. When I’m strung out from doing too much, I’m not very pleasant. Really, I’m not fit for human consumption! I can try to pull my attitude together and be nice, but I can do it much better when I’m also tended to.

Can you identify my motivation for trying to go to church instead of sleep? It wasn’t excited to see my friends or wanting to get out of the house, or looking forward to the music and fellowship (all of which I love). It was guilt. I was going to go to church because I wanted to avoid the feeling of guilt that I would feel if I didn’t go. I hate to feel guilty – it makes me feel wrong. Not like I just did something wrong, but that I am wrong. And that’s a thoroughly unpleasant emotion, so I avoid it when I can. And when I do the thing that I think should make me feel guilty, I rationalize why I did it and why it was the right thing to do. Then I feel like I have a valid defense for why I did the thing.

I’m judge, jury, and executioner!

That’s a lot of mental gymnastics to avoid an emotion! Now, as a coach I know that what I need to do is identify the thought that is producing my guilty emotion, decide if I want to keep the thought, and if I don’t I can choose to practice thinking a different thought. Sunday morning I was too tired to get all that together. Thank goodness I’ve practiced being still and listening enough to make a rational decision! But all this story brings us to the secret motivation behind why we all do what we do:

Everything we do is because of how we think it will make us feel.

In this situation, I was going to act to avoid feeling guilty, You may make dinner for your family because you’ll feel proud of doing something worthwhile and beneficial for your family. Finishing all your paperwork in the office makes you feel accomplished. I raise my voice at the kids because I think I’ll feel more respected once they listen to me. And on and on and on. We don’t do things because we think about them – we act from the emotions we feel or anticipate feeling.

Changes how you see the actions people take, doesn’t it? When someone yells at their kids, they think they’ll feel better after they release their frustration (even though they often don’t). You finish clearing the mail off the counter because you think you’ll feel satisfied after the counter is clean. Kids take toys from each other because they think having the toy will make them happy (and then they forget about it two minutes later). We eat the cookie because we think it will relieve our stress (even though we feel worse afterward). We snack and eat off our plan because we want to feel taken care of, even though eating in a way that sabotages us makes us ultimately feel uncared for.

So next time you do something you don’t like and you’re not really sure why you did it, ask yourself, “How did I think that would make me feel?” You’ll understand yourself better and maybe you can sprinkle a little compassion on yourself instead of giving yourself the good ol’ fashioned beat-down. Even better, when you’ve got a funky attitude, ask yourself, “How do I want to feel?” You might find the thought that produces the way you really want to feel instead of the ones producing the funk, and you’ll feel better!

Have you ever tried to purposefully produce the thoughts and emotions you want to have? It’s simple work, but it isn’t always easy! The more you practice, the better you’ll get. And if you want to speed your growth in this area, a coach can work like kindling to a fire – and that’s where I can help! If you’d like to see how I can help you reach your goals through professional coaching, contact me, and let’s get things started in a mini-session!

And for those of you who’ve been anticipating a new weight loss series, this week I’ve released the intro to my latest YouTube video class. I’m really excited about this one because we’re camping out in my sweet spot, the intersection between weight and mindset, where the magic happens for successful long-term weight loss. Join me!

NOCOMMENTS

Blog, Inspirations, Mind Management

What If I Want To Quit?

When I was a kid, I started tons of activities – tennis, violin, piano, softball, drama, ballet, gymnastics (and probably others I can’t remember). In the beginning, the activities were new and exciting. There was new equipment and uniforms or costumes and teachers and team or classmates. The class was fun and fresh, and usually, I picked up the beginner level skills easily.

That didn’t last.

The longer I’d stay in the activity, the more work I’d have to do to continue to excel. That wasn’t as much fun for me – that meant actual work. So my answer was to quit the activity until my mother finally put her foot down and said I needed to stay with the work. So I did and I learned a lot, generally a better work ethic and how good it feels to have mastered a skill that you work at consistently.

But there was a downside to practicing to persevere no matter what. Whenever I’d be in a situation when I wanted to quit, I’d feel such guilt over it that I couldn’t leave without a lot of shame and regret. When I was thirteen, I was in a program that was designed to train young black kids to become professional musicians. I’d gone through an audition and won a scholarship to the program and was awarded free lessons with professors in violin, piano, and music theory, and I became a member of a youth symphony orchestra in Boston. I went to a music camp for a month each summer. And while I enjoyed the orchestra and music camp, I fought doing the practice work I needed to do each week between lessons. I dreaded showing up to the lessons unprepared, but I kept doing it. Listening to music, being part of the music was wonderful, but I didn’t love playing my primary instrument (the violin). I wanted to quit at least once a week. My professors all said I was extremely talented and had incredible potential, and a powerful ear for music, but I wasn’t going to get better in my performance unless I practiced. I just would not make myself do it.

Toward the end of my eighth-grade year, things came to a head. It was explained to me that if I didn’t want to take full advantage of this opportunity and put in the effort that I should step back and allow another gifted student the chance to have my spot. I finally realized that the goal of the program was not to enrich me but to produce musicians – and I didn’t want to be one. I always wanted to be a physician, and no amount of joy in the world of music was going to turn me into one. Maybe if I’d developed a greater level of mastery of the instrument I would have enjoyed it more. And there are days even now that I miss playing music. But when I realized the space I was in was not for me and that I was blocking someone else, I stepped down. And I do not regret it.

My violin. I still play occasionally…

It’s not always wrong to quit. Sometimes it’s the right thing to do. There are times when you’ve committed to something that turns out to be the wrong space for you to fill and you don’t leave because you don’t want to be a quitter. But how do you know when it’s right to leave? It all depends on your reasons.

For example, you may be enrolled in a weight loss course to get off the thirty pounds you’ve been carrying around since your last baby. But you keep cheating the program, sabotaging your results, and resisting the work you need to do to get the weight off. So why are you trying to lose the weight anyway? Are you trying to get back into high school size jeans so you feel better about yourself? Are you trying to get your husband to stop making little comments about the weight you’ve gained? Are you trying to get your weight down before the reunion or wedding you have to attend in a few months? Maybe you think that life will be perfect when you drop the weight (it won’t because life will still be what it is). The truth may be that the reasons you have are external and not reasons that give you the compelling why you need to persevere when the work gets hard. Maybe you aren’t really ready to lose weight. And what if that’s ok? What if you decide when and why you lose weight because you have a reason to do it that you love?

Or you’re in a mom’s book club that meets every month, complete with a potluck and discussion of whatever you’re read. And even though it seemed like a good idea at the time, you find that you dread having to come up with a new dish to cook and share and you really don’t want to read on a schedule and you’re exhausted after each gathering. You’re afraid that if you quit, the other moms will think badly of you and you’ll lose your friends. So you stay because you want them to like you, but really they don’t know you because you’re showing up as the made-up version of you who is there because you feel like you should. What if you stay because you like the people in the group? Or what if you leave because the group isn’t what you need and you stay in touch with the women you’ve become friends with there?

It all depends on your reason. You have to choose your reason and like it before you make your decision. Did you catch that? You have to like your reason. So often we make decisions for reasons that we really don’t like, for ones that don’t honor our deepest convictions and selves. Then we live these false or superficial rationalizations and wonder why we’re miserable. You don’t have to quit, and you don’t have to stay. But you must like your reason for whichever you choose. Don’t lie to yourself. For example, if you choose to stay at your job, don’t tell yourself it’s because you have to stay. You don’t have to do anything. You choose to stay because you like your paycheck and like being able to pay your bills. You pay taxes because you like staying out of prison. You take care of your kids because you want them to be well.

I almost quit this week. My calendar was planned out for creating my online weight loss course, there was a lot to do and from the very start of the week, I kept running into obstacles and getting further behind. I already had an outstanding task lingering from last week. So I let my mind keep offering up the thought that maybe all this creating just wasn’t possible, that as a woman with young kids working full time I just don’t have the bandwidth to get this done. And I almost agreed with my brain. Once I calmed down and let the frustration pass through, I knew that my misery was because I let my mind offer me up the old thoughts and I could choose to think differently. If I wanted to, I could choose to think that I’m in control of building this course, and the pace and plan are up to me, regardless of what family life looks like. My frustration was from the interruptions in my plan, and because I truly believe that the creation I’m doing is God’s plan for me, I really don’t want to quit.

When I’m tempted to quit, I always check my reason why. For me, it’s usually some flimsy reason like I’m tired of doing the work or I think the process is taking too long. When I remind myself why I started the project in the first place, I still want to finish what I started. So I take a deep breath, maybe take a moment, then dust myself off and keep going. And if I realize that my direction was a mistake or that I’ve grown out of where I am, I own that and decide how to gracefully and kindly step back. Then it’s time to look up and figure out where I’m going. And like my reason why…

Have you ever felt like you wanted to quit something but struggled with the decision? Sometimes it’s useful to have help telling the truth to yourself and liking the reason for your decision. That’s what a coach is for! Let me know if you’d like help in the comments below and we’ll set up a time to talk!

And here’s the last video in the Weight Loss and Hormones series. Don’t miss it!

NOCOMMENTS

Help Getting It Done, Inspirations

How I Helped My Family Go Completely Plant-Based

This is the first time in four years I’ve re-visited a blog post. I was talking to a friend recently and she wanted me to write a blog post teaching other moms how to help their families go plant-based. Her comment reminded me of this post, so I thought I’d bring it back with a few new suggestions. We’ve been successfully eating a plant-based diet for more than 16 months!

Read to the end to get an update and my new reflections on how to help your family move away from animal foods to a plant-filled diet!

After I came home from the Plant-Based Prevention of Disease conference, I decided that I wanted to try to move our family toward eating plant-based instead of eating plant-based by myself. Now, while I’d read a book or articles, do research and look up expert opinions, I knew the best tactic in our house to jump-start this discussion was to do what would make the biggest splash: We’d have to look at a screen. We may be a family of readers, but this time drastic measures had to be taken. I mean, I wanted something to happen now, not in a few weeks after everyone had read a book that I recommended. Besides, my six year old needed to come along too and the books I have are a little above her comprehension level. Nope, a screen would be the best approach.

So we sat down as a family and watched Forks Over Knives on Netflix. Now, I already knew about the health benefits of plant-based eating, but seeing it on a screen and seeing patients who radically changed their health prognosis was powerful. Even with all the amazing stories and information in the movie, it was after it was over that the most shocking thing happened. My husband looked over at me and said, ” OK, I’m on board.” I almost fell off the couch! My husband has never considered even trying to be vegetarian, much less eating vegan. Even though he’s in good health, he knows his family medical history, and the health benefits really are that compelling. The kids jumped in with their support too (the older three anyway – the six-year-old wasn’t sold, but she went along with the big kids). So I got busy figuring out what we’d eat that week.

In the background, I was working on my master plan. See, I know the health benefits and I agree with the need to eat a whole foods, plant-based diet, but I also know that it can be tough to stick to a healthy eating plan, especially if you’re feeling well and have no medical problems. No, I needed to light other fires that would keep us convinced when we started to waver.

Fortunately, God was helping me out. When the kids went to the library, my twin girl saw a book that she knew I’d like and brought it home. It was called Food Is The Solution, and the first 60-70 pages are all about the environmental impact of animal agriculture. It’s incredibly powerful – the graphics, essays, and stories shared will move you. When I shared that the foreword was written by James Cameron (director of Avatar, Titanic, and others), Perry got interested. The kids passed it around and took turns reading. I talked about it at work. And since Forks Over Knives was so successful, I looked for more documentaries to watch. This time we started watching Cowspiracy, which emphasizes the environmental impact of animal agriculture and what forces are at play to prevent the public from becoming educated about it. It was maddening – but also galvanizing.

It’s been weeks since our family has eaten any animal foods except a few things that were leftover in the freezer. And when I’ve suggested that we eat some meat that is in the frig, the kids have wanted to know why. They want a good reason to go against their commitment, and I’m so proud of their integrity! My husband has started making his own veggie sandwiches for lunch instead of ordering out. He’s lost 10 lbs and feels full and healthy. I feel good (even with a mild head cold I picked up yesterday), and even more, I feel inspired and strong.

Buffalo chickpea quesadilla with vegan sour cream – so good!

Everyone needs their own why to make a change. For some people, it takes a health threat to do it. Sometimes, the ethical reasons are the reason. For others, that the environment we live in needs to be rescued is the compelling why. There are also people like me for whom all the reasons matter. I want to live a healthy life and not live a slow, painful decline on multiple medications. I also want to restore and care for this earth we are responsible for. The ethics matter to me too: I can’t eat a piece of chicken knowing that the ammonia dust from chicken waste is poisoning poor communities who can’t stop the spread of chicken houses being built in their backyards. I can’t live with the thought that my demand for eggs and chicken drives worsening health for communities full of people, many who look like me. I can’t eat pork knowing the horrific conditions the pigs live under for the duration of their lives (same for most chickens and cattle). I don’t want my desire for a steak to contribute to the growing dead zones in the oceans and pollution in our waters. I’d rather eat grains and fruits and veggies. I know there is an environmental impact from the mass production of any food – but by far the heaviest impact is coming from animal food. With 7 billion people of the planet (and heading toward 9 billion), we can’t keep eating such a meat-heavy diet and think we’ll never run out of our natural resources. We already are. And for those of us in the US, we are the number one users of these resources. As people who have a powerful sense of self-determination, ingenuity, and creativity, I think we can do better.

This is true for any change we want to make, diet or otherwise. Change can be hard! We are creatures of habit, and changing habits takes a lot of effort and momentum. Do you want to start exercising, develop a meditation practice, eat more plants, or get more sleep? Without a reason, we generally just fall back into our normal routines – it’s just human nature. But we can choose to change if we have good motivation, and that takes finding a compelling why for making the change. It doesn’t have to be a good reason for everyone: It just has to be one for you.

We started eating plant-based as a family in May of 2019. Now sixteen months later, we haven’t wavered. Well, I’ve wanted a piece of fish every so often, but not badly enough to go get it! A plant-based diet certainly can contain an occasional animal food – it’s just the exception, not the rule. Eventually, I may want to have something that’s not plant-based, but so far I haven’t felt the need.

So what have we done to make this work for our family? The first thing that I did was make sure that I wasn’t being dogmatic during the transition. A whole foods, plant-based diet is supposed to be minimally processed for maximum health. But there were certain things that I needed to be flexible on. For example, my kids LOVE cheese, so eliminating cheese altogether wasn’t going to work. We found some vegan cheese slices and shreds that they liked (Follow Your Heart brand is good, especially the smoked gouda flavored slices) and ate those instead of cow’s milk cheese. They’ve naturally started eating less of the vegan cheese.

Since we eliminated our hard-boiled egg breakfast day, that left oatmeal, cereal, and granola in the rotation. Sometimes I make granola, and sometimes I don’t get to it. Granola is expensive and my youngest has lots of nut allergies, so it’s best if I make it for the family. But I don’t always have time. So they eat cereal some days. I limit the sugar by requiring them to mix it with puffed millet, but I’m not taking it away.

We use meat substitutes from time to time. I know they’re vegan junk food and are highly processed, but when they want to have burgers for a cookout, we eat the Beyond Meat burgers (or their equivalent from Trader Joe’s). I use their ground not-meat in spaghetti sauce sometimes too. Is it a regular menu item? Nope – nutritionwise it’s not better than ground beef. But it has less of an environmental impact. I also think meat substitutes can be useful in making the transition to a whole foods, plant-based diet, so I think they can be used sparingly without harm. We use them less often than we did in the beginning, and since we started the kids have found certain whole-food recipes that they love (check out our black lentil chili recipe!), so we keep those in the rotation.

In order to make the shift for your family, you have to decide what works best for you. Maybe you start by trying some whole-food meatless Mondays. Maybe you save meat for weekends. Maybe you just go down to one meal a day with animal food. But if you get radical like we did, make sure you’ve got your staple recipes ready, because you need a go-to when you’re living your regular life. Otherwise, you’ll go back to what’s easy and familiar. But I know that if we can do this, so can you!

Have you thought about eating a whole foods, plant-based diet? What’s your why? Or why not? Do you need any help from me in moving toward a plant-based life? Please share in the comments below!

Here’s the last video in the Weight Loss Going Deeper: What Should I Eat? series – join me!

NOCOMMENTS

Blog, Inspirations

Black Enough

What does it mean to be Black enough? I know, this is a crazy-making question. There was a time that it didn’t matter how light your skin or how straight your hair, you were black because you were born to a Black family. Unless you decided to pass for white, you lived as Black and you knew the community and family to which you belonged. Remember the one-drop rule? That was state law in almost every state in the USA at one time. When we lived in American apartheid, our schools, churches, businesses, and entire lives were centered in one community experience. Now we move back and forth between our homes and communities, our jobs and social lives, some which are mixed racially and some which are just as segregated as they were in the 1960s.

Since my grade school years were in the 1980s and during the time of the Rainbow Coalition, the supposed era of post-racial enlightenment, I didn’t have the experience of living in a lawfully segregated America. But the thread of colorism, of Black enough, has been woven through the centuries of the Black experience in this country. The separation of slaves based on skin tone and the advantages given to lighter-skinned Black people over time have caused resentment and division among us. I don’t dismiss the privilege of lighter skin in our world’s culture today. But I’m angry at the environment that encourages us to continue to divide ourselves.

When I was in grade school, I lived in a predominantly Jewish suburb of Boston. This was the era of forced integration and busing of children from the inner city to the more affluent suburban schools. I was fortunate that my parents bought property and lived in the town I went to school in. But in my school, most of the other Black children were bused in from the city. Here’s what I remember: I wasn’t White or Jewish, and I wasn’t light enough to be one of them (not that I wanted to be – I just knew I wasn’t). The Black kids were very clear that I wasn’t one of them either – I was a privileged light-skinned, long-haired girl who didn’t know what it was to be really Black, because I didn’t live in “the ‘hood” with them, and I obviously was stuck up and thought I was better than them (not true). I didn’t fit anywhere.

Eventually, I found my way. I figured out how to stand alone when I needed to and made friends with those who wanted to be friends with me. I found Black girls in high school who did want to be friends. I went to an HBCU Historically Black College/University), a least partially to have a four-year respite from the strain of being the representative for all Black people in my classes. My parents always were there, reminding me of who I was, my Black history and culture, and loving me wherever I was. Today I live in a suburb of Atlanta, I work as a Black physician, and I’m raising four Black children in a predominantly White homeschooling community. I’m very clear about who I am, what my Blackness means to me, and how that identity influences how I grow and who I serve. I love my friends and my family and my patients – but as a Black woman/wife/mom/physician, I have a special place in my heart to raise up my Black children whole in this racist world, to take special care of my Black husband that the world wants to tear down, and to be sure to see that my Black patients and clients get excellent, sensitive and culturally relevant care.

And yet… Within this year, I had a Black friend jokingly say to me that I wasn’t really Black because of how light my skin is. At that moment I wanted to throw up my hands, rage, shrink away. I became my eight-year-old self who still didn’t belong. I didn’t laugh it off and I didn’t ignore it, even though I wanted to. I told my friend that her joke hurt, and I didn’t want her to say anything like that to me again. And she said ok.

Colorism is still here, folks. We still talk about good hair and skin color. We’ve certainly made progress in self-love and in celebrating the beauty of Black people in art and media and popular culture. But when we still see discussions in the news about Kamala Harris and her Blackness, whether it be that she’s not Black enough because she was a prosecutor who put Black men in jail, or whether she’s not really Black because she also has east Indian heritage, or because she’s married to a white man, or because she’s highly educated and exceptionally high achieving, I wonder what exactly is needed to be accepted as a light-skinned Black woman in the Black community. It’s not as if she’s accepted as a white woman in the world. Why don’t we want to embrace her? I’m not saying you have to like every political decision she’s made or agree with all of her policies, but why do we use her Blackness or her supposed lack thereof as a weapon against her? The same tactics were used against President Obama…

I thought that I was finally old enough, wise enough, strong enough to be past all of this. And I am. I can stand apart when I need to and remember the lessons of my childhood. But I will admit that the comments and exclusion are painful – I wanted to let myself believe we had progressed further than this. I assume Kamala Harris must have some pretty thick skin to endure the public criticism she’s drawn over the years, so this iteration is just an expected level up from where she’s been. For me, I’m learning to do the same, to let these instances of colorism be reflective of the people who practice them instead of commentary on me. I love my family, my friends, my communities. And I continue to pray and work for all of them as best I know how. May we continue to evolve and grow in love for ourselves and each other!

We all have had times when we feel not enough in some way. Where have you experienced the sense of exclusion where you wanted to be included? If you feel able, please share in the comments below so we can support each other…

For those of you who’ve been waiting, here’s the latest class on Weight Loss: Going Deeper, What Should I Eat? This week, we’re talking about protein! It’s the building block of nutrition, right? What I’m going to say may surprise you…

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Blog, Inspirations, Mind Management

Knowing in A Time of Uncertainty

I’m writing to the moms today. If you’re able to stay with your babies at home or if they’re grown and independent, this may be less for you. But if not, let’s talk…

I was in the office seeing patients a few weeks ago, talking with each of them about what was going on in their lives as I usually do. That day I seemed to have quite a few teachers on my schedule, so naturally many of my conversations that day were about how the school system was planning for the fall semester. Because we homeschool, I hadn’t received the email that other parents in our county had, inquiring whether they’d prefer in-person or digital remote learning for their children. The teachers had differing takes on the topic – some were hoping that the system would plan on remote learning, and some were conflicted. But each of them was concerned for how they’d be able to keep their students safe, themselves safe, and what the plan would mean for their own children.

Old picture, but you get it…

In our own situation, we’ve been homeschooling for years. Since we both work, the way we’ve been able to achieve this is by hiring a full-time person to come into our home and follow the curriculum plan we’ve chosen. At first, this was our nanny. Now that the kids are school-age, it’s a teacher. You would think that this means that we’re all set for the fall – but we’re not.

For the past five years, we’ve been part of a homeschool program that meets on Mondays to do school together. It allows the kids to gather with their peers in class, for the parents to watch the work to be done that week explained by a more experienced “tutor” who leads the class and gives the homeschool families an opportunity to gather and socialize. It’s been a wonderful experience and the kids have learned SO much. But this year, our community group is planning to meet back in person without a mask mandate.

Now, this isn’t a small group of 5 students. Each class is around 8 students and there are classes from ages 5 to 14, not to mention the little kids and all the parents attending with their children. There also is a huge divide on the personal philosophy of mask usage, from those who aren’t social distancing or wearing masks to those who are following the CDC guidelines to the letter and beyond. Personally, I fall into the latter camp and I don’t think that even with all of the precautions that you can eliminate all risk of transmission of COVID-19. But if we’re going to gather, I think a mask mandate is the best way to go. But that’s not happening, at least not in our homeschool community.

So what are we going to do? We’re talking about it now. I don’t know which tutors will have my kids in class, so I don’t know whether they’ll be serious about honoring the way I want my kids protected. I can’t be there every week and I will need to rely on my teacher to keep the kids wearing their masks. And even though I will require my kids to wear masks, I can’t make the other parents protect my kids by having their own kids wear masks. If we decide not to go back to this group, what curriculum am I going to find for second, sixth, and eighth grade in the next few weeks? Our teacher is new to our family and hasn’t done this curriculum with the kids before. What if missing the community days means she is less well-equipped to help our kids with their schoolwork?

Just a few of our books for the year…

There are a lot of unknowns. And I have been discouraged and disappointed with the lack of unity in our homeschool group about what it means to protect each other. After I’ve been doing everything I possibly can to avoid bringing home coronavirus to my family from the hospital or my office, I cannot fathom how I will manage if my kids catch it at school! I spoke to a mom in our group yesterday who really wants to come back and whose kids love being in the group, but she has one child who is immunocompromised and without a mask mandate, she has decided that she can’t take the risk of returning. I feel like my family is at enough risk from my work and my possible exposures, so why should they be at additional risk at school with other families who won’t wear masks to protect them? And when the group does get together, it is entirely possible that the county schools will close, or the church we meet in will continue their mask mandate, or there will be a virus exposure and the community won’t be able to meet anyway.

The new normal at work…

It’s been hard to get here, but I have found a way to be calm and clear about our way forward. We’ve been through plenty of upheaval in the past couple of years with different teachers, going digital for school in the spring because of COVID, and trying to keep a homeschool running through a series of new teachers while still working in medicine during a pandemic. There are two things that I’ve figured out that keep me steady when I feel myself teetering on the edge of a cliff. One, I truly believe Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” No matter what is coming, it has a purpose and it is for a reason in my life. Whatever the challenge or situation, I’m supposed to learn something, or it is growing an aspect of my character. It’s there for a reason, even if I don’t always understand it.

Two, it doesn’t matter what comes, because We. Will. Figure. It. Out. We always have. God moves and provides, and we find a way forward. As much as some days I’d like someone else to take the awesome responsibility for handling all this school stuff for the kids, no one is better equipped to make decisions about what’s best for them than me and their father. No one. There isn’t anyone else on the planet who has their best interests at heart the way we do. I detest this uncertainty and chaos – it makes me anxious. But in the end, we are together, we will take care of each other, and we will come through this challenge and many others together. And you will too!

How are you coping with the uncertainty of now? Please share in the comments below!

And here’s this week’s Weight Loss class – come through!

1COMMENTS

Blog, Inspirations, Mind Management

Look Up!

Man! Ever feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders?

Maybe I’m just complaining because I’m used to it. I probably ought to get back to counting my blessings, suck it up, and just get grateful. It could be so much worse. Other people have it worse than I do, right? Does any of this sound familiar? You know, there are times I can talk myself out of a funk or do an exercise, or even smack my brain around a little and change my attitude. It works. Sometimes.

What I really need to do when I get like that is sit down, write down some of my thoughts and work through the funkiness. Writing the thoughts down is like venting to a friend, but even better because you can say absolutely anything you want, and you also can’t be interrupted! The downside is that it takes a little time. Writing a few things on my grateful list is good too, and that only takes a minute, maybe two. And if I’m really pressed for time, I can do that exercise I described in this post two weeks ago – just doing the breathing only takes a few seconds!

Now, I want to make sure that I acknowledge the truth here. One great thing about humans is our resilience and ability to press on through adversity. But sometimes I think that means we downplay the struggle we are facing, especially when that challenge is daunting and not easily fixed. Like a global pandemic maybe? How about centuries of racial inequity that has just resurfaced in the consciousness of your home country? No matter how well you are coping with any or all of the things going on right now, the weight of constantly managing your thoughts and feeling can get heavy after a while. Personally, I can start to feel this bone-weary exhaustion, this fatigue that sleep just doesn’t seem to help.

I’ve got another way for you to get a little space, a little lightness in your spirit. For this one, you’ve got to go outside. Now, getting out is almost foolproof in changing my attitude – just breathing the air for a few minutes can lift my mood. But there’s another aspect to it that I’ve noticed is really helpful at changing my perspective.

Look up.

Have you ever noticed that between sitting at your computer, walking around your house, running errands, even exercising that you rarely (if ever!) look up? You might look out in front of you and you’ll catch the view of the sky in your wider view, but when’s the last time you really looked up at the sky? I’d bet not very recently. I mean, you can’t do it while you’re walking because you’d trip. So you’d have to stop what you were doing and take a moment to be still. Can’t remember doing it? You should give it a try – you might like it.

Here’s what happened when I stopped to look up. I was sitting on my yoga bolster for my morning meditation time when I opened my eyes for a moment. I looked out through the top of the window, and from my vantage point from the floor, I saw one of the last few bright stars in the faint morning dawn. The contrast of the star against the pale blue, framed by the dark leaves of the trees in my backyard was breathtaking. It gave me a minute to get out of my own head, with all the noisy thoughts busily marching through (interrupting my meditation!) and just admire what was right outside my window. I went to my back steps and took this picture to show you…

See the star?

Remember I said that I find that being outside helps my attitude? Well, I’ve started making a conscious effort to spend more time in my backyard. Going on walks has always been great for a mental boost, but sometimes I just want to relax in the fresh air. I really had avoided the backyard because I’m a mosquito magnet, but after I went on my birthday retreat and felt how good being in the trees felt to my soul, I knew I had to find a more easily accessible spot. I mean, I can’t just pop off on a retreat whenever I want, right? Actually, yes I can. I set up my swing chair under the tree in our back yard, and with the canopy of the tree hanging over me and the neighbor’s bushes in front of me, it’s almost like I’m in my own little green escape. And then I lean back and look up. It’s magical…

The view from my swing chair…

Whether you have a beautiful green space in your backyard or not, you can find beauty and space in looking up. No matter where you are, in the city or suburb or country, the sky has something to watch. Cloud formations, the brewing of a storm, twinkling stars, expansive blue – there’s something about awesome and calming about the sky. Take a moment and look up!

When’s the last time you looked up at the sky for more than a second or two? What do you see when you look up now? Please share in the comments below!

And here’s the link for this week’s new Weight Loss: Going Deeper series – we’re going to practice Feeling Fullness. So if you find yourself eating until you’re stuffed and miserable and don’t know why you just did that to yourself, come through!

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Blog, Inspirations

Putting The Pieces Together

Y’all. Have you seen Hamilton?!

Maybe I’m a little late to the party, but we just saw Hamilton when it was released on Disney Plus last week. Ever since we watched it, our house has been rocking to the soundtrack and my kids are shooting out Hamilton memes in their Hangouts groups. Now, we’d listened to some of the soundtrack before and loved the music and history lessons and style, but I didn’t understand the hype until we watched it.

Before we went on vacation (I know, how did we go on vacation? More on that later…) I’d seen the promos for the release on July 3rd. I was so excited! On July 1st while I was sitting on the beach scrolling through my phone, I saw a reminder for the show. I told the whole family about it and the kids were hyped up, ready to watch it together on Friday. It was incredible! I’d heard the live tickets were $1000 – now I see why.

If you haven’t seen it, you’ve probably heard about it. But in case you haven’t, the story is a musical about the life of Alexander Hamilton and his contributions to the founding of the United States. But the story is told in rap, spoken word, song, and using a cast comprised of mostly people of color. It’s powerful. But there’s one scene that keeps coming up in my mind over and over. This isn’t a spoiler – this story is history so there’s no secret, and what I’m going to write won’t ruin the show if you haven’t seen it. But if you’re one of those people who don’t like to know ANY of the story before you see it, skip down a paragraph…

The oldest Schuyler sister is giving the toast at the wedding reception of her middle sister to Hamilton when she has a flashback moment of when she met Hamilton herself and passed him off to her (also) eligible sister. She sings about how she sees the possible outcomes of the situation and why even though she wants him, there are multiple reasons why she must decide not to pursue a romance with him. She’s incredibly insightful, quick, smart, and strong. I think she’s my favorite character in the story!

But there are very few moments when I see future events unfolding in my life with the clarity she had at that moment. I try to stay in step with the Spirit and listen so I can act as He has planned, but a lot of the insights I have seem to be in hindsight. Have you ever noticed that? When I look back, that’s when I can see how things worked out. After the solution to the problem comes, that’s when I understand why the challenge was needed. It’s when I reflect back over time that I can see how God was moving all the pieces of my life around just the way they needed to be.

It was on vacation when I started seeing this pattern. The puzzle I’d ordered finally came and I brought it to put together in case it rained, which being on a beach it did one of the days. Let me explain the vacation though. You know I’m very serious about the reality of COVID-19 and I’ve been extremely careful and taken every precaution since the beginning to keep me and my family protected. So how did I go on a beach vacation in the midst of the pandemic? Very, very carefully. I had specific criteria for what kind of accommodations I was looking for and exactly what location I would accept. It had to be a single-family house on the beach so we could walk directly out to the sand and back in the house without being around other people. There had to be very little chance we’d be near other families, so I chose a place that had a little strip of sand in front of a row of a few well-spaced private homes. The house was cleaned before we arrive and I wiped the entire house with disinfecting wipes and aired out the house before I allowed the family in the door. Everyone can’t do what we did because there aren’t enough houses for rent in the world for everyone to do their summer vacation this way. But I found one that worked, so we went. We stopped once for gas and a potty break along the way (wearing our masks), packed lunch in the car from home, and carried all our food for the week away. We didn’t eat out, we didn’t go on any excursions, and we didn’t spend time with anyone outside of our family. We spent time together on the semi-private beach and in the house. And we drove home the same way.

This was our beach.

Back to the puzzle. I never did puzzles as a kid – just hated all of them. No Rubik’s cube, no flat puzzles, none of it. But I saw this beautiful African queen puzzle and I just fell in love. And the thought that this would be a wholesome family activity made me click “buy”. So here’s this 1000 piece puzzle and it’s raining this one day on vacation, so why not? I’m telling you, I didn’t really want to do it. But I laid it out and my husband got involved and we started finding the edge pieces. It started coming together, very slowly. After a few hours of consistent effort, we had half of the edges done.

Once we got the border done, I rolled it up in the puzzle mat and it traveled back home with us. I laid it open on the dining room table and little by little we worked at it. My husband and I sat up for a few nights in a row, looking for patterns and moving around the table changing our perspective to make it fit together. The more we sat there, the more the pieces started coming together. There was something about putting one piece after another together that all of a sudden, the next steps became clear. And I started thinking about my life. I remember when I wasn’t sure I’d ever get the change to get married. I remember wanting babies and not being sure if I’d have any. When I look back, it’s so clear how God moved all the pieces into place to create this family of six that I couldn’t imagine back then.

I’m in that place again where I can’t see how things are going to come together. I kinda thought by now I’d be on autopilot – career – check. Husband – check. Kids – check. Just show up and do my best every day and we’ll all grow, right? Apparently not! I’m building a coaching business because I’ve been called to use my life, my medical background, my holistic nutrition education, and my love for women to help women lose weight. And I don’t know anything about being an entrepreneur – nothing! But I know that the pieces are coming together. I’m going to have those moments of frustration – like when I just swear one of the kids has lost the one piece I need to get the next part of the puzzle done! And then I find it, and usually, it was right there all along. So here I go, building this new puzzle in my life. And I’m grateful that I know God has built many in my life before, and He’ll do it again!

Do you have a new puzzle in your life that needs work? How are you encouraging yourself to keep building, even when it’s hard? Please share in the comments below!

And, I need five volunteer clients to do a 20-30 minute coaching session with me to help me finish my certification requirements – comment below if you’re interested and I’ll set up a free session with you!

And for those of you who need to find a way to catch your breath, here a quick practice I put together that you can do anytime! Don’t worry – if you’re following the weight loss Going Deeper series, we’ll be back to it next week, so stay ready!

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Blog, Inspirations

The World We Live In

It’s hard to find the words to write this story because it’s painful and joyful and hard and sad and hopeful all at the same time. So let me start at the beginning.

It was around 11 am Friday last week and my kids had gone up to the pool with their teacher for a short swim. They forgot the sunscreen and my son headed back to the house on his bike to pick it up so his little sister didn’t get a sunburn. I was headed to the lake in our community to sit and read by the water when he came into the house panting. I asked him if he was ok and he just stood there, staring at the books in the bookshelf. Wondering if he was hurt, I asked again if he was ok or if he hurt himself on the ride home, or if something happened. He hesitated. I told him I wanted to help but that I couldn’t if he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. He looked up at me and started talking.

“Mommy, I was coming home to get a book for Aria and a white man drove by me and called me a nigger out of his window. I didn’t know what to do. I was scared he might try to do something to me so I rode home as fast as I could.” I could see he wasn’t sure how he felt or what to do. Then he said sadly, “Mommy, I thought we lived in a good neighborhood.” I knew then that some of my son’s innocence was lost that sunny spring morning. Some confidence and security in his world had been taken from him.

I started asking questions: What kind of car was he driving? Was he old or young? Where was he in the neighborhood when this happened? Was it the man who did this same thing last year when my kids were walking home from swim practice?

We sat and talked for a while. I reminded him that man did not know him, so what he said about him meant nothing. Anything he said was more about himself than my son, and I told him that. For a grown man to call a child a racial slur as he drove by, that man had to be coming from a place of ignorance, hatred, and cowardice. If my son had been with an adult, would this have happened? I doubt it. After I reassured him and made sure he had a sibling to accompany him back to the pool, I called my husband. He was irate. After we worked through the facts (there were few), we both had the same feelings of anger and helplessness. We couldn’t fix this for our son. We couldn’t take it away.

After talking to friends and family and working through the anger and frustration we felt, we decided that the next best step would be to write an open letter to the community on our neighborhood forum. My husband wrote it, I edited and made suggestions, and he posted it early the next morning. We’ve been in our large neighborhood for more than 13 years and we know a few families and most of our immediate neighbors, but we aren’t close to many of them. So we weren’t really sure what kind of response we’d get from this letter. Would there be silence? Token messages of support?

What happened next was truly moving. Immediately, strong messages of support came back in response to the letter. Most of them were from families we hadn’t met, expressing their outrage at our experience and their rejection of this kind of behavior in our community. Then our close neighbors started to respond. The older man on the corner nearest to where the incident occurred walked up the street to our house and rang the doorbell. He stood on our front steps (we would have invited him in, but his wife is medically frail and we are in a pandemic) and expressed his horror that this happened to us. He then told the kids that if they ever were in the neighborhood and felt unsafe, they could always come to his door and he would protect them like his own children. I had tears in my eyes as we expressed our thanks to him.

Our next-door neighbors are originally from the Middle East, and the wife came to our door with a loaf of homemade bread and chocolate chip cookies. She told us a couple of stories of how her children were called names and told to stay away from the community pool a few years ago. They haven’t been back to the pool since. She was so encouraged that we shared our story on the neighborhood forum that she felt moved to share theirs as well. She saw some comments that expressed hope that our story was an isolated incident, and she wanted to help people know that it was not.

Our love gift of homemade bread…

When our across-the-street neighbor retired from his law practice, we were invited over for a garden retirement party. Ever since we’ve been friendly with them and catch up with our lives when we see each other while picking up the mail or walking the neighborhood. This is what they did for us:

This is the world in which we live. It’s like my dad told me: There are good people in the world, and there are bad people. There are people who would attack a child in the street. And there are people who would offer to comb their security camera footage to try to find the license plate of the driver who did this to my son. There are neighbors who bake bread and offer sanctuary and support and love. There are people who are willing to have conversations, even when they are hard or uncomfortable or require self-examination. It’s not a perfect world, but it can be improved because there are people who want to make it better. I am one of these people. So I am called to share, to love, to have the hard conversations. I am here to do what the Spirit has called me to do to make this world better, whether it’s in my neighborhood, in my work, in my church, or in my home. So I’m listening and praying and following. It’s going to take some time in meditation with God for me to know what to do with all my emotions. So many of us are dealing with powerful emotions in this climate of racial inequity. But I am sure there is an answer for each of us. May we find ways to serve and love and grow in the midst of the calling we face in these days.

I love you!

How are you working with your emotions? Please share in the comments below!

And for those of you who want it, here’s the link to this week’s Weight Loss: Going Deeper video. Come on over!

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