You know, I’ve been thinking… What keeps us from doing the things we need to have in our lives to be well? We often know what we should do, or even what our needs are. If we don’t, that bears some consideration and research. But even when we know what changes we need to make, we don’t. What’s stopping us?
The wall that stops us…
Here’s how I figure it: Two main things stop me from making the changes I need to make in my life, even after I’ve identified what they are. One: I just can’t figure out how to incorporate the change into my life. Two: I’m just not motivated. Either I don’t see why it’s so important, or it seems really painful or complicated to make the change and I just don’t want to go through all that. It seems like there are so many things that we are supposed to do to be well, so many things we are doing wrong, but it’s hard to make it happen.
Enough already! I want to live a full, happy, joyful life, not one where I drag myself through my days. And I don’t want to get worn out, sick and miserable, on lots of medications and feeling bad because I haven’t spent any time on taking care of my own body and soul. Soooo – what are we going to do about it?
Here’s my plan: We are going to do a mini series on living well and getting what we need. I’m going to write a short piece each week for the next five weeks on how to incorporate the things we need in our lives, one at a time, and we’ll focus on each one together. At the end of the five weeks, we’ll have taken a big step forward in improving our lives and we’ll enjoy ourselves in the process. No really, it will be fun! We are going to eat better, sleep better, and feel better. When we get consistent about caring for ourselves, we are going to have more energy and look forward to our days.
So let’s get started! What’s the number one thing that we really need more in our lives? What is it that makes us feel weak, dragged, worn out and like we’d rather not get out of bed in the morning? Lack of sleep! We have to wrestle this gorilla to the ground. When I don’t get enough sleep, if it weren’t for my bladder I probably wouldn’t get up in the morning. I have the worst time having a positive outlook, being patient, and generally caring about much at all. When I was in my first year of residency working between 80-120 hours a week, we were asked to be reading about the various medical and surgical conditions we were seeing in our patients. Honestly, I couldn’t keep my eyes open long enough to read an article, and I certainly had no intellectual curiosity about any of it! The first thought I had in the morning was about what time I could go back to sleep, and my last thought at night was about how many hours of sleep I was going to get. That was extreme, but the chronic sleep deprivation we experience when we only get 5-6 hours of sleep a night also colors our days. Generally, a gray, washed out color…
Why do we need sleep? Many of us look at sleep as a burden, a tax our bodies put on us to allow our daily productivity. We treat sleep as a nuisance, a thing that gets in the way of our “real” lives. We treat lack of sleep as a badge of honor, as though going without sleep is the mark of a stronger character or constitution. But sleep is restoration and creativity. The brain uses 25% of our metabolic energy, though since it’s only 2% of our makeup by weight it should use much less. Sleep allows all the metabolic waste products that we produced during the waking hours to be washed away. Lack of sleep is also linked to obesity, Alzheimer’s disease, cancer, early aging, heart disease… Need I go on?
Sleep also has different components or phases. You’ve heard of REM and non-REM sleep patterns? We generally spend the earlier parts of our sleep in non-REM sleep and in the later hours enter REM sleep. That’s when the dreaming happens. If you cut your sleep short, you cut your dreaming off as well. So when we are sleep deprived, we are also dream deprived. That means our creativity during the day also suffers. So when we need to be the most alert, clear, and creative, that’s when we need our sleep the most!
So how much sleep do we really need? Most adults need between 7 and 8 hours a day. Don’t groan – we can get there! If you’re one of the few rare individuals who can thrive with less, bless you, but most mere mortals need more than 7 hours. If you could “sleep in” on the weekends because you have more time to sleep, you’re running a deficit during the week. If you sleep enough each night, your body will wake you at a consistent time, even on the weekends. If you hit snooze again and again, you’re running a deficit. If you need an alarm and often don’t hear it because you’re so tired, you’re running a deficit. How can we get more sleep?
Let me make my medical disclaimer: I am speaking to people who know that their lifestyle and decision making are impairing their ability to get enough sleep. I am NOT talking to people who are wrestling with an actual sleep disorder. Having said that, anxiety, depression, stress and our lifestyles often are the things that are pushing us into disordered and inadequate sleep. If you can use what I’m going to write below, great! If you need professional help with your sleep life, go get it. You deserve to sleep well!
First, get honest about what you’re actually doing. What time do you go to sleep? When do you get up? Is your sleep dependent on whether you’re up watching a Netflix marathon or do you catch up on all your email before going to sleep? Are you staying up to catch up on the laundry or cooking late at night? Are you getting in the bed on time but tossing and turning, worrying? What is getting in the way of you getting the sleep you really need?
Let’s talk about how to create the environment for sleep. Treat your bedroom and bed as a sanctuary for sleep. Nothing gets done in the bed other than sex and sleep. Maybe a little light reading (no thrillers!), but no work, TV, laptop, or devices. (Medical articles are perfect.) Train your brain to know that when you get in that bed, it’s time for sleep. Also, try to cut off your screen time (of ALL types) in the two hours before you want to be asleep. Blue light emitted from electronics impairs the release of the hormone melatonin from your brain, and melatonin is the hormone that signals your body to sleep. Even if you can fall asleep immediately after screen time, your later sleep is disrupted because of the light, though you don’t know it. Also, keep your lighting dim in the night time hours. We overdose on artificial light in the hours that should be dark, but then wonder why we can’t settle down for sleep. Prepare for sleep like you might prepare for a big meeting or event – you would everything prepared in advance, not wait until the last minute. Guard your sleep – your rest and sleep is your repair and restore time. It matters!
We all have very busy lives, and I for one live with a low level of anxiety that I’m going to forget to do something important. Our thoughts might be brilliant, but often they are transitory and fleeting – they blow away like the wind! So I help myself and my brain by writing everything down. I used to think my mom was a little over the top because she always had a huge list of things to do with her. I really didn’t understand how much she had to get done! I keep a running list, daily, and this helps me to wipe away that feeling that I have something I should be doing but I don’t remember what it is. It’s right here! Also, keep a pad of sticky notes or paper and a pen next to your bed. When you have that thought at night that you don’t want to forget by morning, jot it down (but don’t turn on the light!). That way, you won’t lie there obsessing over whether you’ll remember your brilliance in the morning. You’ll just add it to your to-do list in the morning. Your thoughts are safe and recorded!
Do you remember having a bedtime routine when you were a kid? Bath, story, warm milk? Well, you need one now too. I don’t do much liquid at night, because disrupted sleep for bathroom runs is not for me. But a warm shower or bath, dim lights, snuggling in a blanket and reading for a few minutes helps my brain to know it’s time to settle down for the night. Whatever routine you want to set up, just do it every night. Consistency trains the brain, and you want to put yourself to sleep on command, not allow your brain run wild when it’s time to power down. Also, a plan for the morning is essential. Figure out how much time you need for your morning routine and set your clock accordingly. Do NOT use the snooze button. All you get is a few extra minutes of disrupted sleep and you get out of bed at the last minute anyway. Set your alarm for the latest time you can allow and plug your phone and other electronics away from your bed (keep the electromagnetic field away from your head!). When the alarm goes off, get up to turn it off and walk away from the bed. Your day has begun!
Finally, you have to make some hard choices. Do you need to cut off your TV habit to get the hours of sleep you need? Do it. Does the TV need to be removed from your bedroom? You may need to have a hard conversation if you share your bedroom, but it needs to be done. Will evening social media or work email need to find a different time slot in your day? Probably so. Maybe your evening laundry or cooking habits will also need to find another home, but your sleep is more important. Maybe it’s time for the kids or spouse to learn to do a load or two. What about the kids learning to cook? They need to know how to do it anyway. Yes, everything takes time and we each have the same 24 hours to to what we need to do. Sleep is a need, so protect it and find ways to get enough. You will feel better and be more productive during your waking hours when you get the sleep your body needs!
Whew! Let’s focus this week on our sleep. Don’t worry about the other things we need – we’ll work on those in the upcoming weeks. If you can add 30 minutes more sleep a night, that’s a good start. Clearing away your sleep deficit takes time, so just work on creating a new normal and adding more sleep each night.
What are you going to do to get more sleep? Post in the comments section below!
