Category Archives: Blog

NOCOMMENTS

Blog, Help Getting It Done, Mind Management

Self Care: Why It Matters

Welcome back for week 2 of the Self Care series. Last week we talked about what self-care is and we expanded our thinking about what can be included in self-care. This week, we are going to take our view of self-care a little deeper…

Why does it matter?

I mean, we all like the concept of self-care. Whether we’re talking about spa days, retreats, getting enough sleep, or feeding our bodies in a nourishing way, it seems like a decent enough idea. Sure, doing any or all of these things is at least nourishing and could be deeply loving and caring for us. But if we’re super busy (we are) and we’ve got tons of other compelling things to do (we do) and we don’t have time for self-care, then does it make a difference if we don’t get around to it? Does it matter if we don’t take time for self-care?

The reason why we ask that question comes from the value we assign to self-care. We think somewhere deep inside that self-care is a luxury, that it’s an indulgence, like staying up all night binging on a Netflix show (if this is what fills your sails, then do you. I mean no harm :). It feels like self-care is a guilty pleasure, one that we really can’t afford. Or we think that if we make time for self-care then we sacrifice something else equally worthy. We believe that because we forget the point of self-care altogether.

Self-care is to take care of you. Self-care matters because you matter.

We assign value to all the roles and responsibilities in our lives. Our jobs as wife, mom, daughter, worker, member of whatever all are roles we take seriously. And they’re important. But how well do you fill those roles if you’re exhausted, caffeinated, and dragging yourself through the day, looking forward to the moment you can fall into bed only to get up and do it again? What if you had carved out half an hour of time to walk outside or go to sleep a little earlier than usual? We think that something won’t get done if we include ourselves in our to-do list.

But what if taking care of yourself made you better for the other things you do?

Think about it. If you weren’t so tired, maybe you’d get even more done in less time. Maybe you’d have a moment to give hugs to your littlest when she asks instead of rushing to get the next thing done. Maybe you’d call a friend on your commute instead of worrying about what you need to do when you get back home. You might wake up with inspiration and ideas instead of dread for the day coming. You might plan meals that fuel your body and keep you on your weight loss plan.

If you mattered to you, if you were important on your list, what might change? You might say no to things that were less important (and you might be glad you did!) You might feel better and do more than you thought you could. You just might enjoy your life instead of putting on your big girl panties and just dealing most of the time.

You matter. The only reason you don’t keep yourself on your list is because you forget that you matter. You don’t know that taking care of yourself takes care of others too. You’re better when you have fuel in the tank instead of running on fumes. You’re more patient, peaceful, creative, loving. I know it’s true because I have been both stressed-out running-on-fumes mama and mama-who-has-time-for-hugs. I like me as the second mama better! When I take care of myself I have more to give to my husband, my kids, my work, and my life. I do miss a lot of TV shows and movies, but I’ve decided that it’s a sacrifice I can live with. I’ve said no to other things that I can live without. You can choose to do the same if it gets you back on your list!

Easier said than done sometimes, I know. If you can’t get your weight off because you can’t plan/meal prep/get it together because life is so out of balance, I can help! Email me a drandreachristainparks@gmail.com and we’ll set up a consultation to start getting your life back in balance!

Here’s your video help this week!

NOCOMMENTS

Blog, Mind Management

Weight Loss Myth #5: “I need more willpower to lose this weight”

Most of us know the weight loss journey ups and downs. Feels like being trapped on an elevator – we want to get off on the ground floor, but we can’t seem to get off before the doors close and we go back up again!

I battled during the years before I lost my weight. It was a constant slog of trying to find the “right” diet, struggling to not want to eat “junk” food”, watching the scale with dread, and hating myself when I actually got on it. There were the doughnuts I couldn’t say no to and the pizza I’d never leave in the box. I figured I was just weak around food and the key was to stay out of the breakroom or kitchen, to put all the food out of sight where it couldn’t trigger me to start eating.

Even when I avoided the food, it would still call me from the pantry or kitchen or breakroom. My mind was on the food, and it didn’t really matter that it wasn’t in front of me. I needed more willpower – I needed to be strong to resist the temptation of the food!

What I wish I had known back then was this: Willpower is like a muscle and it fatigues. Maybe I wouldn’t have felt so worthless every time I gave in to a cookie after trying so hard not to eat it. You can grow your willpower muscle, but even at its strongest, you can still wear it out. Every time you think even the simplest thought about food when you’re not hungry and use willpower to resist it, you chip away at your willpower reserves. Little innocent thoughts like, “That looks delicious!” will start to deplete your willpower. After dozens (or hundreds!) of thoughts like this, resisting the temptation just wears your willpower out completely.

So how do you resist temptation?

By eliminating it in your mind.

Here’s the key: Your mind makes every feeling you have. So if you feel tempted to eat something off your plan, or to eat when you’re not hungry, you are creating that feeling of temptation with your thinking. If you think “I want that cookie” twenty times, you feel tempted to eat the cookie. But if you realize that your brain is creating your desire with its thoughts, you can choose other thoughts. You can go ninja on your brain and catch the thought creating your feeling of temptation. Then you can remember that the thought “I want that cookie” is easy, your brain is offering you the practiced thought, and you can choose a different thought instead. Your true desire is to lose the weight, right? You really want to see the scale go down more than that cookie. Besides, that cookie is from a supermarket and won’t taste that good. It’s not like it’s homemade and even if it was, would it be worth feeling like trash after you eat it, knowing you could have left it on the plate instead?

You get to choose a different thought. You get to practice the new thought. You can generate whatever emotion you need to feel great about leaving the cookie behind and you don’t need willpower to do it.

You just need a new thought and practice.

You don’t have to resist a feeling of commitment to your plan. If you feel committed instead of tempted, willpower doesn’t come into play. Commitment comes from practicing a thought like “I choose to eat to fuel my body”, or “I only eat when I’m physically hungry”, or “I stick to my plan from a love for myself”. Whatever thought you choose that generated that feeling of commitment, that’s the one you practice when you see the cookie. If you don’t feel tempted, you won’t eat it.

No willpower needed!

Yep, it’s simple. But I know it’s not easy. But we get to choose our hard, and whether it’s doing the work to lose the weight or continuing to stay overweight, both are hard. Hard is ok – we can do hard things! But sometimes having help to get through the hard is really useful. If you want help, I’m here for you. Email me at drandreachristianparks@gmail.com and we can set up a mini-coaching session. I’ll get you started on your weight loss transformation and we can make plans to work together to go the rest of the way!

Here’s your video help for the week!

NOCOMMENTS

Blog, Mind Management

Weight Loss Myth #1: Diet Matters

Last week I was doing a day of procedures. It was a great day, taking care of problems for a bunch of my patients and enjoying the day with a fantastic team of nurses and the anesthesia team. We were wrapping up a successful day and I was finishing my notes at the nurse’s station. I closed the last one and stood up to take off my scrubs. Now, this was fine because I had another outfit on under my scrubs. Since COVID, I never wear scrubs to and from the house. You’re not supposed to anyway when it comes to going to the OR, but I definitely don’t now, no matter what part of the hospital I’m in. I show up dressed in leggings and a top, put on fresh scrubs over that base layer, and take off the scrubs and leave them and any germs in the hamper at the end of the day. Then I throw a coat or sweater over my workout-style outfit and head out.

So I’m “undressing” at the nurse’s station and one of them mentions that I’ve lost weight (I haven’t, but they’ve not seen me in anything but loose scrubs). That brought us to talking about my weight loss story and a couple of the nurses mentioned that they needed help with getting their weight off. I wrote down the URL for the blog and explained how to find me on YouTube and put on my coat. As I picked up my bag and got headed for the door, one of the nurses said that she guessed she’d have to start eating a lot better if she was going to lose weight.

I turned back around.

(I had to say something!)

Presto! Doctor to coach…

You know, it’s really common taught that in order to lose weight we have to “eat right” and exercise. Your doctor tells you that, everywhere you look there’s a diet to teach you the”right” way to eat to lose weight, and heaven help you if you’re not a gym rat or marathoner because you can’t possibly lose weight if you don’t exercise. This thinking is so common that every time I talk to one of my patients about weight the first thing they say is that they need to eat “better”.

But when we tell people to “eat right”, we don’t explain what that means. One big problem is that there’s not even agreement about what that means, and most doctors don’t have a lot of training in nutrition at all, much less in weight loss nutrition. So we believe this vague thought, that we have to eat “better” and we have no idea of what that means.

If you have no target, you’ll never hit it.

So the first step is to define what you mean when you say “eat right”. And that’s where it gets sticky. We’ve thought for so long that there’s a magical perfect diet out there that we actually believe it. If we could just find the one right diet for us, the weight will melt away and we will be thin and daisies will sprout at our feet and rainbows burst from our hearts like a Care Bear (ok, I’m dating myself).

That’s myth number one: Diet matters. There is no one perfect diet for you that will solve your weight battle. Any eating style or diet you choose will work as long as you stay with it. And that’s where the problem lies: Most of us choose diets that we won’t stick with for the long term. We want a quick fix, get the weight off, and we’ll figure out how we keep it off later.

But that doesn’t work.

We lose some, get sick of the diet, go off the plan and gain back the weight we lost and gather a few extra pounds along the way back up the scale. Then we say that the diet didn’t work. What happened was that you stopped doing the diet. This is why I don’t prescribe diets. When I work with a client on an eating plan, we build one that she can live with. It has to be something that you will do for the long term. You can tweak it over time and you’re always free to change your mind or plan a time off the plan (birthday cake, anyone?). But no diets!

You know how you know that the diet doesn’t matter? Because when you look at all the options out there (keto, plant-based, macrobiotic, vegetarian, juicing, intermittent fasting), there’s someone who has been successful in losing weight on it. There’s also someone who did it and gained the weight right back or says it didn’t work for them. It’s not the diet. It’s whether you are willing to stick to your plan when you’d rather eat a bag of cookies or drown yourself in a bowl of ice cream. It’s whether you’re going to eat the meal you planned or chuck it in favor of the drive-through because you’re too tired to cook. It’s whether you’re going to drink a few glasses of wine instead of the one glass on your plan because your day at work was chaos and the kids are on your one last remaining nerve. It’s whether you know how to feel your feelings or whether you choose to eat your feelings. It’s not the diet.

The first myth of weight loss is that the diet matters. Are there some ways of eating that may make weight loss easier for you? Sure. But the eating plan you develop and stick to is the one that is going to work. I help my clients design a plan that they can love and we adjust it as needed. I have a client who lost weight eating fast food several times a week. You start where you are and make adjustments until you get where you want to go. That works!

You might be saying, “You make it sound easy, but I still don’t know what to do to get this weight off!” I know it’s not easy. It’s simple, but making it work after years of dieting isn’t natural or easy. Having a coach to walk with you helps! I can help you get started. Set up a mini-session with me by emailing drandreachristianparks@gmail.com and let me show you how weight loss coaching can help you get to permanent weight loss. You can do it!

Here’s your video help for the week! There’s an intro video and week one of Weight Loss Myths out now, so two videos this week to get you on your way…

NOCOMMENTS

Blog, Help Getting It Done, Mind Management

How To Stop Hijacking Yourself

You know, this week the couch and Netflix look really good to me. It’s calling…

There’s a lot going on right now. Isn’t there always? I’m still doctoring, I’m life/weight loss coaching in my business, the kids need a new homeschool plan for the fall, it’s time to record a new YouTube series, my online course needs the video classes to be recorded, and my professional website isn’t ready and I want it done yesterday. And oh yeah, I’m facilitating a virtual class on prayer for the women at church that I’m pretty sure is really a class for me in disguise. The syllabus needs to be done too.

It feels like everything needs to be done right now and I can’t figure out where the hours in the day are to do it all. With a teenager and two preteens in the house, the hormones and attitudes are flying. Add a homeschool teacher who needs guidance and a husband with a huge work project this week, and I’m feeling both overwhelmed with all the needs and alone on the island at the same time.

Lord, help!

So yes, a Netflix binge looks really appealing right now. I’ve never done a full-on TV binge (I’m just not a big TV person), but I can understand the attraction. Seems to me that drowning my worry and overwhelm in a few hours of TV would make it all go away for a while. And, I work really hard, so don’t I deserve a break? Balance is important in life, and I ought to practice what I preach, so a TV night might be a nice mini-escape for me. Right?

No. Absolutely not.

Now, I’m not saying never watch TV or even spend a night on a TV binge if you want to. The problem isn’t with the activity – it’s how I’m using it. Go back and watch my thought progression – my brain is quietly suggesting in a very well thought-out and reasonable fashion why I should escape from what I know needs to be done. It doesn’t like that I’m uncomfortable and it wants to offer me a way out of the discomfort. Here’s what will happen if I follow my brain down that path:

I burn a night that I could have made some progress on the things I need to do.

I stay up later than I plan in from of the TV.

I’m tired the next morning, and I don’t get up on time.

I rush through the next day trying to catch up.

I feel more behind than I did before the TV “rest”.

My overwhelm gets deeper and I start considering eliminating some of my goals.

TV isn’t the problem. I can make space for TV if I want to watch for fun. But as an escape? Very effective and incredibly sabotaging. So as attractive as that big screen is, I’m going to have to say no for now.

Instead, I went to bed early the other night. What I needed most was a little extra sleep. I woke up the next day shortly before my alarm and got up to write. Since the morning felt less rushed, I could take a minute to plan where I could fit in some of my to-dos. with my mind more clear, I can see how my brain has been sneaking in these thoughts that have been tempting me to lose my heart and my focus on what I’m here to do. So instead of my brain running amuck, I can move back to being in charge of my brain.

So yes, rest and recreation is important. But self-sabotage is not the way I want to get that in! The way to get the never-ending list of to-dos done is to plan and execute. Take a step back with a clear head and see what makes the most sense. I get tripped up by being in a rush to get everything done immediately, as if when I’m done I can take a break. The problem is that there’s always something to do, so a break never comes. My best plan is to incorporate the break into the plan of the to-do tasks. That way I make progress and I don’t burn myself out in the process.

Do I get this right all the time? Absolutely not – that’s how I ended up staring longingly at the TV as if it was the solution to my overwhelm! But catching my brain in the act of trying to find an escape from my discomfort in a way that works against me in the long-term is crucial to getting to the things I want much more than TV. I appreciate my brain for trying to take care of me. I just choose to use it to help me get where I really want to go instead of finding comfort in the moment. Momentary discomfort is how I grow, so I’ll choose that option!

It takes practice to catch your mind in the act of sabotage – it’s subtle and really good at what it does! But it can be done. It’s a lot easier to learn to retrain your brain with help – that’s what coaching does! If you want help, email me at drandreachristianparks@gmail.com and we can set up a 30 minutes mini-session to get you a taste of how coaching can help you get to where you want to go. You don’t have to do it alone!

Here’s your video help for the week!

NOCOMMENTS

Blog, Help Getting It Done, Inspirations, Mind Management

Stop The Mind Spin

Ever feel like you just can’t get back on track, no matter how much you’d like to? I do. It used to feel like I’d set a goal, like getting the garage organized or exercising three days a week or lose 10 pounds and then I’d look up and three months had gone by and I hadn’t done it. Not even gotten closer to the goal by a little bit. And I’d be so frustrated and discouraged that so much time had passed and I hadn’t made any progress that I’d wonder what was wrong with me. Turns out, nothing was wrong. It was my brain that was hijacking my plans. I’ll explain how it was doing that and how I learned to turn it around. But first, a story…

More than five years ago before I started writing this blog, I’d started going on prayer walks in the early mornings. Rain, cold, dark – didn’t matter. I was out there. I needed the quiet morning time to get my mind tuned in to God in a way that I wasn’t able to do in the warm house. Mostly, I couldn’t pray while being still because I was too sleepy from the work of having four little ones. So I started walking to pray. Some days I just listened. And one of those days God told me that I needed to start writing a blog.

No. Why? What would I even write about? Why would God ask me to write a blog when I could barely manage to go to work and take care of these children? Surely I heard that wrong. But again and again in the dark quiet of the early morning hours, I heard it again. I needed to start writing a blog.

Eventually, I finally decided that a blog might be important in the future. It might be useful to share some of the things that I was learning as a mom and physician and holistic living advocate. Maybe there would be some use for writing these lessons down. At the very least, it might be a creative outlet for me, and it might even help someone out there. So I decided to do it!

Immediately my brain put up all the objections. The biggest one was, “I don’t know how to create a blog. I’m not good at tech things.” I spent months waiting for a blog site to drop out of the sky for me magically to start writing into. I allowed my brain to believe all the reasons it created for why I couldn’t create a blog, mostly because I didn’t have a technical knowledge around how it worked. Mind you, I didn’t look into how to create a blog, or whether there were sites that made it easy, or whether I could get help with the technical aspect of starting a blog site. I just didn’t do anything except know that I wasn’t doing what I was called to do.

Does this sound familiar to you? We all have things we could do and don’t. It’s not usually because we aren’t smart enough or because it’s too expensive or because we really don’t have the ability. It’s because we let our brains stop us.

Think about the last time you wanted to try something new. Seemed exciting, right? That’s inspiration, and it feels wonderful! The issue comes up when you have to put in the effort to take the dream into reality. That requires effort, mistakes, and discomfort. Your brain wants none of that – it wants you to be comfortable and to conserve energy at all costs. So when you try to get out there in the unknown, it will try to stop you to keep you safe and not have to work too hard. It’s ok – that’s its job. Your brain is working perfectly! But if you want to grow and accomplish new things, you have to override your brain’s default mode and be willing to get uncomfortable.

How do you practice overriding the default mode of your mind? The first step is to recognize the pattern. When you say, “I don’t know how”, you think you’re just reporting the facts. But really, your brain is offering you an obstacle. If you buy into it, you won’t go any further. The way to move past the obstacle is to ask your brain quality questions and watch it go to work. When you think, “I don’t know how”, you ask your mind instead, “But if you did know how, what would you do?” Your brain will stutter for a second – that’s ok. Don’t let it get away with the I-don’t-know-how excuse. Let it start looking for solutions instead – that’s much more constructive and your brain can do it if you put it to work. If you add to the good question the thought “I am capable of figuring this out”, then you’ve made a constructive assignment that your brain will love. And you’ll get stuff done that you thought you couldn’t!

Giving my very first Food As Medicine talk…

You know the next part of the story, but you don’t know how I did it. I started writing my blog and posting weekly in 2016. So how did I do it? I decided to start talking about the dream of writing a blog to other people, and one suggested that I talk to a web designer in our church. In the process of talking to him, I realized I could put together a site by myself, but I’d do it faster and better with help. So he helped me, and A Journey To Wholeness was born! My lack of technical knowledge wasn’t the barrier I made it to be – it was just a thought that was designed to keep me safe in the cave. But I’m much more interested in achieving my dreams than I am in being comfortable. I’ve heard it said that discomfort is the currency of your dreams. So I’m getting better at being uncomfortable. And to me, the minor discomfort is worth it!

It’s not easy. Even if you know what you want to do and maybe even how to make it happen, you still might find that your brain wants to hijack you from your success. If you’re having trouble getting out of your own way, that’s what a coach is for! If you want to finally lose that weight, repair that relationship, or get your life in order, you don’t have to do it alone. Email me at drandreachristianparks@gmail.com and let’s set up a mini-session to see if we want to work together. I want to see you succeed!

Here’s your video help for the week!

NOCOMMENTS

Blog, Help Getting It Done, Inspirations, Mind Management

What If It’s Too Much?

It’s been a whirlwind the past couple of weeks! So much has happened recently in the world that it can feel overwhelming to keep moving ahead. I know the temptation to “go in the cave”, the instinct to withdraw and hide from my life has been front and center recently. It can be tough when it feels like you’re carrying as much weight as you can possibly bear and something else happens. I can feel like wanting to run and hide – I dream of huddling under a pile of blankets in a warm dark place and pretending that I don’t have to deal with any of it.

Have you felt that way? I know I’m not the only one. I know some of the challenges you face in your lives – the learning disabilities your kids have, the illnesses you or your parents face, the work struggles on top of trying to keep your family life running. Each of us has something we’re dealing with.

And yet we started 2021 with a big sigh of relief that 2020 was over and we looked forward with hope to the promise of a new year. Isn’t hope a beautiful feeling? The resiliency of the human spirit to keep reaching for possibility is a powerful and inspiring thing. So many of us started the year with a place for really tackling our weight problem this year, or getting our small business going, or building a consistent meditation practice. We were starting over and this year was going to be better!

And then the invasion of the Capitol building happened on January 6.

Well, at least it wasn’t this bad…

It was shocking to watch people walk by armed Capitol police and put their feet up on the desks of our legislators. It was maddening to see the lack of preparedness for these protests when contrasted to the show of force for the Black Lives Matter protests of 2020. It was discouraging to realize that the instigators of this riot weren’t condemned by everyone and that even around this situation we as citizens couldn’t be unified. And then we had to prepare for the possibility of more violence and chaos as Inauguration day approaches. What is this world that we live in?

And many of us said, “It’s just too much.” Some of us were ready to get into that cave, to try to get back to only the absolute requirements of our lives. That weight loss plan, the business project, the meditation practice – all that would just have to wait. There was just too much going on to build and grow and be creative. So we stopped. We let go of the meal prep and planning and organizing for the business and setting the alarm a few minutes earlier to make room for the meditation exercises. We just let it go.

Especially as Black women, the strain can be unbelievable. (I know everyone reading isn’t a Black woman, but a lot of you are and I am, so I’m going here for a moment.) Between the structural racism and sexism at work, the unequal household burden most of us shoulder in childcare and home maintenance, the eldercare some of us do, and the background narrative of the strong black woman who can’t let anyone see her sweat, the pressure is immense. It’s easy to believe that we can’t do one more thing and taking care of ourselves isn’t as important as all the other things we need to manage and all the other people who need us.

I know how you feel. Three of my kids are on the puberty roller coaster right now, and it seems like I can’t get a handle on what they need anymore. I thought I had it down – and then their needs changed. The challenges in raising them in this online world are different and often very scary. Navigating the hormones and emotions and threat of online pornography and the social media dangers and guiding their very impressionable young minds is a daunting task. Knowing I have to prepare them for this world we live in and wanting to protect them from it at the same time is a balancing act I don’t think I’m doing very well. Add that now they actually have opinions and sometimes they don’t want to share them because they are afraid they’ll disappoint us or get in trouble and now we have to navigate secrets and hiding. I’ve been hearing that voice that says it’s too much to raise these kids and be a physician and have my coaching practice and keep a strong marriage going. I’ve been looking around to see if there’s an opt-out button on any parts of my life – can I unsubscribe to any of this?

Yes, you can. But it’s not what you think and it won’t do what you want. Sometimes you need to constrain and stop doing optional activities so you can focus on a crisis in your life. Pray and listen and you’ll know what you should do. But what happens most often is that life happens and we give up on taking care of ourselves. We think that by letting our own growth and care go that we’ll have more time and space to manage everything else. But then we delay losing that 20 pounds or getting that dream business off the ground and our mindfulness work doesn’t become part of our life and life keeps happening anyway.

You know, from New Year’s Day to January 6th, we thought we had a fresh start. We let the Capitol invasion make us think that the world was out of control and we needed to give up the “optional” and focus on the “essential” We were in a dangerous world and we’d better get safe. But here’s the reality: the world before January 6th was no different than the one after. It’s the same world. We just see some of it more clearly than we did before. It may be that we’d like this world to be better (I do!), but it’s not true that things are worse than they’ve been or everything is going downhill. If anything, the events of the past four years have revealed the truth of the world we live in, which gives us a chance to decide how we want to live in it, what part we want to take to change it. Giving up on our growth won’t make the world better, only less, because we aren’t becoming what we’re called to be in it. Losing your weight alone might not make you into the person you are designed to become. But not having the noise in your head around wanting to lose weight will give you space to grow into that person. If weight isn’t your struggle, the same goes for you. You have something getting in your way and putting it off until life “settles down” is how you make sure you never deal with your obstacle.

The world is what it is. We get to choose how we want to show up in it. So let’s get going on our plans and dreams and become who we are here to be!

If you’re still here, you may be one of many wondering how to do what I’m encouraging you to do. It may seem impossible to do what you are already doing and get moving on your plans too. It’s not. You might not know this, but you’re the only thing in your way. And that’s great news because you can change you. But you don’t have to do it alone! Set up a free mini-session with me by emailing drandreachristianparks@gmail.com and I’ll get you the boost you need to get started!

Here’s your video help for the week!

NOCOMMENTS

Blog, Inspirations, Mind Management

Being In Charge of Your Weight During The Holidays Part #4: How To Eat All The Holiday Foods and NOT Gain Weight

Here it is – it’s go time! This is the end of the line, the big mammajamma, the event that could knock you off the rails. Even if you were able to avoid all the little temptations, the Christmas candy dishes, and cookie swaps, the big holiday meal could be the thing that takes down your best-laid plans.

Except we’re not going to let it.

This week we’re going to put together the skills we’ve been practicing into a comprehensive approach to the holiday meal. You know how it usually goes – you start the morning with some kind of traditional sweet roll or fresh baked muffin with your coffee, then you nibble on snacks while you get the food together for the feast, then you taste all the food as you get them ready to be sure they taste delicious, then when dinner rolls around you really aren’t hungry but you load up your plate anyway because you’re not gonna miss out on this meal that you slaved over for everyone else. Besides, who wants to sit at the table and watch everyone else eat? The food is good, but you know it’d be better if you’d been hungry, and now you don’t know when you’re full because you weren’t really hungry anyway, so you end up feeling as stuffed as the turkey. Still, you have to have a slice of the pound cake because you only have it once a year, so you nibble on that thinking you’ll just taste it and when you look down you’re surprised that the plate is empty and you feel slightly nauseous because your belly is so full you couldn’t eat another bite.

How do I know?

Been there, done that, burned the t-shirt. If that description is “enjoying” the holiday meal (with or without extended family around), count me out. Not only is that the opposite of fun, but eating like that is the curse that keeps on giving – you get to experience the misery all over again for at least the next few days on the scale.

No thanks. Let’s pull it all together to get our approach ready!

First, remember why you need a plan. If you don’t plan, your primitive brain will take charge in the moment and you’ll make impulsive decisions. You’ll rationalize why you need to eat everything and a lot of it. So plan for yourself with love and do it in advance. Two, the beautiful memory you want to create is about the love and family and gathering, not the food – it’s just a meal to share with those you love, not the main event. And no matter what anyone else eats or brings, this can’t wreck your plan – only you can do that.

So what does this look like? What if you’re going to your mom’s house to eat and you don’t know what she’s making? What if you don’t want to skimp on your meal? What if you want a cocktail before dinner?

All good. Just sketch out your plan in advance. A word of warning – drinks before dinner can fill you up and make it harder for you to feel hungry for dinner (and the food won’t taste as good). Alcohol also may tempt you to chuck your plan, so go light.

Here’s how you do it. First, think about how long you need to stop eating before dinner time at plan either a light breakfast or an intermittent fast in the morning. You may not want to miss the Christmas muffins, but maybe you have a half of one with your coffee. Decide upfront and only eat that – remember you want to be hungry for dinner! Plan for how many drinks you’re going to have – one, two, or none (be realistic here). You might plan to have that drink with dinner when you’re actually hungry. Plan for hot tea or seltzer for when the first hunger pangs show up – it’s still not time for dinner and you’re not really that hungry, but the fluid in your stomach will calm that down and give you something to sip while you cook or wait.

Remember to enjoy the people around you. It might just be your kids and husband this year (it will be for me too). Look at their faces and see their smiles as they enjoy their new Christmas gifts. Take a deep breath and look past the mess of wrapping paper and the dishes you need to clean up before prepping the meal. You are making your holiday memory right now – what do you want it to be?

Back to the plan. When the food is laid out and you’re ready to fill your plate – don’t. Even if you made all the food yourself, survey the offerings. What looks best? What do you know you definitely want to eat and what could you pass up? If I made it (won’t do it this year), my mom couldn’t pass up creamed corn. I could, so I just decided it wouldn’t be on the menu since she’s going to be on the Zoom screen. Decide what is delicious enough to be on your plate and be choosy. Picky is good here. Don’t forget to include your dessert plan in your survey!

Once you’ve rated the food from most to least important, go through and put a small portion of what you’ve chosen on your plate. let there be space on the plate when you’re done. Don’t plan to come back for seconds – you can pack the food up and eat it tomorrow or next week if you freeze it. There no need to overeat – there’s always more.

When you sit down, look around. See your family enjoying themselves? You’re part of that! Since you waited and you’re hungry, your food is going to taste good. But the first bite will taste the best – as you fill up, the flavors will be less intense, so don’t waste those first few bites. Take a deep breath and slowly enjoy the food. Savor each bite. Talk to the kids or whoever is sitting next to you. Ask if anyone needs something from the kitchen if you want to take a break from your plate. You can do this to check in with your stomach to see if you’re full. If you are, dump your plate and breath – you did it! If you left a little space for dessert, be glad and enjoy a few small bites of the sweet stuff when you get it. Taste each bite carefully and don’t miss it. Enjoy the conversation and the music and being together – this is your holiday memory!

No matter how the actual holiday meal turns out, no matter whether you eat the way you plan or if you overdo it, you are worthy and wonderful. Thank you for being with me on this journey! Merry Christmas, Happy Kwaanza, Happy Hannukah, and a very Happy New Year to you!

If you’re finding this helpful, come back – I’ve got more for you in the new year! And if you’d like to get more personalized help to get you moving with power and intention on your weight loss journey, I can help! I have a few slots left for private coaching, but they are filling up. Send an email to drandreachristianparks@gmail.com and we’ll set up a coaching mini-session to help you see how coaching can help you reach your weight loss goal and beyond!

Here’s your video help for Holiday Weight Loss! Remember to subscribe and set your notifications so you don’t miss upcoming videos!

NOCOMMENTS

Blog, Mind Management

Being In Charge of Your Weight For The Holidays Part 2: What About Everyone Else?

It’s week 2 in our series Getting In Charge Of Your Weight For The Holidays, and this one is a good one! Did you get through last week and make your plan? Did you get all your reasons straight for what you’re gonna do and why? It’s not too late and you’re not behind – read last week’s post and take a couple of minutes to get caught up!

The holidays are full of tradition, decorating with things we’ve collected for years, making foods we only eat once a year, and listening to special music. It’s a nostalgic time with lots of memories and hopes for creating new special memories. I put out my Black Santas on the mantle every year. My collection was started by my grandmother who has since passed, so I get to remember her every year when I open the boxes of Santas.

My grandmas. together…

Many of us spend our holiday time seeing family, visiting friends, and going to parties. For many of us, this year will be different. My parents aren’t coming to visit like they usually do and there will be no parties or white elephant gift exchanges. For an introvert like me, I won’t miss the parties too much. They’re fun but exhausting for me, so I’m good skipping a year. My extrovert husband probably doesn’t feel the same.

In our traveling and partying and special family meals, we find those special one-time-a-year foods. Grandma used to always make stewed tomatoes as one of the Christmas side dishes and I loved them. In your family, there might be a cake or pie or a special Christmas cookie recipe that only gets made for the holiday. So when those foods show up, you have to eat them, right?

Christmas exchange cookies – gotta have one of each, right?

No.

No, you don’t.

Let me tell you why.

When Aunt Myrtle makes her special Christmas casserole and brings a whole pan of it because she knows how much you love it, you can feel compelled to eat it because you think it would hurt her feelings if you didn’t, even though you know it’s not on the plan you designed, You might be wishing she just wouldn’t make the darn casserole so you didn’t have to struggle not to eat it! Or maybe you think that since you can’t get it any other time of year that it’s ok to go off the plan and just get back on track tomorrow. But those aren’t your only options.

First, if you want to eat a special dish, plan for it. You can specify in your plan a space for your holiday meal and how much of it you’ll have. You can plan to have a piece the size of a deck of playing cards and decide not to have seconds or finish the leftovers the day after Christmas. You can even decide that you won’t eat it this year because your weight loss would be derailed and you really don’t want that to happen, even more than you want the treat.

The reason why you feel compelled to eat the special food all at once is because of the scarcity mentality. You think that because these foods are around once a year that you have to eat them. But you could make these foods any time of year you wanted. You could freeze the Christmas stuffing and gravy and eat it in July if you want! I saw a box of Krispy Creme doughnuts in the office the other day that looked so special and tempting in the pretty red and green Christmas box. So I opened it thinking there must be some extra special kinds of holiday doughnuts inside. But when I opened the box it was just a dozen regular old glazed doughnuts. I could get those any time I want (and I generally don’t want to buy those!).

You think you have to eat the food because you don’t know Aunt Myrtle’s special recipe. What if you asked her for it so you could be the person in the next generation to make her special recipe? Then you could make it whenever you want. She won’t give up the recipe? Then eat it or don’t – save some for later or don’t. Get back to what you really want and you get to decide.

Creating my food plan for the day – not done yet!

The other thing we often think about other people and the holidays is very sneaky. We think something like, “It’s not fair she can eat all that stuff and stay skinny. I just want to be able to eat like everyone else.” Then you pile up your plate so you can’t see any of the decorations and stuff yourself like everyone else.

This thought deserves to be questioned. Is it really true that you want to eat like everyone else? Did you know that the US is fast approaching epidemic proportions of overweight and obesity? That means if you eat like the majority of Americans then you’ll also be in the group of overweight or obese. Don’t you have plenty of people in your family with hypertension and diabetes and heart disease? Most of us do. That’s not what you really want.

What you want is to eat anything you want and be thin – and you know that’s not how it works. We all have that one cousin (or someone) who seems to eat anything they want and not gain weight. While that usually catches up with people later in life and they don’t gain weight, for now, it just seems unfair. But really, what other people eat doesn’t make you gain weight. Only you can figure out how much fuel your body needs and not give it more for storage. Being mad at your body for doing its job is just maddening, and you’re doing that to yourself. You can decide to be happy with the plan you’ve designed and stick to it, knowing that you’ll feel incredible when the scale doesn’t jump up, or maybe even goes down. Nothing tastes as good as that!

Here’s your help in video form for this week!

NOCOMMENTS

Blog, Help Getting It Done, Mind Management

The One Thing That Prevents Success

For those of you who’ve been following these posts, you know about all the things I’m trying to do right now. But for those of you who don’t, let me catch you up.

I’m a practicing OBGYN and Lifestyle Medicine physician, a married mom of four homeschooled kids ages 7-13, and a certified holistic nutrition and life coach. I’m building my coaching practice and am creating an online weight loss course to help other busy professional women to find success in weight loss the way I have. I love my projects and I enjoy being busy and accomplishing things. But I’ve also learned that my tendency is to pile so much on my to-do list that I create a sense of overwhelm and discouragement. I’ve spent years growing my prayer life and practicing mindfulness and meditation to keep me close to God and find balance among the frantic pace of life.

That’s a good summary, right? Sounds pretty peaceful and organized, nice and neat, wrapped up with a bow. And just like people’s timelines on Instagram and Facebook, the story in the background is much more messy, nuanced, and intricate. So let’s talk about what happened this week.

I just came off of a weekend working in the hospital, after which I crashed and slept most of the remainder of the weekend. It was needed, but I really wanted to be conscious to work on the digital course I’m creating. I thought that I’d catch up early in the week because I had two days off and that should be plenty of time to get a ton of work done. And this weekend was “Fall Back”, so I’d get an extra hour of sleep (my favorite night of the year!). But I conveniently let my brain ignore the coaching appointments and homeschool group that meets all day Tuesday and the sales copy I needed to write and the sneakers that my son needed because his shoes had holes in them and the videos I needed to record for my YouTube channel and – well, you get it. There wasn’t as much “free” time as I thought.

So I forged ahead, calendared everything I could, worked through all the lunchtimes, and set aside some work time on Saturday and Sunday. When my meeting Sunday evening was moved to Monday, I celebrated a little. I had time to throw together a quick dinner of garlic green beans, brussel sprout saute, rosemary baby potatoes, and toasted sourdough. We watched part of Coco (it was Dia de Los Muertos), and I got to bed early.

Then I met with Eric, my website creator and all-around tech genius consultant.

Yep, that’s a huge pothole…

As I drove home, I noticed that I kept wanting to stop the car and pick up food. I almost drove through McDonald’s to get some fries. Then I passed a Thai restaurant that we hadn’t gone to for a long time and I thought that would make a good dinner. Then a glass of wine seemed like the first thing I should have when I hit the door. It took me a moment, but I realized that I was feeling stressed. My brain (poor thing) was trying to offer me easy comfort options, those tried and true ways that I’ve used in the past to try to combat my stress and anxiety. Fortunately, I caught onto my mind and talked myself down.

Now, don’t get me wrong. My meeting was not difficult or harsh in any way. Eric is not only a tech genius, but he’s also a soft touch. If anyone can deliver the overwhelming message of what it will take to create what I want from a tech perspective and not make me want to throw myself off the nearest bridge, it’s Eric. But what did come out of the meeting was a much more clear understanding of what was going to be needed from me to be ready to launch this course, and I was crystal clear of the scope of the work I still needed to do (at least for now). It was A LOT. And my brain was ready to throw in the towel. Cash me out – I’m done. I had ALL the thoughts: I don’t have enough time to do all this. The kids need me too – I can’t do more stuff and ignore them. It’s going to take me forever to do all these slides for the course – who has time for all that? My anniversary is this weekend and I don’t want to work then – it’s not fair I can’t take a break. The busiest time of the year is coming – everyone in this family except me has a birthday and the holidays are coming and what in the world made me think I could do all this and create a course at the same time anyway?! It was pretty loud in my head.

But here’s the key: I will not quit. I have my moments, sometimes much more frequently than I’d like when I entertain the thought of quitting. I can justify it and give you all the reasons why it would be better if I quit. But I won’t. That’s why I was successful at weight loss and keeping the weight off – because I did not and will never quit. I won’t stuff myself with fries because I’m stressed, but if I did I’d pick myself back up and get back on my plan tomorrow. I could quit and try to convince myself that I can create this business after the kids go to college, but I won’t. I may have to slow down, change my plan, try a different way, but if I keep going I will get there.

You cannot be a failure if you don’t quit. That’s how so many of us self-sabotage – we keep quitting on ourselves. We believe the thoughts that tell us that we can’t lose weight or that a normal BMI is out of reach, or that we are destined to be big because of our family, or that cooking for ourself is too much work, or eating healthy is impossible with this crazy schedule. All those are thoughts, and not one of them is true. You can do whatever you want. That’s one of the great things about being a grown-up! If you want to lose weight and you never quit on yourself, you will do it. It might be slower or faster than you planned, it might require you to change things you’d rather not, and you certainly are going to have to stop eating your feelings and your stress. But you will make it.

We all have days we want to quit. Many of them we work through, pick ourselves up, and keep going. Do you know what makes it easier? A coach! If you want help with your thinking so you can make it to your goals, comment below and we can set up a mini-session. You can make it!

3COMMENTS

Blog, Inspirations, Mind Management

Why Anyone Does Anything (A Secret of The Mind)

I want to share a secret with you this week. It’s something that has completely changed how I understand not only my own motivations but also those of other people. It’s very interesting! But first, a story…

This week was one of those weeks where I started to question the validity of my own decisions. I mean, who in their right mind works the job I work, manages a homeschool for four kids, also works as a life coach part-time, and creates an online weight loss course? If I haven’t mentioned it before, I’m designing an online weight loss course to be released in 2021, so if you’re interested keep up with this blog – of course I’ll be announcing it here! In any case, between normal work and coaching calls and business building and coursework to learn the course creation and working through the weekend, I skated into Sunday on two wheels with my hair on fire. Seriously, I had an evening last week that started at 5 am heading to work at the hospital and ended with three Zoom calls that I didn’t finish until 9 pm. As much as I wanted to join the outdoor parking lot service planned for church this week, I didn’t go. You know, I still want to feel guilty about that. My mind tried hard to get me to go, to convince me that I should and that it was the right thing to do. Fortunately, I caught on to that mind-trap. I got still for just a moment and listened, and my spirit said to go to sleep. The vision of me sitting in the car, exhausted and cranky and snapping at everyone because I really wanted to be asleep bubbled up in my mind. Besides, if I woke up in time, I could always jump in my car and head over to service.

My trusty chariot…

I woke up at noon. And only because the dog was barking like a lunatic at a front-door delivery.

I never sleep like that! Usually, I rest for an hour or two and get up and then my bladder wakes me up. Or else I have things to do and I set an alarm so I don’t miss the whole day. This time I shut off the phones and slept until that silly dog woke me up. Truly, I was surprised at how tired I must have been. I don’t regret how I spent the week, but I am really glad that I took the time to sleep when I could. There’s almost never a time when the house is free of children and quiet enough for me to recover from working overnight, so this was a very good choice.

Isn’t it funny how even though I knew I needed sleep that I was willing to sacrifice it to go to church because it was “the right thing to do”? We moms do that a lot, don’t we? Someone else needs or wants and we decide to make it happen because we can or we “should”, but our needs go straight to the bottom of the list. I’m not saying you shouldn’t sacrifice for others or always put yourself first, but there’s a balance here. Grinding yourself down for the sake of everyone else isn’t healthy. When I’m strung out from doing too much, I’m not very pleasant. Really, I’m not fit for human consumption! I can try to pull my attitude together and be nice, but I can do it much better when I’m also tended to.

Can you identify my motivation for trying to go to church instead of sleep? It wasn’t excited to see my friends or wanting to get out of the house, or looking forward to the music and fellowship (all of which I love). It was guilt. I was going to go to church because I wanted to avoid the feeling of guilt that I would feel if I didn’t go. I hate to feel guilty – it makes me feel wrong. Not like I just did something wrong, but that I am wrong. And that’s a thoroughly unpleasant emotion, so I avoid it when I can. And when I do the thing that I think should make me feel guilty, I rationalize why I did it and why it was the right thing to do. Then I feel like I have a valid defense for why I did the thing.

I’m judge, jury, and executioner!

That’s a lot of mental gymnastics to avoid an emotion! Now, as a coach I know that what I need to do is identify the thought that is producing my guilty emotion, decide if I want to keep the thought, and if I don’t I can choose to practice thinking a different thought. Sunday morning I was too tired to get all that together. Thank goodness I’ve practiced being still and listening enough to make a rational decision! But all this story brings us to the secret motivation behind why we all do what we do:

Everything we do is because of how we think it will make us feel.

In this situation, I was going to act to avoid feeling guilty, You may make dinner for your family because you’ll feel proud of doing something worthwhile and beneficial for your family. Finishing all your paperwork in the office makes you feel accomplished. I raise my voice at the kids because I think I’ll feel more respected once they listen to me. And on and on and on. We don’t do things because we think about them – we act from the emotions we feel or anticipate feeling.

Changes how you see the actions people take, doesn’t it? When someone yells at their kids, they think they’ll feel better after they release their frustration (even though they often don’t). You finish clearing the mail off the counter because you think you’ll feel satisfied after the counter is clean. Kids take toys from each other because they think having the toy will make them happy (and then they forget about it two minutes later). We eat the cookie because we think it will relieve our stress (even though we feel worse afterward). We snack and eat off our plan because we want to feel taken care of, even though eating in a way that sabotages us makes us ultimately feel uncared for.

So next time you do something you don’t like and you’re not really sure why you did it, ask yourself, “How did I think that would make me feel?” You’ll understand yourself better and maybe you can sprinkle a little compassion on yourself instead of giving yourself the good ol’ fashioned beat-down. Even better, when you’ve got a funky attitude, ask yourself, “How do I want to feel?” You might find the thought that produces the way you really want to feel instead of the ones producing the funk, and you’ll feel better!

Have you ever tried to purposefully produce the thoughts and emotions you want to have? It’s simple work, but it isn’t always easy! The more you practice, the better you’ll get. And if you want to speed your growth in this area, a coach can work like kindling to a fire – and that’s where I can help! If you’d like to see how I can help you reach your goals through professional coaching, contact me, and let’s get things started in a mini-session!

And for those of you who’ve been anticipating a new weight loss series, this week I’ve released the intro to my latest YouTube video class. I’m really excited about this one because we’re camping out in my sweet spot, the intersection between weight and mindset, where the magic happens for successful long-term weight loss. Join me!

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