Does anyone else feel anxious about starting the New Year “right”?
I love the New Year – all the hope of a new start, a fresh beginning, leaving behind the struggles and disappointments of a tough year. It’s kind of the same feeling I get when I wake up in the morning. A fresh day brings the hope of all I might do and experience that day (even if I’m a little over ambitious sometimes!). A New Year is the same, but on steroids. There’s so much possibility! What could happen, what might I do?
One thing I like to do at the close of the year is to watch or read the year-in-review blogs and videos. The encapsulated view of the past year is inspiring, and often a little sad. The review of the year in politics usually makes me feel glad to be leaving the year behind! There’s often also a tribute to those who passed on that year and the young celebrities lost are always mentioned on the list. It’s tragic to know that such young lives are lost forever. And then I remember that I’m still here and even if I’ve lost someone, there’s still more life to live, even if it’s just today. And that feels hopeful too.
It bloomed New Year’s Day!
Even as I say my goodbyes to the past year and look forward to the year ahead, I always feel this nagging sense of urgency, as if I should do something to be ready for the New Year. Many are making their resolutions and I’ve said before that I don’t do that. Resolutions are meant to be broken (and usually are!). But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to start the year well. I want an intention, a direction, a plan to fulfill. In past years, I’ve prayed and meditated and listened for God’s direction and scriptures to keep close in the New Year. I’ll be doing that again.
But it doesn’t seem like enough, does it? Maybe it is and I’m getting myself worked up for nothing. But it’s going to be 2020! It could be I just like the symmetry of the number, or maybe the ending of the decade feels significant for some reason. I definitely feel like I ought to be making a big plan to start on January 1! I even bought a new planner, which I didn’t really need. I had a calendar already and I’ve been using my Google calendar more this year in efforts to stay synced up with my husband’s schedule. I even figured out how to sync my work calendar to my private calendar – no small feat for my tech-challenged self! So when I saw the intention calendar I didn’t really know if I needed it, but I felt like it was significant for me to have to make big moves in 2020. I know I made all that up in my head. I’ve bought these kind of planners before and they are so much work that the sheer intimidation of all those questions and blank pages usually means I don’t even start them, much less finish them. And I haven’t started this one either, and now I feel like I’m already behind, even though I bought the one without pre-printed dates!
All this comes from a self-created sense that I’m the designer of my upcoming year. Now I know that’s false. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, or even if tomorrow is coming! All I have is today. Since I didn’t have to go to work today and I could do whatever I wanted with the day, I could have sat down with the calendar and worked away at creating my intentions for 2020. Let me tell you what I did instead…
Meditated
Put away all Christmas decor and swept the house clean
Sent the kids with their daddy to lunch and a movie
Looked through the 2020 intention planner and put it down
Read an old Oprah magazine
Watched a couple of year-in-review videos
Napped on the couch
Ate curry soup
Did some writing
Took the puppy to the dog park
That’s it. At some point I have to make dinner and that’ll be the end of the productive part of the day for me. The 2020 plan has already been written for me, and I actually know some of it. I’m starting some intensive training in March and building a business toward the end of the year, God willing. Here’s what I’ve come to terms with: The plan is not mine. I’m very excited about what I’m working toward, and I feel very much like 2020 is going to be a pivotal and challenging year, full of growth, change, discomfort and wonder. But I’m also very clear that I didn’t design the plan. I didn’t design 2019. I went back through my posts this year and did my own year-in-review. This is some of what I did this year:
I didn’t plan for all of that! As I looked back, I realized that it’s not my place to be the designer of my time: It’s my role to follow the path created for me. How? Through prayer and meditation, listening and following. So whether I fill out the intention calendar, write a bunch of affirmations, journal like crazy, or design a month-by-month plan for the new year, that’s not what determines the success of the year. What will determine how the year goes is how I show up in it, for the tasks set before me, for my family, for my friends, and for those who need what I have to give. That won’t be accomplished by a plan I design for the year. I’ll build that day by day as I stay connected to the God of my life. When I look back next year, I’ll see all that He built through me in 2020. And what a gift that will be!
How are you thinking about 2020? What are you doing to prepare for what’s coming for you? Please share in the comments below!